Fernpaw & Silentpaw's Moonstone Journey

Today, Poplartooth would be taking two apprentices to the Moonstone. Not one, but two. He had made the choice himself. Fernpaw and Silentpaw were both ready for their trips, and the fluffy tom didn't want to make two trips, one after the other. So, he decided to take them both. He could handle it. He just desperately hoped that they wouldn't cause any trouble or annoy him too badly. After swallowing down the taste of the sour traveling herbs, Poplartooth lodged the two other bundles between his teeth to bring to Fernpaw and Silentpaw. His green eyes quickly lifted to the sky to make sure that he was making good time as he made his way to the apprentices' den. It was all good. That didn't mean that they should slow down and slack off, though. The deputy dropped the herbs at his paws and separated them in front of the apprentices' den so that the two apprentices could eat their share once they came out.
"Fernpaw! Silentpaw! Camp exit. Now."
He didn't care if his voice sounded stern. He was ready to bring them to the Moonstone and back.

Silentpaw was the first to awake. His light green gaze looked over the camp. He was a bit tired which made it even less likely that he'll have proper conversations. He looked at the bundles separated for Fernpaw and him. He bent down and began to eat. He gagged a few times but managed to swallow the bitter plants. Once finished, he waited for Fernpaw to wake up.

Fernpaw's murky-green eyes jerked open at the sound of the deputy's order, and she instantly let out a long, perturbed sigh edged with a growl.  Oh...right.  Today's the stupid moonstone journey.  She didn't assume anyone would be surprised by her disdain towards walking across half the world just to touch some cold stone; she had made her thoughts about StarClan very clear in the past.  She took her time grooming and stretching before she eventually emerged into the sunlight, a sour expression plastered on her bi-color face.  She didn't meet any cat's gaze as she bent her head with a disgusted sniff to choke down the traveling herbs, their bitter tang lingering on her tongue.  When she had finished, she plopped down onto her haunches and shot the deputy a challenging glare.  "This is dumb, you know.  Touching some shiny stone isn't going to suddenly make StarClan real, or let dead cats speak to us.  All of the herbs and energy we spend on a pointless task, I have much better things that I could be doing!"

Poplartooth's mood was actually lighter than usual. Well, that is, until he heard Fernpaw's little remark. His muzzle twisted into a frown as he narrowed his eyes at the apprentice and met her glare with just as much intensity in his green eyes.
"And I have much better things I could be doing," He mockingly imitated the she-cat, "Like assigning you tick duty until you learn some respect. Would you rather be doing that? Because that's always another option. It's apprentices like you that make me feel sorry for the next generation."
With a curt lash of his tail, the fluffy tom turned around, back facing the two apprentices, and headed out of camp without another word. Silentpaw hadn't done anything wrong, but he honestly didn't care, at this point. As much as he wanted to continuously shoot Fernpaw quick glares throughout the entire journey, Poplartooth kept his eyes ahead as he made his way around trees and through SkyClan's familiar territory.

The fluffy deputy was still frustrated with Fernpaw as they approached Highstones, and that was the only time he glanced back at the two apprentices. Glad that he, Silentpaw, and Fernpaw had made it on time, Poplartooth paused right outside of Mothermouth and faced the two younger cats.
"Now, when you go inside, stay right behind me, or whoever's in front of you. It's pitch black in there, so don't rely on your eyesight. The Moonstone cave is a sacred place, so we aren't allowed to speak. It's the respectful thing to do."
Upon saying the word 'respectful', Poplartooth shot Fernpaw a quick glare.
"Press your nose against the Moonstone, and StarClan will greet you in your dreams. Don't waste your time staring at it with eyes as wide as owls."

With that, the tom headed into the darkness of Mothermouth with the two apprentices behind him.

He had gotten used to making his way through the dark tunnels, and he had gotten used to seeing the Moonstone. Once they were in the main cave, the fluffy tom glanced back at Fernpaw and Silentpaw to let them know that it was alright to touch the stone. All he had to do, now, was wait for them. He settled down toward the wall of the cave and stared intently at the glowing stone and the apprentices beside it.

Silentpaw looked over at Fernpaw with a gentle gaze. He then stepped forward and settled down in front of the cold stone. He then pressed his nose against it, soon drifting into sleep.

