Alone with Death {Closed/Solo}

It was dark.

The earthen walls almost seemed to press against Tigerleaf, hemming her in. When one had ventured this far into the ground, they left the sunlight behind. It was a territory untouched by the sun—home to the shadows and those that dwelt in them. Within it, one could easily lose track of time. Minute after minute; hour after hour; day after day. The seconds slipped by like water through a paw's grasp. Or did they drag onward instead? ... I don't know. There was nothing to see. There was nothing she could see. At length, she might have grown tired of opening her eyes. The fragments of rock beneath her pelt, the sloping floor of the tunnel, as well as the nauseating scent of infection—which were real, and which were hallucinations? Reality blurred together with her dreams. One was the other, and the other was the one. The air was stifling. This place was not her den. Neither was it anywhere in SkyClan territory, her beloved forest. I want to go home. With every inhale, a wheezing rasp sounded from her chest.

It hurt.

Blood had dried on the dusty dirt floor. The lack of light made it next to impossible to see the stains, but Tigerleaf knew they were there. The coppery tang mingled with the sourness of infection, filling her nostrils. To breathe was suffocating in itself. The source of the blood was the deep gash in her side. By this time, an infection should have set in. Tigerleaf did not really know. She could not see it. But she had the feeling that it was precisely what had happened. The pain was a throbbing pain, one that seemed to spread throughout her entire body. Her head pounded. It was hard to think, let alone think clearly. Every shift in position caused a stab of agony to run up her left hind leg. The limb was broken without question, pointed unnaturally in a direction it should never have been in. It was the main reason she was unable to hunt or even move about. Having already broken her leg once before, she had been satisfied with never going through such an ordeal again. The initial moment of shock, when the pain had not yet set in, was something she would never forget—trying to move her leg, only to feel the disconnected bone swing freely within her flesh. While she had initially lain down to rest, she had rapidly grown much weaker. Now several days later, her body felt as heavy as stone; simply raising her head took considerable effort.

Most of all, however, it was lonely.

Am I going to die here?

The thought sent a shudder of fear running down her spine. No. No. I don't want to die. I don't want to die here, not all alone.

Condorshade, the tom she had fallen in love with; Foxpaw, Leafpaw, Ashpaw, and Larkpaw, the four beautiful kits she had borne. At long last, she had found a modicum of happiness. Their existence had been the only thing supporting her through the grief of losing Sparrowpaw. They had widened her world and brought so much love into it. Because of her kits, she had been able to feel emotions that she had never experienced before. In the past seven or so moons, these cats were all she had lived for. Yet, when she needed them the most, she was alone again. She wanted to see them. She needed to know if they were safe. "Leafpaw..." She mumbled. "Foxpaw..." Her voice was barely loud enough for a cat to hear, her words slurring together. Features twisting with grief, she heaved a silent sob.

The last memory she held of them was also the last memory she had when she had woken up on this StarClan-forsaken shore. As the flood broke through SkyClan camp, her son and her daughter had been cruelly swept away in its clutches. She had dived after them, even though she knew next to nothing about swimming. She had never been able to save anyone, and she never would. Before she could even get within a tail-length's distance of them, she had been beaten and knocked under by the strength of the waves. Somehow, she was still alive. It seemed to be a cruel joke of StarClan's; they took everyone dear to her, but they left her till the very end. Why had she been the only one to live on? There was nothing special about her, no great future she was bound for. Life had been so lonely, she had thought that she would not mind death.

Now that she had finally found a purpose to live, however, it seemed her time was up.

She was going to die. Tigerleaf realized the truth of the matter. She was really going to die, and her corpse would rot undiscovered in this burrow. I don't want to die. I don't want to die. I don't want to die. Please, someone... Help me. No cat could hear her. No cat could see her. No cat even knew of her predicament. Mintwhisker and Amberdawn were distant impressions upon her mind now. Their faces fleeted at the edges of her consciousness. Far from home and far from her clanmates, she had no way of getting help. Would death hurt? Would it come swiftly? Far more tormenting than the fear of the unknown, however, was the fact that she would face death all alone.

The sense of loneliness that she had felt for so long now crushed her down heavier than it ever had before.

---

Drifting between the states of consciousness and unconsciousness, Tigerleaf was roused by the sound of a distant boom. What... was that? The pale-yellow eyes flickered open with some degree of effort. For a second, she was reminded of the roar that had shattered the world right before the influx of floodwater. Was something similar happening again? If the water level continued to rise, it would find the entrance to her burrow in no time. She would undoubtedly drown. Perhaps there was no longer a difference between drowning and dying of infection. If anything, death by drowning would be swifter.

