The darkness of Mothermouth felt suffocating as Ivyfall walked deeper into it’s pits. Her every shuffling step seemed to echo against the walls, bouncing around in a disorientating manner. Or perhaps that was just her nerves that were scraping at her ears, making mountains out of molehills. It was hard to tell when every fibre in her was questioning everything, every insecurity rising up, every shred of self-hatred strengthening. Surely this wasn’t the path that was intended for her, she was a half-clan mongrel, born of two foolish deputies. She carried within her a legacy of codebreakers, judge not the kit by the sins of their parents, they were taught but the connection was undeniable.
Would she be like Duskfall? Self-righteous, preaching loyalty whilst being a traitor.
Or will she end up like Mistfeather? Weighed down by her sins, a husk of the proud warrior that she once was?
No answers existed for her. Only StarClan would know, but these days, StarClan seemed as incompetent as the rest of them. It seemed more and more like she was to face this all alone. Maybe that’s what killed Fishstar in the end, the crippling weight of the knowledge that it was just them against it all. Their lives were merely entertainment for their ancestors, they only guided them when it was convenient for their little plots.
She was afraid. That was at the core of it. To be leader meant more than just being the one to make the final call, it meant being the light in the darkness. To be the last line of defence, to protect and to serve. They would look to her for guidance, for wisdom, even though she was just another cat like them. What did she know of leading? She’d only served at Fishstar’s pleasure.
The blinding light of the Moonstone gave her pause though. Ivyfall stood frozen as it’s ethereal white light chased out all her thoughts.
This was it.
There was no turning back now.
Settling down onto her paws, she took a deep breath. Pressing her nose onto the cold rock, her eyes fluttered shut only to open wide at the sound of scuffling near her. But instead of looking upon the cold expanse of a gleaming rock, she was surrounded by glimmering dots of stars in a void of black. She wanted to get up, but her muscles burned with fire within that consumed her. It was like a pain she’d never known, as though life itself was being torn out of her. Only when it ended, a shape appeared out in the distance. A she-cat of white pelt with intense blue eyes.
‘Frostfall,’ she wanted to shout but her voice wouldn’t come to her. A thousand words were stuck in her throat as she looked up to her beautiful daughter, shimmering amongst the stars. It had been a fear of hers, that she was trapped within the Dark Forest, but it had all been for nothing. She was here.
“Mother.” The white she-cat meowed fondly, love was laced in her tone. She looked radiant as she leant down, helping Ivyfall back onto her feet.
“Frostfall, I missed you. I’m sor-”
“Mother.” Frostfall cut her off sternly, yet not cruelly. Her eyes gave away that she regretted having to do this, but she was right in stopping her. If she’d been allowed to speak freely, they would be here for moons. “That’s not what I’m here for. We’ll have other chances to reunited.”
Sighing, she closed her eyes to steady herself, swallowing all the words unsaid. They would get other chances, it was one of the few perks of being a Leader, she would see the stars in ways others could not. So she nodded in acceptance.
“With this life I give you forgiveness. Use it well, let go past transgressions, to see beyond hurts and understand others.” Frostfall’s nose touched her forehead, and slowly peace came to her. She hadn’t realised how tense she was, filled with bitterness until the warmth of forgiveness flooded her. It left her relaxed, loose-limbed as if she was a kitten reborn. No malice was within her in that moment as she tasted what it felt to just forgive and accept. She’d thought that Frostfall didn’t want to waste time babbling, but that wasn’t it. No, she has cut her off as she gave to her something greater.
“Thank you.” Ivyfall finally managed to meow out after the life swept through her. To which Frostfall meowed out a few simple words in response before joining the host of stars.
“Be happy, mother. I love you.”
“I love you too.” She breathed out as another cat descend to take Frostfall’s place. Familiar green eyes looked up at her, their soft blueish greens being identical in colour to hers. It was her sister that she’d barely known before she was snatched away from her. Heronwing.
“Heronwing, it’s been too long. I’m sorry we never found your killer.” She had to say it, it was one thing to be murdered in cold blood, but another to be left unavenged. Frostfall had given her forgiveness, but there was justice that needed to be met.
But instead of looking disappointed in anyway, the she-cat simply stated. “It’s fine, it’s too late for me anyway, Ivyfall. The warrior that killed me now walks among us.”
There was a hint of discontent in her words, which fuelled the silver she-cat to ask. “Who did it?”
“Hush, telling you would only spark your ire against their clan for a crime that no one alive committed. Instead, use this righteous anger to protect your clanmates in the future. Come closer.” She beckoned Ivyfall over with a flick of a tail before touching her nose against her sister’s forehead. “With this life, I give you justice. Use this well to judge fairly and wisely, to have conviction in your actions.”
It came in stages.
