Face and Soul, Both Split In Two. [open]

Ferretpaw had cried for so long after she saw her face. It was the few moments before Dawnflower applied new, clean cobwebs. There had been a puddle near her. As she stared into the cold water, she felt her heart rip into fragments. It was painful, brutal.

Everyone said she was lucky to be alive, but she would've rather been dead. The largest scar was the worst, and she was sure that it would never completely heal. It ran from the middle of her forehead in a jagged line down the side of her muzzle, curving down her cheek to where her head met her neck. It narrowly missed her eye. The rest was a bunch of little nicks, but her ear had quite the tear in it. When she had first laid her eyes on the mess that her face had become, they were red, throbbing, deep cuts. Even though they had significantly healed, and she was strong enough to leave the medicine den, she was ashamed. She was ashamed that she let that hawk do this to her, and she was ashamed that not one, but two cats had to come to her aid. She begged as much as she could, but she had to leave the medicine den. As she faced the brightness of day for the first time, she instantly felt the strong urge to cry. Sure, many of the scars would heal eventually, but they'd look absolutely hideous for a while. And, what's worse, she'd have to live with the worst one forever. 

The she-cat shuffled quickly to the fresh-kill pile, picking up a frog and speed-walking to the side of camp. She felt a hundred eyes burning into her as she looked straight down at the frog, choking back sobs. Why did you let this happen, StarClan? Now I know for sure you're no longer in the skies...

Eaglefeather heard sobs from outside the nursery, she found out is was her daughter and padded over, she licked her cheek "Are you ok Ferretpaw?" she asked worried.

Ferretpaw choked back a howl. "Oh, Mother, do I look okay!?" She met her mother's kind eyes, brandishing her horrid scars. "I look hideous! It's all my fault! If I had just left that trespasser alone..." Her voice shook and broke with each word and sobs wracked her still-frail body. "I wish I was dead, Mother, I'd rather be dead than look at myself!"

Eaglefeather smiled and nuzzled Ferretpaw "You would rather be dead than become the greatest warrior?" she purred "Your not hideous, your fine. I'm looking at you as if it never happened right?"

"You're my mother, you're supposed to look at me like I'm perfect," she said, "But I'm not. Not anymore." She pushed her frog away. She'd suddenly lost her appetite. "No amount of motherly love can fix what that hawk did to me. I'm ashamed to show my face among my clanmates, for StarClan's sake!" 

Eaglefeather sighed "What about your littermates? And your father?" she asked "You don't need to look at yourself the way you look, but the way you act" she pointed out "Your my kit and it's my job to do this" she mewed.

"Ferretpaw?" Alderpaw called out of the medicine cat den, the tom had been sorting herbs when he heard the she-cat wails. He was worried that her wounds were acting up, and came over quickly, nimbly leaping over bundles of herbs that were being dried in the sun.

Lightningpaw had an empty look in his eyes, his ears were nearly clawed off in his attempt to save his sister, his attempt that wasn't good enough. He sat down, rolling his half eaten, less than half actually, mouse with his paw. His pale eyes were on his sister, he kept looking at her in a hidden fashion drom across camp to see if even the smallest of smiles hinted in her eyes.

Webtail followed his mate, whom he grew ever more productive over, and felt all the air in him get snatched away when he saw Ferretpat. He wordlessly nuzzled her side before looking at Eaglefeather.

Eaglefeather shrugged "I cant calm her down" she murmured to him "Do you know what you can do to calm her down?" she asked.

Ferretpaw sighed. "I just... I hate myself for letting it happen." She turned to Alderpaw, who was bounding towards her with obvious concern. "I'm alright, Alderpaw, thanks." She smiled at the tom weakly, slightly uncomfortable at the sudden crowd her family was making. "I hope Mudfoot and Lightningpaw are taking it better. They saved me, you know? If I hadn't let that mangy thing get its talons on me in the first place..." Her brother's battle cry rang in her ears, even days after she had heard it. What if she had been alone...? 

She was shattered by her sudden change in appearance. She was always a very beautiful she-cat, and her radiant and positive attitude just increased her loveliness. She felt like both had been stripped from her.

Alderpaw wasn't a medicine cat for no reason, he was capable of empathising with the she-cat, that not all pain was external. She said that she was fine, but he could tell that the loss of her beautiful pelt around her scars were bothering her. Ferretpaw had been a beautiful she-cat, even Alderpaw, who wasn't supposed to notice such things, knew that. He couldn't fix her scars, but he could help her mind. The tom quickly ducked into the den to bring her over some juniper berries to calm the mind. "I know you're fine, Ferretpaw. But eat these for me. Don't worry about anyone else, they're fine.... Also, you're still very pretty." He whispered the last part only for her to hear, before ducking away to leave her to be with family.

OOC: I'm feeling a bit musey today. It's nice. 

With all of the yelling happening in the middle of camp, Thrushstar couldn't help but get up and pad out of his den to see what was happening. It wasn't like he was doing much else of importance except think through how the rest of the day was going to happen with patrols. Typically, the leader didn't care to dabble in the petty issues around the camp. If his clan wasn't concerned about him, he wouldn't return the favor, but this issue hit pretty close to home in his heart. It was like traveling back in time to when he was deputy again which seems so long ago now. Back when his sister was still alive...

Clearing his throat to prepare himself to speak, Thrushstar glanced around until his gaze landed upon Ferretpaw and the gathering cats as Alderpaw padded off. It was weird feeling this again; this weird worry for his clan mate, but he wasn't going to make the same mistake twice. It almost felt like whatever force was out there now (since Starclan didn't seem to be here) was giving im a second chance to save a cat's life. With a small sigh, he walked over to the group of cats, his eyes never leaving Ferretpaw. "Don't dwell on the past, Ferretpaw," he said, his voice surprisingly calm despite the raspy texture behind it from the still red scar that decorated his throat. "It does no good to think about what could have been. Trust me, I would know." It was true. That's all that Thrushstar did. He felt like he was preaching to himself more than this apprentice. There was still more that the leader wanted to say, but he paused, allowing himself time to rest his voice and catch Ferretpaw's attention.

Eaglefeather heard Thrushstar's voice, she soon saw him enter her gaze and nodded in agreement.

The she-cat's breath caught a little when Alderpaw whispered to her, and dipped her head to eat the berries. As she listened to the leader speak, Ferretpaw decided to try and heed Thrushstar's words. She knew that, as leader, he probably had many missteps and heartbreaks. He wasn't stupid, he knew what he was talking about. "I guess you're right, Thrushstar," she said with a shrug. "I still wish it hadn't happened, but, hey, it's not like I can change it anytime soon." In truth, she still felt entirely horrid, like she had let her friends and family down. She saw that shadow circling on the ground for a long time before it happened, and it still got the best of her... No. Stop it. Put it behind you. "You're sure it's not as bad as it looks?" she asked Eaglefeather as her green eyes flickered back to her.

She nodded "Of course" she mewed "It's not much to me" she mewed again.