RIGHT SO I WAS RE-READING THE FAULT IN OUT STARS
(MINOR spoilers for the book)
BRITISH
PEOPLE
DONT
TALK
LIKE
THAT!!!!!
kaitlyn really really irritated me!!! the way john green made her speak!!! unacceptable!!! maybe saying ‘darling’ once when she said goodbye would be enough!!! but!! we!!! don’t!! say!! it!!! all!!! the!!! time!!!
we say ‘love’ more than ‘darling’!!!!
and there is more than one british accent btw!!! southern? londoner? northern england? manchester? essex? welsh? irish? northern irish (its slightly different than irish)? glaswegian? highlands?
sorry but i felt not enough people knew this! many just assume we all speak like kaitlyn - barely any of us do!! i’m irritated!! john green!!! educate yourself on british etiquette!!
(i LOVE john green, this is not meant to be offensive, i just felt that the stereotyping was believed by everyone)
WHILE WE’RE ON THE TOPIC :
- if someone invites you round for tea, they’re asking if you want dinner with them. if they ask if you want ‘a cuppa’ or for them to ‘pop the kettle on’, they’re asking if you want tea.
- yes, beans on toast is a completely valid dinner choice. it’s delicious.
- no, we have not met the queen and no, we likely never will
- scottish people aren’t all alcoholics! they’re just a little more willing to drink than english people
- we don’t say ‘bloody’ after everything! and if we do, you have to use it the right way! some words don’t work when you say ‘bloody’ before them
- NO ONE SAYS ‘JIMENY CRICKET’
- yes, ‘blooming heck’ is a phrase used more commonly in english people
- yes, ‘lads’, ‘banter’, ‘chav’ and ‘mate’ are all words we use
- ‘cheeky nandos’ is 100% a real saying
- ‘wetherspoons’ is the best place for breakfast and you may quote me on that
- yes, we’re updated on meme culture, no, we aren’t stuck-up
- it’s not ‘grilled cheese’ it’s a ‘cheese toastie’
- gordon ramsey, gemma collins, benedict cumberbatch and martin freeman are all normal british people, people here really do act like that
- stop making tea without milk please and thank you
- if you’re on the jeremy kyle show, your teeth will be manky
- if you’re NOT on the jeremy kyle show, your oral hygiene is perfectly fine
- british boys are not cute. most of them look like they’re still in their eminem phase.
- if you had a british accent, you wouldn’t ‘never shut up’. you’d zip it immediately if you woke up with a very strong yorkshire accent in the middle of america.
- yes we’re leaving the eu, no we’re not happy about it
- harry potter, harry styles or prince harry? you’ll never know which one we’re talking about
- all the other countries in britain hate the english. even the english hate the english.
- we aren’t all sunshine and rainbows. in fact, when margaret thatcher died, everyone hated her so much that we got ‘ding-dong the witch is dead’ to #2 in the charts
- when you are about to leave, it’s customary to slap your knee and say ‘right’ as a way of announcing your departure
- bbc and itv are our main channels. that’s it. no more channels. that’s all there is.
- we all hang out in the back of our local tesco to mess around with the trolleys
- trolleys are shopping carts btw
- newspapers are wild
- tellytubbies are our national icons and i will fight you on this
- if you didn’t watch horrible histories as a child then you’re lying
- drinking age is 18 not 21
- harry potter is iconic
- you aren’t allowed to call someone while they’re watching doctor who it’s the unspoken rule
- IF YOU DONT OWN A KETTLE YOU WILL BE DEPORTED THAT IS A BASIC PIECE OF EQUIPMENT
- it rains all the time and the weather never makes up its mind
- not all irish are ginger
- wales is ‘that country’. we don’t talk about ‘that country’ because we don’t understand how they pronounce things
- DONT ASK US WHAT THE PRICE OF A FREDDO IS OR WE WILL CRY
- our politics are just as screwed as yours
- fish and chip shops are called ‘chippies’
- the ‘television’ is a ‘telly’
- a taxi driver is a cabbie
- we don’t use taxis that much they’re too expensive
- the underground is the strangest place to be at like 1 or 2 am it feels not-real
- the schools are informal and terrible and bad at teaching us
- we used to rule the world but we ruined it
okay thanks for coming to my ted talk
