Monophobia (CLOSED)

Honeydrop couldn't sleep.

No matter how she twisted and turned, no matter how many feathers she added to her bed, no matter how bright the moonlight outside the medicine den was, she was too terrified to leave her eyes closed. She knew that Bear was dead, she knew that Wolffang had disappeared, but what if the exiled warrior came back and tried to murder her? What if some other rogue came to kidnap her again? What if some disaster happened and she was left behind, alone? With every sound the medicine cat heard, whether it was the hooting of an owl, the rustling of a branch in the wind, cats stirring in the nearby warriors' den, or anything similar, her fear only grew. Her heart pounded and her breathing sped up whenever a shadow passed by her den. The she-cat let out a small shriek when a small pine branch fell down near her den, making a sound that seemed loud in the relative quiet of the night. Absolutely terrified, Honeydrop bolted up from her mussed, mossy nest and dashed outside, looking around to see what the noise had been. At discovering it had only been a branch, she gave a shaky sigh of quiet relief and padded slowly inside her den.

After the sun started to rise following the medicine cat's sleepless night, she moved over to her herb stores, noting that they were out of coltsfoot and horsetail. Those two herbs... Honeydrop winced as she realized that those two herbs that she needed were the very same she had gone to get the day of her kidnapping. No! No, I can't go there again! t she couldn't just not get the herbs. What if someone needed them? What if one of her Clanmates died because she didn't have the right herbs?! Taking a deep breath, the ShadowClan she-cat realized what she should do.

The golden dappled she-cat walked into the warriors' den, smiling slightly as she saw the flame-orange pelt of her friend illuminated by the rising sunlight. She prodded him with her uninjured paw. "F-F-Flamestrike," Honeydrop stammered quietly, blushing slightly at the ridiculousness of it, "I need to g-get some h-herbs, but I'm t-too scared to go a-a-alone... W-w-will you c-come with m-me?"

Lately his restless sleep was plagued by nightmares. What once had been memories of a long forgotten kithood had quickly dissolved into a relentless onslaught of horrific images. Every time Flamestrike closed his eyes, he could see his older brother's throat torn apart. The blood, despite being washed away, still stained his paws. Every cat in the forest was grateful for what he had done. Missing cats had been returned and the dead supposedly avenged. But the orange warrior could not shake the dreadful feeling that came along with taking a life. Even so, that was magnified to the highest degree. It had been his own kin. His flesh and blood brother that he had discovered for the first time moments before ending his life. So, it certainly did not leave him alone to sleep at not.

His eyelids blinked open as Honeydrop prodded him. To no surprise, the sleep had not been deep at all. Every moment of each nightmare was fairly close to reality. The medicine cat's interruption did not shock him away. Groggily, he propped himself up in his nest and tried to process the words that left her maw. After a brief moment of silence, it hit him. She wanted help collecting herbs. Flamestrike understood more than any cat the horrors she had gone through. He had witnessed it himself firsthand. They both had their demons to deal with. Green eyes shone with a deep understanding as he looked up to meet her gaze. Even after the entire ordeal, the fact the golden she-cat would even be willing to leave camp impressed him. While Flamestrike's haunted past lay specifically inside, Honeydrop's could be found all around. Despite their differences, he understood how hard it was.

"Of course I will come with," He meowed softly as he hauled himself to his feet. The tom allowed himself a brief moment to stretch. It hadn't been too long since the battle against Bear and his muscles still ached. Although, clan life did not allow for him to wait. Most of his wound were still constantly aggravated by the consistent need for life to carry on. Leopardstar being the new leader did not help. Flamestrike needed to prove himself all over again to Shadowclan's new leader. This would be an uphill battle, but like normal with everything, the warrior would simply have to get through it, "Let's go."

Honeydrop let out a silent sigh of relief as Flamestrike gave her an understanding smile. He must have been embarrassed by her fears, but at least he had the decency not to show it. The warrior seemed to take it in stride. Nodding gratefully at his suggestion, the medicine cat flicked her tail and they began to walk to the herb-gathering spot. As the two fell into a companionable silence, the tom's graceful stride contrasting with the she-cat's stumbling pawsteps, the golden dappled she-cat found herself slowly relaxing. Being around the flame-orange warrior made her feel safe. He was one of the three cats she trusted with her life, alongside her brother Waspstep and friend Swiftclaw. She noted with interest that thinking of the black tom no longer brought a blush to her cheeks- her crush on him seemed to have dissipated, leaving nothing but a warm friendship behind. That was good- medicine cats weren't allowed mates anyways. But if they were.... The ShadowClan she-cat glanced indiscreetly at Flamestrike, then forcibly tore her amber eyes off of his kind face, furious at herself for letting any such ideas into her head.

At one point, as they were walking, she stumbled on a root stuck deep in the marshy mud and let out a startled cry as she fell, landing flat on her face. She let out a tiny whimper of pain as her twisted paw hit the ground hard. Brown dirt covered her golden features as she got up, embarrassment warming her pelt. She shook out her medium-length fur, getting most of the mud off- and splattering some on to Flamestrike. "Oh S-StarClan!" Honeydrop gasped in horror, seeing his flame-orange pelt speckled with dark brown. "I-I'm so, s-so s-s-sorry! Here- l-let me- umm..." Her frantic stammering tapered off into silence as she realized there wasn't anything she could do, short of licking his face. No, Honeydrop, not a good idea. Blushing furiously, she stopped talking. "Um, let's k-k-keep going."