The large white and gray tom awoke in a peaceful field with fireflies flying about. He sighed and sat down. He wondered if Starclan would appear to Fernpaw despite her beliefs that they didn't exist. He did believe in his starry ancestors but he wouldn't object his crush's way of thinking. He sat there deep in thought, waiting for a Starclan cat to come talk to him.

A small, starry tom began to form in front of Silentpaw's eyes. His gentle amber eyes gazed over him as he greeted the apprentice. "Hello Silentpaw, my name's Littlepaw. I was an apprentice before you but not too old. Tell me what your troubles are."

Silentpaw looked down at the smaller sized tom and cocked his head to one side. "W-Well, I just don't feel lile i'll make a good warrior. I-I'm weak and s-soft. I'd be a disgrace to S-Skyclan." he spoke with a sad tone.

Littlepaw shook his head and offered the apprentice a reassuring smile. "Listen, you'll make a fine warrior. Warriors don't all have to be fighters. Skyclan needs peace-makers. Without them, all the clans would be in chaos. They think outside the box and often save bold cats from joining Starclan too soon. So don't worry. You'll be just fine." Littlepaw placed his tail on Silentpaw's shoulder and nodded. "Remember, believe in yourself and your life will piece together how you would of always wanted it to." Littlepaw said as he got up and began to disappear. He knew the apprentice would begin to stop doubting himself.

Fernpaw curled her lip in annoyance as the deputy spoke, his testy tone only infuriating her more.  She stayed silent though, only just managing to contain her anger into an internal assault.  How dare he speak to me like that, what right does he have to silence me, I was just speaking my mind!  This stupid clan...they’re all so stubborn to hold on to idiotic traditions and beliefs!  So what if it’s tradition?  It makes no sense, like this dumb journey!  I’d rather be on tick duty for the rest of my life than have to travel half-way around the world just to sleep beside some shiny stone!  Mouse-brained fools…

As they set out, Fernpaw lagged behind a bit, her paws dragging against the ground in an immature effort to fall behind and show her great disdain for what they were doing.  She mostly looked at the ground, but once in a while she glanced up at Silentpaw, who trotted ahead a bit, but the sight of Poplartooth’s hindquarters walking at the patrol’s head replenished her fury, and her gaze once again shifted to the earth below.

Finally, they broke out of the trees of SkyClan and ThunderClan territory and crossed over from Fourtrees onto the rolling moorland of WindClan.  Despite her lingering frustration, this drastic change of scenery intrigued her, and she picked up her pace a bit so that she and her fellow apprentice were walking side-by-side.  Her murky green eyes shone with wonder, as she examined clumps of blooming heather, and caught sight of rabbits and hares streaking from burrow to burrow.  Her paws itched to chase after them, but she didn’t dare break the promise all the clans upheld while traveling across this land, not so much for the honor of following tradition than for not wanting to be scolded again by the deputy.  Plus, WindClan themselves might not be too happy about such an act.

Slowly though, the fields and hills faded away, to be replaced with miles of manufactured plains, filled with tall stalks of rye and barley, which were dotted in places by Twoleg nests, the biggest of which was the Abandoned Barn, which they passed by without the chance to explore.  Fernpaw remembered vividly the stories Rippedstar had told she and her sister as kits, about the vicious rogue Bear who had taken up residence in this very barn and kidnapped clan cats to do his bidding; including her mother.  As a kit, she had been full of pride as the accounts of how her mother didn’t give in to the rogue’s evil demands and turned her back on him to fight for her home, alongside her clanmates.  She had wanted to be just like Pansyface...but after so many moons of hearing how identical they were, and how they had the same exact eyes and personality and attitude...she was kind of over it.  She simply watched as the barn passed out of view, before turning her face forward to continue the rest of their journey.

After crossing a Thunderpath or two, padding across grass sticky from the Thunderpath fumes, and scrambling over tumbles of rocks at the base of Highstones, they finally came to rest outside the dark entrance of a tunnel, it’s pitch-black interior both terrifying, and mystifying.  The brown and white bi-color tabby was about to sit down and have a rest, maybe groom her pelt a bit, but there was no time before Poplartooth called for them to enter, and she let out yet another annoyed huff.  The new-leaf weather was perfect, yet they had to enter this dank cave that was probably filled with muck and moisture instead…pleasant.  Groaning, she had a long stretch, before following her two clanmates over the threshold, and into the twisting tunnels beyond.

