Life Comes in Waves {Closed}

Fallen leaves left ripples on the surface of the river as they drifted down from ThunderClan's deciduous forest, their dancing shades of brown and orange a beautiful sight, signifying the approaching season of leaf-fall.  Even with this sight laying right before her eyes, the petite silver she-cat didn't take her downcast eyes off of her paws, which dangled just over the edge of a small bank.  Her toes just barely touching the surface of the water, she added her own small ripples into the display; the young molly usually was captivated by sights such as this, but today she couldn't seem to drum up any sort of enthusiasm, or awe.  With a deep sigh that ruffled the thick fur around her neck, Finchstream lowered her head to rest on her forelegs, golden eyes usually so vivid reduced to a strange dull shade, perfectly reflecting her current self.

Ospreypaw used to love the river...  Her lip quivered a bit as she seemed to pull her head back into her thick fur, closing her eyes forcefully to push back the increasing moisture that threatened to escape them.  She didn't want to cry; she didn't want to be sad anymore.  She kept trying to tell herself that the tom she loved was never coming back.  Ospreypaw was dead, missing...gone.  It was time to move on, for her clan's sake just as much as her own.  Her sulking wouldn't catch any prey.  The very faint edges of a smile curved on her maw, as she meowed in an almost unintelligible tone; "I guess I'm just about as good at fighting back emotions as I am at actual fighting..."  With another defeated-sounding sigh, she returned her gaze back to her dangling paws, swaying slightly in the light breeze.

"Are you... Okay?" Otterleap knew that she wasn't okay from the way she listlessly pawed at the water, but not knowing why she was like this or whether she wanted company, there was little for him to do except offer his presence to her. The older warrior had gone through a lot too recently, knowing the pain of grief and loss.

Pulling himself out of the reeds where he'd accidentally ended up stumbling upon her, he sat just a fox leap's away from her, licking off leaf debris from his fur. His long fur tended to mat and get tangled with all this mess, and it was a good excuse to look away, for her to hide her emotions if she didn't feel like sharing. He knew all too well that sometimes company wasn't what was needed.

Letting out a small, startled gasp, Finchstream's tufted ears swiveled around abruptly as she whipped her head up from her paws, curious golden eyes glancing around for the source of the voice, which she quickly found.  Oh...it's Otterleap.  Despite her efforts, she couldn't keep her eyes from narrowing a bit, dislike fairly apparent upon her furry face.  As of late she had started to connect the older tom to her heartbroken emotions; he had been the lucky one, able to return home and reunite with his loving friends and family...a moment she would not be able to share with Ospreypaw.

Unaware of a lot of the recent drama - since she had left camp to deal with her emotions alone before the chaos had broken out - Finchstream still held quite a bit of envy towards her clanmate, believing now that he was living in a blissful daydream, happy as could be.  Looking back down to her paws after just a brief second of eye contact, the fluffy she-cat's normally kind eyes hardened as she half-hissed back bitterly; "It's nothing...at least nothing you could understand."

"Let me guess, it's Ospreypaw. I lost my daughter to the mist too, Finchstream. I thought in vain that maybe she was alive, that when I escaped that damn cave I'd come back to her. Or at least Sparkwillow, but I lost it all... There is no greater grief than losing the one you love after moons of thinking about them and telling yourself that you'd be reunited in one piece." Otterleap pawed at a rock as he spoke, he was getting caught up in his own emotions as he thought of the life he had lost. StarClan always had a reason for things, but he couldn't help feel raw inside when he thought of all that had changed. But then he remembered that it wasn't about him, he was selfish enough causing drama in the clan when so much grief still lingered. Remembering why he was here,
he meowed softly. "I'm sorry, I know it must be worse for you, not knowing what happened to him must be harder. The closure of their deaths lets me move on, but I imagine the not knowing leaves you in doubt..."

Deeply surprised, Finchstream's eyes widened as the older tom practically read her mind, whipping her head back around to face him.  "How did you..."  She cut herself off though, and listened to his mournful explanation with half-flattened ears, beginning to feel a bit ashamed for sulking around these last few days.  This tom had been through so much more than she had, in such a short amount of time...yet here he was, being kind and helpful to his clan, no matter what.  It was kind of...inspiring.  Using a front paw to clean any remnants of tears off of her fluffy face, the young she-cat pulled herself up into a sitting position, her golden eyes still locked curiously onto the bi-color tom.  He seemed to realize that he had gotten off topic, and once again tried to comfort her.  

