Misery loves company (Closed)

Flattening her ears at the harsh words, Tigerleaf glanced down at the smooth surface of the rock. She almost appeared to be studying it intently, yellow eyes taking in every detail. In reality, she was merely trying to distract herself. The awkwardness in the air was palpable. She supposed... the words didn't sound sincere coming from her. They were full of emptiness, seeming to be said only out of obligation. Even the young warrior didn't know if she really believed what she herself had said. What was it that she was trying to do here? Cheer Sparrowpaw up? Encourage her? Was there anything she could do that would actually reach the apprentice? I'm... not good at this... Insensitively blurting out whatever came to mind was what a fool would do. She kept searching for the right words, but they would not come to her. In the end, there was nothing much she could do, apart from accompany the disgruntled apprentice. She doesn't want my help anyway. As the dejecting thought surfaced, the striped she-cat glanced up again. Sparrowpaw was huddled a short distance away. The moon's wan light filtered through the thin canopy of trees, spilling unto the rock like blood. At that moment, Tigerleaf couldn't help thinking that the other she-cat looked incredibly lonely and sad. The sight stirred something within her, a sense of... compassion? Fine. If Mistyrain insisted that she take another apprentice, then she had no choice but to do her job properly—not for her own sake, but for Sparrowpaw's.

Pulling herself up straighter, the warrior directed a sharp gaze towards the brooding apprentice. "I'm not pretending, and I'm not going back to camp until you do." She stated firmly, in a volume louder than any she had used that night. "I've barely done anything yet. The role of a mentor is not merely to keep apprentices out of trouble and train them. If you can't understand that, you've still got room to grow. I-I'm not exactly the best mentor either." Great, she had to choose such a time to stammer. "If you think that you're the worst apprentice, I'm the worst... worst mentor." Now that she thought about it, her first apprentice Wasppaw really hadn't done anything to deserve someone like her. She was never enthusiastic about training, only doing the bare minimum required. On days that she had spent with him, a frown seemed to be perpetually plastered on her features. He had probably wished that Mistyrain had assigned him some other warrior. She really was a selfish cat who dragged others into her own problems. "So let's get along, Sparrowpaw." Tigerleaf swallowed, before continuing, "I'll make sure that Tinystar gives you your warrior name. He won't have any excuse not to." For the first time in a long while, a small flame of determination burned within her yellow eyes. "It's about time for you to stop brooding."

And about time for me, too.

"I'm not going back to camp until you do." Sparrowpaw repeated, her tone tired and filled with frost as she slowly lifted herself from the rock and glared towards her mentor. An ache stirred in her chest. It begged for Tigerleaf's words to be true... but how could they be? For all her words... Sparrowpaw felt her pelt lift in ire at the false promise of staying. Of the allure of the other words as her mouth reacted before her mind fully registered the words. "Now who's the one in self-pity? I'm the worst mentor. Right, because you won't leave me alone even when you need to." Her claws left shallow scratches against the rock.

This she-cat was going to try and be her friend. Sparrowpaw could feel the resolve in her chest crumbling, a spark of hope that maybe there were other cats who cared. A sliver of voice warned her that it was just a mentor's duty. She'd probably do this once, give up after tonight and never speak to Sparrowpaw again. She'd abandon her, just as her family had... the cold ache of loneliness stung her chest once more as she padded towards Tigerleaf. Claws bad touch and open against the stone as she pushed her nose straight into Tigerleaf's face, staring at her from equal height. The scars on the left side of her face shockingly visible as her green eyes were cold. A desperate longing in her tone that she couldn't push away.

"I'm dangerous. I'm a curse." She curled her claws into the stone, then leapt abruptly off of it. Her malnourished pelt bristled as if the raccoon was still present. As if they were enemies. She took a breath, cold air rushed into her lungs. A suffocating feeling like she was about to choke crept into her throat and chest as tears glistened in her cold gaze. Bitter rage filled her as she lashed out on the nearby tree. A deep grove of clawmarks left behind as bark crumbled onto the forest floor, blood seeped from the pads of her paws from the rough bark of it. Despite this angry display, her pelt flattened slightly. Her heart and chest stuttered in exhaustion as she stared at Tigerleaf with eyes that pleaded her in equal measure to leave and stay.