In all honesty, the caves turned out to be more intriguing than expected.  Their sides were smooth and sheer as if dug out by something other than nature, and the cold wind that brushed against her fur smelled of things she had never come across before.  The cave had huge sections one second - the roof more than three fox-lengths above her head - then narrow passages the next, where she had to squeeze her lithe body across rough stone just to move forward.  After what felt like moons of walking though, the intrigue slowly wore off, to be replaced by overwhelming boredom.  She debated speaking up, to see how much farther they had to go, but thought better of it.  After his snide remarks about ‘respect’ and such as they entered Mothermouth, Fernpaw suspected any sort of question - no matter how logical- would be taken as defiling this so-called sacred ground.  Instead, she walked in silence, occasionally feeling Silentpaw’s fluffy pelt brush against hers as they walked through narrow passageways, a surprising source of comfort.

Suddenly, from up ahead Fernpaw began to spot something...new.  Light.  Narrowing her eyes as they drew closer, she vaguely realized that they were leaving the passageways, and had entered into a large cavern, much larger than any of the former paths.  The ceiling soared high above, with only a small gap to let in a stream of moonlight, that shone down onto…woah.  The Moonstone.  Against her best interest, Fernpaw couldn’t help but be impressed by the glimmering stone that stood before them, it’s crystalline surface glowing like the moon itself, to no surprise.  It was an awe-struck atmosphere, being in the presence of this odd artifact, and for a moment Fernpaw could almost understand why the clans thought this was a gateway to StarClan.  It certainly felt like something holy, larger-than-life...but the young she-cat knew better.  In reality, it was just a rock, that had been lucky enough to be in a position to catch the moonlight in such a way that it reflected, illuminating the room in white.  She felt a haughty smirk emerge on her tabby and white face; the clans were just being as superstitious as ever.  Though it was cool, there was nothing magic about this cave at all.

Standing where she was, she watched as Silentpaw obeyed Poplartooth’s order, and lay down to sleep beside the stone.  She didn’t follow him immediately; after a few moments, she flashed a knowing glare at the deputy and stepped forward to lay beside her friend’s already sleeping form.  The stone’s glow was much more intense when you were this close, and she struggled to keep her eyes open as she nonchalantly pressed her nose against it’s cold, smooth surface.  Laying her head down on the ground, she closed her eyes, and the cold embrace of sleep overtook her.

---

The whistling of a strong breeze swept across Fernpaw’s ears, waking her from a deep slumber.  She regained consciousness but didn’t open her eyes at first, gaping her jaws in a large yawn.  “Aaah…..is it time to go home now?”  As she spoke in a sleepy voice, she finally opened her brown-flecked eyes…

And was greeted by a sight she had never expected.

She was laying on a soft patch of grass, at what looked like Fourtrees.  The only thing was...something about her vision was very strange.  The Great Oaks seemed to be flickering between two states, one of normal bark and leaf, and the other...of a pure, bright silver.  Not just the Great Oaks in fact, but everything.  The Great Rock, the ground, the sky itself!  With the speed of a hummingbird’s wings, the place flickered between the familiar reality and an odd fantasy, like the rippling effect of a pool.  It was obviously a dream, but as Fernpaw lifted herself off of the ground, it felt so real.  The soft feeling of grass beneath her feet greeted her, and she could see from all angles as she turned her head from side to side, taking in the surroundings.  Her eyes narrowed, she bent down and nipped her foreleg, and yelped in surprise as...it actually hurt.  Great SkyClan...what is this?  Taking a wary step forward in the direction of the Great Rock, she froze in shock as, when her paw touched the ground, her surroundings stopped flickering, and settled on its odd silver state, the stars in the sky glimmering brighter than could ever be imagined.  Jumping back, it once again switched, to how |she| knew Fourtrees, with its broad cushion of oak leaves nestled on the ground, and gentle breeze carrying scents of prey and sunlight.  Her eyes wide, Fernpaw remained still, not sure what would happen if she tried to run, or even walk when she heard something that made her ears prick straight up.

“Fernpaw, I’ve waited so long to see you.”

