We've Got To Talk {Closed}

Littlebrook sat up from finishing her mouse when she spotted her adopted son on the other side of camp. They needed to talk about so many things, including revisiting his punishment for attack his mother, but she was dreading it. She knew he hated her because she had lied to him, but she had done it out of love, which is what he didn't understand. It hurt her everytime she looked at him and that same love that used to be there was replaced with something else more cold. She hoped everyday that maybe, just maybe, that day would be the day that he'd forgive her, but each day passed without his forgiveness. She almost didn't blame him for being angry, but the other part of her was angry at him as well. If she hadn't cared for him at all, then why had she raised him? She didn't have to raise him and his brother. She didn't have to love them, but she did, and she didn't think there was anything that could change that. She loved those two fiery orange toms like they were her own, and it angered, but mostly hurt, her that they would think it was all a lie. What kind of cat did they take her for?

Sighing wearily, the old she-cat rose to her paws and approached Gingerstripe. "Hey, Gingerstripe. Let's take a walk, shall we?" She meowed casually, though her eyes were a mix of pain and love.

Lying in the middle of camp, looking up at the sky, seemed to be all he could do anymore- all he was good for. StarClan, but Gingerstripe missed going out on patrols, and only his ancestors knew how much he longed to get away from camp, where everyone else was going on with their normal lives, the betrayal having not affected them at all. Their lives hadn't been ruined, their worldviews hadn't been shattered... their existences didn't break the code like his. Though a fiery pit of resentment still boiled deep within him, he'd managed to get on better terms with some of his Clanmates. Of course, he still avoided Littlebrook like the plague. He couldn't stand seeing the she-cat that he'd believed to be his mother, the she-cat that he had genuinely cared for- before it had been revealed that she, along with Flamestrike and Honeydrop, had been lying to him this whole time. Had that really been a moon ago? It still stung like it was yesterday. Even after Flamestrike's passing, even after he murdered the piece of scum who had given birth to him, the pain felt fresh whenever he saw the calico she-cat. Some days, lying in camp, seeing his kits growing up, he could almost forget what had happened... he could almost pretend that his life was normal again, with Flamestrike and Littlebrook and Firestone and his mate and kits being his whole world. But then reality came crashing down every time he saw the deputy, or had to help Roaringblaze in the medicine den, or saw his brother on patrol with the same empty, shattered look in his eyes that was reflected in the warrior's own.

The ginger tabby stood up, trying to keep his claws from unsheathing, too frustrated for words. He couldn't stand being in camp anymore, not with all these cats and their ignorance and pity. Not with Littlebrook. He was considering trying to sneak out again when, speak of the devil, the she-cat who had once pretended to be his mother came padding over to him. It was easy to forget that the small, old calico was ShadowClan's deputy- she was as small as some of the apprentices... no, smaller. And yet, he had loved her. He had loved her like a mother... and then she had broken his heart, along with all the other heartless cats who had torn his life to shreds. Gingerstripe exhaled as she approached him, trying to keep the fiery rage out of his flashing emerald eyes as they met her blue ones. A walk? With her? If Littlebrook hadn't been de facto leader with Magpiestar feeling ill, the disgraced warrior would have just ignored her and walked away. But she probably had some reason to talk to him, and if he ever wanted to get out of camp again, he had to treat her with... respect. Refusing to let his hackles raise, the tom just stared with bitter dark green eyes at the she-cat as she spoke, hating her nonchalance, hating her refusal to acknowledge the pain she'd caused him, hating her position in the Clan... hating her. "Of course, Littlebrook," he responded coolly, his flicking white tail-tip the only sign of any emotion from him, besides his eyes. Someday, she would pay.... But there was no way he could attack a deputy. He would have to leave her punishment to StarClan.

