Where Sedges snare, Sparrows sing and Tigers roar (closed)

There was a silence, a peace in her as claws slashed her throat. The clean cut that Tinystar had left and the scar of her father remained in the spectral body that joined her kin. The gentle embraces of her mother and sister... the press of their pelts against hers. The comfort of their familiar scents that overwhelmed her, made her heart swell so much it threatened to burst through the stars. For a moon, she enjoyed simply being among them. Basking in their company, feeling so warm... and yet. Her heart wouldn't stop aching. Part of her ached to know why.

It wasn't until the flooding waters that she realised what was missing.

StarClan, was perfect. Large well-rooted trees that glowed dimly with leaves that twinkled along a breeze, painting the canopy a delicate fluttering silver. Water that ran clear, with fish that practically leapt at a cat's paws the moment they tried to catch one. Prey with bright starry eyes and pale fur like snow drifts, easy to spot and hunt. StarClan was idilic, a paradise of the likes Sparrowpaw once felt she would never get to see. It lacked only the comfort of her friend. The one she left behind...

...the one who's silvery body was now forming.

She wanted to be happy about it. Her muzzle twisted in aggrivation that she could ever feel any type of joy in this. It wasn't right. She shouldn't be glad to see Tigerleaf. Her former mentor... she had done nothing to stop the execution. Had not darted in front of Tinystar's bared claws to defend her. Yet... could she really have expected that? Her mentor had a young kit to look after. A kit... that now wandered the starry forest. She blinked solemnly at the shape forming, then turned. Every ounce of her body ready to run away.

Sedgestrike stood firmly in her path. The silver tom had barely been seen since she joined StarClan's ranks. His green eyes were vibrant like hers, but the dark spots of his coat made his silver outline seem tainted, distorted.
"Running away?" The words were sharp, akin to a hornet's stinger piercing her chest as she looked pointedly away.
"None of your business." She growled bitterly, her gaze lifting to his, vivid with rage. "What are you doing here anyways? Don't you have someone else to bother?" Her hiss twisted bitterly as she recalled who he did spend his time with. Echoflame, and Honeypaw. The young she-cat should have been HIS daughter instead. Clearly she was better than her and Starlingpaw anyways!

She growled at him sharply. Eyes narrowed as she stalked away in anger. Leaving Tigerleaf to be greeted by her father.

She didn't need to see Sparrowpaw anyways. The apprentice that would never be a warrior, because of the very tom that sat motionlessly watching.

The darkness that encompassed her very existence almost seemed to be weighted. It forced her down, crushing her beneath the pressure. Try as she might have, her eyelids were leaden and would not open. Who was she? Where was she? Such questions drifted within the void of her consciousness, echoing within the emptiness. She could not remember. What seemed like memories flashed out of her reach, too distant and out-of-focus for her catch a clear glimpse. Was there a necessity to remember? In a way, the the current state of oblivion was rather pleasant. There was no need to think, no need to exert herself. It was... almost comfortable. Yes, she doubted she would really mind having to stay in it forever.

Tigerleaf. Yet a voice touched the edges of her consciousness, stirring the soul before it could drift into slumber. What... was that? A name? Somehow, she was certain that it was a name. It rang all too familiar. Could it have been her own? Like a flame sparking to life, emotions began to shift within her. There were things important to her, things that she could not forget at any cost. What had they been? Remember!

Tigerleaf, wake up.

All of a sudden, the memories were pouring back in, sharpening into view. She was indeed Tigerleaf, a warrior of SkyClan. The flood, the chaos, Foxpaw and Leafpaw—in the end, she had never been able to ascertain if the two apprentices were safe. She remembered everything now, including the pain and desperation that had seized her. She remembered collapsing, being unable to rise... And then... and then? What had happened next? With a start, her eyes snapped open.

Welcome home.

