Roaringpaw's Medicine Cat Ceremony

As Echopaw spoke, Roaringblaze felt stubbornness rise in him. He wouldn't let her make his mistakes mean nothing. But as he listened to his sister, his eyes widened at a sudden realization that she shed some light. 'We were both wrong,' the medicine cat thought, the epiphany throwing him off. Roaringblaze had been so focused on what he did wrong that he forgot that most things weren't black and white- usually there was some bad actions on both sides. It was at this moment, for the first time, that Roaringblaze truly felt grown up.

When she said she was proud of him, he began to do a strange combination of hiccuping and laughing, the strange, watery sound a strange combination that blended into the meaning of peace at last. 'She still cares, and cared all this time,' Roaringblaze finally figured out as he watched his sister look back at him with pride. Tears of joy crinkled in his eyes. Their bond hadn't died- it only went through the bend and sway of time, like all precious things do. Watching her watch him, Roaringblaze suddenly felt invincible.

"You've never changed," he stated fondly, a smile starting form on his lips that lit his entire face. "You know Echopaw, it was because of our time as kits that I decided to become a medicine cat. When I couldn't help you, I vowed to learn how by healing." His face became serious. "I know you think that this is all your fault, but if I had known how much you needed me, I would've done everything to save you. I didn't know that back then, but now I've learned that wounds aren't always physical. For you and our clan Echopaw, I'll do everything I can to heal all wounds."

Honeydrop took a deep breath and calmed her rapidly beating heart as she lay down beside the Moonstone. As the light of the moon above reached its peak over the cave, shedding a brilliant glow on the tower of crystal below, the golden she-cat finally relaxed enough to fall into an uneasy sleep. She would finally find out what happened to her first apprentice. She was both afraid and determined, ready to put her consistent worries behind. It was about time.

The scene she found when she opened her eyes was not the one she was expecting. The clearing in which she stood was hauntingly familiar. A small grassy hollow in ShadowClan territory, with clumps of herbs growing scattered across the field. Coltsfoot and horsetail. The scents of those herbs rose overpoweringly from the ground, smothering her senses, making bile rise in her throat. She took deep breaths of air, trying to keep her irrational panic under control. This place brought back bad memories, the worst she'd ever had. It was the place that she was dragged to constantly in her nightmares. This was the place where Bear and Wolffang had ambushed her moons and moons ago. Why would StarClan send her here?!

No. No, she wouldn't do this again. She would not lose control. The medicine cat straightened up, forced her claws back into their sheathes, and regulated her breathing. It was just a place. Bear was dead. Wolffang was gone. No one was here to threaten her. Besides, this was StarClan. No one would dare hurt her here... right? Casting a last, faintly contemptuous look over the clearing that held so much fear and pain for her, acting more courageous than she felt- more courageous than she was- she turned tail and started to walk away.

"Wait. Honeydrop, wait."

She froze. That voice.... Honeydrop turned around slowly, almost disbelievingly, and saw her sitting among the horsetail with a calm, slightly sorrowful smile on her face. Electric blue eyes. Fluffy gray-brown tabby fur. Tail wrapped around her paws in a familiar expression of patience and kindness. Bright stars shining through her pelt.

"Puddlepaw?" As the former medicine cat apprentice offered a nod in response, her mentor burst into tears. She had died. The sweet, caring, destined-to-heal she-cat who had been so eager to serve her Clan had died. And it was all her fault. A flood of emotions washed over her. Her voice and throat as healed as they normally were in the realms of their ancestors, Honeydrop started to sob out barely coherent sentences. "Oh StarClan! StarClan, Puddlepaw, I'm so sorry! I left you! I wasn't there for you! I wasn't there when you needed me, I left you all alone, I abandoned you-"

