Learning to Fly [CLOSED]

Today was the day. No matter how many times he repeated that to himself, the tom still felt nervous about the outcome of what was meant to be revealed. He sighed, looking up to the sky while he led the patrol formed by his kits with Goldeneye. The sky was clear and in a couple of hours, the sun will be falling down. They wouldn't have much time to patrol before the night fell but he hoped it would enough for him to gather his courage and make up his mind to say the truth. He glanced, from the corner of his eyes, at the three siblings behind him. Berrycloud was the living resemblance of his mother. Sparkfrost had fur in between his and Goldeneye... And finally, Ivybrook, who inherited his fur yet she looked so much like her grandmother... All of them carried the legacy of Riverclan leaders but the two brothers didn't know it. They believed they were rogue kits for so long... and today, that was going to change.

The sound of the rushing water of the gorge became louder as they came closer. The tom came closer to the river that separated the two clans and he looked back at the three warriors, clearly nervous. "W-well... I think we made it here." He mewed, not sure of how to start or if they should mark borders and when they finish, he would tell them all. Why did it have to be so hard? The truth hidden in the midst of lies and darkness had to reach the light... but the pain, the scars the leader carried within were not yet healed, not even after he had that chat with Ivybrook. His depression was still there, that was undeniable, but for the first time Jaystar had decided he would do something about it and the first, big step... was to risk it all and confess.

Sparkfrost was contented to join a patrol. Even if he had still not adjusted to clan life, a feat much more challenging as an older cat instead of a kit, the ability to slip into such a vital part of clan life had never seemed to bother him. Land hunting was not the easiest but fishing was something clearly born into his veins. And exploring the territory on borders gave him a chance to stretch his legs and enjoy the territory. Really the only thing that made him not want to leave the camp behind was abandoning his daughter whose age prevented her from joining him on patrols. A brief frown flickered across his expression but it disappeared as Jaystar spoke. His gaze darted upward to look over the face of the leader.

Even in a past life, he had not been known for his perceptive read of emotions. Yet even he could see the exhaustion written across the old tom's face, and other feelings that he couldn't quite decipher. But he didn't dwell. The calico warrior wasn't one to fixate on much of anything. Only once in his life did his mind stick on a particular concept and moment, and that was a past wiped from his memory. He was contented to the ignorance of his mind and had fully accepted who he was as a consequence. Really, it was only other cats who seemed to suffer from that fact, and for that he did feel some remorse. Perhaps that was what made Riverclan sad for him, a sensation that he had buried away but had very much so pushed him along the path he discussed with Dappleshine. For a moment, he considered these thing, and yet it was out of his mind as quickly as it had come. With a flash of a smile towards Ivybrook, who he had come to on several other patrols, he meowed, "So now what? Might be a little challenging to fish around here!"

Following closely beside her father, Ivybrook managed to make it through the patrol until the family of cats made it to the Gorge, suffering through the silence disrupted only by the faintest sound of their own paw steps. Occasionally small prey could be heard trampling about in the underbrush, but each of them preferred to just continue to the border, for better or for worse. Unfortunately, Ivybrook was fairly sure why her father had called herself along with her two living siblings on a patrol with him alone. Since their recent conversation, she wasn't aware of any attempts at revealing the information she'd recently learned, despite Jaystar's promise to do so. And she was sure that he intended to keep that promise... So this must be it, right?

Nodding at her father's words, she met eyes with him for a moment. Somehow, she understood the struggle that he was going through. Telling him that she had known of her origins was difficult, and she could just imagine how hard it must be to tell Sparkfrost and Berrycloud. "Well, Sparkfrost, I'm not entirely sure that we're here to fish." She mewed gently as she sat down next to Jaystar, laying her tail on his back in a genuine effort to comfort him. Her eyes shifted back and forth between her two brothers, and eventually back to her father as she waited for him to speak. The rushing of the Gorge beneath them filled her ears as the blood pulsed through them, awaiting the moment that she had come to dread.