Everywhere Tigerleaf looked, stars twinkled before her. Every blade of grass, every inch of darkness in the sky, even the distant trees, were studded with the tiny pinpricks of light. Here was a meadow she had only ever seen once before. Even though moons and moons had passed, she would never forget the sights she had seen then. This place was StarClan territory, and the cats that stood before her, their pelts shining with an unnatural light, were the ancestors. The realization sunk in slowly, like tendrils of ice slowly creeping across her pelt. I... died, didn't I? She was dead; she was truly dead. Among the gathered StarClan cats, she spotted both familiar faces and unfamiliar ones. Her kits and her mate, however, were nowhere to be seen. She had left them behind, just as she had once been left behind herself. Never again would she roam the forests of SkyClan territory. Never again... never again...

But oh, was it wrong of her to be so relieved?

Foxhunter, Duskflower, Palepaw, Ripplepaw, and even Ashpaw—at last, Tigerleaf was reunited with her family and friend. How she had missed them! They would never be apart again, for as long as the stars shone in the hearts of the cats below. The loneliness that had plagued her for so long began to melt away, and filling the cracks in her heart was an indescribable joy. They were truly standing before her, the cats she had wished to see for so long. Along with the warm sensation prickling at the back of her eyes, her vision blurred. A single blink was all it took for the tears to spill forth. Was she crying for sorrow or joy? At that moment, Tigerleaf barely knew the answer herself. She was mourning for Condorshade, for Larkpaw, for Foxpaw, for Leafpaw, and for Ashpaw. She was mourning for the kits who would now be left motherless. But her long journey was over. She had walked so long and so far. Surely it would not be unreasonable for her to now rejoice?

One face, however, was not present. In some ways, it was a face that she currently wanted to see more than any other. Her ears flattening somewhat, she swept her yellow gaze across the crowd. Before she greeted her family and friend, there was something incredibly important that she had to do. Perhaps the cat in question had not been inconspicuous enough, or perhaps the young warrior's efforts were rewarded. As soon as her gaze landed upon the familiar patterned pelt, Tigerleaf blurted out, "Sparrowpaw...?" It was impossible for her to have mistaken another cat for her former apprentice. Unlike the other StarClan cats, however, Sparrowpaw had her back to Tigerleaf, slowly padding away. In that instant, the striped she-cat threw all rational thought aside. Only one thing flashed through her mind; if she did not talk to Sparrowpaw now, she might not ever get another chance. Springing to her paws, she dashed forward. "W—wait, Sparrowpaw!" The cry was tinged with a hint of desperation.

There's... so much I need to say to you. Please, don't turn me away.

His chest ached for the she-cat that stormed away from him. The daughter he had a chance to know... and had blatantly discarded. His green gaze stayed fixed on the tabby she-cat as she slowly finished her ascension into the stars. This she-cat had at least tried to some extent. Yet, she had failed. The only cat who could have stopped the execution, and she had failed. The Tiny mad tom. His ears flattened as the dangerous voice whispered into his ears that she shouldn't be here. How could she have gotten the chance to grace StarClan immediately when he had to beg for forgiveness.

The starlight around him flickered dangerously. He wondered briefly if any cat had been removed from StarClan after being accepted. As he mused, he saw the she-cat race past him and hissed dangerously. Claws reached out and batted her hindquarters as he twisted his body to shove her down.
"What makes you think you deserve her!?" Sedgestrike's voice was venomous and cold. His eyes angry pinpricks as his tail lashed behind him. "She doesn't want to see you." She doesn't need to see you. She has us now. His thoughts growled as his grip tightened.

If he couldn't be close to Sparrowpaw, then certainly no outside cat was worthy of the honour.

In the end, Sparrowpaw never turned around.

The claws that struck Tigerleaf's side were very real. They pierced her thin pelt, pricking her flesh. At once, the young warrior felt the stab of pain. Even within the realm of StarClan, a supposed utopia, the sensation of pain still existed. Who would have thought? It came as such a shock that her paws stumbled to a halt. A sharp, aggressive hiss rang in her ears. "What makes you think you deserve her!?" Not able to comprehend the situation, the striped she-cat felt a surge of panic rise up from within. Ears flattening with fear, she twisted around. Her attacker's next words struck her full in the face. This time, however, she barely registered them. When she saw his identity, Tigerleaf's mind went blank. Sedgestrike—there he was, his furious snarl just mouse lengths away from her muzzle. The silver-furred tom who had challenged Tinystar's authority, who had taken one of the leader's lives, who had struck his own daughter, who had been exiled from SkyClan, was right in front of her. The starlight glimmering in his fur indicated that he was a StarClan cat.