Littlebrook nodded slightly, pretending that his tone of formality didn't hurt her. Turning her head so there was no chance of emotion breaking through her walls, she flicked her tail and padded out of camp. As they padded slowly through the territory silently, she went over the words she needed to say. First, she'd start out with the whole revisiting of his punishment, and then.. maybe move on to improving their relationship, though she knew that might be a stretch. Taking a deep breath, she slowed their pace even more before breaking the silence. "Gingerstripe. I assume you know what this talk is going to be about? I need to know if you have seen the wrong in your actions against Honeydrop. I know you were, no are angry, but you should have known better. It was not the place, nor the time to act as you did. You know you're better than that." She meowed seriously, her blue gaze stern. She was still his mother no matter what he thought, but in this moment she couldn't be. She was the deputy of ShadowClan, and she was speaking to a clanmate, not her son. No matter how hard it was for her to separate her motherly nature from her deputy position, she accomplished it to the best of her ability.

(my muse is so bad rn ;;

Gingerstripe followed the deputy out of camp, trying his best to stay calm and show no signs of emotion. However, it was his first time being back in the territory since the night he had sneaked out of camp to kill his mother, and the fresh air was invigorating. It was like he was an apprentice again, seeing the territory for the first time. It was so wide... so all-encompassing... the pine trees seemed to scrape the sky, and he could almost believe that ShadowClan was the biggest Clan in the forest. However, far from enjoying the beauty of the territory, the orange tabby tom was on edge, bracing himself for the moment that Littlebrook would inevitably speak. And, of course, she did. It took all of his self-control not to bristle indignantly at the motherly tone she took with him; as if she actually had the right to call herself his mother again! Keep a clear head, Gingerstripe. You blow this, and you're never getting out of camp again. Come on... you owe it to Firestone to at least try to be polite. The disgraced warrior took a deep breath before beginning to speak, carefully controlling his tone to sound impartial and respectful. "While I haven't forgiven Honeydrop for doing what she did, I have seen that what I did was wrong. That was not the time nor the place to air my grievances, and I certainly shouldn't have attacked her in front of the Clan. It wasn't... my place to give her what she deserved." He spat out his real mother's name like it was a bad taste in his mouth, but aside from that, his voice sounded very calm. He wished that he could break down and tell his m- Littlebrook- everything, like he used to as an apprentice, but he knew that he couldn't trust her anymore. Besides, if Magpiestar ever found out that he had murdered Honeydrop... the tom suppressed a shudder. If he had overreacted so horrible at a simple blow to the face, how would he react at the news that he had- justifiably- killed his own mother? Still, the tom stood there, keeping all emotion out of his dark green eyes, gaze fixed on Littlebrook's face. For a second, he had the impulse to claw her, too. But that would bring more trouble than the satisfaction it was worth.

Littlebrook listened very carefully as the fiery orange tom spoke. He sounded so.. so not like himself. He sounded too stiff and.. and formal. She didn't like it, and it worried her. She used to could tell easily when he was lying, but it was like he didn't feel anything at all. It broke her heart to know that she was partly responsible for it, but she shook it off. Now was not the time. She nodded slightly when he had finished speaking. "You've taken care of the elder's needs well, and you have respected Magpiestar's confinement of you to camp, which I am proud of, Gingerstripe. I know it wasn't easy." She meowed softly, unable to contain the small slip up of her motherly ways. She was proud of him, though, despite his mistakes. They all made mistakes. It was just a part of life. Sometimes mistakes warrant punishment, but in the end it helps you to learn. "I hope you take the lesson out of your mistake, Gingerstripe. You're a great warrior, and ShadowClan knows you're capable of more." She meowed, finishing her small spiel. "I think you're ready to return to your warrior duties. You seemed to have learned your lesson, and I'm excited to see you thrive once more as a warrior. Don't let us down." She meowed clearly, her blue gaze on his green one.

