| SaCrIfIcE - Comments And CONSTRUCTIVE Criticism | |
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Stormi the Gummy
Clan/Rank : {Storm}Riverclan/Experienced Warrior {Adder}Thunderclan/Experienced Warrior {Red}Shadowclan/Experienced Warrior {Wolf}Shadowclan/Apprentice Number of posts : 3741 Age : 25
| Subject: SaCrIfIcE - Comments And CONSTRUCTIVE Criticism 17/2/2013, 11:03 am | |
| So here's where you put comments and stuff here. I made this on my bored time while listening to Vocaloid. ______________________________________ |
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Echo
Number of posts : 2606 Age : 23
| Subject: Re: SaCrIfIcE - Comments And CONSTRUCTIVE Criticism 17/2/2013, 12:41 pm | |
| Ah! That's why the story was so familiar Stormi! It's the Daughter of Evil series. Fantastic so far by the way~ ______________________________________ ‣ year 06: 5/4/2012 ⌈ la-veritta ♡ ⌉ ❝ Until the day his wings heal and he's able to fly... I will protect him. ❞ |
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Stormi the Gummy
Clan/Rank : {Storm}Riverclan/Experienced Warrior {Adder}Thunderclan/Experienced Warrior {Red}Shadowclan/Experienced Warrior {Wolf}Shadowclan/Apprentice Number of posts : 3741 Age : 25
| Subject: Re: SaCrIfIcE - Comments And CONSTRUCTIVE Criticism 17/2/2013, 12:43 pm | |
| Thanks :3
It's actually a combination of Daughter of Evil and Alice of Human Sacrifice. I know those are from similar stories(by the same people) but yeah x3 ______________________________________ |
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Echo
Number of posts : 2606 Age : 23
| Subject: Re: SaCrIfIcE - Comments And CONSTRUCTIVE Criticism 17/2/2013, 12:52 pm | |
| I haven't listened to Alice of Human Sacrifice yet, but I heard it's really good. Yeah, no problem. It's really interesting! I was going to complain about where Glaceon was, but I can't make you. Despite my urging want for Glaceon, you'll add one later on since I'm seeing the Eeveelutions so far. Impressive story though. ______________________________________ ‣ year 06: 5/4/2012 ⌈ la-veritta ♡ ⌉ ❝ Until the day his wings heal and he's able to fly... I will protect him. ❞ |
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Stormi the Gummy
Clan/Rank : {Storm}Riverclan/Experienced Warrior {Adder}Thunderclan/Experienced Warrior {Red}Shadowclan/Experienced Warrior {Wolf}Shadowclan/Apprentice Number of posts : 3741 Age : 25
| Subject: Re: SaCrIfIcE - Comments And CONSTRUCTIVE Criticism 17/2/2013, 12:55 pm | |
| Alice of Human Sacrifice is my favorite song by Vocaloid Glaceon is in the second chapter, friend x3 He's Vaporeon's love. And yes I am using Eveelutions for all of the main characters :D ______________________________________ |
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Echo
Number of posts : 2606 Age : 23
| Subject: Re: SaCrIfIcE - Comments And CONSTRUCTIVE Criticism 17/2/2013, 12:58 pm | |
| Wow, I'm so stupid. I must have missed the details while I was reading it. Sorry about that~ ______________________________________ ‣ year 06: 5/4/2012 ⌈ la-veritta ♡ ⌉ ❝ Until the day his wings heal and he's able to fly... I will protect him. ❞ |
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Stormi the Gummy
Clan/Rank : {Storm}Riverclan/Experienced Warrior {Adder}Thunderclan/Experienced Warrior {Red}Shadowclan/Experienced Warrior {Wolf}Shadowclan/Apprentice Number of posts : 3741 Age : 25
| Subject: Re: SaCrIfIcE - Comments And CONSTRUCTIVE Criticism 19/2/2013, 6:23 am | |
| Now that the story is done, I have a question often in several AMVs of these stories:
Who is the next Alice?