The confusion that had crowded her mind just moments ago melted away. As it faded, a boiling resentment began to flood in. Anger, of the kind that Tigerleaf had seldom felt, overcame her every sense. "You...!" She choked out, her throat constricting. So affected was she, her tongue could barely form the words. "Why are you in StarClan, Sedgestrike?!" He was wrong. She had never once thought that she deserved Sparrowpaw. Even in death, she was not that arrogant. Of course her apprentice would not want to see her. Tigerleaf had failed her, after all; no one knew that fact better than she did. All she really wanted to do was apologize. "I'm sorry" could not erase past mistakes, could not right the wrongs that had been committed. Even if it did no good, however, it was the very least she owed. After everything she had done, the striped she-cat had the gall to enjoy a somewhat happy life. She was utterly shameless, and she knew. Did Sedgestrike think that she had lived devoid of guilt? She... she had always hated herself.

But why, The thought flashed across her mind, should I have to explain myself to him?

Tigerleaf twisted away from Sedgestrike, tearing out several tufts of brown fur as she did so. At this point, the pain was practically nonexistent. "Even after everything, why are you here?!" She screeched. "You killed Tinystar. You threw Sparrowpaw aside. You abandoned your daughter, even though she was trying so hard to live up to your ideals! If it were not for you, she would never have been executed! You killed her! Did you know?! Did you care?! She never even got to become a warrior." With every word, her voice seemed to rise in volume. The young warrior's gaze was locked with Sedgestrike's, fire burning within the depths of the pale-yellow eyes. "So why has StarClan forgiven you? Hey, Sedgestrike, was it too much to ask? Could you not have quietly accepted Tinystar as leader just as the rest of us did? Why... why were you even allowed to be a parent?" Ever since that day, all these questions had been swirling around in her head. Now they burst out unrestrained, each word fueled with hatred.

Her shoulders rose and fell in ragged breath. At last, Tigerleaf hissed out, "I will never forgive you."

He watched as the she-cat pulled out of his grip. The anger from her gaze was palpable, and he felt his own hesitate as he listened to her words. Desperately, his mind clung to the familiar feelings of anger and dissappointment. He wanted to tell this she-cat how she had failed his daughter. How she needed to leave the she-cat alone since... his mind stuttered to a halt.

She hadn't spoken up to Tinystar, but she had tried. There was an effort there that Sedgestrike could never claim. His chest ached painfully at Tigerleaf's words. None of them were wrong. Slowly, the silver tom sat down. His head lowered in a rare show of submission as he tried to make words come from a closed throat.

"I... I abandoned her because I wanted her to be a warrior. I wanted her to have the chance to not be connected to me." The words came out slowly. Certain, but slow. The idea that he was wrong still left a bitter feeling in his stomach, but there was no cat to blame except himself here. "I never meant to kill Tinystar. Don't think I've forgiven myself of that. I only wanted proof that he was more capable than I thought." His green gaze lifted to hers. Beneath the heat of anger, for a moment, there was a smaller warrior. One who lost his family, his friends, apprentice and mentor... lost his hope, before the anger took hold again. "I still don't believe he deserves leadership. He killed my daughter."

"She will wander StarClan known to others as Sparrowpaw... but to me. She will always be Sparrowflight." The anger was smothered by oddly kind words as he turned his head the direction the she-cat left. "A she-cat who was always better than me, could have soared much higher... she just needed to find the right way. Now she never will, and don't think for a moment my heart doesn't ache." His tail lashed behind him as he looked towards the treeline. A few starry cat pelts fled his glare. A Sedgestrike that was openly admitting his emotions? He scoffed internally. Of course there'd be witnesses to the rarity.