"Now that that's settled.. There's something else I think we need to talk about." She said after a pause. Oh she hoped this went well. She needed her son to know she did what she had thought was best for him and his brother. "I want to talk about what happened between your brother, father and.. and mother and I. Now I know it all went down in all the wrong ways, but who knows, maybe that was how it was supposed to happen." She sighed, shrugging her small shoulders tiredly. "I just want to reconcile, Gingerstripe. I know you don't believe me, but I do love you, and you are my son, even though not by blood. Family doesn't end with blood (hahah spn ref for ya cc;). I don't understand how you could think my love for you and your brother was some sort of joke or.. or lie. It wasn't. It isn't. Gingerstripe, you mean so much to me. You can't even fathom it. I couldn't be prouder of the warriors you and Firestone have become, and I know you feel lesser because of your origins. You are not any less of a warrior just because of your parentage." She meowed sternly, gazing into her adoptive son's eyes intently. "I am not full ShadowClan, believe it or not. My mother was a SkyClan warrior and my father was a ShadowClan warrior, yet here I am, deputy of ShadowClan." She said, her tone extremely serious. "Please don't let your heritage dictate your life. It isn't who you are, and it doesn't tell anything about you besides who your parents are, okay?" She finished, her eyes shining with tears and love and pain. She hoped he understood what she was saying, and she prayed that he took it to heart because it came from hers.

As the deputy pronounced his punishment over, Gingerstripe couldn't help but let out a sigh of relief, despite all the motherly subtext that her words implied. The happiness they brought was enough for him; he could deal with her still seeing him as her son later. One of the many heavy burdens he bore seemed to fall off his shoulders, making him that much lighter. He was free once more- free to be a full ShadowClan warrior. He vowed to spend the next day out in the territory with his family- Firestone, his mate and kits... He could finally be with them again. No more hiding in camp and sulking around for him- he could at least act like a functioning warrior, even if he wasn't completely. And he wouldn't have to be around his Clanmates, with their false sympathy and pity... He could spend the time with the few cats who truly loved him. Caught up in a vision of running around pine trees, chasing his kits and laughing, the tom almost didn't realize that Littlebrook was still there, until she started talking. He had begun to turn around and walk towards the camp, but apparently she wasn't done yet. What else did she have to say?

As the words began to flow out of his deputy's mouth, the ShadowClan warrior looked away, ear flicking in barely contained irritation. He didn't have to listen to this- he didn't want to listen to this. This was the last thing he wanted to hear right now. Her claims of love, her referring to him as her son... It was too much to bear. She seemed to genuinely think that what she had done was okay. She wanted to reconcile? He meant the world to her? As she went on about her parentage, and how it was okay to come from different origins- honestly, he couldn't care less whether or not she was full Clan- it became clear that the small calico was under the impression that he was only angry because his actual mother was an exiled, good-for-nothing rogue and that his father was dead. Well, that was certainly a part of it, but it wasn't as big as she seemed to think. He was angry because he had been betrayed. He was angry because his family had been lying to him. He was angry because his birth, his very existence, was an infraction of the highest degree to the warrior code that he had built his life off of. He was angry because his family, who he loved more than anything in the world, had been a lie! As Littlebrook finished, her blue eyes shining with pathetic tears, she looked for a few heart-stopping minutes like his real mother... Honeydrop. Just like the rogue, crying when she died, but still that look of love and hope and sadness, and it was directed at him-! And that was it for his composed mask.

Gingerstripe stood up abruptly, green eyes smoldering with fury, his orange tabby pelt standing up along his back. In a familiar, rage-filled motion, his long tail whipped from side to side behind his back. "You don't understand," he snarled, voice quiet and shaky. "You don't understand at all. Oh, boo hoo, you have half-Clan parents. Your existence breaks the code, just like mine. Join the club! But at least you knew. You were never kept in the dark. You were never lied to, day by day, raised in a family who you loved with all your heart, but who were deceiving you with every breath." All of a sudden, he was shouting in her face, eyes wild with pain and hurt and rage. "You were never humiliated in front of your entire Clan! You have no idea what it's like, and don't you dare pretend to! How dare you pretend to love me, when all I wanted to do was love you back- and you just brush off the whole betrayal like it never happened. Well, it did happen, and there's no going back from it- as much as I'd rather be the son of Littlebrook and Flamestrike, the Clan deputy and the greatest warrior, that would never happen. It was never real." The warrior's voice broke, but he continued, an intense fire in his eyes that his quiet, pained voice made all the more real. "Flamestrike is dead, Honeydrop is gone- good riddance. And you- you're as much of a traitorous liar as she is! Reality check, Littlebrook... I was never your son. I will never be your son. And as far as I'm concerned, you are not my mother." Blinking a few hot, stinging tears out of his eyes, the tom whipped around and began to stalk back to camp, feeling the pains in his heart returning again, threatening to crush him. It would not happen. He wouldn't allow it. For Firestone, for Copperfang, for his kits- he'd be strong. He may have just ruined his chances at ever truly being a full member of ShadowClan, but he couldn't forgive Littlebrook for all she'd done. He never could, and there was no way he would. No matter how much he loved and missed her, he wouldn't subject himself to any more pain... he had all the family he needed.

