Walk Tall (Closed)

Leopardstar...was numb.

Not from the effects of any herb, nor from exhaustion or sickness; the infection that had raged through the cut in his leg throughout his bloodstream had quelled, leaving only a dull ache.  He had felt this cold unfeeling before though, many times in fact.  Death brought it to light, a terrible monster that sucked away all joy, all happiness until all that remained was crippling grief and sorrow.  He had always expected its return someday, but never in his right mind had he imagined it to come for his death.  His many deaths.

His death as a leader.

It had been a hellish experience from the start.  After doing everything the medicine cats asked - staying off his sprained leg, keeping the wound clean - Leopardstar had thought he was in the clear.  He casually, with a laugh, had cursed the tree root that had grounded him as Marshstorm had left to lead the Gathering patrol, expecting to soon sit upon the Great Rock again.  Instead, about a quarter moon later, the golden tom had awoken in his den to the most rancid scent, his head spinning with heat and confusion as he hobbled across the camp to the medicine cat's den.  Pricklebush and Mosspaw had settled him down in this nest, went to work on his leg, but after only a few minutes he had drifted away into the clutches of sleep.  

In a way, it had reminded him of the sleep one gained at the Moonstone, deep and unmoving, but once the visions came he had begged the stars to release him.  He guessed they were fever dreams, perhaps...but then why had it felt so real?  One by one, he had been faced with images from his life, distorted and terrifying.  His mother, instead of turning tail and running away like the cruel coward she was, whipped around and attacked him; even thinking of it made his neck tingle uncomfortably.  This repeated...so many times.  The hungry eyes of Rockthorn took Cherrykit's life, and then his own; Wolffang, instead of accepting his message, pinned him down to the floor of the barn and tore out his throat.  At first, the visions had been rational and clear, no matter how horrifying, but soon enough they became something out of the Dark Forest.  

Bloody, red-eyed forms of cats he had once known surrounded him on all sides, their teeth clicking and tounges swirling dangerously.  Beneath the gore, he could make out pelts he knew; as the distorted image of Blizzardshine leaped for him, he dodged, only to run straight into Reedheart, Honeyspark, Orchidfeather, and Dawnpetal teamed up to destroy him.  Cat after cat he knew, their faces twisted with a sick form of glee, had launched themselves at him.  Mottledwing, Pantherclaw, Darkflight, Blacktwig, Leafstorm, Specklefang, Sharptooth, Brindlestar...Lichenfang.  One after another, not pausing to let him recover for even a heartbeat.  Tears had filled his eyes as the tom curled up on the blood-stained ground, shaking with exhaustion.  He had never felt so tiny in his entire life as he did then, helpless as a sea of demonic forms stalked him like prey, mocking him for his weakness.  The all-mighty leopard has fallen...what leader you turned out to be...you should've died in the snow like you were meant to, rogue!  The laughs and taunting went on for what felt like ages, filling his head with such noise he felt nauseous.  Clamping his paws down over his ears, Leopardstar had called out in a last-ditch attempt to find someone on his side, a saving grace.  "G...Grasswhisker, please!"

He didn't know who struck the final blow, but with one streak of pain it was done, and he had faded into darkness.


"Leopardstar...it's alright.  You're safe here, open your eyes."

His eyes crusted shut with dried tears, the golden warrior struggled to wake, his body sore and almost immobile.  Everything hurt, but he managed to wrench open his hazel eyes, startled by the sudden brightness of this new world.  So much different from the dark skies and blood-covered rocks he had just died on, the territory of StarClan was shining and beautiful...like always.  With a groan, he rolled over onto his belly, heart pounding with the effort just that took and twisted his head around to look up at the cat who had woken him.

"Y...you c-came for me..."

"Oh, of course I did, how could I not?"  As Grasswhisker leaned down to press her head against his neck, nuzzling him as a mother would her kit, for once in his life Leopardstar did not feel comforted.  All he could feel...was that something was deeply wrong.  Pulling away, he struggled to his paws, hazel eyes wide and searching as he scanned her face.  There was sadness there.  "What...what happened to me?  Why was I in that place, why...why did you make me go through that?!"  His eyes sparking with renewed moisture, he stared into Grasswhisker's green eyes, not breaking her gaze for a heartbeat.  "That...that wasn't a normal dream.  You don't feel pain when you dream...unless you're in StarClan.  So tell me, why was I there?  Why has everyone turned on me...what's wrong with them?!"  Grasswhisker finally looked away, her eyes dropping to the starry ground.  She was silent.

"AWNSER ME!"

