»Holy« (Closed)

(occ: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rfrFT_3GP4A)

It had only been a short matter of days after Crowstar's death, a matter of weeks after she had watched him 'loose a life' on the Thuderpath...and in Fernpaw's mind, it felt as if every hour between each event was counting down in her mind.  She...she couldn't believe this...how could it possibly be true?  Maybe it wasn't true...but then, did her senses deceive her?  She remembered vividly how cold and still Crowstar's body had been, sprawled on the rough stone of the Twoleg monster's path, his eyes glassy and sightless, forever gone.  Only...he had stood up only moments later.  Heartbeats had pulsed through both of their bodies once more, and...Fernpaw couldn't believe it.  Had...had he really died, and came back to life?  That was impossible, a cat only has one life!  Her father and mother had only had one life, Silentpaw and the other apprentices only had one life...she and Mintpaw only had one life.  She knew full well the tales she had been told as a kit, of dead cats taking the form of stars in the night sky, and speaking to the medicine cats in dreams, delivering warnings and omens.  Of the blessing that all clan leaders received...of nine lives to spend in service to their clan...but how could it be real?!  Dead cats were gone forever, never to be seen or scented or touched again.  They lived on in the memories of cats who remembered them, nothing more...right?  

She hated being conflicted over this, she knew what she believed!  She would not be brainwashed like all the other clan cats had been over the moons, she was smarter than that!  She wasn't a gullible kit anymore, she would not believe these stupid lies!  Tension raging through every limb in her slender body, the brown tabby and white she-cat stalked across the camp to the entrance of the medicine cat's den, and didn't bother to peek and see if it's resident was asleep before bursting in with a furious hiss.  "Mintpaw, I need to speak to you, now!"  Though her voice reflected clearly with anger, there was a rasping edge of uncertainty in it's depths, alongside desperation.  She needed answers...but would she get the ones she wanted?

Mintpaw was numb. At first, she had tried to fight the nothingness by working tirelessly on the remains of her den, pausing only when she was about to collapse from hunger. It was easy to think of nothing when you had something to focus on, a way to distract yourself. But her den was finished, and her herb stores were almost fully replenished. Patrols were happening slowly, so few apprentices or warriors were injured and required her assistance. Mintpaw was left alone with her thoughts, unprotected against the doubts and questions that constantly flooded her mind. Every time she closed her eyes, the same scene seemed to play over and over again. Even now as she rested in her new nest, the murky twilight blanketing the interior of her den, she kept her murky green eyes wide open so she didn't have to watch helplessly over and over again.
The young apprentice, so desperate for rest yet so scared of what sleep would bring her, had nearly nodded off when Fernpaw burst into her den. The taupe she-cat leaped high into the air, her fur on end. "S-starclan, F-fernpaw!" Her voice shook more than usual as she turned towards her sister angrily, about to tell her off before noticing her sister's expression. "Fernpaw? Are you... alright?" Her voice softened, but her mind was racing. What could've happened to make her sister so... furious? The small she-cat blinked at her kin's expression, taken aback by the waves of desperation that seemed to radiate from Fernpaw. "O-Of course. W-what do you need?" Curiosity gave way to anxiety as Mintpaw hurriedly tried to clean herself up, quickly grooming her tangled fur as she waited for Fernpaw's answer.

Fernpaw watched unmoving as Mintpaw sprang up, clearly startled by her sudden appearance; but she didn't care if she had frightened her sister.  There were more important things to think about right now...and Mintpaw was just a means to obtain answers.  Her lip curled slightly as the medicine cat apprentice's casual mention of StarClan, it bothered her just as much as it always did, but she didn't have time to object.  There was no time...she needed to know...she needed to put these distracting thoughts to rest once and for all.

Her voice rasping in her throat, the bi-color tabby she-cat hissed in a low, uncertain tone; "Tell me Mintpaw.....what happened to Crowstar?  Why...why did he die forever that time, and not the other time!  When he was hit by that monster, after he pushed me off of the Thunderpath?  He died...he wasn't breathing but.....he stood up!"  Her murky green eyes blazing with a hungry fire, she took a stalking step forward to that she was less than a mouse-length from her sister, and rasped; "What made the last time any different?  He said he had many lives even though it's impossible...so why is he dead?"  Her voice was accusatory and scathing...but still with that troubled hint of desperation.  She needed answers that made sense.

Mintpaw looked up at her sister, her whiskers twitching with concern as she watched her sister's lashing tail. Could it be possible that this was beyond Crowstar's shocking death? Beyond simple questions about nine lives? The small tabby shook her head slightly, her whiskers twitching. Perhaps, but... What on earth had happened to Fernpaw? Why was she in such a state? It was a very... un-Fernpaw thing to do. The small taupe she-cat took a deep breath and sat down, her tail-tip twitching beside her."Fernpaw..."
Her dark green eyes were filled with sympathy as she regarded her sister. She was clearly just shaken by Crowstar's death- the loss of a leader could deeply shake even the strongest of cats. Fernpaw was just reacting her own way. A disturbing and rather rude way, yes, but still. She was mourning just like all of them. "T-that was Crowstar's l-last life." She mewed gently, refusing to show her concern and doing her best to appear unruffled as her sister stalked forward. "E-every leader is g-gifted nine lives, e-each from a different S-Starclan cat." She began, speaking slowly and softly. "O-on the Thunderpath... C-Crowstar only l-lost one of his lives. He must've w-woken up in Starclan, w-which is why he a-appeared to be... dead.
"E-every time a leader l-loses one of their lives, a p-part of them goes t-to the stars. W-when they lose their f-final life, t-they join the r-ranks of Starclan." The small she-cat was everything her sister was not. Calm and collected, she faced the Warrior Apprentice with a cool smile. "N-now I know t-that you're i-in mourning, b-but tell me... a-are you alright?" And just like that, she was Mintpaw again. Small, shaking, concerned little Mintpaw, watching as her older sister changed without her.