Littlebrook was slightly taken aback by the sudden fiery rage that took over the orange tom in front of her. Her eyes widened minimally before she composed herself, leaving her delicate features blank while blinking back her tears. She hadn't raised this tom. He was wildly out of control and spitting horrible, heart-wrenching things and it took all she had not to cuff him. This warrior. Gingerstripe. He stood there yowling about how awful of a cat she was, but she knew better. She knew she was the best cat she could be. She was kind and as fair as she could be. Then he hit her with words that made anger flare up inside her. An anger she hadn't felt since the Dark Forest took over.

"You don't understand at all. Oh, boo hoo, you have half-Clan parents. Your existence breaks the code, just like mine. Join the club! But at least you knew. You were never kept in the dark. You were never lied to, day by day, raised in a family who you loved with all your heart, but who were deceiving you with every breath."

"Oh, you think my life was all rainbows and sunshine?! Wow, how naive you are, Gingerstripe. Yes, my life is not horrible now, but you are terribly wrong about the beginning." She growled lowly. "My only family from the moment I was born was my sister, and that love didn't even last long. You know why I found out about my heritage? My mother died giving birth to me at Fourtrees, and my father couldn't hide that we were his half-clan kits, what with my mothers blood covering our fur. He, not soon after me and my sister were born, killed himself. I was ridiculed and distrusted all through my younger days for something I'd had no control over. My sister couldn't take it, so one day she just left. My only family left because cats couldn't get over what our parents had done. That was when we were apprentices. I haven't seen her since. Now, did I become angry and despise my clanmates for what they had done to me and my sister? No. I decided they weren't worth it. I grew up to be who I am today, and I'm proud of that. I didn't want you and your brother to grow up like that, and neither did your father. I have overcome many more hardships in my life than I hope you never have to. I have lived through many painful deaths. My first love being exiled and then killed for something he had done as an apprentice. Most of my kits have died. I lived through the Dark Forest take over, and many many more events." She spat, her usually gentle and warm blue eyes now hard and blazing with fury. "How dare you play the 'My life is worse than yours so I can act like a brat'. I didn't realize I had raised such a cat." She snarled, her tail lashing furiously as she raced ahead to face him again as he walked off. "You are young still and have much to learn Gingerstripe. The world doesn't owe you a thing, and it'd be best if you stopped acting like it. You are a warrior of ShadowClan and you are my son whether you like it or not. You need a reality check if you can't accept that I do understand, and that I do love you. You are not the only cat who's had a hard life, and the sooner you realize that, the better off you'll be." She finished, blue eyes narrowed as her tail lashed behind her. "At least we gave you two loving parents and an almost perfect kithood. Many cats aren't so lucky." She growled, her gaze darkening.

She was beyond furious at this point. Something had happened to the tom she had raised. Something had snapped inside him and turned him into a completely different cat. This was not the cat she had raised, and it baffled her that he could even think about speaking to her as he had. He thought his life sucked? In perspective to hers, and many others, his life had been great. Of course she understood his hurt and anger, but his little act was what angered her. He had no right to act the way he had.

Littlebrook's sob story didn't move Gingerstripe in the slightest. All he felt was rage- as all the emotions that had been bottled up inside him since the betrayal finally manifested themselves. He probably shouldn't be getting into a shouting match with the deputy, but she deserved it. It would have to happen sooner or later, but it might as well happen now. The words that she spoke only increased his fury, as she continued with her condescending, motherly voice- even though it was raised in anger. She had no right-no right to act like his mother! She had given up that space in his heart by lying to him.

