Put all your Faults to Bed [Closed]

She didn't what she was doing wrong.

Tawnypaw flicked her tail around her paws as she stared into the river, quietly enjoying its calm gurgle and slow movements. New-leaf was coming, and warmth was beginning to come to the Clans, but the river was still cold. Still, she really didn't mind. The brown and gray speckled she-cat dipped her paws into the water, allowing the cold to creep up her forearm and numb the dull ache in her chest. She closed her eyes, allowing the tranquil environment to whisk her away for a moment; allowing the silence to whisk her away from the reason she came here in the first place.

Torrentpaw was more than distant than ever, and it worried her.

She had seen him hanging out with this other she-cat more and more, and whenever she tried to ask him about it, he'd get all flustered and yell at her. This would lead to more fights between them. Why couldn't he understand that..that she was scared to lose him? "Just like we lost mom...and Sparrowkit," Tawnypaw clenched her jaw shut and swatted at the river, letting out a small cry of pure anguish.

She just didn't want to lose him. Why couldn't he see that?

"Tawnypaw? Is everything alright?" Nutfur had heard Tawnypaw's quiet cry, and immediately padded towards it. So what if she was leaving her patrol with Spotfur? Her mate was smart enough to realize what was goin on. If she was lucky he might even help her out. She found her adopted daughter paw-deep in the river, a frustrated expression strewn across her face. Worry filled the chestnut colored warrior. Maybe she hadn't been the best at being a fill-in mother. Neither her or Torrentpaw were as close to her as Racoonkit was. Perhaps helping her out was just the thing to bring them closer.

Spotfur had been hunting with Nutfur when he heard a quiet cry. It was Tawnypaw. He rushed towards her, heart thumping in hopes that she was all right. "Are you hurt?" He asked. She didn't look hurt. Maybe something had happened.

"Oh Tawnypaw," Nutfur sighed, "We aren't just going to leave. I'm sorry that we haven't been that close to you, but we do care. Nobody is fine on their own. I know that more than anyone. And we aren't the only ones who care about you. I am very, very, sorry that you lost your family, and I know that nothing will fix that. But you have us, and Torrentpaw. I know it's my fault that I haven't payed enough attention to you, and I do apologize, but you can't give up on having friends and family. So please, tell me what's wrong." Those words wouldn't fix everything, but they could possibly help.

Soptfur frowned. "Nutfur is right. I thought I should be alone when I was your age, but it turned out that I needed family and friends. That was a hard time for me, and I'm sure it's hard for you too. I really am sorry we haven't been close, you've just seemed so independent. But that's what living in a Clan is all about. You don't have to be alone." At the mention of the dead cats, he shivered. "Starclan's will is one that no living cat knows. Starclan took my best friend's mate away. They took four of my siblings. But we have to live on. Live the life Sparrowkit never could."

The young she-cat choked on her own sob as she forced herself to nod, crumpling to the floor in a pathetic heap and curling into a tight ball instinctively. "I ju-just d-don't know wh-what I'm d-doing wrong! Wh-why can't he u-understand that I-I care so mu-much about him!? Why c-can't he understand th-that I love him so much!" Tawnypaw whimpered as she shut her eyes tightly, hiding her face in her tail as a pathetic feeling washed over her.

She allowed the words to sink in for a moment, biting her tongue to stifle her cries so she could think. "Nobody is fine on their own. You have us, and Torrentpaw. You don't have to be alone. Live the life Sparrowkit never could." Tawnypaw sniffled, trying to heave herself up off the ground but dropping right back down to the earth. Her legs were shaking and felt like jelly. She growled to herself and tried getting up again, and again, each time her legs splaying out in all directions and letting her collapse right back down to the ground. 

Clearly agitated, she allowed herself to lay there, losing all determination. The she-cat rolled on her side and closed her eyes as she tried to regain her composure, bottling up her tears and swallowing at the lump in her throat. "Pull yourself together, Tawny. You're acting worse than a stubborn kit throwing a tantrum."

Finally, the young she-cat moved to stand up. Though her legs wobbled and threatened to give out, she kept standing, stumbling over to her makeshift parents and allowing herself to lean on Nutfur, burying her face in her shoulder as tears threatened to come back. She took in a deep breath and began to speak in a weak, shaky voice, "My brother...To-Torrentpaw..he's been spending less and less time with me and mm-ore with some other she-cat. W-We..we rarely speak anymore, unless it's a fight about me always clinging to his p-pelt. I-I'm afraid th-that I might lose him, that I-I'll be replaced and he wo-won't care about me anymore..I-I won't be special. He always l-looked up to me and I don't.." She looked up at the brown she-cat with wide eyes, tears once again streaking down her face,

"I-I don't want to lose him."

"You aren't doing anything wrong," Nutfur began gently, but stopped when Tawnypaw started to act like she was having a seizure. Who was "he" that was making her this upset? Was it a tom she liked? Patiently, she waited for the she-cat to get back up, and was surprised that it came with her adopted daughter leaning on her for comfort and support. She gently nuzzled the top of her head, listening to what the apprentice was saying. Oh, so Torrentpaw was the tom. And she was scared that he wouldn't love her anymore. Though she never had siblings, she could tell this couldn't be true. She glanced at Spotfur before speaking. "I'm sure that Torrentpaw won't stop loving you just because of another she-cat. I never had siblings, but I know he must feel the same way about you as you do with him, even if he doesn't show it."

Spotfur blinked. "I never felt like I was losing my siblings to she-cats, but I know that in his own due time, Torrentpaw will realize how much he misses you. I understand not wanting to lose your family, I thought I had lost my own to blind loyalty." He walked up to Tawnypaw, ready to help support her. This had to be hard. "Perhaps we can talk to him. Try to help him understand."

She felt naive, but she didn't care. She had kept it in for so long, that letting some of it out was a relief. Tawnypaw nodded her head slowly, speaking through her adoptive mother's fur, "You're probably right. I just..I-I just worry so much about him..I'm scared that one day he m-might leave c-camp and...ne-never come back. Maybe I sh-should talk to him, tell him how I feel."


The young she-cat finally pulled her face away and sniffled, a look of gratitude on her face. "I-I forgot how good it felt t-to just...cry sometimes. I feel much better now, thank you. I don't know wh-what I would've done without you," She hesitated, wanting to refer to them as "Mother" and "Father" but..still not ready to accept those terms. Tawnypaw offered a small smile instead, deciding on taking small steps towards the right direction.