Till death do us part [closed]

Padding along the territory, Cedarfur's head hung low and his paws drug on the dirt. His brother was dead, and he couldn't have done anything to help the old tom. He knew that everything happened with a purpose, but that didn't mean that he'd accept the fact that StarClan let Icestorm become crippled and die a slow and painful death. Letting out a hiss of annoyance, the tall tom picked up the pace which soon turned into a sprint. Huffing angrily, Cedarfur ran faster and faster until he felt as if he were to take a leap into the air he would start flying. The wind in his face, the dirt on his paws, it felt wonderful. Unfortunately, the feeling didn't last long, for the wretched feeling in his soul made him want to howl aloud in anger.

Spotting the long stump up ahead, he gave one last push of energy, and leaped onto the dead tree stump. Almost jumping over it instead of on it, he dug his claws into the bark and hoisted himself back up. Breathing heavily, he sat down and looked out onto the territory. I wish you were here brother, he thought to himself, trying to hold back the tears.

Ashstar trudged slowly along behind Cedarfur, head down, tail dragging. She hadn't eaten or groomed herself since Icestorm and Lightfoot's deaths, and she looked a terrible mess. Her spring green eyes seemed to have lost their sparkle. Her fluffy gray fur hung down, straggly. Her ears drooped inattentively down her lowered head. Just thinking of her two best friends in StarClan was enough to cover her eyes with another sheen of tears. Her only family was Cedarfur and Smokepelt, both of whom were grieving. She had left her son in charge of camp and left to compose herself- only, it wasn't working at all. The territory, the open moors, just reminded her of races as apprentices, moonlit talks and friendly walks as warriors. She couldn't take it anymore.
The grieving leader sat where she was, tears streaking her cheeks. There were two massive holes in her heart, and she felt the pain all over. She didn't know how she could cope. She let Cedarfur go ahead, tears coursing down her cheeks. She could feel the loss of their presence and support, and it left the burdens she had weighing down on her. Leader... mother... mentor.... Why, StarClan?!

OOC: Hey Icu, I had a thought. I'm going to have Ashy bab lose a life from grief, and maybe while she's coming back, Icestorm and/or Lightfoot visits her and tells her to get it together?

Cedarfur sat on the dead tree and let out a sigh. He knew life must go on, but why was it so hard to move on? Looking behind him, he wondered where Ashstar had gone and spotted her a little distance from him, looking worse than him and Smokepelt combined. In the end, he couldn't blame her sense she lost her best friend and mate, and on top of leader duties weighing her down, their deaths must have taken a tremendous toll of the she-cat. Letting out a meow to get her attention, he motioned with his tail for her to come join him.

Ashstar's ears barely flicked at the sound of Cedarfur's meow. She slowly sank down onto the ground, the knowledge of their deaths hitting her again. Her best friend. Her mate. She had to live nine lifetimes without either of them. Her worst nightmare- or part of it- had come true.... what other parts of it would? Their love, their friendship, their support- constants she had constructed her carefully balanced life off of- had disappeared utterly. The delicate spire of hope, love and happiness that had kept the gray she-cat from disabling, crippling despair had disintegrated, plunging her into darkness. Suddenly, Ashstar knew nothing left to live for.... No one.... Nobody needed her anymore, she had no love, they didn't, she didn't, she couldn't, she wouldn't, she....

And the leader, descending into irrationality accompanied by the pits of utter despair, lost her will to live.

Waiting for the leader to join him, he watched as she sunk down to the ground and immediately knew something was wrong. "Ashstar!" he yowled, jumping off the lone stump. Running as fast as his legs could carry him, he reached the she-cat and skidded to a halt. What in StarClan's name was wrong?! Nudging the leader's cheek, Cedarfur had no idea what to do and started to panic.

OOC: Ice will talk to Ash in my next post.

A starry shade of the she-cat appeared in StarClan, looking down at the prone form of her body on the moors. For a second she was happy, imagining reuniting with her mate and friend. Then it struck her that this was just one of her nine lives; that she had to go back to a world without them in minutes. Tears reappeared in her eyes, making the starry paradise swim. Then a startled gasp was wrenched out of her as she heard a voice.

Waiting for his mate, the starry tom stood on a ground of clouds. His pelt shimmered from being a substance of stars and although this new 'world' was an odd and magical place, he didn't ask questions. Next to him stood his first born, Sharppaw and the two of them waited for Ashstar. A soft smile was upon his face and it truly his broke his heart to see his mate in such a state that she lost a life over it. Walking up to the leader, there was something different about Icestorm that made him feel so relaxed and peaceful, but maybe it was just because he was in StarClan. "Ashstar, you shouldn't be here," he meowed softly, nudging the she-cat's cheek with his muzzle.