Berrycloud wasn't quite sure why the leader of Riverclan would call the three of them for a patrol but he wasn't going to complain. Despite their closeness because of being raised by the older tom, it was still an honour to serve the clan by his side by doing regular patrols. However, he did notice something off in the silver tabby. His walking was weaker and less... proud. He looked tired, maybe even sad but he couldn't tell why exactly. For once, things for Riverclan were starting to go well, even for him who had overcome his guilt and insecurities with the help of his clanmates. What could have gotten the tom so... tense?

When they reached the Gorge, Berrycloud took a quick glimpse to the rushing water and then he fixed his eyes on the vast moors ahead the river, hoping no Windclan cat would come close to their side. He listened to Jaystar's short words and took a look over his brother, Sparkfrost, who suggested fishing. Alone and maybe with other cats, he would have agreed to fish in this dangerous part of the river but after his brother got injured by those dogs... he was wary of him getting into unnecessary dangers. However, when he was about to speak his mind, Ivybrook said some... odd words. He suddenly noticed how close she got to Jaystar and the way the leader was looking at both them.
"This is not a regular patrol... isn't it?" He asked trying to keep a cheerful tone but there also some concern considering the face of the silver tabby.

---

The tall warrior shifted his paws a bit uncomfortable, unsure and nervous. There were just so many many mixed emotions he could not quite understand. Excitement? Fear? Anxiety? Maybe all of them. The truth that he had been hidden for so long was no easy to share. Even though he had done it once with Ivybrook, that situation was different. Starclan already told her and he just confirmed what she knew. These two toms... were totally unaware of the whole reason behind this patrol.

For a second, he just thought of running away from this again, but when he felt his daughter's tail and looked into her green eyes, he decided that there was no one else to run but to the truth. Jaystar took a deep breath as he closed his eyes for a second and sat down with Ivybrook, ready at last. "No... your sister is right. I'm sorry I had to bring you all here by telling you this was a regular patrol but... it is not." He looked one brother and the other, not daring to fix his gaze away from them. This time... he will look them into the eyes when the real origin of this is unravelled. "I wanted to tell you for so long... but every time I thought it was too risky. Your sister made me change my mind... and you're both old enough to know about your... parents. Your real parents." Like a bird taking flight, the words came out from his mouth, starting to rise the tension inside his heart but at the same time... the beginning of something new. "A long time ago... you were told to the whole clan as abandoned rogue kits, found by Goldeneye and brought to camp by herself. The story went on... I welcomed as I was giving you all a chance you would have never had as outsiders. But the truth... is more complicated than that because... you were meant to be part of Riverclan. In your blood, runs the blood of great Riverclan ancestors... the legacy of Ivystar and even Fishstar... but also my rotten one..."

The tears wanted to come up from his eyes and at this point in his life, Jaystar didn't care about holding them back. The tom just looked into the eyes of his sons just like he was: an old, tired and scared tom. The leader trembled, looking apologetically at both of them and before they could even guess what he meant, the words came coming out. "I-I... am so sorry... f-for not t-telling you sooner. I-I w-was so s-scared... the c-clan m-might p-punish you for what I did... that y-you would get e-exiled for something y-you never d-did... n-neglected by your own clanmates... because I and Goldeneye fell in l-love." A cry came out from his mouth, breaking his words for a second. He wrapped his tail around Ivybrook, hoping to find his strength in her. He would have never thought that... at this moment... he would have had something to support him, to be by his side while telling this painful truth. But... most of all... he was grateful. Despite the pain, the possible loss of the respect of his children... he was grateful for being able to father these amazing cats, even if the two brothers couldn't forgive him as Ivybrook did. "I'm not searching... for your forgiveness. I know since your birth that I never deserved it... but... I knew you deserved to know at least that you're not sons of a rogue who didn't want you. I... I always cared about you... I wanted you to be happy, to have a clan, a family even if I was not part of it..."