Leopardstar had never been so mad before at the she-cat he loved like family.  As he yowled, his eyes burned with painful rage and tears, his limbs shaking as they fought to collapse under him.  He didn't know what was happening, and as confusion took hold, anger soon followed; he knew himself well.  A gaping silence stretched between them for a long time, before finally, Grasswhisker spoke up, her voice quavering greatly.

"Leopardstar...I'm s-so sorry.  That...that wasn't StarClan's doing.  I tried to stop it, I really did, but..."  The gray tabby she-cat looked up at last, starshine tears running down her cheeks.

"You...you succumbed to your illness.  You lost all of your lives but one.  I'm...I'm so sorry..."

Leopardstar froze.  It felt as if everything was crashing down from the inside out, and as his legs finally failed him and he fell to his knees that seemed to be the case.  His eyes stared blankly ahead, unseeing.  No....it can't be...  He remembered vividly the day when Blizzardshine had lost her lives to the fox, her fur stained with her own blood and eyes glowing with pain.  No...nononono this can't be happening, it can't be!  Lip trembling, Leopardstar looked up at his mentor, eyes burning with too many emotions to count.  "Why?"  Voice dangerously low, he hissed, feeling his heart shattering with every breath.  "StarClan can save anyone they want to...so why is it me that you've forsaken?!"  Gulping, he gazed down at his paws, trying to make sense of all this.  "I gave up...everything, to lead my Clan, and this is how the stars repay me?  Stripping me of lives and tossing me back into the world?!  How is that fair, Grasswhisker?  Tell me!"  Seeing his mentor flinch brought him a sick sense of accomplishment that he instantly regretted, but he couldn't go back now.  This wasn't an innocent childhood vision...the fate of ThunderClan lay on the border.  The fate of his very life.

"Leopardstar, I would never do that.  ThunderClan needs a leader who can give his all to protect his Clanmates...including life.  You've done an amazing job my son, you've changed history forever, and your name will be remembered for many moons to come...but you have to let go.  It's time for Marshstorm to take your place."  "And what if I refuse?!"  As Leopardstar forced himself back to his paws, Grasswhisker took a pace back, eyes wide.  "What right...do the stars have...to take away my family...take away my time...and now...the position I gave that all up to commit to?!  He could feel his eyes burning with tears, but went on, his enraged voice a stark contrast to the peaceful landscape.  "I had to watch Lynxtail, Copperheart, and Batbite grow up from the sidelines...Lichenfang died because I wasn't able to stay by her side!  How is this, any of this, fair Grasswhisker?!"  His voice cracked, and quavered off, eyes fixed once again on his paws.  Suddenly, he felt a weight crash into him, and when he looked up from his place on the ground he found Grasswhisker standing over him, eyes glowing with determination.

"You're right, it's not fair!  It's horrible, and I'm so sorry this has happened Leopardstar, but listen to me; pull yourself together!  Don't you realize the chance you have?  You're alive!  You're not a star in the sky yet, and I'm glad you're not!  I can't change the past, and like I've told you before, you can't keep dwelling on it, but there are still cats down there that love you, and want to see you prosper.  Marshstorm will be a worthy leader, and with you to give him the support he needs he will go far; your kits are waiting for you to wake up, they want to love their father and spend time with him!  You have friends, many friends, in ThunderClan...the future is in your paws Leopardstar!  Don't you see?  Your life is far from done...it's only beginning!  So don't you dare waste your ninth life...I have a feeling it's going to be the best one."  Leopardstar was stunned into silence, but before he could say anything else Grasswhisker touched her nose to his forehead, and he closed his eyes.

"By the powers of StarClan, I revoke the name Leopardstar from this noble cat.  He has served ThunderClan well, and will continue to serve it well as a warrior.  To you, the name Leopardclaw is returned.  May StarClan light your path, my friend.

It's time to wake up."

---

It had been almost a day since he had opened his eyes, to the joy of Mosspaw and Pricklebush, but truthfully, he didn't know what to do with himself.  His body was weak from the trauma of losing so many lives at once, and he was forbidden to leave his nest, not that he wanted to.  Marshstorm had left for the Moonstone before he had woken, a fact which stung a bit, but he waited for his return with an anxious sort of longing.  The infection was gone, for the most part, leaving an ugly healing wound on his back leg, which would most definitely scar.  After a good night's rest and a final check by the medicine cats, he would probably be sent back to his den - no, the warrior's den.  How long had it been since he had slept under that bush, with the rustlings of his sleeping clanmates nearby and the soft flank of Lichenfang pressed against his side?  The memories were almost too much to bear, and with a sigh, Leopardclaw hung his head, hazel eyes dull.  Grasswhisker...I don't know if I can move past this.  It hurts...so much.

What am I going to do?