Spinning around caused the scenery to change yet again to its flickering state, as Fernpaw’s eyes sought out the source of the soft voice...but no one was there.  Overwhelmed by this odd place, fear began to grip Fernpaw, and her ears flattened against her head as she called out in a quavering voice; “H..hello?”

Out of the corner of her eye, she saw a light coming from beneath the Great Oaks, and spun around once again, switching her view to the real version of Fourtrees as she called out a bit more strongly; “D..don’t play around with me!  Show yourself!”

Silence ensued.  After a moment though, the light flashed strongly, and something began to take form within it.  Limbs, a head, a tail...before Fernpaw’s stunned eyes, a cat appeared out of the blaze and landed on the too-real grass.  The cat itself though...was not real.  It’s pelt gleamed with the sparkle of a thousand tiny stars, and she could easily see the Great Rock through its chest.  Despite that, she could still make out its pelt color - large patches of dark gray and white that mixed to make a beautiful bi-color coat - and as the cat slowly opened its eyes, she could see that they reflected a brilliant, mesmerizing, all-too-familiar murky green.  In a great rush, Fernpaw knew who it was.

“...P...Pansyface!”

At the sound of her name, the starry she-cat closed her eyes and nodded solemnly, before opening her mouth to reply, her elegant voice ringing around the whole clearing in an unnatural way.  “Yes my daughter, I am here.”

Fernpaw stood, dumbstruck.  What...what was going on?!  Mintpaw must’ve put something crazy in her traveling herbs, this couldn’t be happening!  Her mom?  She had never dreamed of her before, why now?  All of a sudden, she felt an all too familiar rush of the same unwelcome doubt she had felt after Crowstar’s death…what if the stories about the Moonstone are true?  Immediately, Fernpaw shook her head, but the vision didn’t go away.  She didn’t wake up back beside the Moonstone, she was still here in this odd flickering place...with her mother standing in front of her.

“T..this…no...this can’t be real!”  Fernpaw backed away a pace, doubt flashing in her eyes, but with the step, her surroundings changed into the silvery form that matched her mother’s pelt all too well, and she felt herself gasp.  “You..you’re dead!  This isn’t real!”

Pansyface’s green eyes narrowed, and she walked forward towards her daughter, her paws floating more than walking across the starry ground.  She didn’t speak to Fernpaw’s shock, she remained silent until she stood only a few tail-lengths away.  Then, her voice much deeper and more serious before, she hissed.  “Can’t you see what you’ve done Fernpaw?  Look.  Look around, at all of this.”  With a slow sweep of her sleek, patched tail, she observed the sporadic landscape with a calm sadness in her eyes.

“..what I’ve done? How could I have possibly caused this?!”  Fernpaw spun around, with every paw placement the setting changed, until she stopped as it settled back on the silver setting.  She noticed that, even though her surroundings flipped around in a matter of mere heartbeats, Pansyface’s starry form remained, unchanging and unwavering.  Her mother’s sad expression lingered on her, making her pelt burn with frustration...and a bit of shame.  Her voice squeaked slightly as she hissed; “I didn’t do this, make it stop!”

“I can’t do that.”  Pansyface’s voice was suddenly sharp, and her eyes flashed with a deep-set passion she couldn’t begin to describe.  “Only you can fix this Fernpaw because as long as you reject the truth that is right in front of your muzzle, you cannot see this world clearly….”  She glanced back, up at the oak trees overhead.  “...but if you can see my world at least a little...there is hope yet.”  Determination filled the StarClan cat’s eyes, and she padded even closer, gazing down at her daughter with a gaze filled to the brim with the desperate gleam of love.  

“Please Fernpaw, can’t you see?!  This...is real!  I am here like I always have been, I am real!”  Tears welled in Pansyface’s eyes as she reached out with her tail, and rested it on Fernpaw’s shoulder, making the smaller molly shiver.  She stared deep into her identical eyes, as tears began to spill from her own, and she whispered…

“Please, my daughter…believe in me!”

Fernpaw stood stock-stiff, the comforting sensation of her mother’s tail resting on her shoulder filling her body with a warmth she had never felt before, an outstanding sensation of eternal love and hope that burned deep inside the cat who stood in front of her, whom she had never been given the chance to say goodbye to...nor hello.  A strong longing began to crawl within her belly, and for the first time since she had been a very small kit, tears began to well in the proud she-cat’s eyes.  Her living heart raced, and her breath came in quick spasms that rippled through her form, making her limbs shake uncontrollably.  A lump in her throat, Fernpaw looked up at her mother through the tears that had begun to spill down her face...and revealed the truth she had tried for so long to hide.