Tigerleaf did not know why she felt the sudden urge to go outside. Knowing the state she was in, she had given up and lain down to wait. At least, she thought that she had. The young warrior stirred, weakly shuffling upright. It took just about everything she had in her to stand up again. She swayed on her three good paws, steadying herself only by leaning against the tunnel's wall. Perhaps a voice had whispered to her in her delirium. At any rate, she had little left to lose. Whatever happened now would not have much effect on her. Even if another flood were really coming, she would rather watch from the shore as the river overspilled its banks. One trembling pawstep after another, she made her painful way out of the burrow she had already spent days in. The glint of sunlight flashed in her eyes, causing her to squeeze them shut. For a moment, her broken body threatened to collapse. Struggling to hold herself up, Tigerleaf grit her teeth.

As the seconds slipped by, her eyes gradually readjusted to the sunlight. Was it sometime near high noon? She was standing at the edges of a small thicket, beyond which stretched the familiar rocky shore. The river rushed along its trajectory, the burbling of its waters audible even from such a distance. There was.... no sign of another flood. Confused, Tigerleaf spent a few seconds surveying her surroundings. The pounding in her head had worsened, and she flattened her ears from the sharp discomfort. Just as she was about to consider retreating back into the burrow, a flash at the upper corner of her vision caught her attention. Her gaze jerked upwards.

The stars were falling. Such was the first thought that flashed through Tigerleaf's mind. Certainly, that was what the sight seemed to be. Glowing lights streaked continuously across the sky, much reminiscent of Silverpelt's adornments on a clear night. However, they did not look quite as pretty as the twinkling stars against a dark canvas. Taken aback, the brown tabby could only stare up at the sky with widened eyes. When the last one of the lights had disappeared towards the south, the realization hit her.

It was a sign!

What else could the daytime stars have been, if not a manifestation of StarClan's power? The ancestors were able to call lightning down from the heavens. Causing their celestial forms to appear during the day was surely no difficult feat for them. The sign brought several implications, but Tigerleaf pounced on the main one. There were other clan cats present on the shore! She had not been the only one swept away, and she had not been the only one to wash up this far downriver. She was not alone. For all she knew, one of them could even be a medicine cat. Food and healing—all of a sudden, help no longer seemed impossible. Hope sparked to life within her, and light danced within her eyes for the first time in days.

A possibility occurred to her, one that she barely dared to consider. If, by any chance, Leafpaw and Foxpaw were on the same shore, she would be able to reunite with her children. Just moments ago, she had been faced with a lonesome death. Now the prospect of surviving was presented to her. She had to go! The stars had beckoned, and she would follow. She would head in the direction they had pointed out to her, towards the south of the lake.

Tigerleaf never ended up getting very far.

Hope, having swelled too greatly, shattered its vessel into a million pieces.

The world danced before her eyes. Once again, the young warrior found herself sprawled out on the ground. What's wrong...? This time, however, she could no longer get up. No matter how much effort she exerted, her body remained largely unresponsive. For all her straining, she was only able to twitch and jerk. She was too weak. In the end, the infection had won the battle. Stand up. Stand up, Tigerleaf! Reality glared her in the eye, its icy waves sweeping over the flame in her heart and rapidly cooling it. A sinking sensation overtook her. You can't lie down here. Not when... not when you're so close...

She was too far away.

The pale gaze stared south, a mixture of longing and despair reflected within those yellow depths. It was over. Once again, rational thought was fading away, giving way to delirium. She was cold—so very cold. She was exhausted as well. At last, the time had come for her to rest. All her life, she had tried so hard. As powerless as she was, Tigerleaf had always done her best. What other faults could she find with herself before death came?

The young warrior loved the forest. She loved the rugged soil of SkyClan territory, as well its tall and slender trees. Was there anyone else in SkyClan who knew the territory as well as she did? If there was, they were either obsessive or incredibly lonely. That deformed old birch she had shown her best friend Ashpaw, the thrush that had made its nest in the branches—what she would give to see these familiar sights one more time. Her grave would be far from home.

Just as Tigerleaf had been abandoned by her family and friends, she would now abandon her kits. She would expose them to the same loneliness that had plagued her for most of her life. I'm sorry.... I truly... am. As the eyelids finally flitted shut, a single tear slipped down the striped cheek.