Restlessness

was listening to this

The night was clear and warm, and the occasional breeze rattled the sticks of the warriors den. Reedheart sat there, curled up, clenching his eyes shut but not able to go to sleep. Every time he felt himself drifting asleep the... image flashed in his mind, and he shook himself awake. It haunted his mind in times of quiet like this, and it ate away at him. He could hardly stomach the prey, and the constant patrolling and sleepless nights had left him feeling like a husk. He stood up and released a long, tired, sigh. The feathers and moss beneath his paws had been practically torn to shreds from many failed attempts at getting some rest. He couldn't live like this forever, could he? But what could he do? The lethargy was affecting him. He could hardly concentrate, and it was a wonder how he stayed on his paws sometimes. Sometimes shadows and things flickered across his vision, his eyes and mind playing tricks on him with the lack of rest.

Reedheart stumbled out of the den, dragging his tail. His ears rung and he felt nauseous just moving. It seemed... worse, though it was hard to tell anymore. This misery was constant. It just seemed so easy to close his eyes and sleep, but he just couldn't... Reedheart thought of poppy seeds, but pushed that thought aside. He needed to be strong, for the Clan. For Froststar, and Morningfur, and Lichenkit, and Cinderkit... They were the reason he even tried. Reedheart was responsible for them, but he seemed to fail anyways. Grayheart, Berrysplash, Leafstorm, Stormpaw, Redfeather, Mistpaw... he couldn't even save his own apprentice. They all died. Reedheart choked back tears, stumbling forward and collapsing. The young cat couldn't even stand... how could he be strong enough to help them? What good could he do, just struggling to live every day. Reedheart didn't bother trying to stand back up. For StarClan's sake, he wasn't even sure if he could stand back up. In that position, he looked up to the swath of stars in the sky. Was there a new star there, for his Clanmates? For his friends and family? Reedheart clenched his eyes shut, still sprawled on the ground. He felt absolutely awful, in so many ways.

"I wanna be just like Rushstream!" Reedkit piped, earning an amused look from his mother. Lilyfur smiled warmly, whiskers twitching.

"As you should! Your father is a good warrior, big and strong." she replied, looking adoringly at her small kit. Smaller than the others in the nursery, but she looked so proud and loved him nonetheless.

Reedkit bounced in place, small tail lashing. "Yeah! The others say that I'm small and sickly, but I'll show 'em!" he said, flashing his teeth and letting out a small growl that didn't sound scary in the slightest. "I'll be as big and strong as father!"

Lilyfur wrapped a tail around her only kit, bringing him close. "Don't listen to such nonsense, Reedkit! You're as strong and brave as a lion, so you show them!"

Disoriented, eyes clenched shut while laying collapsed in the center of camp by Froststar's willow tree... he was breathing shallowly, and he felt paralyzed, and couldn't focus on anything but the slowly building pain in his head.

Then, lumbering and bouncing over louder than a badger, the small kit tried to sneak out of the nursery. She had somehow managed to escape her mother which in complete honesty had completely passed out from the hard work of keeping up with her kits, so Cinderkit was in the clear, but she didn't expect to see Reedheart out here. As soon as her small green-ish eyes locked on him, she froze, knowing she wasn't supposed to be out this late, but she had too much energy to sleep. She had lain around too much earlier that day. But the longer that she watched the older warrior, the more she became puzzled. He looked sad but she didn't know why. Getting a mischievous twinkle in her eye, she crept across the ground with her tail high in the air and her paws loud against the soft earth. "Boo!" she squeaked as she got up close enough to Reedheart to bat at his paw with her own. He wouldn't make her go back in the nursery, would he? He didn't seem like he would be a tattle-tail so she felt like she was safe. Maybe she could get him to play since he was up this late with her. She could always use a friend.

Reedheart heard Cinderkit through the ringing in his ears and just let out a groan in response, tail flicking the only movement he made. Still, he tried to muster some kind of strength to say something... "C.. Cinderkit... what are you doing up...?" he said, his voice quiet and strained, looking at the dark-furred kit through bleary half-closed green eyes. She should be in the nursery fast asleep, and the warrior didn't want her to see him like this.

Cinderkit paused as she finally saw that he wasn't doing to great. She backed up a little bit before sitting down on the soft ground, her ears slightly droopy from seeing her friend so... unlively. Was something wrong? "I.. I just couldn't sleep," she replied softly as she continued to study Reedheart. "What are you doing up so late?" She asked him, hoping that he would suddenly feel better. He seemed to be unnaturally puny and even not well. It wasn't something she did, was it?

Reedheart winced, not remembering the last time he slept. It couldn't have been too long ago, but the days and nights seemed to blur together into an incomprehensible mist and he could hardly recall anything to mind. The warrior dodged the question, trying to move to stand, but he couldn't summon the strength to move his limbs.

"You..." he started with a wheeze, pausing for a few moments as if he was out of breath. "...You need your rest, Cinderkit..."

"But I can't... I want to play!" she mewed before she bounced around a little, hoping that something would cheer the warrior up. It was a little bothersome to see him like that, and she was trying desperately to maybe even get him to move. But he looked like he wasn't going anywhere for a bit.