She felt the agony of injustice, the heart-wrenching feeling of knowing that the ones who wronged you would get away with it. It wasn’t just a sensation though, she could almost hear the wails of the forgotten victims, the bloodied screams of innocents killed without justice being met to their killers or abusers. It left her gasping, dry heaving at their pain. Then came a wave of hope, a stark contrast to the agony before. It gave her strength to begin to stand as the wailing retreated to be replace with a thrumming instead of her that had her blood-heating up with vigor. Ivyfall tasted the satisfaction of knowing that you’d been avenged, the joy of being remembered, and the relief of knowing that those who’d broken their code had been punished. But it was also short-lived as it veered to the bone-weariness that came with knowing that those around you couldn’t be trusted, the torn feeling of not being certain in your actions.
“I’ll try my best to be worthy of your gift, Heronwing.” That was all she could say, having felt the multi-faceted levels of justice and injustice. She didn’t know if she could be this beacon of justice, too preoccupied by her loyalty to clan over the code, but she would try. For Heronwing.
Her sister looked over at her in a knowing manner, as if she could read her internal conflict and knew that the struggle was an uphill one for her. She pressed her muzzle against her cheek comfortingly, before departing so another could take her place.
Another sister, another regret.
Wispy grey fur, white mask covering formly unseeing blue eyes. She was the last sister of hers to leave her, the one that had been her counsel and by her side for many heartbreaks, Fogheart. She looked better here, less haggard and worn down from conflict after conflict. Ivyfall was glad that she found peace, even if it wasn’t with her. “Fogheart, you look well. I see you have your eyes back here.”
“It’s nice to see what my kits look like… You look thinner than I expected.” Ivyfall laughed, it was true, she had lost a quite a bit of weight whilst Fishstar had slowly been worn down from illness and age. It was hard running a clan, and she wasn’t a Newleaf hatchling either. But of course that was the first thing that Fogheart said, she was as graceful as ever with her words.
“So what life are you here to give me, sister?” She said smartly. “Sight? Smell?”
“Don’t rush me, Ivy.” Fogheart replied in turn, huffing before she came closer to press her nose against Ivyfall’s forehead. “With this life, I give you resilience. Use this well to stand up against adversity, no matter how many times you fall down. To forge ahead and lead the way for your clanmates.”
She didn’t think of herself as being uncertain in herself, or the sort of back away from adversity. But the moment Fogheart finished, a crushing weight pulled her down into the ground, punching out the air from her lungs. Ivyfall panicked for a second, wanting to shout and pull away from this weight upon her shoulders. However a warmth bloomed in her paws, slowly spreading upwards to give her the strength to fight back. Gritting her teeth, she got back up against the weight, sighing with relief when it melted away.
“You’ll do fine, Ivy.” Ivyfall lifted her head to look over at her sister one last time, but she was already gone, her form shimmered away back into the endless sky of stars. She closed her eyes, trying to capture that last image of her sister in her mind as she waited for the next cat to appear before her.
A scent of wet ferns, moss and honey filled her nose. She knew this scent, she’d slept next to a warrior carrying this scent for moons together, hunted with her and learnt to fight with her. All before her life was tragically cut short. She didn’t need to open her eyes to know who it was.
“Vixentail.”
“Ivyfall, I never thought that you’d be leader, but it suits you.” The red she-cat commented with a twinkle in her eye. She looked so alive and young, just as she’d looked when she’d left for the river that day to meet her mate by the river. It was uncomfortable to think about the life they could have shared if Vixentail had lived through her kitting, it made the silver tabby feel guilt that she had never been their for her sister towards the end. She’d been too preoccupied with her own life, too distracted to notice what was going on beneath her nose. “That’s what I’m here for, Ivy. Don’t fret.”
Vixentail came close to her, pressing her nose against the wary deputy’s forehead before meowing solemnly. “With this life, I give you clear sight. Use this to not be distracted by the motions of life but to find out the truth in every situation.”
This time, it wasn’t a sensation.
She saw it all.
She saw all the little things she missed, the way Otterleap looked over the river at ThunderClan longingly, the way that Willowpetal seemed hesitant to name her kits fathers, the way that Shellwater seemed apologetic to Otterleap with her kits whilst being unable to meet Sleetfang’s gaze. She saw how Rainstorm returned late from late night meetings, slinking into camp unnoticed. She saw the connections that she’d ignored before, and it was confronting to say the least. Wilfully blind, that was what she was.
“I…” She didn’t know what to say, but Vixentail was quick to fill the silence as she had in life.
“No worries, Ivy. Be a good leader, and say hi to my grankits for me.” The solid red she-cat pressed herself up against Ivy’s pelt, their fur meshing together messily for the final time. There, Vixentail whispered. “And thanks for letting Sedgeclaw take our kits, they wouldn’t have been happy in RiverClan.”