Sparkfrost found himself disappointed in Ivybrook's words, having found quite the appreciation and fondness for one of his select talents. As she moved towards the Riverclan leader and bad touch her tail across his back, he found himself cocking his head in confusion. He glanced back and forth between both of his supposed siblings for a moment before wondering aloud, "You're not going to tell us about the salmon in the stream are you... because I may have lost my mind, but I know we've had that conversation already. I'm not a kit." His whiskers twitched as he appreciated his own humor. It seemed to cut like a dull claw through the air between them. Nothing seemed to dissipate the heaviness that sat between the pair. The she-cat seemed to have some semblance of an idea of what was happening. At least, she was more composed than Berrycloud who also was at a loss of Jaystar's true intent for the patrol.

Unsure of what to do, he settled back on his haunches, and his dull hazel gaze peered curiously at the silver-gray warrior. And then, Jaystar began to speak. At first, it seemed to fall on deaf ears and there was little more than a slight twitch of the tail. Yet with every word, Sparkfrost found himself willing his mind to recall before. Perhaps it was the shaky tone of the older tom or watching the conflict wrought across his face that caused such twisted anguish in the calico's heart. Guilt and empathy filled his chest in equal measures. So often he was contented to this ignorance, contented to not relate to these cats whose camp he resided in, but this was different. A flicker of a frown crossed his maw. Why couldn't he relate to any of this? Why couldn't he bring meaning to these words that clearly felt so much to the aged tom who had apparently sired him? Claws kneaded the ground and the sound of the gorge threatened to become thundering and overwhelm his senses.

This meant nothing to him. And it meant so much to them.

His nose twitched slightly with the obvious angst writ across his expression. Sparkfrost was not used to allowing himself to feel such things. The last event that tugged at his heart like a pebble in the mud at the riverbank was Starlord's death. It was common knowledge that the ginger-patched loner hadn't been his real father, that much was made known. But the tom at least remembered him in the faintest of memories as he snuggled into that very coat as a kit. How he longed now to conjure up some semblance of that for Jaystar. Nothing came. No matter how hard he willed it, no matter how much he strained his thoughts, Sparkfrost was still the same mindless oaf he had been since the accident. A soft exhalation of breath allowed him to come to terms with that fact at least. So then, what to make of all this? Well, he clearly cared little for the rules and regulations of clans, even if Jaystar was so tied to them. It seemed to be what brought his guilt. And maybe, regret? He couldn't tell, that was out of his skill set.

"Well, from what I remember, you've always been a great dad, Jaystar. To me and to the whole clan." That much he could say for sure. Although, there was a faint smile that flashed as he spoke. All joking aside, he did think that despite his stubborn claw-tight hold of that warrior code, that Jaystar appeared to have always tried his best for the cats he loved. This Sparkfrost couldn't remember it, and the past him was lost. So he offered a warm and genuine smile on the behalf of them both, "There is nothing to forgive here. Other than the broken promise of a nice fish... but I'm sure we can make that up before we get back to camp." Instead of lingering, Jaystar's son turned towards the edge of the gorge and briefly flitted from the conversation in pursuit of the one of the many fish that broke the surface of the water. As he trotted away, the warrior spared another glance back at the worn tom. Even if he didn't truly possess the knowledge of a relationship they had once shared, he was grateful to have know the Riverclan leader. That was a truly special thing. He couldn't help the grin across his maw as he stared into the torrent below.

With every moment that passed, Ivybrook could feel the tension between the four cats growing thicker and thicker, and each second brought a new level of discomfort until she felt as if she was suffocating. She'd gotten so caught up in her emotions, wondering what her brothers might make of the situation, that when her father finally began speaking, it made her jump. With each word, Jaystar came closer and closer to the truth, from revealing his legitimate relation to his kits. It was as if a snake was constricting her airflow when Jaystar mentioned the lie used to cover their presence in the Clan. They were not rogue kits, they were far, far from that. The blood pulsing through their veins was that of a true RiverClan warrior- the rank that they had earned regardless of origin. Despite his gaze shifting between both of her brothers, Ivybrook kept hers locked on Jaystar's matching green eyes.

