So Big, So Small (CLOSED)

Silverfang couldn't sleep well since the day she saw how Spotpaw almost fell from the Gorge. Multiple nightmares came to her mind where she could see her son throwing himself from that waterfall and she couldn't do anything but cry desperately. The young warrior knew her son's sadness and what could happen if she didn't do anything. That's why she decided that it was time for them to talk.

Her odd eyes spotted him soon in the camp and the silvery she-cat approached him. "Spotpaw." She called so the tom would notice that she was there. "Would you like to come on a border patrol with me? I already asked the deputy and I want to talk. If that's okay with you." She added, trying to be soft and more comprehensive than her usual self. She had to be for the well-being and the future of Spotpaw.

Spotpaw's head turned towards his mother, Silverfang. He had been thinking about Wolfpaw and Heronpaw, his best friends, Sweetheart and Reedclaw and their love, and then his thoughts turned dark. The recent deaths. Rowanpaw. Darkpaw. Fawnsong. Who was next? Fawnsong had been killed by bloodthirsty Thunderclan apprentices. Darkpaw had been killed by a fox, and some cat- most likely Thunderclan- had killed Rowanpaw. A border patrol sounded good. "Yeah, sure. Where will we be going?" Silently he hoped they would patrol by Thunderclan and get into a fight, but his smarter side told him that wasn't a good idea. Thunderclan was obviously willing to kill off any cat they could to get the high end of the fight.

The she-cat smiled delightedly when her son accepted her request. "Jaystream told me to check the Sunningrocks and the Gorge and see if everything is out of normal so there is where we are going. Come on." She purred.

The warrior left the camp with her kit by her side. At first, she didn't say much. Silverfang wasn't the best to start the conversation since she wasn't exactly the most social cat. However, as a mother, she could see Spotpaw's troubled heart and she wanted to do something. As they walked through Riverclan territory, she turned her head to the apprentice. "So, how have you been, Spotpaw?" She started, truly curious about the happiness of the young tom.

Spotpaw flicked his ear in acknowledgment. "Not too well. Every time I look at Wolfpaw, I'm reminded of Da-" He was close to crying. Darkpaw was his friend. "Darkpaw," He forced out. "They were in love, and then she was killed by a fox! And then someone- most likely Thunderclan-" He added bitterly, "They killed Rowanpaw, who was only just a kit less than a moon ago, and then some bloodthirsty apprentice MURDERED Fawnsong, the fox-hearted Thunderclanners are probably training their apprentices to kill Riverclan cats!" He went from mournful to bitter to full-out angry. Then his face softened. "But... Then again, I am an uncle now. And we're getting a steady flow of kits. And Reedclaw's a warrior. So we have that to enjoy, I suppose."

Silverfang stayed quiet as she watched her son talking and changing his mood from sad to angry, from angry to understanding. Her blue and yellow eyes looked at him, at first surprised but then... proud. She was proud of Spotpaw and sad because he had to suffer so much when he didn't deserve it anymore. Yes... he was rebellious in the past. But those were his first days as an apprentice. Now... he was almost a warrior. He was stronger, more mature and clearly a loyal Riverclan tom.

When he finished, the she-cat stopped in front of him and sighed before smiling at him. "Oh, my dear Spotpaw... you've grown so much." She purred lovingly, nuzzling him. "I know you're angry and sad. Fawnsong was my younger sister... she, Rowanpaw and Darkpaw didn't deserve death. But there's nothing we can do but ask for justice when the time comes. I'm angry too... I'm sad too. I swore in front of my mother to protect my family and I failed with Fawnsong and Raccoonpaw. But I won't fail any of you anymore. I won't anywhere, Spotpaw because I'll stay by your side and with the rest of your siblings." She stepped back to look at the apprentice's eyes, "I may not like Reedclaw's decision of taking Sweetheart as his mate. I may not like the idea that he made her a Queen when he was still an apprentice. But he's my son and my family. Shadekit, though I hate to admit it, is my family too. You are going to be a great uncle, Spotpaw. Probably you are going to be better than me as a grandmother." She admitted with a sad grin forming in her mouth.

Spotpaw was surprised. Silverfang hadn't seemed like a touchy touchy cat. He looked back at her. "You mean... Fawnsong was my aunt?" He took only a moment to think about this. "I can't believe I forgot about Raccoonpaw! He's always been so quiet, it felt like he was never gone..." He shook his head to clear the dark thoughts creeping in. "Nutfur adopted a kit too. Lightkit. And then there's Wrenkit, who seems to get along with Heronpaw pretty well. And I'm not going to be better than you, Silverfang. You've had kits of your own, and as far as I know, I haven't." He couldn't help but let out a little laugh at his own comment. He wasn't planning on having kits with anyone- his only friends that were she-cats were taken. Darkpaw had been with Wolfpaw, Sweetheart already had a kit with his brother Reedclaw, and Nutfur seemed fine, plus, she was too old for him. He would find his own cat if he wanted one.

