Hemorrhaged Blood Ties [Closed]

There was a reason the feeling of homesickness was named such. Aches and pains with no physical cause plagued the body of the young tom laying in the darkest crevasse that could be found within the Abandoned Barn. It was quieter here, where he could sleep in peace even with the lack of the sun and moon confusing every cat's schedule. And yet even in this secluded spot, he could never rest much more than an hour at a time. Sleep wasn't coming easy to Stonepaw. Despite how tired he felt, his racing thoughts kept him awake. He'd lay in his makeshift hay nest longer than he spent sleeping in it. His insides felt empty and cold, though he never felt his appetite rear its head enough to motivate him to eat from their freshkill. It felt like a lump of squirming maggots once it reached his stomach anyway. Only one thing could cure how he felt, the one thing every other Exile was probably thinking; he needed to go home. ShadowClan felt so far away here, where the night was never dark and the ground was never sticky enough. They would return to the forest when the time came, but it would never come soon enough.

The mass of grey fur rolled in his nest for what felt like the thousandth time, kicking up the hay dust until his eyes watered and nose tickled. More sad than angry in his frustration, he finally moved from his little hole out into the open. Maybe he could exhaust himself enough to rest easier. Wilted green gaze slowly moving across the open expanse of the barn, Stonepaw found himself watching the young kits of his sister scamper about. Conflicted feelings welled up as he continued to stare at the little ones. Those half-clan scraps should disgust him, but all he could feel was pity... and jealousy. They would have made for wonderful warriors if they weren't also the children of Lichenmask. They would have no place in the new world he and his cohorts would create. Outcasts. Then again, they still had something he missed dearly. Each other. Many of Stonepaw's siblings were still in ShadowClan or dead, with only two here with him. He missed hanging out with his littermates, but, things had split them apart. Aspenpaw was an absolute basket case, and hard to look at with his missing eye. Brushgaze, on the other paw, was different. She'd left them behind in more ways than one. Even the now-dead, foolish Littlestar could see the promise in her. She was smart, and strong, and had more determination than he could conjure up in a lifetime. Though she was made a warrior by the words of an idiot, those words felt like a wall had been put between them. They were supposed to be the same age, but Brushgaze had matured far before both him and Aspenpaw. Those five kits were enough to prove it. He felt weaker, smaller compared to his sister. And so he sat alone in the dim, red shadows, willing himself to get up and do something to finally let him sleep and dream of the marshes.

Life should have been good… but it wasn’t. Something was definitely missing, and Brushgaze was having trouble pinpointing the exact cause of the aching feeling in her bones. Sitting quietly in a corner of the Barn, absently watching her kits tumble around in the hay, the former ShadowClan she-cat went through a list in her mind and tried to figure out where it all went wrong. She was finally part of a group that believed the same things she did, even if some of them were no-account rogues. She had a strong, handsome mate and five beautiful kits, even though the tom she adored above everything was indifferent towards them at best. She had plenty of prey, even if she was beginning to get sick and tired of mouse and rabbit. She had her family… no, no she didn’t. That was one thing she didn’t have. Sure, she technically had two of her brothers with her, but they had been estranged since they were apprentices- if not before then.

Aspenpaw was… well, he was too far gone. He’d been drifting away from the world in which they all lived long before he’d lost his eye, even if that had pushed him over the edge. It wasn’t like he’d ever been the closest to them, anyways. Her parents were all back in ShadowClan, the fools, and she was able to convince herself that it wasn’t them she missed. But the one brother that she truly did miss having contact with was Stonepaw. They’d always been on the same wavelength, hadn’t they? After she met Lichenmask and started getting involved in his cause, however, she’d had less time to sit and share tongues with the gray tom. They stopped seeking each other out, then stopped speaking, then stopped seeing each other. In the crowds of cats that now lived in or around the Barn, it was easy to not see another cat for hours, or days. She’d also been a little preoccupied, trying to raise five kits. They were surely a pawful. But now that they were getting older, and she still hadn’t regained her strength to fight or hunt, she had an awful lot of time to think on her paws. And just sitting and contemplating her life was making her miss how it had been once. If not missing the day-to-day tediums and mouse-brained acquaintances of her former life, just missing her home in general… and her brother. He was too good for her, anyway. Stonepaw had always known where he was, always been planted on his feet in the uncertain flow of time. His common sense and overall intelligence, complete with a deeps-eated kindness that she’d always lacked, made him a much better cat, although a lonely one. He never had really gotten over his shyness. But if both of them lacked company, then… why not try to reconnect? Since the end of the world was approaching rapidly anyway, it was surely worth a shot.

Filled with a sudden sense of purpose that she hadn’t possessed for a while, the mottled she-cat immediately stood up. She would go find her brother. However, before she could go on a search, the tom seemed to emerge from a parting in the crowds of cats. He was sitting there, dejected, probably thinking as he usually did. He didn’t have anything here, did he? She at least had her kits. He only had her and Aspenpaw… except she had been busy and blind, and their other brother was no longer really there. She blinked painfully, then walked over to sit by the familiar gray form. “Hey…. It’s been a while.”