Duckpaw's Moonstone Journey

Duckpaw turned around quickly to face the StarClan cat named Willowwhisker. The she-cat's transparent pelt was dappled generously with twinkling stars, and the light from the Moonstone brightened her overall appearance. The apprentice respectfully and graciously dipped her head. She was in the presence of a StarClan cat... she didn't know what else to do. Willowwhisker was right, Duckpaw didn't know who she was, but she still knew that she needed to speak with respect and regard the starry she-cat as a higher being. The brown cat blinked a couple of times once again to fully wake herself up. She didn't want to miss anything that Willowwhisker had to say to her. This entire talk could alter her future and shape her into the warrior that she was going to be.
"O-oh, greetings, Willowwhisker," She inhaled a small breath, "I'm ready to listen to what you have to say."

Willowwhisker couldn't help but laugh when the young she-cat bowed her head."You don't have to do that." The starry she-cat sat down near Duckpaw, ready to begin their talk. "Duckpaw, I hate to tell you this, but life is hard, and you'll see this more and more as life goes on. You need to understand that you can't hide your feelings. They are important, and as you get older, if you try to bottle up your feelings, you will not be happy with the results. Emotions are what make you who you are, Duckpaw. I know this from experience." Her tone was serious, yet soft and caring. "Is anything you wanted to ask me?" She wrinkled her nose slightly. "Before you answer that question, I'm from Windclan. No, I don't hate Riverclan. Trust me, you'd be surprised at some of the questions I get asked." She chuckled softly, looking into Duckpaw's eyes.

Duckpaw stiffened, and her eyes seemed to shine with surprise. She knew that StarClan could see everything, but she hadn't been ready for Willowwhisker to speak to her about this subject. She didn't find her emotions to be important, she just saw her own feelings as a heavy burden. It would draw unnecessary attention towards herself. What if something she said defied the beliefs of another cat? What if something she thought made another cat upset? What if she ruined her own life just by exposing how she was feeling? Everything had been just fine in the past, nothing too terrible had happened. However, Duckpaw knew that she should consider the starry she-cat's words. After all, the cats in the high ranks of StarClan were far wiser than the young apprentice would ever be. Questions... Duckpaw had plenty of queries that rushed to her mind. This was a StarClan cat for goodness sake. Most of the questions she had now would never again be answered by a cat of such importance. The brown cat didn't want to burden Willowwhisker with questions, so she figured she'd settle on one.
"Well," Duckpaw began, slowly and quietly, "Yes, actually... how am I supposed to show my emotions if they're constantly negative? Sometimes, I want to tell people how I feel, but I always tell myself that nobody will be interested... and sometimes I even insult myself, and I want it to stop, but it's gotten to the point where it just naturally happens."
While speaking, the she-cat could hear that her voice was raising from polite and calm to a desperate wail. She tried to tone it down, but there was still a lost glimmer in her sharp green eyes. Then, her mind began to act up again.
Calm down, you mousebrain. This is a StarClan cat you're talking to. You're no longer a whiny kit, you're a fully grown apprentice. Now at least try to act like it. Stop making a fool of yourself. Stop being stupid. Stop trying so hard, because when you try so hard, it seems like you're not even trying at all.

As Willowwhisker listened attentively, she noticed Duckpaw's fidgety movements, which she guessed was another indication of being nervous. "That's a very good question. And I know this is going to sound very cliche, but in all honesty, it's true. No matter what your emotions are, it is for the best that someone knows. I don't care if you are depressed, lonely, or elated. You need to tell someone. No matter what you want to think, it really is important, and someone will care. Someone will always care. I care. Just take a minute to think about this conversation whenever you feel down, okay? Promise me you'll at least try? Willowwhisker didn't even know the she-cat, but she found herself thinking about her kits when speaking to Duckpaw. She had to at least try to instill some faith into her, and if this was how it would happen, then so be it. She held a pleading look in her eyes while she looked at Duckpaw, really hoping that she'd actually listen to her.

Duckpaw sucked in a small breath after the starry she-cat spoke. It probably would take a bit of time to completely alter herself, but... she was going to try. It wasn't like she wanted to be hidden, it was a chore to remain consistent with it, and Duckpaw really did want to speak to another cat about everything. She was actually kind of glad that Willowwhisker had decided to speak to her about this. The RiverClan apprentice's sharp green gaze met the pleading eyes of the deceased WindClan cat.
"I-" She began, before pausing. What if she couldn't keep her promise to Willowwhisker? Duckpaw was imperfect, so what if she messed up again?
Just nod your head and say yes, don't keep the StarClan cat waiting. Her mind shot at her, but the brown cat flicked the thoughts away. If she was going to agree, she was going to do it with a whole-heart and actual sincerity. Duckpaw earnestly nodded, "I promise, Willowwhisker, I'll try."
You're surely going to break this promise.
Duckpaw didn't show it, but she pushed back the thought once again. While Willowwhisker wasn't a RiverClan cat, Duckpaw didn't care. Even when the time came for her to wake up, she was going to remember this cat. She was going to remember the starry warrior during her warriorhood, and even during her elderhood... if she made it to that time.