When Goldeneye's name was at last revealed as their true mother, Ivybrook breathed out a sigh of relief- a breath that she hadn't realized she'd been holding until that moment. It was then that her eyes finally became fixated on her brothers, searching their expressions for just a hint of what they might be feeling. She leaned into Jaystar's embrace for just a moment before getting up. She began to pad towards Berrycloud, who didn't seem to be taking it quite as well as Sparkfrost.

---

Sitting in a nearby willow tree, a large brown-feathered eagle narrowed its yellow eyes upon a group of four cats sitting near the Gorge. He'd been watching them since they first came into view, hoping that they might split up as some of the groups of cats that he observed did. Waiting was one of his least favorite games to play, yet the risk for the alternative didn't outweigh the reward, so he continued to watch from above. But his patience had grown thinner than ice, and as the four cats continued to talk, his belly grew more ravenous. Ruffling his feathers in frustration, he resisted the urge to swoop down from his perch... Until the silver tabby she-cat stood up from where she was previously seated, which was far too close to the scarred tom for him to act upon. Seeing it as a golden opportunity to snatch the she-cat from where she stood and carry her off and deal with separately from the others, he spread his wings, dropping from his perch and flying directly towards the she-cat.

---

Before she could reach her brother, Ivybrook felt the talons of an eagle sinking into her side. Shock and terror twisted through the torrents of her brain, and a mangled cry parted her lips as she was lifted from the ground. To loosen herself from the bird's clutches, she turned her head and sunk her teeth into its leg. Immediately it slackened its grip, enabling her to twist away and escape. Before she could sigh in relief, she saw the side of the Gorge flying past her on both sides, and panic greater than she had ever known quickly consumed her. The rushing of blood through her ears was louder than the rapids gushing beneath her, and as she fell the only thought that filled her mind was that she was not ready. It was too soon for her to go, she had far too much left to do... She'd just fixed her relationship with her father, for StarClan’s sake! Her duties would be left unfulfilled, she was going to go as a  disappointment to her Clan... And there wasn't a single thing that she could do about it. She was going to end up as a failure, a letdown to all those that she loved. She was going to meet her end due to an eagle... Something she could have avoided so easily if she had just paid attention.

Though time felt as if it were moving in slow motion, Ivybrook finally hit the surface of the rapids, her head smashing into a rock and sending her into a whirlwind of dizziness. Before she knew it, she was practically inhaling water, gulping for air that she could not find. She had no way of telling which way was up or down, left or right. As she gasped for air, one thing became clear to her: she was going to die.

Berrycloud couldn't understand at first and everything just got more confusing with every word Jaystar said. The legacy of... Ivystar? He knew by name only, as the former leader of Ivystar. But how, rogue kits, could be related to her? Them, who never had blood ties to belong? And then, everything came to the light and what the leader was aiming to say... made sense. Berrycloud's eyes widened and for a few seconds, he was silent, in shock and clearly confused. He couldn't believe it... it was just so... hard to even think that he and shi siblings were the actual kits of the Riverclan leader, the cat that supposedly welcomed as rogues. And their mother... The memory of Goldeneye was a painful one but now... it kind of made sense why he treated him so badly when he was an apprentice. If she was kind to him, it would be obvious she had some motherly love towards Berrycloud and the clan would have known. Since his apprenticeship, he had learnt that a relationship between a warrior and a medicine cat was strictly forbidden. He was taught to follow the Code and hunt those who broke it but... unlike in any other kind of situation... he simply couldn't do that.

All this time, he had struggled to find his place in Riverclan as an outsider, an outcast. Son of a rogue, of a nobody. He didn't even know where he came from, how could he even know who he was? But now, the tom knew and... it all just felt... familiar. Everything that was messed up with him regarding the feelings of being lost was starting to fade away as he looked into Jaystar's green eyes... the eyes of his real father. And the world made sense, at last. Berrycloud gulped and a new glimmer appeared on his eyes as he took a step closer to the silver tom. "All this time... I was so desperate to belong, to be part of this clan that was greater than where we came from. I was lost, not knowing really where my home truly was but this... changes everything. Now, I have a father to call, a known origin. I don't care if the clans consider it a rotten one... you're my father, we are your kits and you are sorry for the lies. I can do nothing but forgive you... and love you." A sincere smile crossed his face as a few tears or true joy started to appear. Finally... that missing part, that small hole that stayed with him... was gone. They could start again, knowing this time that they had a father in Riverclan who none less than Jaystar himself, the tom who supported them from the start. For a brief moment, there was hope for a brighter, clearer future...