Flamestrike enjoyed the comfortable silence. He had grown accustom to it after spending so many moons of having no one care about what he had to say. It was almost impossible to picture the tom as a young, energetic kit. All of the enthusiasm he had been born with had been killed off by the disdain and lack of trust from his clan mates. While it had once frustrated the orange warrior, Flamestrike had learned to simply deal with it. The once cheerful kit had been shaped into a quiet and serious older tom. A sigh somewhat contented sigh left him as they padded along together. It had been such a long time since he had just walked the forest. And for a moment, the dark thoughts had cleared away. Despite the looming clouds of his tragic past, the warrior had managed to find a moment of peace.

He was snapped out of his thoughts as Honeydrop tripped. Instantly, the tom jumped to attention. His eyes darted over to watch her fall. Genuine worry crossed his features. In a moment, he was at her side. But once he realized she was okay, it took a bit to suppress a soft 'mrrow' of laughter. It was quickly cut off by her spraying him with specks of mud. There was no anger, only a sense of humor in his reaction. The golden medicine cat was too sweet. Flamestrike sent her an amused, yet comforting smile, "It's okay. Mud is tough sometimes." There was a bit of teasing in his voice, but it dropped away almost as soon as it was there. He wasn't as used to casual conversation as some. However, Honeydrop was one of the few Shadowclan cats he felt comfortable around. And now, after all they had been through, he needed that.

Honeydrop returned the tom's reassuring smile with a slightly embarrassed laugh of her own. She tried to shake off the occurrence as they continued on, but her pelt felt a little warmer, definitely. She was such a mouse-braine. Had all those blows to the head permanently damaged her somehow? Flamestrike was such a nice tom- she didn't know why he would hang out around her. Sympathy, maybe? You have been a little pitiful lately. The thought making her slightly uneasy, the medicine cat thrust it out if her mind as they pressed forwards, walking side by side, the only sounds being the birds singing and their paws crunching pine needles. It sounded like home.

She had almost fully relaxed, the tom's very presence calming her terrified mind, when they reached their destination. The clearing looked so peaceful and serene, but the sight of it sent chills down Honeydrop's spine. She could still smell faint traces of Bear's scent, masked slightly by the herbs. And in the middle of the place, there were scuffed-up pawprints in the mud and a neat little pile of coltsfoot and horsetail. The medicine cat's breathing sped up as the events of that horrible day flooded back over her, feeling the terror and desperation anew. She wanted to turn and run, but her paws were frozen. Instead her claws dug into the ground, rooting her in place, not letting her go an inch further. The dappled golden she-cat forced her amber eyes shut, trembling like a leaf, not wanting to look at the place anymore. She could feel the blows on her head, the paws on her throat, claws slipping off her haunches anew. She could hear Bear's growl, Wolffang's mocking sneers, the two chasing her as she tried to run. I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't... A tear leaked out of one of her tightly shut eyes. Dang it, Honeydrop, your Clanmates will need those herbs! But the ShadowClan she-cat couldn't move. She let out a small cry of fear, voice breaking in panic, but her claws wouldn't unsheathe and her eyes wouldn't open.

Honeydrop frozen. The orange warrior was stopped short behind her, narrowly avoiding crashing right into her. At first, he was a little confused at to why she had stopped. A cry left her mouth. His eyes scanned muddy clearing. There was a pile of some herbs he didn't know the name to, as well as pawmarks from a long forgotten scuffle. It was then that it hit him. This was where the golden medicine cat had been kidnapped. In his mind's eye, the tom could picture his brother and Wolffang circling her. His eyes squeezed shut for a moment as once more the image of Bear bleeding out on the ground flashed in his head. However, this time he also remembered Wolffang as a kit. His almost adoptive younger sister had taken such a dark path.

His paws felt like stone, but he managed to move up to Honeydrop's side. He pressed his pelt up against her comfortingly. Bear was gone. And Wolffang was missing, hopefully far away from clan territory. Externally, things were okay now, but the recent events had left scars on the pair. There was a brief moment where his claws dug into ground with a flash of frustration. But they slid away as he continued to find comfort in his clanmate. Honeydrop knew better than pretty much any one else in the clan what he had gone through. She had felt a similar kind of pain. While he couldn't understand her terror or the feeling of being victimized, Flamestrike had been paralyzed in a different way. Bear's murder would have as lasting as on impact on him as the kidnapping would have Honeydrop. It would be a long journey.

"They're gone now..." The silence was broken with his deep meow. He continued to stay next to her, while his eyes glazed over and he stared off into the distance. Once more, Flamestrike was lost in his thoughts. It was a moment before the mutter left him and the warrior barely registered he had said it, "I won't let anything happen to you."

