No strings attatched (closed)

Sitting near the camp entrance, Smokepelt waited in silence. It was fairly early in the morning, and like everyday, the deputy had the task of assigning patrols. The she-cat had been calling out names for the past few minutes, but seeing that he was sitting at the edge of the crowd, his name hadn't been called yet.

Watching the small group of warriors and apprentices depart to their patrols and exit the camp, he turned his gaze back to Brindlewhisker, curious as to why he hadn't been given a patrol. 'Maybe she's just overwhelmed with everything that’d been going on with the medicine cats and her kits?' the warrior wondered to himself as he sat there with his tail wrapped around his paws. He'd just recently been given the liberty to leave the medicine cat den since his swim in the gorge, and he not having gone out of camp for the past few sunrises left him itching to get out of the crammed quarters.

"Um, Brindlewhisker? I wasn't assigned to a patrol," the husky voiced tom mewed, breaking the silence that had momentarily fallen over the camp. Twitching his whiskers, he waited for a reply from the deputy, wondering as to what was up.

The early morning air was so chilly that Brindlewhisker's breath billowed as she listed off the day's patrols, but the brisk coolness hardly bothered her at this point. It felt so nice in comparison to the blazing and sticky heat that had plagued the forest just a few moons ago. Watching the small parties either depart as needed or return to their nests to sleep away what little free time they had remaining, the Deputy gave her pelt a quick shake before padding away from the regular meeting place beneath the Tallrock. Halting in front of the Fresh-Kill pile and giving it a slow-once over, Brindlewhisker's ear merely twitched as she heard Smokepelt speak to her.

"I didn't put you on a patrol because you only just were given the clear from Featherpaw." She stated, her face drawn in a slight frown as she began to sift through the pitifully small Fresh-Kill pile. Patrols appeared to bringing in less and less as the days grew colder and shorter, and what they did manage to bring in always appeared to be scrawny and less than appetizing for the most part. Thankfully most cats in the Clan seemed less than enthusiastic to eat more than their fair share. Sitting back on her haunches with a hearty sigh, the Deputy finally drew her gaze up from the various creatures littered at her paws to gaze over at Smokepelt, "Plus I figured you needed to catch up with training Echopaw."

Smokepelt had tried to be kind when he spoke. He'd tried to not come across as angry or annoyed, but what did he get in return? Her "pity."

Though he assumed she was attempting to hide it, he could sense the annoyance in her tone as she spoke and didn't meet his gaze. Yes, he'd just gotten released from being confined in the medicine den, but he'd merely fallen into cold water, not broken his legs. By the way she'd said it, it seemed as though she was assuming he was till to weak to do anything along the lines of helping out the clan, which made his blood begin to boil. Not to mention the fact that even though he'd been stuck in camp for the past couple of sunrises, he'd found someone to train Echopaw, so it wasn't like the apprentice's training was being neglected.

Sitting where he was and watching Brindlewhisker eat, the warrior didn't know how he should react. Of course he was beginning to become furious at how she was treating him, but at the same time he was no mousebrain and knew that snapping back would only make matters worse.

Taking a deep breath and calming his racing thoughts, Smokepelt sat up a little straighter and met her eyes when she finally looked up from her meal. "I didn't think the clan could afford losing anymore hunters, seeing that the freshkill pile is looking a bit empty," he spoke calmly, looking over to the sad pile of food and then back to the deputy. "And some cat has been training Echopaw while I was recovering, so he hasn't been sitting around doing nothing. I plan to begin training with my apprentice tomorrow," the tall tom added, not letting his gaze leave his granddaughter's.

Reaching out with a forepaw, Brindlewhisker began to gently nudge all of the loosely scattered pieces of prey back towards where the fresh-kill pile traditionally sat, her ear twitching as she listened to Smokepelt speak. Her gaze occasionally flitted back and forth from the dark tom and the minuscule and tedious task at paw, but she made no move to intervene or speak up until he had finished speaking. Extending a claw, she lightly prodded a scrawny and stiff mouse back towards the now partially reassembled pile. "That's good to hear." Brindlewhisker hummed, her nonchalant tone weighted down by a cool edge of casual politeness, "It's reassuring to know that we don't have to worry about Echopaw falling behind his denmates anytime soon."

The brindled she-cat added after several heartbeats, the faintest hint of relief evident in her soft voice as she spoke about the young apprentice. At least they would have another Warrior to help out with hunting soon enough. They needed every extra set of paws they could possibly come across. Her paw continued to carefully push all of the remaining pieces of fresh-kill back into their previous resting places, although now she was fully straightened up into a upright seated position. Twisting her head around, the brindled she-cat met Smokepelt's gaze with a composed and bleak stare of her own. "But if you're certain that you can handle going out, I'm sure that I can arrange a small patrol for you."