As Vixentail left her, Ivyfall reflected on their clan as it was. She was right, RiverClan wouldn’t have been kind to her kits, they would have been judged, scorned. Their code called on them to care for all kits, but was it really caring for them to judge them for their parents mistakes? Was it in the best interest of the kits to exile their parents? This was what was done, but now she questioned it. Was it just?
Then another took her place, beautiful cream tabby. Ivyfall didn’t know her, but she seemed sweet and her scent was laced with the warmth that only a queen could have. She furrowed her brows as she tried to think back onto her kithood, was this someone she vaguely knew?
“You were born after I had passed. My name is Tansyfoot, I’m the mother of Halfmoon and Fallenblaze.” Her voice was sweet, Ivyfall didn’t have to know her to guess that she had been a kind cat when she’d lived. But that didn’t explain why she was here for her. “You’re wondering why I’m here, aren’t you? My mate was Whitefoot, a relative of yours through your father’s sister, yes, we all know who your real father is, Ivyfall.”
“Are you opposed to me becoming leader?” She had to voice it. It had been a source of concern for her, especially since all her siblings seemed to have avoided that contentious topic. She had thought that maybe they didn’t know, but Tansyfoot had burst that bubble.
“No. You’re part RiverClan, that makes you better then some other leaders right now.”
“What?”
“Hush, that isn’t important right now. The point is there are many things that will shape you, many things unexpected that you have no control over. A good leader needs to show restraint, and endure. Which is why, with this life, I give you patience. Use it well to be the voice of reason for RiverClan, to outwit your foes who would rush to hasty actions.” The cream tabby pressed her nose against Ivyfall’s forehead, and a slow trickle of steady calm washed her. The deputy felt rooted in the earth like the great willow that stood over their camp in watch. The world flowed on around her, but she was unfazed.
“Oh.” That was all that she could say as she awoke from the trance. But Tansyfoot took no offence, mreowing in amusement before giving the deputy, now soon to be leader a friendly nudge.
“I’m rooting for you, Ivyfall. Lead our clan to greatness.”
By this point, Ivyfall was getting used to the rhythm of things. As Tansyfoot faded away, another cat would appear to take her place, but that wasn’t what happened. Before Tansyfoot could fully retreat to blend in amongst the stars, a short calico appeared in a burst of starlight, her eyes aglow with a heat of sun.
“Move it.” The calico snapped, nudging Tansyfoot out of the way to get up in Ivyfall’s face. Her murky green eyes gazed directly into her sea greens, but there wasn’t the touch of friendliness that other cats seemed to share. No, she looked frustrated and angry as she looked down at her. For once, she felt like a kit that had crossed into the medicine den and gotten caught, it was nerve-wracking to get judged by StarClan and found short of their expectations. But that she refused to show, matching the hostile gaze with her own. “You’re bold for a half-breed that’s parading amongst RiverClan’s ancestors. If I was allowed to, I’d cast you out and name some cat that wasn’t that foxheart Duskfall’s kit.”
“What’s stopping you?” She asked defiantly.
“These yellow-bellied foxes that you call family insist that you’re loyal to RiverClan. Traitors.” She spat out the last word like they were around to hear her. Whoever this cat was, she had no shame in being brutally honest about her feelings, but she hadn’t been completely unprepared for this so she just listened. “If I find out that you betray our clan in any way, no amount of goods deeds will let you into the Starlit territories. I’ll throw you into the Dark Forest myself.”
Ivyfall simply nodded in acceptance, she figured that was fair. And also, disagree with the angry she-cat didn’t seem like a wise decision.
“With this life, I, Sparrowleaf, give you loyalty. Use it to stay true to RiverClan, and protect our interests. Don’t be swayed into foolishness, and only serve our Clan.” Unlike the gentle touching of nose to forehead that other cats gave, the former medicine cat all but slammed her head into Ivyfall’s to give her this life. It was painful, she felt like her pelt was being raked by invisible claws. There was no soft undercurrent to this, just a pure threat of the sentence she faced if she strayed from her path. The message was clear, no matter the agony, the suffering, she was to be true to her clan over all.
When she finally gained the strength to open her eyes and stand up on wobbly feet, a grey tabby came over to support her. Ivyfall gratefully took this assistance, using the tom’s bulk to stabilise herself before thanking him with a dip of her head. She didn’t know who he was, but she was glad for his more gentle company after Sparrowleaf’s inquisition.
“My name is Wailingstream, I am a warrior who lived moons before you were born. I was a rival of sorts with your father, who I knew as a jumped up warrior of ThunderClan with a bone to pick with RiverClan. You are still young, though I know you mustn’t feel it at times. And I know for a fact that you often question yourself, feel uncertain in yourself. Which is why I am here.” Standing tall, he leant in to touch his nose to her forehead before continuing. “With this life, I give you confidence. Use it to lead RiverClan without fear, to know that you were chosen by StarClan to serve your clan. You are the one that will guide them, and you will have our support. Don’t doubt yourself.”