"That doesn't make any sense!!"  Her sister's words registered all too well in her mind, but she refused to think and contemplate of them, refused to wait for a moment before speaking.  This was all too much...too stupid, too naive...too idiotic!  "You're telling me, that StarClan, this supposedly 'all-mighty' clan in the sky, with control over all, who can decide a cat's fate in a heartbeat, decided to just give only leaders more than one life?!  And why nine?  If they wanted our leaders to be around to defend us, they should've given them a hundred lives!"  Her murky eyes glowed with a passionate anger that was hard to identify, but it didn't step her from sweeping a scorching glare over the piles of herbs that lay piled up in her sister's den.  Her voice high-pitched and desperate, she didn't bother to wipe off the flecks of foam that had splattered on her muzzle before she once again launched into a hiss.  "I can understand what those herbs over there do just fine, but what I don't understand Mintpaw, is why in the name of SkyClan you decide to peddle these lies!  I believe that herbs have the power to bring cats back from the brink of death, but oh, do I have news for you dear sister..."  Taking a step forward, she came to close to her sister's face that they almost touched noses.  

"StarClan. Doesn't. Exist, and anyone who actually believes that our ancestors have the power to live among the stars and speak to us, is absolutely delusional!"

Stepping back, Fernpaw stood up to her full height, and glowered down at her sister.  "You medicine cats are the root of it, running around saying that you visit the stars in your dreams, and are guided by the words of our ancestors.  Why did you let Oceanlight brainwash you Mintpaw, I thought you were smarter than that!  Because of you, and Oceanlight, and her mentor and all the mentors of the past, you've blinded the clan to it's own stupidity!  Do you have any idea how alone I feel, being the only one in this mouse-brained clan who has any grip on reality?!"  Her teeth bared in a snarl, Fernpaw seemed to loose all grip on her self-control, and with a lash of her long striped tail she let out what she had been holding in for far too long.  "I hate what you've become, and no matter how many cats tell me that I should be proud of you, I never will be!

OOC: Sorry I'm so late!
IC:
Mintpaw didn't move as Fernpaw hissed and spat. She was too shocked to do anything other than stand there, her mouth open comically. She merely froze, murky green eyes narrowed as her patched sister's voice rose. Her paws shook.
'You medicine cats are the root of it, running around saying that you visit the stars in your dreams, and are guided by the words of our ancestors-' '-You've blinded the clan to it's own stupidity-' Fernpaw's words floated around her, toxic. Only one thing stuck.
"Do you have any idea how alone I feel?!'[/i]
The short-legged apprentice lifted her lip in a snarl as her sister stood over her. She was done. She was done playing pretend. She was done waiting on the sidelines. She was done letting Fernpaw take the lead.
"You feel alone?" Her voice rose, but her usual stutter was nowhere to be found. Her voice, which usually held so much motion, only showed pure, white-hot anger.
"You think I'm delusional?" Her tail lashed the ground, her face twisted with rage. "Poor Fernpaw, always so troubled and put-upon, but so brave, just like her mother! She's above it all, and she always knows the difference between right and wrong. So smart, the poor thing." Mintpaw laughed harshly, spit flying. She was done. "And you say I'm confused one." Everything Mintpaw had ever wanted to say to the she-cat came flowing out in one big river, waves that Mintpaw hissed and spat at her sister. "I hate you. I've always hated you. You think I should look up to you, but I see what you are. You're nothing more than a sick, self-absorbed monster! Every time I even begin to succeed, you have to make it all about you!" Mintpaw drew herself to her full height, meeting her sister's burning gaze fiercely. "I don't need anything from you. Not your help, not your pride, NOTHING!" She roared, shoving her face into her sister's.
She paused for a moment, her chest heaving.
"Get out of my den, Fernpaw."

Fernpaw flinched.

"Oh, you think you're so smart Mintpaw, you don't know anything about me!"  Her lips were curled back in a snarl of pure hatred.  "I've always hated being compared to mom!  Can't you see?!  I want to be my own cat, not some shadow of a mother who wasn't even strong enough to survive the birth of her own kits!"  Her voice had risen to a furious shriek, and the fur along her spine was fluffed up aggressively.  "I'm going to be better than Pansyface because you know what?!  Someday, I'm going to get through to them!  Someday this clan is going to see the truth Mintpaw, whether they like it not!  StarClan. Isn't. Real, and anyone who peddles the lie is a fool, including our mom!  Including Rippedstar, including everyone!  Especially you!"  Extending to her full height, Fernpaw glowered down at her sister and hissed a final crushing set of words.

"You're free now, sis.  You won't have to live in my oh-so-terrible shadow anymore.  You're dead to me.  Goodbye."

With that, she furious she-cat whipped around and left the den, leaving only trembling branches in her wake.