Listening to Brindlewhisker speak, the anger inside Smokepelt was slowly building up at her stubbornness to talk to him normally or even make eye contact, but he took a deep breath and let his negative thoughts drift away. This wasn't the time to start a fight, especially when that would ruin his true intentions.

When she mentioned placing him in a patrol, the grey and white warrior looked around. The camp was practically empty, so who did she think she was going to put him with?

"Well, it seems as though no one else is really able to go on a patrol, so why don't we go on a patrol together, since we're both here doing nothing?" the tom mewed, trying to mask any hint of annoyance or snarkiness in his tone. He had to keep his cool, he kept reminding himself. 'Stay a changed cat, don't falter back to your old ways.'

"I was planning on stopping by the Medicine Cat's den to check in on Mottleheart and Featherlight," Brindlewhisker admitted, offering a slight shrug in response to Smokepelt's words, "But I suppose I can stave off that visit until later today." The thought of putting a delay in catching up with her old friend and daughter was less than pleasing in her mind, but it seemed as if her paws were tied. Biting back a disappointed sigh, she found herself rising to her paws and padding towards Smokepelt, relieved to feel some of her usual morning-related stiffness melting away with her movements. "The borders are well-covered at the moment, so we can just do a bit of hunting for now." She mewed, nodding towards the camp's entrance before starting off in that direction. Privately, she was thankful that they'd likely be doing a bit of hunting- at least then they could just enjoy each others company in silence.

The more silence, the less opportunity to bicker and bite off the other's head.

Finding himself somewhat relieved that she agreed to go on a patrol with him, Smokepelt followed behind the deputy and out of camp. Padding just a few pawsteps behind her, his mind raced as he thought of what to say. Of course, in hindsight, he didn't need to start a conversation, but for some reason, the eerie silence between the two of them made him uneasy.

Even though they were still on edge with each other; both of their own pride and ego still standing strong, Smokepelt couldn't ignore the pain in his heart at the "loss" of one of his closest family members. Yes, part of him hated to admit that he wanted to be friends with Brindlewhisker again, but the other part was just... confused. Confused on why he still had to hate her, despise even, just because she took his place as deputy. She may be a higher rank than him, but did that also not make them family anymore?

After all that had been wedged through him and his granddaughter, part of his heart still held onto the slightest of hope that they could become close again, but with her seeming as though she didn't want to make amends at all, his hope was beginning to dwindle. And he thought that he'd be the one with forgiveness issues.

Continuing to follow Brindlewhisker in silence, the older tom couldn't hold back his question for another second. "What happened to us?" he said softly, stopping in his tracks and not letting his gaze waver from the deputy, a quiet, somewhat defeated look in his eyes. It was sort of a dumb question, seeing that everything that had happened traced back to his actions, but it was the only thing he was able to muster up to say.

Steps faltering at Smokepelt's plaintive question, Brindlewhisker allowed the momentary silence to suffice as an answer.

A question that she had very much asked herself seemingly countless times throughout the passage of time. And yet, here she was, unable to provide so much as a simple answer to a deceptively simple question. Shoulders sagging under an invisible weight, her bones felt worn by the nagging flood of exhaustion that threatened to drown her. The kindling of anger deep within her gut still remained, stubbornly refusing to relent for even the briefest of moments. But why was she even angry anymore? Another simple question went unanswered. Finding herself incapable of turning to face Smokepelt, a plethora of emotions seemed to pool from deep within her.

"If I was able to answer that question," There was no longer any hostility or nonchalance in Brindlewhisker's voice, only mournful notes of resignation and despair that seemed to bleed into the stuffy air around the pair, "I don't think...this would've of gone on for half as long as it has."

Watching as her pace slowed to a half a foxlength or so in front of him, he waited for her reply. Silence engulfed the air around them and as if the world was coming down on top of him, Smokepelt's heart began to beat faster and breathing became more difficult. If her plan was to torture him with this looming presence of suspense, she'd succeeded. Perking his ears when she finally spoke, her words jabbed him like claws in his side, even though they didn't hold the same hostility as just moments ago.

She was right.

Everything that had happened, all that had gone on between them... it was his fault. He'd been a complete mousebrain and for that, he'd made other cats suffer as well as him. His pride in himself and for his clan had clouded his judgement, and while he had been playing the pity party all this time, the guilt that had been simmering deep down inside of him for so long was finally starting to come to the surface.