This all was at odds with Sparrowleaf’s words, but when Wailingstream finished speaking, there was a seep of strength that coated her muscles. She felt a heat in her heart, a conviction in herself and her capabilities. Yes, she was the leader now, and StarClan had blessed her, though some seemed reluctant. The knot of fear melted away, and she felt that she knew her role now. It was comforting, and also emboldening.
“Thank you.” She said to his retreating figure, in reply he flicked his tail in a friendly gesture before passing by another cat that was approaching.
Another Medicine cat. She knew it from the scent of herbs that seemed to encircle their presence, the aroma of bitter herbs and sickly sweet honey. It took her a second to place the name to the face, but then she remembered. Wisteriasky, their medicine cat who’d been called by “StarClan” to serve all regardless of the code. She’d been all but driven out, it was surprising to see her here amongst the stars.
“I didn’t expect to see you here.” There was a wary edge in her tone as she scoped out the grey tabby in front of her. She looked well, not scraggly and thin like Dark Forest cats were, but these past few moons had taught her to not just trust her eyes.
In response, the tabby smiled knowingly as if she knew something that Ivyfall had no hope of understanding. It was a little grating to be frank. “So many moons older, but you’re still the same, Ivyfall. No faith in anything.”
“I suppose then that you’re here to give me faith?” She retorted, unimpressed.
Wisteriasky sighed like a patient Queen who’d given up explaining StarClan after the third time trying. ‘Patience, Ivyfall’, a voice eerily similar Tansyfoot’s seemed to echo through her. Like her leader before her, Ivyfall was no fan of Wisteriasky after her stunt, but she endured. Patience and forgiveness, they were the traits she’d been given. And now StarClan seemed to be testing her blessings.
“With this life, I give you faith. Use it well to follow the code to the letter, not out of just necessity, but out of true belief in StarClan. You are not just a leader of the clan, but you are StarClan’s beacon for RiverClan alongside Cloudstone. If you have no faith in us, how will others?” She tasted despair as Wisteriasky pressed her nose to her forehead. Ivyfall felt the crippling fear of not knowing what to trust, the loneliness in feeling as though all that happened was random in the world. It was harrowing, but then she saw light through her closed eyelids. There was a star in the distance that called to her, and when she imagined herself approaching it, she felt less afraid. Maybe StarClan was fallible, but really, what other option did they have? “Trust us, Ivyfall. Trust your heart.”
For a second, she felt regret in her past actions towards the former medicine cat. Only for a second. Fundamentally, she still disagreed with that she did, regardless of faith. However, when Wisteriasky came for a parting press of flanks, she didn’t stop her. Parting on friendly terms.
Now came the final life, the one she’d been most nervous for.
The last cat came out of a gleaming star with her pelt shimmering as she landed gracefully in front of her. Her eyes hauntingly all knowing, and as expected, filled with disappointment. It stung less since she’d known this would be how it would happen, but nevertheless the bite of knowing she’d disappointed a cat that she’d seen as a friend and mentor was painful. “I assume that you know now of my parentage…?”
“...” The silence spoke more volumes than any angered shouting could. It was chilling, worse than the pain of Sparrowleaf’s life.
“I was always loyal to RiverClan, regardless of my parentage. I just couldn’t tell you because I was afraid, not just for me, but for my siblings. And… I never imagined that I would actually end up here, facing you at Moonstone. I’m sorry Fishstar.” It was cathartic to say this all, but Fishstar’s lack of reply still left them in this tense limbo.
“With this life, I give you humility.” When she finally spoke, Ivyfall involuntarily flinched. “Use it well to see that you aren’t the centre of everything. Not all the world’s blessings and ills rest on your shoulders. We can’t always control the actions of others, but we can control our own actions.”
At Fishstar’s touch, she certainly felt humbled. She’d half expected to be rejected, but she wasn’t. She felt at peace, even though this life gave her tingling pains deep within. It was nothing compared to the burden she’d carried for harboring a lie for all those seasons. When the sensations faded away, she meowed hoarsely. “Thank you.”
Fishstar dipped her head in acknowledgement before continuing as if nothing was wrong. As if Ivyfall wasn’t a babbling mess beneath her. She was grateful for it, grateful that she didn’t actively acknowledge how she was trembling like a kit. “I hail you by your new name, Ivystar. Your old life is no more. You have received the nine lives of a leader, and StarClan grants you guardianship of RiverClan. Defend it well; care for our young and old; honour your ancestors and the traditions of the warrior code; life with pride and dignity.”
And with that she awoke.