Ashstar smiled happily at seeing her mate again, touching her nose to his. The tears, a common occurrence these past days, cane again, but this time they were happy ones. She breathed in his scent and twined her tail with his. But she stopped and looked back at him when he spoke, even though she was glad to hear his voice. "W-what do you mean, Icestorm?"

Icestorm licked away a tear from Ashstar's face. "You have a life to live, a son and a clan to watch over. WindClan needs you, and you need them," the tom pointed out, looking into his mate's eyes. He understood the she-cat's pain and knew this big change must have been hard for her, but in the end, there was nothing either of them could've done to keep him and Lightfoot alive longer. "Your knowledge of life should not be limited to death," he meowed sadly.

The steady drumming of pawsteps against the ground announced the presence of a fourth cat. Lightfoot ran across the ethereal clearing, white pelt glistening in the starlight and blue eyes as perfect and blue as they day he was born. He slowed to a halt beside Icestorm and stretched his neck to give Ashstar a friendly muzzle. "Ashstar! It's a pleasure to see you." That phrase alone held more meaning to him than any other had since his death. His gentle and almost paternal tone was a big improvement from his pained rumbles back in the forest. His blue eyes were sympathetic as he realized how much pain their deaths had brought her. "Please, Ashstar, he's right. It's much too early for you to be here. Sablestar chose you to be the deputy because she knew how reliable you were, and we've always been there for you. Even if we aren't running the same moors, we're still beside you. We'll never truly be gone."

Ashstar purred to hear her friends' voices, nuzzling them back. She opened her green eyes, looking deep into both pairs of blue ones. The holes in her heart healed- at least temporarily. Their words cut deep to her core, reminding her that this was a temporary fix. "I know. I'm sorry. I, I just..." The leader took a deep, shaky breath. "Why did you have to leave?"

Icestorm looked to Lightfoot who'd appeared next to him. He was glad that even in StarClan they were still able to be friends. Looking back to Ashstar, there was sympathy in his eyes, and yet he was a bit annoyed from the fact that she thought that them leaving her was an act of selfishness. "There was nothing we could've done to stay with you," he started softly. "Apparently it was our time to go, and StarClan took us for a reason. Ashstar, this is your time to show WindClan how strong you are. I know it must be extremely hard for you to have lost both your and best friend, but pitying yourself like this won't help any cat," Icestorm knew his words might have been a bit harsh, but the she-cat needed to understand that her clan needed her, and she needed to remain strong. "I love you and always do, but I need to know that you're leading our clan with all you've got. I'll always be with you no matter what, even if I watch over you from the stars," the tom meowed softly, nudging the she-cat's cheek. It was just as hard for him to not be with her, but he'd learned to accept his fate and take the best out of it.

He nodded along with Icestorm's words. He looked almost sad. "We were suffering greatly, Ashstar. I consider it a mercy that StarClan took us. It could have been longer and more painful, but it wasn't. Sometime life's a sacrifice, and that's okay. It's the suffering of life that makes the peace of death all the more restful." The white tom looked around the clearing, remembering how it had felt to be alive and feeling grateful that it was over. Of course there were good times and good memories, both of which he would never forget, but all that was over and there was no use in lingering in the past. It was too out of his control for him to worry over. "I know you're hurting right now. But you have to be the leader you were called to be, for WindClan. There are more cats than you know that look to you for courage and guidance, and they need you far more than you need us. Your sacrifices don't go unnoticed or unrewarded."

Ashstar nodded quietly, absorbing the words. They struck home, but she valued her friends' advice. "I'm glad you're happy here, you two. Lightfoot, you're with your mate again. Icestorm, Sharppaw is here for you. I'm glad I have Smokepelt- he's the greatest deputy I could ask for. I'm proud of him. I..." She took a breath, taking in her friends' scents one last time, feeling her spirit starting to be drawn back down. "I love you both, and I'll miss you, but I'll stay strong for WindClan. They won't catch us off guard while I'm alive WindClan has always been the best Clan, and I will strengthen it. Good... Goodbye, you two." She offered them one last determined smile before fading back out of the starry paradise.

Icestorm stayed quiet and listened to his mate, glad that she was having a change of heart. He knew that as long as she lived there would be ups and downs in life, but staying strong was by far the most important factor in being a great leader. As Ashstar finished speaking, the she-cat started to fade into stardust and before she was completely gone, he touched her on the nose. "Till we meet again," he mumbled softly closing his eyes and taking in the scent of his mate one last time.

~~~

Panicking, Cedarfur nudged at the leader's motionless side. Her breathing had stopped and she lay on the ground in a peaceful state. Was she losing a life?! Prying to StarClan that everything was alright, the she-cat started to stir and he was able to breathe again. "Ashstar? Are you alright?" he meowed in a worried tone, fear in his eyes. Had she gone to StarClan?