There is no specific answer, but I'm curious to what others think x3 ______________________________________ |
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Splotch
Characters : Sleepycloud, Hopepaw, Lakekit Clan/Rank : Ye Old Member-- ALL THUNDERCLAN OOPS Sleepycloud (T2), Hopepaw [App], Lake [Kit] Number of posts : 3560 Gender : She/her Age : 24
| Subject: Re: SaCrIfIcE - Comments And CONSTRUCTIVE Criticism 19/2/2013, 7:19 am | |
| *hugs Story* <33333 ______________________________________ ✲Sleepycloud✲ || ✲Hopepaw✲ || ✲Lakekit✲ |
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Ice Cream Zombie
Clan/Rank : |L|Thunderclan/Elder|S|Shadowclan/Young Warrior|C|Windclan/Young Warrior Number of posts : 1392
| Subject: Re: SaCrIfIcE - Comments And CONSTRUCTIVE Criticism 20/2/2013, 8:26 am | |
| Definitely unique when it comes to how the story is told. Kinda like one of those childhood story-books rather than the current chapter books, where a certain character is being focused on.
Cool, though you did repeat a lot of your descriptive words in it. That bugged me a little but it's still pretty good for a short-story :) ______________________________________
- WCC:
Shadeclaw - September 3rd = Warrior September 19th = End of three months time limit. Crowclaw -November 10th = Warrior | Character Book| --Crowclaw by Indy
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Stormi the Gummy
Clan/Rank : {Storm}Riverclan/Experienced Warrior {Adder}Thunderclan/Experienced Warrior {Red}Shadowclan/Experienced Warrior {Wolf}Shadowclan/Apprentice Number of posts : 3741 Age : 25
| Subject: Re: SaCrIfIcE - Comments And CONSTRUCTIVE Criticism 20/2/2013, 2:35 pm | |
| Oh okay. Thanks x3
I just couldn't think of a lot of words at the time :3 ______________________________________ |
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Mink
Number of posts : 2105
| Subject: Re: SaCrIfIcE - Comments And CONSTRUCTIVE Criticism 21/2/2013, 10:12 am | |
| Very nice Stormi! :D love your words though, I was thinking on basing a storyafter yours but I just don't have the time so far yet with my moving n' all. But I love it. You should really post this on Mebba.com But nevertheless I love your story. You unique way of writing. Do you take any writing classes? I don't but still I've been trying my hardest with my details.
BTW, when I get my computer with internet, could I draw you a cover page? ______________________________________ |
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Stormi the Gummy
Clan/Rank : {Storm}Riverclan/Experienced Warrior {Adder}Thunderclan/Experienced Warrior {Red}Shadowclan/Experienced Warrior {Wolf}Shadowclan/Apprentice Number of posts : 3741 Age : 25
| Subject: Re: SaCrIfIcE - Comments And CONSTRUCTIVE Criticism 21/2/2013, 10:23 am | |
| If you want to x3 Thanks btw.
But I was born with a knack for writing, though a lot of you probably won't believe it. Never took a writing class. ______________________________________ |
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Kitty Former Staff
Characters : Murkyriver ♀ | Mistwalker ♀ | Mintglade ♀ | Crakeburn ♀ | Snowvixen ♀ | Hollowpaw ♀ Clan/Rank : Riverclan | Skyclan | Windclan Number of posts : 4943 Gender : She/Her - ash was here :3 and Ro! Age : 21
| Subject: Re: SaCrIfIcE - Comments And CONSTRUCTIVE Criticism 23/2/2013, 3:30 pm | |
| I love em' Stormi!
I was born with good memory, and poetry skills. Give me a topic, I can write about it. xD
This described in a poem:
Stormi, dear, you did well. I enjoy it, it was swell.
I loved the worth, from your heart. It surely did, play a part. ______________________________________ |
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