I Need You Now

Kestrelstorm was so angry at his mate. Perhaps it was hurt, but pain and rage was so mixed inside his soul that it was hard to tell. For moons, he had expected himself as the next deputy. When he recieved his apprentice, that dream was almost solidified. He was certain his own mate would deem him fit for her second in command. But, she didn't. To him, that felt like she thought he was a useless tom; one to have kits with and nothing else. A voice in his head told him that was unreasonable, yet his enraged mind continued the thoughts constantly, keeping the resentment alive.

So since the deputy ceremony, Kestrelstorm was hardly in camp. He would be out in the dawn patrol, relieve the guard for a while, and then sleep for just enough time to refuel. He would eat briskly, then whisk his apprentice away for training. About sunhigh, he would return for a quick meal and to allow Foxpaw to rest. He would leave camp again to go hunting alone or with a patrol if they caught him at the right time. He would return for a quick meal, and go out again on the night patrol and sleeping until the dawn patrol.

The cycle continued for multiple days; close to a moon at this point. In quick passing, the young tom could see his mate start to swell with the weight of the kits in her belly. His kits, yes, but until he saw them he felt no fatherly instinct.

To say the least, Sablestar and Kestrelstorm's relationship was unconventional. He guiltily knew Sablestar's feelings for him were much stronger than his to her. He loved her, yes, but he didn't feel the need to talk to her much and she didn't bother him either. Of course, he used to go on walks with her sometimes or go on the same patrol. But he was rarely affectionate with her in camp like the other mates. Perhaps it was because of Feathertail he couldn't show this love. Only StarClan knew why he couldn't. Sometimes while he laid in his nest or was hunting alone, he yearned for her companionship. But it would quickly be covered by a wave of anger and hurt.

For the last few sunrises, multiple cats had told Kestrelstorm that Sablestar had asked to see him repeatedly. He would shake off the comment and continue out of the camp to do whatever he was doing. After the fifth cat to tell him to see his mate, he relented and finished his meal slowly.

His paws itched to not face the situation and to run among the grass, but the tall and handsome tom knew it was needed. His kits would be coming soon enough. With a sigh, he entered Sablestar's den. "Sablestar." he meowed in his deep voice. "I heard you wanted to see me." he said simply, entering without permission and settling into his favorite corner, expecting a long earful from the pregnant she-cat.

A dark brown she-cat sat hunched in her fairly new den. It was hard to notice her in the shadows, but her yellow eyes glowed brightly. She didn't want any passing cats to recognize the hurt expression on her face. She should've chosen Kestrelstorm. Why did she feel a powerful urge to change her mind? And now the powerful warrior was leaving camp continuously, not even stopping to talk to her.

Her belly stirred, and she grimaced at the pain, retracting even farther into the back of her den. She was due for his kits soon, and he didn't seem to care. Surely she couldn't raise them on her own. Was Kestrelstorm punishing her by refusing to be a father to their future kits? She had called him to her den earlier that day. Sablestar wasn't even certain her mate would even show up. She wondered, did he even love her anymore?

Sablestar glanced up as a muscular brown warrior shouldered his way into her den. The tension in the air appeared quicker than he had. She could sense the anger boiling underneath his pelt. Should she apologize for it? Ashwing wasn't a bad deputy, after all. His formal tone pierced her heart. She felt empty... even with the fullness of her womb.

Her eyes scanned his for any sign of affection, only to find nothing beyond his stoic gaze. "Kestrelstorm," she began, sitting up, her yellow eyes glazed with concern and pain. "Where... where have you been? Where have you been going off to?" For a moment, she suspected he was meeting up with another she-cat. Would he do that? Would he betray her like that?

As he entered the den, he could feel the pain radiating off of Sablestar. Had he really caused that? Or was it just the kits. She was cowering in the corner like a small kit, trembling and hiding. Her belly was so swollen, it looked painful and he felt a twinge of guilt that he did that to her. Her body was rigid and tense -- he could tell that from here, even in the dark. The twinge of guilt he felt grew as it sunk in that she probably felt conflicted for her choice in deputy. It grew anymore when he realized he had abandoned his mate to allow her to bare his kits on her own, even as a new leader. It dawned on him that even though he had been doing nothing but helping the clan, he was further proving he was not the right choice by abandoning Sablestar.

With a small murr of dismantlement, the tall warrior stood and made his way over to his mate. Awkwardly he crouched at her side, licking her ears stiffly. The tom had never been one for affection, so it was clear he was attempting to comfort the small brown she-cat. Feeling her warmth in her tongue soothed his anxiety of the situation enough that he laid down next to his mate, slightly curling around her awkwardly in the small space.

