A soft blanket of darkness covered the Thunderclan camp. Snow glowed richly from the light of the moon and the stars beyond the ancient burnt and lifeless tree branches above. Nothing whispered, nothing stirred, not even the dark tabby tom who sat in the middle of a clearing long since cleared of life. Most cats had gone to sleep by now. To chase mice in their dreams and think of happier days with clan and kin.
Except; for Marshpaw. His bright amber eyes stared at the flickering stars above. Taking in their light and breathing the cold air deep into his lungs. Snow had fallen and settled on his pelt, but he hadn't moved to dislodge it. He had simply sat there, even as Coyotefang's body was moved away. As camp continued to live on life that day, he couldn't. His muscles didn't feel like they would respond, even if he tried.
How was he supposed to feel? His own discovered purpose had been ripped away from him, again and again. His chest felt as though a badger had crushed him. The once proud shadowclan apprentice was nothing but a shadow.
"What do you want from me, Starclan?" The tom spoke, his voice broke the deafening silence around him. "Why did you bring me back here, just to rip everything away from me?" He asked though he received no answer. If he was honest with himself, he expected none. Slowly, his cold body rose from its stiff position. His observant stare heated, angry. "I fought twolegs, I fought off dogs. I returned to this forest even when the odds were against me the entire time. I find out all my relatives that I made this journey for are dead, and for WHAT!?"
"Was I supposed to stay in Shadowclan? I couldn't just leave Coyotefang. He was my blood." Tears welled in the tom's eyes and fell as he blinked. Sadness overwhelmed him, it felt like he was trapped in a box again. Alone, without his clan. His family. "...Starclan... Wolffang... I'm so sorry." Marshpaw felt his paws collapse from under him at the weight of it all. "I wasn't enough... I couldn't help him... I couldn't stop this... I let you down." He took a deep breath as his voice broke. "Am I even good enough to help Eaglekit and Owlkit? Am I supposed to?"
"I wish I knew what happened. You must have gone through so much pain to end up here." He whispered into the cold night air. His words turning to mist as he spoke them. "I'm so sorry I wasn't there for you. That I couldn't help you. If I had just stayed in camp that day... if I had just spoken to Coyotefang one more time... Maybe neither of you would have died."
The dark tabby tom looked around the camp once more. The hostile shadows loomed over the entrances to the dens. The snow glimmered like millions of fake white stars. As he stared at them, he felt his claws dig into the ground. The tom had spent his entire life believing that Starclan would protect and guide him. They would always be there, ever knowing, careful and serene. Yet as he looked at the sky, what once brought so much comfort now only chilled him to the bone.
"Starclan... are you even there?"
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Kestrelpaw ♀ Marshkit ♂