And in just a fraction of time, that hope flew away when Ivybrook was swept away by a gigantic bird... and Jaystar followed right behind her, sinking his body into the lethal rapids of the Gorge...

---

The response of his sons... just made him cry more but not with sadness. Jaystar looked at both Sparkfrost and Berrycloud, despite the differences in how they expressed it, they forgave him. They didn't care how about the broken the Code and the lies... were in the past now. And it just took a little courage, a little risk. Like a bird, the tom was finally learning to fly, to see the world beyond the fears, the doubts and just say what it needed to be said, do what it had to be done. No more lies, no more shadows. The colours were back to his life and slowly, with the love and warmth of those that were kind enough to forgive the mistakes he couldn't even forgive himself... the depression will be gone and he will fly high with them. He never meant to start this fire, he never meant to hurt his kits. From now, he would be a better father and he made a silent promise to himself: I'll be good... I'll be good. And I'll love this world like I should for there is hope now for me thanks to them...

He was standing up a few seconds after Ivybrook started walking to Berrycloud when he saw it... the shadow of an approaching enemy coming just towards them. Everything happened too fast. The eagle. His daughter being taken away. For a second, he saw Fallowlight in the jaws of that fox, helpless. Some said life was going to beat him down, break his heart and steal his pride but this... he wasn't going to let life take another precious one from him. He didn't think. He didn't hesitate. When Ivybrook felt on the rapids, the tom jumped in, not looking behind. The water was all around him, wanting to push him down and fill his lungs but... from Starclan's know where... he gathered energy to push forward and swim. The tom didn't care if this was a journey of no return. There was no way he would know where things would end for him but for Ivybrook... there was only one way.

The large, scarred tom reached the she-cat's side and he dove his head to grab her by the scruff and carry her, slowly, but steady to the shore. However, the rapids kept moving and with every second, the two cats were pushed closer to the start of the waterfall. Jaystar knew the danger of death and how this time... if he died... he was not going to wake up. The silver feline felt his body grew weaker due to the starvation he was doing to himself but no matter how painful, Jaystar was not going to let another of her daughters die. With tears in his eyes, he swam and swam... I'll be good... I'll save her and be good for once in my life... for all the lights I've shut out, for all of the innocent things that I doubted... for all of the bruises I've caused and the tears, for all of the awful things... I've done, all these moons. I'll save her and do the only worthy thing in my life, even if it is the last. With one last bit of energy, Jaystar reached a nearby rock to the shore and dropped his daughter over it, in a way that she could grab it with her paws and claws. When he saw her safe, a spark of relief came to him and all the risk, the pain was worth it.

But he wasn't fast or strong enough when the wave came. The water was too much and like the flood, it drove him away from Ivybrook. He tried to raise his paw to her but with no muscular strength, it was hopeless. The water came in and sunk him, making him roll over his body with no control. Sharp rocks tore part of his body and no matter how hard he tried to balance himself, there was no way out. First, it was desperation but right now, the tired tom just accepted it. In just a few minutes, he flew high, hopeful, saving his loved one for once, even if he had no wings. But what comes up, must come down. Coming down was certainly the hardest thing... but, unexpectedly, it was also the most peaceful thing. Jaystar closed his eyes when he fell the waterfall and the fall that came with it. The fear was still there, like a thorn in a paw but there was the realization and... forgiveness within. All these moons lost in the dark, regretful, alone. But in these past minutes, he felt the true happiness that he never felt before since... who knew when? It made had been a short time, but it was enough for his aching heart and all he could say was... thank you before the final crash when his body reached the end of the fall and all turned black.