"I can't lose anymore... please don't make me..." The words were a faint whisper, carried more by wind than voice as she blinked back her tears. Her paws giving out from under her as the strain of the day took it's toll. She fell down onto the leaf-covered floor, a wretched sob choked it's way out of her throat, convinced that by the time she got up... Tigerleaf would be gone. Just like everyone else.

Faced with the frigid glare of the apprentice, Tigerleaf's pelt prickled uneasily. Nevertheless, the young warrior stood unflinching, her gaze steadily meeting Sparrowpaw's. "I guess neither one of us will be returning to camp tonight." She stated, in a tone calmer than she had expected. If this was the choice she had to make, so be it. She liked her sleep, but she could sacrifice it for a night. Unlike the days of her apprenticeship, she did not have a mentor she had to be accountable to. Yawning once or twice or thrice would not get her in any trouble. Tilting her head slightly, she flicked one pale ear. "... I admit it. I've been feeling sorry for myself... for quite a while now." There was no desire for sympathy in her words, just the simple declaration of fact. A strange confession, perhaps, but she was at a loss for anything else to say.

The sudden close proximity with Sparrowpaw had initially startled her, causing the striped she-cat to stiffen. At such a distance, Tigerleaf could easily make out the scar etched into the apprentice's flesh. It was a wound that had been left by Sedgestrike(?), Sparrowpaw's own father. Tigerleaf remembered that much without prompting. Reflected within her apprentice's green eyes were a torrent of mingled emotions—loneliness, anger, betrayal...? The frost in the other's gaze was almost magnetic. Her paws scuffling against the surface of the rock, the warrior slowly edged backwards. For a second, she wondered how her own eyes must have looked to Sparrowpaw. Perhaps her discomfort showed through. No, scratch that. It definitely did. Despite the occasional outbursts of courage she was prone to receive, she was still very much uncomfortable when it came to conversation, especially conversation with another cat in her face. Her mind had almost blanked out. When Sparrowpaw turned away just as abruptly, she could have breathed a sigh of relief. Somewhere in the back of her mind, she took note of the fact that the other she-cat was just as tall as she was, and likely not much younger.

"I'm dangerous. I'm a curse." Why, oh why, would Sparrowpaw believe such a thought? Tigerleaf had every intention to refute the apprentice's statements, but words would not aid her. How did one even go about proving such statements wrong? The chill of the night air had grown sharper as time had worn on, and the striped she-cat was now almost positive that she could feel her limbs growing numb. Perhaps it was simply her imagination, or she was too occupied with Sparrowpaw to really feel the cold. Faintly glowing gaze tracking the apprentice's every movement, she watched with a mixture of uncertainty and concern. A slender paw was raised in the darkness. In the next instance, it struck down with unsheathed claws, and the crack of shattering bark assaulted Tigerleaf's ears. She winced visibly at the display of violence, the tabby fur along her shoulders rising. Her whiskers quivered, as if they too had felt the force of Sparrowpaw's emotions. Seemingly in slow motion, the dark calico crumpled to the ground.

Ahh... At that moment, Tigerleaf was suddenly struck with a realization. Having heard Sparrowpaw's last words, she understood. She understood at last. Even though what she had seen might only have been a fragment of the younger she-cat's true feelings, that fragment resonated deeply within her. That cry was the same one she had uttered within her heart as she had turned away from her clanmates, shut them out behind invisible walls she had set up within her heart. Duskflower, Palepaw, Foxhunter, Ripplepaw, Ashpaw—they were not the only ones who had left her, but their absence had always hurt the most. One after another, they had disappeared from her life, taking with them a piece of her shattered heart each time. What was she to say to Sparrowpaw? What was she to do? There was no use thinking about all these questions, working herself into circles to come up with solutions. She would never know the right answers. Even now, she was still searching for them herself. Swiftly leaping off the rock, she came to stand by Sparrowpaw's side. The quiet sobs that wracked the apprentice filled her ears. "I know. I feel the same way, after all." She meowed quietly. "It hurts. To the point where you feel you can't breath." Settling down by Sparrowpaw's side, she allowed their pelts to brush against each other. The warmth of the living pulsed between them. "It's easy enough to say 'don't run away,' but I wonder if I actually have the courage not to. I w—wouldn't ask you to do anything too unreasonable. Call it selfishness if you want to do so. I won't leave you, because I'm lonely too."