After a while, he took a deep breath. "I'm sorry," he began in a low voice, slightly mumbled. "I've been constantly patrolling or hunting." he offered to answer her question as to where he had been. His body did ache from the constant work, and he moaned slightly as weariness settled into his bones. Maybe he would stop and spend some time in here with Sablestar.

Sablestar tilted her head down as her mate rasped his tongue over her forehead. It was a nice feeling; she knew he wasn't fond of showing his inner feelings. At least he hadn't totally abandoned all emotion for her. She opened her mouth to speak, but another jolt of pain wracked her body, more intense this time, and she clawed at the floor of her den, burying her nose into Kestrelstorm's fur.

The leader was quiet for a long moment before speaking. "I need you here, Kestrelstorm," she murmured. Sablestar wondered if he cared about her anymore enough to listen to her. He seemed to care enough to try comforting her. "I... You don't need to work so much. I need you here in the camp. You're going to be a father very soon."

Sablestar set her head down, lying sideways so that her belly wouldn't press painfully against the ground. Her sides heaved shallowly. There were many small kicks churning in her abdomen. They were due any moment now. She glanced up at him, parting her lips to pant. "Very soon," she breathed, grimacing at a new wave of pain. The kits were coming.

Kestrelstorm flinched as Sablestar dug her head into his side unexpectedly, but soothed his fur when he realized she was in pain. His heart lurched; had his absence really affected her this much? He didn't even know she cared about him more than as a child provider. He suddenly felt really bad and really tired. He hung his head once more, hugging her neck closer to his with his chin. He closed his orange eyes, letting out a soft purr.

"I'm sorry, Sablestar." he said once again, feeling her tense. "But should I get Gorsefeather?" he asked worriedly. Was she about to go into labor? Was he about to be a father right this second?

His heart raced with a sudden wave of anxiety. The truth of the matter is, he would have to be in camp more often because he would have kits to look after, as well as a mate. Maybe with him being around camp, he could persuade the rest of the clan that he really wasn't a bad guy. But for now, he would worry about Sablestar and not about himself for once.

Sablestar's mind raced wildly. Gorsefeather had mentioned something to her earlier... Wasn't he and Emberleaf out for herbs due to a shortage? "No," she rasped, wincing at another wave of pain. "Kestrelstorm, you've seen Gorsefeather deliver kits before, right?" She looked up at him, fear glazed in her eyes. This wasn't going to go well, was it?

"You have to try to remember," Sablestar said, unsheathing her claws at the pain. If Kestrelstorm didn't do this correctly, would their kits be in danger? Would she be in danger. Could she count on her mate to deliver them properly? "Get- Get me a stick... please."

Kestrelstorm froze. He would have to deliver his own kits? And of course he hadn't seen Gorsefeather deliver kits before. This was his first litter and he was a tom-- he never goes in the nursery!

But it seemed as if Sablestar would give directions. For that, he was thankful. After being ordered for a stick, he sprinted out of the den and just putside of camp where a thick stick layed. Rushing back with the stick hanhing awkwardly in his mouth, his heart began to thud really hard.

Kestrelstorm dropped the stick in front of his brown mate and shifted his balance from one large paw to the other, racking his brain to try and figure out what to do. Wincing at a screech, Kestrelstorm licked his mate between the ears. "What do I do Sablestar?" he asked in a hurried panic.

Sablestar snatched the stick from his jaws, hissing between her teeth. "If I pass out, I need you to press on my stomach," she mentioned, setting her head back down, her sides heaving. She panted heavily behind the stick, closing her eyes and preparing for a wave of pain. "I just need moral support..." she sighed.

The leader knew herbs were necessary to dull the pain, but there was no medicine cat around. She would have to endure the pain... She gave a yowl underneath the stick, claws scrabbling at the dirt in agony.

[I don't feel like birth roleplaying lelel]

Soon, the queen was on her side with many small bundles tucked next to her stomach. She was lapsing in and out of consciousness, but she was starting to regain her composure. "Kestrelstorm," she rasped weakly. Sablestar stared at him from the corner of her half-closed eye. "What... what do we name them?"

Kestrelstorm had flurried around awkwardly until his kits were norn. He had licked like instructed and nuzzled them against his mate. He looked down at his family with pride. Two kits. A son and a daughter. With a purr, he nuzzled Sablestar's neck. "I want to name our son Falconkit, after Falconstar." And his son looked so much like him! He was very happy.

Sablestar nuzzled Kestrelstorm back, burying her nose into his cheek. "That's a perfect name," she murmured. There was a momentary pang of grief for Falconstar, but the pain ebbed away as she glanced down at the other kitten. "We can name her Horsekit," she added before setting her head back down. Sablestar breathed a sigh of relief, watching Kestrelstorm from the corner of her eye. This would change things, right? Would Kestrelstorm act like a true father to their kits? Only time would tell...

ooc: Topic end?