Ooc;; im so sorry for the short post i didnt want to hold you guys up any longer and i have too much work rn aaaaa


His eyes were trained on the raging surface, seeking out the fleeting silver shadows that flashed just below the waves. What a challenge the gorge fishing proposed, he found it engaging and... distracting. It was far easier to consider the speed at which his paw needed to dart out in order to secure a salmon than it was to dwell on the past actions of his supposed father. And the idea they expected more of a reaction. Should Sparkfrost have feigned shock, or further reacted to the great revelation? He wasn't sure and he preferred not to think too hard on it. This would all be forgotten later and they could go about their duties. Broken code or not, the idea of a long-dead mother and secret father hardly caused his thoughts to pause. The warrior found himself wondering as he stared into the rapids if the old Sparkfrost would have cared about thise whole ordeal. Would he have had as emotional of a response as Berrycloud? Would he have struggled to find a place in this ordeal?

Too many questions. They churned just under the glistening drops of liquid that twisted, ebbed and flowed in their endless pursuit of some impossible goal. This unusual focus prevented him from catching onto the citcumstances that unfolded. A shadow, not from underneath but being cast above caused him to look up. But the speed of the bird was surreal and just as he were to seek it out with his gaze, the thing had picked up Ivybrook. It seemed she was able to wriggle free. Yet, this was far from over. His eyes widened in an uncharacteristic terror as he watched the she-cat's for hurtle towards the rapids. Sparkfrost leaped to his paws and raced over to Berrycloud's side. The other warrior would provide direction, he was sure of it. But in the meantime all he could to was watch. Watch as the leader whose shaky confession had been proclaimed, and his sins forgiven by the offspring he bore, succumbed to the waters. He disappeared, only bobbing up to strain towards the rocky shore in order to deposit the she-cat's body. And then he was gone again.

Sparkfrost heard himself yowl, as he stared on, hopeless and helpless in many ways, "Jaystar!"

Ivybrook's entire world had gone black, her lungs filling with the water that had pushed and shoved her around so mercilessly. She could feel the world around her spinning in her dizziness, unable to open her eyes without retching. The sick feeling inside of her raged like the rapids that had tossed her around, forcing her beneath the surface of the water. She kicked her legs desperately in an attempt to escape the wrath of the dark, unsparing water, but her struggle did not bear the fruits she had hoped for so frantically. She was finally about to give up when she felt something latch onto her scruff... She was unsure of who had dived in after her, but she tried as hard as she could to get to the surface, to help them get her above the water.

Finally, Ivybrook's head bobbed out of the water, and she was able to draw in a ragged breath, choking up water in the process. She was able to catch a glimpse of the cat who had saved her, the familiar silver paws of the cat bringing her to safety. Her heart sunk immediately, knowing how fragile her father still was. He hadn't had time enough to recover yet, and she was sure that even if he was able to save her, he wouldn't be able to save himself. Panicking, she hung helplessly in Jaystar's grip. She lacked the strength to pull herself up from the water, having exerted it all on pushing herself above the surface. When she was finally shifted above the water her claws bad touch the rock, leaving score marks as she attempted to bring herself above it.

When she was finally able to regain her bearings, it was too late. She watched as her father was carried down the rapids, desperately clinging to what little life he had left inside him. "No!" Though her cries served no purpose, they escaped her maw as his body hit the rocks, and Ivybrook saw red. Immediately she jumped to her paws, practically flying down the side of the stream towards her father. But when she finally reached him, she knew it would be too late. Blood poured from his body, turning the water a dark shade of red. Venturing into the water despite the aching of her muscles and bones, she tried to keep her own head above the water as she moved towards Jaystar. Finally, she grasped his scruff, keeping a tight hold on his limp, unconscious body and moving back towards the edge of the rocks. She gently maneuvered him onto a rock, shoving him forwards then quickly following behind him. Despite nausea that was working its way through her body, she shifted the dying tom onto her shoulder and began to make her way back up the Gorge, ignoring any pain as she continued her way up, intending on carrying her father all the way back to camp by herself, if she had to.