"I do not need your forgiveness." As he rose to his paws, the dark of his spots were more visible against the pale background of silver trees. "StarClan may not like me. Yet I am here, if only... because my family sees what could have been." He frowned, realising his words held a different meaning. "I just wanted SkyClan to be strong. So it would be safe. So no family would be torn apart again." He didn't need to say he had failed as he turned to walk away from the she-cat. The small confession would be the only one she would get. His moment of weakness was over. Mind made up to allow her to chase his daughter... as long as she could find her.

She wouldn't have to look far.

Sparrowpaw listened to the chatter below her tree branch. Cats gossiping was never new. Her tail twitched in irratation listening to the babble while she was trying to stay unnoticable. It became harder the more she wanted to yowl at them to go away. To leave her alone... so Tigerleaf wouldn't have to see her failure.

The outrage surging through Tigerleaf's veins seemed scorching in heat. Its intensity gave her a rare burst of courage. So what if Sedgestrike were to be offended? So what if he responded with words equally as sharp? Why did it matter, what he thought of her? These petty little fears, which had hounded the striped she-cat for most of her life, faded in the moment. There was no falsehood in her words; if Sedgestrike only considered them, he would know as much. Daring the StarClan tom to provide an excuse, she faced him with an unflinching glare. For a few seconds, tense silence dragged between the two. Starlight flickered in the air, reflected within their eyes. Then the unforeseen happened.

Tigerleaf did not really know how she had expected Sedgestrike to respond. In the worse case scenario, he could attack her again. With the reputation he had earned in life, his taking such action would not be surprising. A thought flashed through the back of her mind. Could StarClan cats die a second time? Perhaps he would defend himself, offer up some feeble rebuttal in that indignant manner of his. What she had not expected, however, was Sedgestrike sitting down instead. The silver tom bowed his head—a display of sorrow and remorse she had never thought she would see in him. She blinked, almost forgetting her anger in her surprise. As the disgraced SkyClan warrior began to speak, it was as if the words came from a completely different cat. The pale-yellow eyes widened.

Was this truly how Sedgestrike felt? No, was this even Sedgestrike? While they had both walked the mortal realm, Tigerleaf had never seen such a side to him. Pride and ambition—these were the traits that had defined him. He had been someone that she went out of her way to avoid. He was someone who had abandoned his own daughter. And yet... In that moment, the silver tom looked so small. She grit her teeth. You ruined everything. You ruined it all of your own accord. So why do you now look so sad? Almost as if... as if you're feeling regret. So he was just as much a cat as she was.

"You're only saying this now?" Tigerleaf lowered her ears. For a moment, the anger in her eyes gave way to grief. "It's too late, Sedgestrike. We both know that." He had wanted to give Sparrowpaw a chance? He had wanted SkyClan to be strong? Utter mouse-dung. He had held that future in his paws, and he had dashed it to pieces and trodden it underfoot. If he was being honest, and she knew that he was, she had never met a cat more foolish. His revelation only sharpened the ache in her chest. To think things could have ended up so differently. "If you had really wanted to help, there were other options you could have chosen. If you had really cared for Sparrowpaw, you should have told her to her face. Then, things wouldn't have... I wouldn't have..." Her voice trailed off, a pained expression twisting her features.

Someone like me wouldn't have had to hold her life in my paws. Someone as powerless as I am... I've never succeeded in saving anyone. The words lingered unspoken in the air.

In the end, Tigerleaf could only watch in silence as Sedgestrike padded away. As long as they both trod this starry plain, the time would come when they met again. When he was out of sight, she turned to resume her search for Sparrowpaw. By this time, the dilute calico was nowhere to be seen. Of course. Her paws faltered. The young warrior had tried to steel herself, but rejection still cut to her very core. It hurt to be ignored by a cat she had missed, a cat that she longed to talk to again. It hurt, and the pain was a part of her punishment. The only thing she could do was push onward.

It thus came to be, that Tigerleaf stood directly under Sparrowpaw's branch. StarClan's territories were wide, and she only had four paws with which to traverse it. Her former apprentice had been nowhere to be found. After an indeterminate period of time spent in searching, she was on the verge of giving up, and her striped tail dragged through the star-speckled grass.