The faint edges of a kind smile appeared on her maw as she purred quietly.  "No, I'm sorry for allowing myself to mope around and be useless; Ospreypaw loved RiverClan with his whole heart, he wanted to become a warrior more than anything.  The last thing he would want is to see anyone - me - unhappy.  It is hard, but...but loss is a part of life.  I...I can't be so sensitive all the time..."  Trailing off for a moment, it suddenly seemed as if something had gone off in her mind, and Finchstream's voice rose to a high pitch as she went on.  "I'm so sorry for being rude to you before!  I didn't mean to, I just wasn't thinking clearly."  With a sweet smile, the silver and white tabby she-cat reached out with the tip of her fluffy tail and touched Otterleap's shoulder gently, in a sympathetic gesture.  "If anyone here truly has the right to be sad, it's you; I'm so sorry about what happened to your daughters."  Removing her tail, Finchstream fell silent as she ran out of words, gazing down at the water beside her clanmate.  Her heart still hurt, but company made it feel a bit more bearable.

If there was anyone that truly understood how Finchstream felt, it was Otterleap. He felt no malice towards her, just a heart-wrenching sympathy for the pain that she showed in her shaky words and sweet gestures. There was nothing quite like what they went through, the hellish pain of loss that lingered when they knew they had to move on. He also had the complicated relationship with Shellwater that he'd ended, torn apart in grief and pain with the sting of betrayal. It all was woven into his narrative. She most likely didn't understand the layers of confusion he was in, and was grieving herself, but the way she still managed to smile softly and express sympathy, it made him have hope. And Ospreypaw's desire echoed perfectly with Snowpaw's will. "Snowpaw... She was the same. She loved RiverClan and all she wanted was to become a warrior... Oh, no worries. I know what you're going through in a sense. And thank you, I didn't want to drag down the clan's elation at everyone returning from the mist with my grief, I couldn't tell anyone else. I'm sure you felt the same. There's no harm in being sensitive."

He responded in turn by resting his tail around her, in a gesture of solidarity. "It's hard isn't it... But maybe Ospreypaw's will is right. We should live for them, be strong and find it in us to enjoy life again. I think Snowpaw and Ospreypaw would have wanted that..." Though he imagined Snowpaw wouldn't forgive him for leaving her mother, Sparkwillow would have understood. She was always funnily perceptive like that. Unconventional, that was her best trait.

Although a bit surprised at first when Otterleap wrapped his tail around her shoulders, a comforting gesture that expressed understanding of their shared grief, her tense muscles began to relax as she leaned into his embrace, looking up at the patched tom with soft golden eyes; which took a bit of work, with her petite stature her head only just about reached the level of his shoulders.  It had been a long while since she had been given physical affection like this; of all her family and friends the only one that remained after these trying times was Nutpaw, and she was usually busy finishing up her tiresome warrior training.  In fact...she hadn't realized how lonely she was until now.  Ospreypaw aside, she had always been a shy, quiet sort of cat, that easily melted into the background.  She wasn't particularly skilled...StarClan, she couldn't even fight!  The definition of a mediocre warrior.

Against her own common sense - she still wasn't aware of the fact that Otterleap had separated from Shellwater - Finchstream turned and buried her face into the tom's thick-furred shoulder, their long fur blending together in a hazy mix of brown and silver tabby.  She blinked back tears once again, but this time they were not tinged with the oppressing weight of grief; they were light and relieved, threatening to spill down onto a smiling face.  "You...you're right.  It's what they would want for us...if they saw us so sad and broken like this it would hurt them just as much as it hurts us."  After a long moment of warm, comfortable silence, the young she-cat pulled away and purred, meeting her new friend's yellowish-green gaze.  "Thank you, so much, for bothering to stop and talk to me.  I might not be the best warrior RiverClan has to offer, but I love my home more than words could say.  It's only right...that I try to live up to my warrior name, like Ospreypaw always wanted to do..."  For a moment an idea formed in her mind, but she pushed it away as quickly as it appeared.  No, it's not fair to ask that of him...I'm sure he has much better things to do...