Honeydrop started calming down slowly as the comforting weight of her friend pressed against her trembling body. It's okay. They're gone now. Her breathing slowed down. They can't hurt you anymore. Her tensed muscles slowly relaxed. You're safe here. Her claws slid back into their sheathes. Bear is... He's dead. Gone. She was still shaking like a leaf, but she wasn't frozen anymore. She took a deep breath, feeling the tom's presence washing over her. ....Flamestrike will protect you. The medicine cat's tear-filled eyes opened, gazing gratefully at her best friend. Then she realized what had happened and looked down, ashamed of her openly shown weakness. She had let her irrational fears get to her again. Flamestrike was probably so frustrated with her..."I-I-I'm s-s-s-sorry," the ShadowClan she-cat stammered miserably, a blush warming her tear-stained cheeks. "Th-this is m-my f-f-fault. I'm s-such a m-mouse-brain. If you want, y-you c-can l-l-l-lea-" She took a deeply, shaky breath and tried again. "Y-you can l-l-l-le-, you c-c-can l-l-l...." Honeydrop couldn't say the word. "P-please don't," she finally whispered desperately, not able to look him in the eyes. StarClan, she couldn't even speak. What was wrong with her?

OCC: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3Ez7vi-kQdM "leave me alone... leave me alone... don't leave me alone"

Her words broke through the tom's stonewall, emotionless barrier. The numbness was melted away as Honeydrop choked on the words. Flamestrike couldn't speak for a moment. Never before had he felt something as raw-ly emotional as the golden she-cat's pain. For so long, the orange warrior had kept his distance from others, both literally and metaphorically. Bear's murder had only made it worse. Moons of simply going through the motions had made him feel next to nothing. A light shudder ran through his pelt. This was real. He could feel her pain, and in that moment, also recognize his own. Flamestrike moved to close any distance between them. At that instant all he wanted was to be close to the she-cat, to share in her brokenness and to let her know she was not alone. His cheek brushed against her's gently before pulling back to lock eyes with her.

"I'm not going anywhere, Honeydrop. No matter what you say," His voice was low and husky. Long legs moved quickly to bring his orange pelt up against hers golden one once more. Flamestrike curled himself around her the best he could for it being such a brisk and rushed movement. Once he was close, he continued to brush against her softly, pressing his nose into the comforting scent of herbs that radiated from her fur. There was no more need for words. At least that was how he felt. All they needed was to be together, and to know everything was okay, at least for the moment.

Honeydrop's heart melted with the warmth and kindness of his response, brushing comfortingly against her bedraggled golden dappled pelt with his flame-orange fur. As his sincere emerald green eyes locked onto her tear-filled amber ones, the emotion in them surprised her. Flamestrike's emphatic response to her stammering plea made her breath catch in her throat. As he curled around her, she finally relaxed completely, returning his embrace with love. She felt completely safe for the first time in moons. The world around her faded into a miasma of nothingness, only blissful peace, only the two cats and their deep feelings for each other. The ShadowClan medicine cat finally smiled a real smile for the first time since Puddlepaw's disappearance, since Bear, since Wolffang. I can collect herbs some other time.

Flamestrike sighed into her fun. Any thoughts of his problems seemed to fall into the background. All that mattered at the moment was comforting her. Without even thinking about it, she was also fixing him. A strange feeling crept into his chest. There was heavy weight in his chest. Flamestrike had never felt like this about any cat before. He didn't even realize how much he cared for the sweet medicine cat until this moment. It occurred to him how incredibly awful this would be from any other cat's point of view. Falling in love with a medicine cat was strictly against the rules. However, that thought vanished into the warmth of his beloved medicine cat's embrace. They would worry about that later.

"What's on your mind?" He muttered into Honeydrop's fur. The orange tom didn't bother to move from his position. They were comfortable and finally at peace. His breathing slowed as he waited for her to speak again. For once the gruesome images were gone. For once he no longer had to constantly watch himself murder his only brother. And he did not want that moment to end any time soon.

Honeydrop breathed in the comforting scent of his flame-orange fur, content to sit there with him, unsure where she ended and he began. Her golden dappled tail entwined with his almost subconsciously. I'm a medicine cat- I can't have a mate, the rational part of her protested. Her emotional side shoved the rationalism to the side. I don't care. The ShadowClan she-cat gazed into the tom's eyes as he spoke softly. There were only three words flitting to and fro across her mind. At this point they seemed unnecessary, but what else was she to say? They may have betrayed everything in her very nature as a medicine cat, but then again, she deserved some happiness, right? "I love you," the scarred she-cat murmured quietly.

An unusual warmth crept through the flame orange tom's pelt. It wasn't what he had expected to hear. Flamestrike was ready for the she-cat to share of the pain she had been through, but instead she had confessed to having feelings for. Never before had any cat shown a spark of romantic interest in him. He had never felt that way about any cat either. This was whole new territory. However, the pounding in his chest was undeniable. Being pressed up against Honeydrop felt right. Somehow, someway, and at some point, he had managed for fall for the lovely golden she-cat without even recognizing it. Any thoughts of what a horrible idea this was washed away in the overwhelming flood of emotions.

"I love you too, Honeydrop," He whispered into her ear as he nuzzled his nose into the comforting softness of her fur.