the more i go through parenting... (c)

Time moved on. The Clan moved on. Apologies had been made, bridges mended. Paws extended, soft words shared. And yet the more sharper, bitterest of them all had been her own. She often ran through it again in her mind when she tried to settle to sleep (something that still came rarely, but enough that she was no longer a dead cat walking), thinking of what she could have done, should have said. But she had dealt the damage, and like apprenticeship, was forced to acknowledge the fact that sometimes, she would do things that would make things change for the worse. It nauseated her.

Cindersky wasn't quite sure what had driven her to this. Guilt? Confusion? Not sure which paw to put in front of the other? There were plenty of cats she could have gone to first. Countless. Some worse options than others that would no doubt tell her something that didn't quite need to be said, but this option? This seemed correct, as much as the fear of it tried to goad her to turn tail (lack thereof?) and return to the confines of either warrior or medicine den-- Both her home at this point as much as the other. If she was not with Larkspring, doing her duties that still felt like she was in a dream doing, or some other task-- She was in the medicine den, aiding her son. Did he think of her as a mother? No matter.

The tricolour she was just ahead now, tattered with scars from the same battle. Cindersky had been lucky. Most of her scars, small as they might have been, were covered by her fluff. Most of the damage had been blunt regardless, but Poppyshine had not been so fortunate. She seemed to take it in stride, at least. "Poppyshine?" She forced the name out of her lips before she could second guess herself. She flinched at how small she sounded, like a kit about to tell a parent that they had done something foolish. It did actually feel like that, she realised. "May I speak with you? A-... Alone, if you would?" Who better to try and rectify this, if at all possible, than Perchstars right-paw?

discord: @moonazine| timezone: gmt| code (c) kieer

Poppyshine

Poppyshine turned when her name was called. Cindersky was a bit of a surprise. Poppyshine knew that Cindersky had been struggling since the battle. She’d taken some hefty blows, but more so than that, Poppyshine knew that she was exceptionally close to Littlesplash and had taken the attack on him badly. Littlesplash seemed to be dong well enough. But Cindersky…less so.

She offered up a smile. “Of course,” she said. Cindersky sounded nervous, and Poppyshine didn’t want to make her more so…although she was a little worried about what they may need to talk about.

For now, she guided Cindersky out of camp, not too far, to an area that is more secluded so they can talk.

RiverClan • Tier 5 • Deputy • She/Her • 70 | 160 • #669966

Credits: code inspiration - 1 2 | image 1 | image 2 | image 3

Cindersky bowed her head to Poppyshine, allowing the deputy to cut in front and guide them both out. She followed wordlessly, feeling as though her throat was caught and her paws were cold. She truly did just want to apologise to Poppyshine and flee, but again, that would get her nowhere. Delaying the inevitable.

Once they were out, Cindersky took a shuddering breath. Her ears swung back, melding with the gray fluff on the top of her head. Her shoulders were tense, and she was thinking too hard about what to say, and... Oh, StarClan, help her.

"I messed up," The ball was rolling,and the rest came surprisingly easy. Still like a strike with each word she let fall, but not caught in a river block. "I... I said things to Perchstar that I shouldn't. I...-- I was just sad, and angry, and afraid-- And it all came out all wrong and now she thinks I hate her and I don't, I swear, I love her, but she thinks the opposite and..."

She ran her tongue over her lips, and took another breath. Mindless rambling got her into this mess in the first place. She knew that, but it was so much easier compared to stopping and thinking. But that made all the difference. "A... Lot of the things I said, I meant. It was how I felt, but--.. But looking back now, it all came out all wrong and I didn't mean to put so much blame on her, I should have known she tried as hard as she could, but..." She shook her head, letting it hang. "I... Don't know how to fix it. What to do."

discord: <@424675966279745566>| timezone: gmt| code (c) kieer

Poppyshine

Poppyshine listened as they walked. Her ears lowered. She was aware of some words exchanged with Perchstar. Not all of it…but enough. It made her heart squeeze to remember how Perchstar was that night when Poppyshine found in her den. She blinked a few times to keep the emotion at bay.

Poppyshine slowed and looked back at Cindersky. They were far enough away for privacy and Cindersky was stumbling over her words so badly that Poppyshine didn’t want them to keep going. She moved forward and rested her chin on top of Cindersky’s head comfortingly. She murmured, “This may not be something you can simply fix,” she admits quietly. “Especially not…right now. She has had a lot weighing on her mind already. However, just because things cannot be fixed immediately does not mean that you should not try. You can start by apologizing and telling her just what you told me. Tell her you don’t hate her, that you love her, apologize, and then…you can only move forward.”

She pulled back and smiled sadly at Cindersky. “I’m sorry about everything that has been going on, Cindersky…You are too young to have to endure things like this.”

RiverClan • Tier 5 • Deputy • She/Her • 70 | 160 • #669966

Credits: code inspiration - 1 2 |  image 1 | image 2 | image 3