"How dare you play the 'My life is worse than yours so I can act like a brat'. I didn't realize I had raised such a cat."

"This- this isn't a competition!" the orange tabby tom spat back, almost disbelieving how stupid the cat he had once admired was. "I don't care about how sad your life was, that wasn't what we were talking about! Just because you had a horrible life and my kithood was innocent and wonderful doesn't make your betrayal any less worse, so don't you pretend that it was! Yes, the world owes me nothing. You've surely taught me that, at least. I've learned to take what I want from the world, because no one will give me success! Maybe my dream of being the greatest ShadowClan warrior is no longer possible, but I can still try to escape my parents' codebreaking legacy and make something of myself. My life isn't some lesson you can teach me, it's my life!" The warrior's voice, still filled with pain and rage, sounded like his father's for a few moments. This was too much to bear.

"You may have raised me, but you know nothing about me if you think you can still treat me this way. I only submit to your authority as a deputy, not as a mother. What a fool I was when I looked up to you. I loved and admired you more than Leopardstar himself, second only to my father. Well, you gave up your right to that love by lying to me my entire life. Flamestrike is dead, as is my love and respect for him. Honeydrop may have birthed me, but I refuse to accept her as kin. To me, my 'mother' is dead as well. The she-cat that I loved as my mother is just as dead as Flamestrike is. She never existed- she was just a lie, like my entire life." Gingerstripe's dark green eyes were cold and hardened, finally clear of all the pain and confusion he was forcing himself not to feel. "You say you love me? Well, I reject that love. You were never my mother, and you never will be. I am NOT YOUR SON. If you call me son one more time-!" The tom broke off, his anger and hurt too much for him. He turned away, unable to face those blue eyes. He hated her. He hated her for what she had done to him... and still, the love he felt for the she-cat who had pretended to be his mother only increased his pain tenfold. He hated who she was, yet loved who she had pretended to be. He was in agony, a fiery, burning pain that swallowed his already broken heart. The hatred and love and rage were too much. When he finally spoke again, it was in a hoarse, pain-filled whisper that delivered the betraying she-cat an ultimatum. "Go. Leave me alone. You are no kin of mine."

OOC: Spot the Hamilton reference ;)))

Littlebrook's anger only last a few more heartbeats before it dissipated. She seemed to sag like a deflated baloon, and her once fiery blue eyes turned tired. It was no use. She wasn't getting anywhere with Gingerstripe. All she was gaining was more pain and more heartache. She took a deep, steadying breath before speaking again. "Look, Gingerstripe, I know that I have hurt you, but you must understand that it wasn't my intentions." She sighed softly, her voice surprisingly calm now. A realization had fallen upon her. "I am sorry that you feel the way that you do. I do wish that we could work through this, but this is a two way street path." She told him. No matter how much she wanted to mend their relationship, there was no way she could do it alone. Gingerstripe had to want it, too. He had to put forth the effort to mend it as well. She knew this now. There was nothing she could say to make him understand her decision, and she was done trying. It only caused her more pain.

Though his last sentence made her visibly flinch, she stayed put. Just because she wasn't going to try to fix their relationship until Gingerstripe was ready, didn't mean she didn't have those motherly instincts anymore. They didn't just go away. They were there all the time. So instead of leaving like he had asked, she sat down onto the frosty ground and wrapped her thin tail around her paws neatly. She would not leave him to seethe all alone. She would not let him think the world had abandoned him, and though she knew he wanted her to leave, a little piece of her hoped that he would be glad she stayed. She didn't speak again. The small deputy just let the deafening silence ring out between them. It was a nice contrast to the yelling that had gone on not moments before, and she closed her eyes to listen to Gingerstripes angered breathing, along with the sounds of the forest beginning to stir again. Tears pricked behind her eyelids as her mind wandered to those innocent days of his and Firestone's kithood, but she forced them back, once again focusing on the forest sounds, and her faint shivering that she attempted to stop, but it was no good.