"Not yet but I'm sure you will if you follow this path. Surely you'll be a more patient than I am." She chuckled, lighten up her and his mood. Misery came to their lives this leaf-bare... but they were together. She was with him. No matter what, as his mother, he had to be there for him. She would...

And like that, the she-cat continued the patrol happier and relieved. Her son wasn't yet completely healed from his inner wounds and depression... but he was getting better. Spotpaw proved her that he wasn't a rebellious kit. He was loyal, strong and wiser. Surely, all those qualities would soon guide them to the warrior-hood. That was all she wanted for him... a life in the clan where she could leave him be happy and loved by everyone.

Soon, both of them were in the Sunningrocks. Glimpses of the last battle here, where her clan was able to beat Thunderclan and keep the territory but... at which cost? Thunderclan took vengeance of innocent cats. She couldn't know who would be the next one. Silverfang glanced at Spotpaw as she frowned. The young warrior really hoped that if there were going to be more deaths, Spotpaw and his siblings won't be the next ones on the list.

OOC: "if there were going to be more deaths, Spotpaw and his siblings won't be the next ones on the list." :| but Brightpaw IS next... I almost want to kill off Spotpaw just to destroy Silverfang, guess that goes to show how much of a monster I am... but Spot's too amazing I can't let myself let him die also short trash post

IC: Spotpaw's olive-green eyes looked at Silverfang with a questioning and almost surprised look. "Silverfang, most of the she-cats in this Clan either still think I'm a rebel or they already have kits!"

"Don't worry, my son. One day you'll meet the indicate she-cat and she will make your life happy. Just be patient. I'm sure that one day you will charm a Riverclan she-cat and she will charm you as well." She purred. Spotpaw wasn't the rebellious cat he used to be. Of course, there was a long way to travel for him but from now on, he would be part of the clan that was their homes and earn his place here. Soon, their clanmates would see how much he had changed...

"Let's check the border as we go against the current of the river, so we can arrive at the gorge before the sunset. We must check both borders and be sure that no Thunderclan or Windclan cats are coming." She mewed remembering that they were on a border patrol.

Spotpaw nodded. "Right... um. Silverfang, do you ever feel like, when somecat dies,
you could've saved them? That if you'd made a different decision, they'd still be alive? But now...
they're dead, and there's nothing anyone can do..." As he walked, he put down a scent marker occasionally.

The she-cat marked the border diligently and her attention was only distracted when her son spoke again. The warrior remained quiet, a thoughtful expression on her face. "Yes... I have felt that feeling. With my littermates... with Thistleblaze... with Fawnsong. I never had close friends except for Tigerfur so losing my family members is the worst I can feel. Death... is hard to deal. We tend to blame ourselves... we sometimes blame others. But I learned that those thoughts won't lead you to anything. Thinking about what could have happened if we did something different won't change anything. Blaming yourself for not doing something to save them won't help either. Nothing... can bring back the ones we loved. The only thing we can do is live. Live for them. What a waste it would be if we die because we felt we couldn't deal with the pain anymore. Those who left us won't like to see us dead or sad for them. So the only thing we can do is live until our last breath." She mewed in a serious and determined tone. Death had surrounded her since she was young... Silverfang had the experience of feeling the pain of losing cats she loved and cared for, so for her, it was a bit easier. But... she had to admit that it still frustrated her and anger her everytime someone died. It was painful... but you learn how to handle the pain.

OOC: good to know SOMEone's helping Spotpaw recover well also sorry this is trash I have no muse for this

IC: Spotpaw nodded. "I can't help it, though. I just... It's hard. I- I..." He couldn't find the words anymore. "We should go over to the Gorge now. We're burning daylight."

OOC: Sorry for my delays. So many topics to do -_-

IC: "It's hard, indeed. But if you're able to continue living, you'll become stronger and wiser. The pain may never fade but at least, you will learn how to live with it." The warrior added after her son spoke again.

The warrior nodded and, following the river against the current, they soon were standing in front of the Gorge. The waterfall was noisy as always but not Windclan cats seemed to be close to the border today. "Let's mark the border quickly and go. Be careful, Spotpaw. Even if we're not at the top of the Gorge, is still dangerous to fall in the water. There are stones that might injure you." Silverfang gave a dismissal flick of her tail before starting to mark the border between Riverclan and Windclan. They should finish this soon if they were lucky to not encounter any Windclan patrol.

OOC: It's okay, I don't mind at all! Also, question; can I request Spot's ceremony if he's started talking to Starclan at the Moonstone? Of course, I'd still have to finish it, but can I request the ceremony? My baby deserves his warriorship.

IC: Spotpaw nodded. "I sure hope so, or else I don't know what I'll do." This was a lie. He was fully aware of what he'd do if he snapped and couldn't take it, and so did Silverfang. He didn't like the Gorge and didn't ever want to come back after the dreary day those moons ago when he had actually considered jumping in. If it hadn't been for Brightpaw, Silverfang, and Sweetheart, he would have done it, and Silverfang would have lost 3 of her sons. All that would be left was Frostpaw, Petalpaw, and Reedclaw.