If I let you go, and you don't come back, I know that you weren't mine to begin with

He couldn't remember the last time he had cried. After most of his family died, Frozenflame just grew used to the numbness of loss and sadness. He wasn't even sure his eyes still produced tears anymore, but apparently they did.

The deputy, muscular and large-built, sat at the Abandoned Barn's partially opened door, peering out into the thick darkness of the night. Thoughts tumbled violently through his head; thoughts about Sunpelt, Cloverpool, their kits, his kits with both Hawkstrike and Cloverpool, and the fact that Frozenflame was deputy now and he had to commit all of his time to Thunderclan rather than a mate and family. A burning feeling blazed inside of his chest, one that stung harder than a thousand thorns and hurt more than the sharpest claw in the forest. It were as if someone had taken a knife and dragged it along his heart, then lit it on fire. Tears trickled down from his irritated, red eyes and soaked his face with a salty, warm liquid. His short fur was a bit dirty and unkept, signaling distress.

Despite how hard it would be to do what Frozenflame was about to do, he knew he had to do it anyway. With a clearing of his throat and a blinking away of his tears, the older but strong and healthy tom turned away from the barn's door and padded into the depths of its shelter, finding his way through the darkness to where the warriors and queens slept. "Sunpelt? Cloverpool? May I speak with you two please?" His voice was firm and unwavering, despite the fact that he had been silently sobbing a few moments ago.

Cloverpool opened her warm amber eyes and uncurled herself from Wishkit. The she cat got up and then out of the nest. "Yeah of course. What's up?" The she cat meowed flicking her tail.

Sunpelt rose from the corner of the barn, where he slept on his own. "Sure," he meowed, stretching in luxury, trying to seem casual. But he had a feeling he knew what this was about.

Frozenflame stared at the two for a moment, realizing how well they looked as a couple. "Not here," he said quietly as his soft, amber gaze darted around at the "sleeping" cats who could be listening in on their conversation. "Follow me." He didn't want anyone else to be shoving their noses into the three's business, so he flicked his tail and turned around before stepping out of the barn and into the dark night. Frozenflame lead the way to the back of the building and sat down, once again letting his gaze linger on Sunpelt and Cloverpool.

Cloverpool nodded and followed Frozenflame, Looking back at Sunpelt to see if he was coming before following again.

Sunpelt followed the two cats, knowing that there was a 50/50 chance that Frozenflame's would either tell him to leave Cloverpool alone or that he couldid have Cloverpool all to himself. To his surprise, Sunpelt couldn't tell which one he would rather hear. He just wanted to get it over with and be friends with Frozenflame's again.

Frozenflame cleared his throat, then locked eyes with Cloverpool. "Cloverpool, you know how much I love you. I would do anything for you, even die for you. You mean the whole world to me, Cloverpool, and my love for you is so strong that I can't even put it into words. You know that all I want is for you to be happy. I've tried to please you every second of every day, bending over backwards for you. I know how you think, and I know what your feelings are for me. I know that I want you to be happy, so that is why I'm letting you go. Cloverpool, I don't want it to feel like that by being mates with me, you are imprisoned. I'm unlocking your shackles and untying you and letting you go. This is hard for me, and words limit me to be able to describe only a miniscule of my love toward you, so I am going to stop now and let you think over this."

After taking a deep, shaky breath, Frozenflame turned to Sunpelt. "Sunpelt....we used to be friends, but then the pull of deep love dragged us into a fight. I do not regret anything that happened between us, for if I had not become mates with Cloverpool, then I wouldn't have the children I care so dearly for and I would have lost part of myself. Thank you for putting up with me, and please take care of her with everything you have. Love her like I do, and treat her like a princess. Protect her and die for her, if it comes to that, just please promise me you will do this. I just need to know that she will be safe and be loved. I need to know that I'm not letting the last cat I love slip out of my paws without a reason." Tears stung his eyes and the tom didn't try to hold them back as they spilled down his face.

Cloverpool's eyes widened. She didn't, couldn't say anything, she was speechless. She looked from Frozenflame back to Sunpelt then back again as he spoke.

Sunpelt was shocked as well. It would seem so rude and ungrateful if he told Frozenflame "thanks", but Frozenflame's would be disgusted if Sunpelt turned it down. So he decided not to say anything. I stead he stepped forward and pressed his muzzle into Frozenflame's shoulder. "I promise," he whispered. Then he walked over to Cloverpool and licked her cheek.

And then he walked away.

Cloverpool stood and padded over so she was standing in front of Frozenflame. "Frozenflame you are such a wonderful tom and I thank you for the time with you. I don't really have the words to explain this but all I can say it that one day you will find somebody else, I don't think I could ever repay you for this time and support through all these moons." And with that Cloverpool gently licked Frozenflame's cheek and padded after Sunpelt, to go back to her daughter Wishkit.

He was then all alone; physically, emotionally, and mentally. I lost Hawkstrike and I gave up Cloverpool. Will there ever be one I can keep? Will there ever be a she-cat who loves me enough to stay with me to the end? Frozenflame shook his head. No, both of them are staying with me until the end. Hawkstrike's presence is always with me, and I know that Cloverpool loves me like family and will always support me. But, if that's so, who will always be with me both physically and in the type of love that two mates share, not just as family? The deputy thought of growing old, becoming an elder, and dying beside a special she-cat, one whom he loved like a mate and one who loved him like a mate. What if this never happened? What if he couldn't find someone like that?

Frozenflame turned his soft, amber gaze up to the dark, starless sky. Somewhere up there was his father....right? Yes, Starclan was driven out, but the had to of gone somewhere in the sky! Blazingheart, my father, please listen to me. Can you hear me? I need help. Guide my path, help me know what to do. I don't have time for a she-cat, but my heart longs for someone to love and care for. Please, Blazingheart, just show me what to do. He waited in silence for a few moments, before walking back into the barn to go to sleep.

//Topic ended