“Mommy…how can I believe in StarClan when they’re the ones who took you away from me?”

With a distressed snuffle, Fernpaw pushed forward and buried her face in her mother’s soft star-embedded fur, her whole body trembling as she let out choked sobs that had been held back for far too long.  She curled around, trying to press as much of herself against Pansyface as she could, trying to savor the warmth of a mother’s true love that she had never been able to feel.  As much as Rippedstar loved her...it wasn’t enough...it had never been enough.

Pansyface rested her chin atop her daughter’s head, closing her tear-filled eyes as she sat down and wrapped her forepaws around her daughter, who happily accepted the tight embrace.  For a long, long moment, they sat in silence that was only broken by the sounds of Fernpaw’s snuffling sobs, but soon enough those began to quell as well.  With a rasping lick across her beloved daughter’s ears, Pansyface whispered; “I regret my fate, my precious petal.  I wish every second of my eternal existence that I could still be with you and your sister, with my clanmates and family...but it was not to be….”  Finally pulling away, Pansyface separated herself from her daughter, and stood before her once again, eyes shining with endless hope.  “...but Fernpaw, that doesn’t have to be the end.  Please, please believe, and someday, I promise, we will be together forever, and we can make up for everything that we’ve lost.”  Bending her head, she pressed her nose against Fernpaw’s soft forehead, and whispered; “We can be a family again.”

Fernpaw was quiet.  The pressure of Pansyface’s nose against her forehead soothed her, but….she didn’t answer.  Instead, she stepped away, and after the very brief moment when the landscape had been still and remained in the stars, it began to flicker again.  Fernpaw stared down at the ground.  Her eyes were thoughtful...but dark, and when she raised her head again her tear-stained face burned with more anger than she had ever felt before.  Yet...her voice was sad.  

“...if the stars wanted us to be a family….then why did they take you from us in the first place?”  Her face contorting into an expression of pure rage, she yowled;  “So what if they promise us a future?!  They didn’t promise us a past, they didn’t promise us happiness!!”  The tears had begun to fall again, against her control.  “Do you know how alone I’ve felt mom?!  My whole life they’ve told me that I’m just like you, but it doesn’t matter!  I’m not you! You’re gone...a..and I can’t bring you back!  Never!”

Fernpaw backed away, and the world began to quiver even more fiercely.  “I’ve been broken my whole life, and I tried to fix it by rejecting the thing that took you away from me, but it didn’t work!  Everyone just brushed me off as odd, I’m still sad, and...and now, Mintpaw is gone too!  She..I rejected her...she doesn’t understand!  No one understands mom, you don’t understand!!”  Her claws sank into the flickering earth as she lashed her tail, gazing up at Pansyface with a sudden expression of immense disdain.  “Y..you’re just like everybody else!  Making promises to me that things would get better if I just believe, but they never did!  And they never will!”  Pansyface, wearing an expression of pure horror reached out a desperate paw, but Fernpaw backed out of reach.  “I don’t believe in you mom, not you, not StarClan, not anyone!  You can’t change the past no matter how hard you try, and you can’t make up for it either!”

Suddenly, a cold wind seemed to sweep over Fernpaw, and her gaze became piercing and vicious.  “Thank you for the nice dream mother, but it’s time for me to go back to reality.”

With that, Fernpaw whipped around and ran off into the trees beyond.

---

With a gasp, Fernpaw awoke beside the Moonstone, her body stiff with cold that had been leached from the stony ground.  The crystal had grown dim, and she could see the faint gleam of the rising sun begin to filter into the cave.  Sitting up, Fernpaw didn’t speak, but her face was twisted into an expression that needed no words.  Trotting over to Poplartooth, she sniffed pointedly, and let out a low hiss.  “Boring, just like I knew it would be.  Can we go home now?”

---

Fourtrees was stable again, no longer flickering, the silver boughs and branches glimmering with peaceful starlight, but the sobbing she-cat who lay curled on the ground below could not be comforted.  For a mother who had lost her beloved kit not once, but twice, there were no words.