But they'd gone this far with what still felt like fresh wounds, so was it too late to apologize? In doing so, would it actually help their relationship? Or would Brindlewhisker simply dismiss him again, not believing his words? No... an apology couldn't simply be enough to mend old scars, it was too late for that... right?

"I"m sorry!" the husky voiced warrior blurted out in the midst of all the doubt that filled his thoughts. Surprised by his own sudden voice, he lifted his head from where it hung on his shoulders, his gaze still not wavering from his granddaughter, even it seemed as though she still refused to turn and look at him.

"I'm sorry... for what I did," Smokepelt began, looking down to his paws and trying not to choke on his words as waves of unearthed emotions began to flood his subconscious. "I was an idiot... a complete fool," he admitted, gritting his teeth at his words. He hated saying such words, and once again, his pride began to take over, but before it got the better of him, he pushed the thoughts away and lifted his head to look back up at the deputy.

"I'm sorry, for all of the pain that I've caused my mother, my family, clan, and you. I let my anger and bad judgement cloud my ability to make practical decisions, and for that, I was punished. In all this time, I've still felt like the world's been out to get me, like no one needs or wants me now that I'm just a warrior, and I was right," the warrior paused for a moment, letting his thoughts catch up to his words. "But it's because of my unacceptable actions that things became like this, and I've come to realize that I have no right to blame anyone for acting like they've been towards me. Brindlewhisker, I... I'm sorry," he choked, tears filling up his amber eyes as he stood as still as a statue, not daring to move.

Nothing was happening in the physical world that the two of them could see, but after ages of standing strong, Smokepelt's pride knelt upon the ground, and for the first time in moons, the warrior was humbled.

"I'm not asking for you to love me again, or even acknowledge me anymore than you already do, but simply that you'd be able to forgive me," he finished softly, the tears in his eyes now on the verge of spilling out onto his cheeks. The older tom hadn't spoken that many words in ages, and he didn't originally think he'd actually say so much, but in doing so, it was as if an impending weight had been lifted off his chest.

Not moving a muscle, Smokepelt waited for the deputy's reply, his breathing unsteady and his legs beginning to shake as he fought back the waves of emotions that had just now consumed him.

Flinching as though she had been physically struck by Smokepelt, Brindlewhisker remained stiffly turned away from her grandfather. Ears folding flat against her skull, her gaze remained firmly stationed upon her paws as she listened to the older tom speak. The vengeful sparks of anger seemed to dwindle sharply, draining her body of the heat that she had become so reliant upon over several moons. An inexorable sense of guilt settled deep within her churning gut, her throat tightening painfully in response. Toes shifting apprehensively in the soft earth, Brindlewhisker's mouth twisted into a soft frown. This feeling was unfamiliar and unwanted- she felt like a kit getting scolded for doing something incredibly stupid and dangerous.

"It's not entirely your fault." Brindlewhisker finally sighed, shoulders still heavily slumped, "I was..so wrapped up with trying to prove myself to be capable of handling these duties, that at some point I stopped focusing on whatever further damage and strain I was actually causing." It felt as though she had swallowed scorching stones, which plagued her throat and already fragile belly with such a burning heaviness. Tail twitching restlessly, a silence lingered between the pair as she tried to properly organize the countless thoughts that were currently raging through her whirling mind. "While it's true your actions may have started this ongoing clashing between us, I'm just as guilty as you. You're more than deserving of my forgiveness, that much is true, but I just don't know when these wounds will finally heal. Everything still need time...but perhaps now things will be better."

Having let his words hover in the air for what felt like ages to the older tom, Smokepelt perked his ears and lifted his head when the she-cat began to speak. Listening to her words, he wondered if what she said brought just as much of a sense of relief to her as it did to him. Both cats had finally lifted the weight that had been dragging them down for so long, and when she finished, a feeling as though butterflies were fluttering around his stomach sent a shiver up the warrior's spine. Letting out a sigh as if letting go of all the stress that had been building up inside of him, he gave his pelt a shake. So both of them were just as equally guilty for what had been going on, go figure.

"Perhaps," the tom mewed softly, his tail swishing back and forth with the gentle breeze that blew over the moorlands. "And like you said, it may take time, but it brings me peace knowing that we're finally on the road to healing, no matter how long it takes, instead of constant turmoil," Smokepelt added. While he was internally overjoyed at what the two of them had finally discussed, his face still held its usual stoic composure and he didn't show anything other than his usual solemness on his calm exterior.