Willowwhisker wasn't one hundred percent sure that Duckpaw really agreed to what she was saying. She knew they'd run out of time soon, and that Jaystream was waiting, but she had become intrigued by this cat that she had been asked to talk to. "Duckpaw, tell me what you're thinking right now. Be honest." Her transparent pelt ruffled, and she narrowed her eyes slightly. She knew that Duckpaw was listening, but was she hearing what she was saying? Willowwhisker always had a way of getting other cats to talk, so she was hoping she hadn't lost that and that Duckpaw would tell her what was going on. "You can talk to me."

Duckpaw lowered her head and stared down at her brown paws. She had never truly opened up to any other cat before, so doing so would feel awkward for her. However, the words immediately seemed to spill out of her mouth like a waterfall, emotions that she had kept bottled up were formed into words and put out into the air. Yes, it was a weird experience for the RiverClan apprentice, but it was also refreshing to finally tell someone. Anything that filled up had to be emptied somehow and sometime, right?
"I just... I feel so lost, Willowwhisker. I feel like an awful apprentice, an awful RiverClanner, and an awful cat in general. I keep telling myself that whatever I do, I do it horribly. Even when something good happens, I manage to drag myself down,"
Her mind thought back to when Duckpaw had crossed the slippery stones on the way to the Moonstone with caution. Even though she had made it across safely, without injuries, and with praise from Jaystream, she had still walked away from that river with a hidden, bitter attitude. She thought back to the time that she had been hunting a vole and missed it. No cat in the forest could ever catch every piece of prey that they went after, but Duckpaw had still decided to mentally and emotionally beat herself up for it. She was no more special than any other cat, but she put herself at such a high standard that she could barely do anything right... all she could think about was how she did everything wrong.
"It's not like any other cat is being rude to me... I'm the cat that's being rude to myself. I damage myself, I put myself at a crazy high standard that causes me to freak out whenever I do anything, and I feel like I have to be perfect at everything I do. If I make one little mistake, I'll collapse. I don't want that to be my mindset... but I've grown into it, and habits are so hard to change."

Willowwhisker listened to Duckpaw with open ears, ready to listen to every word she said.
"Duckpaw, you are not awful. honestly, you are about the most mature apprentice I've had to meet. So don't make things hard on yourself. Relax." The star-dappled she-cat perked her ears to listen once more, analyzing each phrase as it was said."No cat is perfect, Duckpaw. I need you to clear that thought from your head. You will never be perfect. Neither will Ivystar, Ashstar, Jaystream, myself, and any other cat that you can think of. If you give yourself a high standard, I understand. Just don't make it too high. If there was a perfect cat, I want you to think of what they would do to fix this situation. Then, do it. You can't go on like this. I'll be watching over you." Willowwhisker nodded as her starry pelt faded, and Duckpaw was left to awaken and go back to RiverClan camp, safe and ready to think about what they had talked about.

Duckpaw felt a small knot begin to form in her chest as Willowwhisker began to fade away. She didn't want their talk to be over, she didn't feel ready. However, she didn't call out or yell for the StarClan she-cat to come back. She just watched as Willowwhisker completely disappeared, and the scene went dark. A couple of heartbeats later, she opened her sharp green eyes to see the bright Moonstone in front of her. She glanced around, wondering if Willowwhisker had sensed her desire to continue speaking, but paused once she saw Jaystream sitting there. A small pang of disappointment stabbed her in the chest like a claw, but she decided to accept it. What the StarClan cat had told her would be something that Duckpaw would carry with her throughout her entire life. She felt her paws tingling softly as she turned around to face Jaystream.
"Hi again, Jaystream," She said, nodding stiffly, "I'm ready to go back."

The deputy opened his eyes when the voice of the apprentice finally sounded. He stood up stretching his legs and looked at the young apprentice. "Welcome back, Duckpaw. I really hope that Starclan helped you. How are you feeling?" He mewed as he walked back to the exit of the entrance, ready to go back to the camp. They still had a long travel to do but thanks to Starclan the she-cat knew about her ancestors and she talked to them before her warrior ceremony. The objective of the journey was accomplished.

OOC: You can post one more time and then the topic will end ;)

Duckpaw shrugged, "Oh, I'm feeling fi-"
Her mind instantly went back to what Willowwhisker had told her, and she quickly shook her head.
"Better..." She began, "I'm feeling way better than before."
With a small flick of her long brown tail, the RiverClan apprentice followed Jaystream over to the exit of the main cave. While she longed to stay near the Moonstone and always be near the beautiful, milky light that it cast on the walls of the cave, Duckpaw knew that she had a camp, a nest, and most importantly, a Clan to return to. She knew that her warrior ceremony would be soon due to the fact that she had spoken with a StarClan cat and the purpose of the journey was accomplished. It was time to go back to RiverClan and keep in mind everything that Willowwhisker had told her. Knowing that the starry she-cat would be watching over Duckpaw made her feel a lot better. It was going to take a bit of time for Duckpaw to fall into the custom of showing her emotions, and while what she had said to Jaystream was vague, it was true. She did feel better, way better, and she felt prepared for whatever the future was to bring.