"Honeydrop, it wasn't your fault." The young she-cat walked up to her mentor, sashaying slowly, tail waving from side to side. Even the way she walked brought back memories. "My sister was misguided and confused, full of petty vengeance and a need to be loved and belong. When she joined Bear, the wild rogue with a gift for leadership who was determined to destroy the Clans, it was disastrous for both of them. And you got caught in the middle." As the golden dappled she-cat began to speak again, to protest, the apprentice held up a mouse-gray paw. "There was nothing you could have done, Honeydrop. Understand that. It was my time to go. I learned what I could, and I taught you some as well. Then StarClan called me home. I was never meant to be the medicine cat of ShadowClan. Oh, it hurt me too- there was nothing I wanted more to learn and to gain my name under you- but there was nothing any of us could have done."

"I'm... I'm so sorry." The medicine cat's tone was quiet and subdued, defeated as she realized that she could never have raised such a perfect apprentice to her proper place. Now she was where she belonged, in StarClan. And a part of Honeydrop's heart went with her. What was the point of being in a position of power if you couldn't save those you loved?

Puddlepaw offered her former mentor a soft smile. "I may not have been destined to be a medicine cat alongside you, but Roaringblaze certainly was. Ever since he was born, StarClan knew what his path would be. He was a cat who was only ever meant to heal rather than harm, to love rather than fight. And you were the perfect cat to teach him." Honeydrop blinked in surprise at the young she-cat's praise. From the scars on her throat to the ones on her heart, from her stutters to her forbidden sons, the golden dappled she-cat was everything but perfect. The gray-brown tabby seemed to guess what she was thinking, and nodded emphatically. "Yes, you, Honeydrop. You were the only one who could have taught him the lessons he needed to learn. I hope both of you will have a long and successful partnership. ShadowClan is lucky to have you two. You did a good job, okay? Stop beating yourself up!"

A faint smile crossed the older cat's face. This sounded like the Puddlepaw she knew. She was hesitant to speak, to leave, to have to let go of her former apprentice once and for all. She knew that to hold on to Puddlepaw would be unfair to Roaringblaze- he deserved so much better. "I'll never forget you, Puddlepaw. Never. But I will give him all the love and support he deserves." Her blue eyes bright with happiness, the apprentice in front of her nodded. But the twinkle in her gaze seemed to prod for the medicine cat to share something more. With resolve, Honeydrop spoke to the young she-cat once more, determined to do this goodbye right- the goodbye she never got to have. "I know I should never have had my sons. But I will love them like I would have loved you. Even though they might never know who their mother is, I will always be there for them. I am not ashamed of my choice. I wish I hadn't broken the code, and I will never do it again- but they don't deserve any of the blame. And neither does Flamestrike. No matter where I end up when I die- make sure they get taken to StarClan where they belong, okay?"

A huge smile broke out onto Puddlepaw's face, and the small tabby moved up to press herself against her former mentor. "I will personally welcome them when they arrive, Honeydrop. And you'll be there too. You'd better be, okay? Promise?"

The medicine cat's golden tail wrapped around the apprentice's young form, so tightly that she wondered whether she'd ever be able to let go. But she knew that she would have to. "I promise. Good... goodbye, Puddlepaw."

As she moved back, the former medicine cat apprentice laughed. "Goodbye? What do you mean, goodbye? I'll always be here, Honeydrop. Ferretshine, Nutflower and I have all been watching you. StarClan is always with you. We are always with you. Never, ever forget that." The stars in her fur became more prominent as the rest of her faded away, becoming part of the clearing's background, looking for a moment as if she'd whirled away into the night sky. The clearing began to melt away as well, slowly becoming nothing but an endless black space filled with nothing but stars. But right before Honeydrop woke up, she saw two brown she-cats sitting together, looking at her with pride- Ferretshine and Nutflower. Her mother and sister.

The medicine cat awoke, nose still pressed against the cold stone, the light of the moon starting to slide away from the entrance. She got on her feet and nudged Roaringblaze, a small smile on her face. She would keep her promise to Puddlepaw. "Come on, medicine cat of ShadowClan.... let's go back home."