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It was time for their usual walk, when deputy and leader would be able to catch up and discuss the events of the Clan. While it usually seemed that it was Acornstem who had much more of the news to deliver and talk about, this time, there was something for the tortoiseshell herself to bring up in their discussion. Thankfully, the weather seemed to be particularly pleasant. What had seemed to be a plethora of thundering rain had finally broke to instead be warm sunshine, and it was early enough in the morning that the true heat of the shift from greenleaf to leaf-fall hadn't yet sunk into the forest. Days like these were what made Mottlestar more than thankful for her short pelt, in opposition to some of her clanmates and kits that had longer-tufted fur. She had absolutely no clue how they handled it, and her mind flicked to Birdstar as she considered just how dense of a pelt the molly had.

Stars, was she thankful for that alliance. A smile appeared on her maw as the brown-furred deputy appeared, her head dipping in greeting. "Ready? I figured we could go around Snakerocks today, see just how bad the predators are. I haven't been there in awhile." She suggested, her own tail rippling with the infectious joy that simply came from being around her deputy. While having cats who were her opposite had certainly allowed her to grow as a leader, it seemed that having a second-in-command who reflected her own heart truly was what Thunderclan had needed. There was no juggling opposition, but a team of gentle, guiding paws to help the clan heal from all the trauma that the forest had inflicted upon them in the past few moons. It was a good thing she didn't have to even begin to try and recount what all had happened since she had stepped up to being leader, because truth be told, the tortoiseshell wouldn't have even been able to get half of it.

The patrol between the leader and deputy had become a source of joy for Acornstem - there was always an excitement to get to spend time with her, to share how the Clan was doing and know that all of her work was being appreciated and felt. There was little that would stop her from setting out on one...And it seemed not even the death of Cedarstalk would prevent that.

That being said - it was easy to see the toll that the warrior's death had taken on her. Her eyes didn't shine as bright, thought she did her best to keep up a gentle smile. Her tail that was often raised in joy hovered lower, a bit of effort going forth in keeping the fluffy fur from dragging along the ground. She knew in her heart that there was nothing to be done - she didn't blame Fawnshine or Echosong for Cedarstalk's death...She had seen the damage on the tom - she...She knew it was a miracle that he had managed to make it back to camp at all to say his goodbyes.

But there was still regrets and perhaps a bit of blaming herself even if she wasn't sure what she could have done. It was...It was a rotten situation that was nobody's fault but it didn't make it easier to swallow. So she was trying to press on, keep her spirits up as she had even chosen to take Littlepaw under her paw now that the poor apprentice had lost her mentor. Perhaps it was out of pity...Maybe it was clinging to what she could of her old apprentice.

Her ears twitched as Mottlestar called out to her, perking up a little as she gave a nod of her head. "Y-Yes, I am ready," she meowed, shaking her thoughts from her head. She knew the detail of Cedarstalk would come up but she couldn't let that weigh her down completely, not when she had duties to attend to. Cedarstalk...Cedarstalk wasn't the last cat she would lose, thought there was regret in not saying how much he meant to her before. ...It had caused her to reconsider things, such as her relationship with Firefly but she hadn't figured out how to put into words that yet.

"Snakerocks sounds good - make sure all the snake tunnels are covered and nothing else is lingering... We will also need to do a good sweep of the forest soon in general to make sure there are no fox dens..." she murmured, tail flickering. She wasn't sure if the fox that had attacked Cedarstalk had been one that had crossed the border or was there a den just beneath their nose...? And if it was from the across the boarder, would it have a group - kits maybe? - that would go searching for it in due time. She...She didn't want to lose another Clanmate to foxes or...or any predators if she could help it.

She couldn't help but want to falter her jovial demeanor upon seeing how Acornstem was. Grief... it hit hard. She knew that, she knew it perhaps best out of any of her clanmates. Especially given the fact that she had also been one to know what almost every part of death felt like. She had lost her parents, her first mate, her kits, even her own apprentices. It hit hard, unforgivingly. At some point, she had to simply accept that the Stars would take whoever they wanted when they felt it was time, not when those in the forest did.

But that was something she couldn't tell Acornstem. Instead, she would be her joy for the day. She needed it. Brushing herself against the deputy's side, the smaller feline gave her a knowing, comforting smile. "We will make sure they are safe." She affirmed. They always did. Acornstem was practically the beating heart of Thunderclan nowadays, while she was the guiding force. Their dynamic worked out much better than she would have thought, and that was a blessing she wasn't going to forsake. Leading the two of them in the direction that she had chosen, it felt good for the tortoiseshell to get the familiar earth of her territory under her paws, rather than the sandy dirt of camp. Hopefully, keeping her deputy moving would also help her a bit, too. She'd been more than willing to give her a few days off of her duties, but it ultimately was Acornstem's choice.

"You know... you haven't done anything wrong." She began with. It was so easy to think that the loss of a clanmate was your fault, especially when having such a critical role in that clanmate's life. Being a mentor was so much more than just being the one to teach them how to fight, how to hunt... it was, in a way, a unique type of parenthood. That apprentice literally was there to grow up under their mentor's guiding paws in a way that their parents couldn't shape them. A type of nurture that was special between mentor and apprentice. "Cedarstalk didn't, either. It hurts... but this forest is cruel. Even then, I know he's up in the stars, keeping an eye on his mentor." Another gentle brush of her head, the comforting gesture coming naturally to the leader.

"If at any point, you want to go back to camp and take the rest of the day off, I have no problem taking over your duties, Acornstem. You work so hard, it's okay if you need time. Just tell me, okay?" She knew that her deputy could set her own boundaries, but the molly also had the heart of a workaholic. It was that mothering instinct that told her to remind her that it was okay to take time off. That it was also perfectly normal to need time to grieve. Stars knew that she had needed it, but the fact that she hadn't taken it was what had ultimately led her to losing her first life. It was such a strange thing... grief. It took so much, while seeming so... little. So that would be her role. While Acornstem took care of every clanmate that she could, it ultimately was Mottlestar's job to make sure to take care of her deputy. "We can keep going, though... If you are okay, I actually have some news to share with you, this time around."

Acornstem gave a small nod at Mottlestar's words, happily leaning into the older she-cat's embrace as the two started their patrol - exiting the camp and entering the territory proper. As they left the entrance behind, she took in a deep breath to steady herself before she flickered an ear at Mottlestar spoke once more, her words careful and considerate.

It wasn't her fault - she had been trying to tell herself that over and over since Cedarstalk's death but hearing the words from another almost made a sob of relief escape her but she choked it back with a nod of her head. "I-I know," she murmured back, a sigh escaping her. "I know there wasn't anything that could be done but its..." she grimaced a bit as she tried to find the right words, giving her head a shake. "Of course it feels like something could have been done to change what happened and..." Another bout of silence.

She didn't want to find fault with any of her Clanmate's actions so of course if a cat had to be blame, it had to be her. She was his mentor - maybe she hadn't done enough to prepare him for fighting, maybe she should have noticed him leave camp and offered to go with him. She could have at least been there but-! ...No, no she knew it was all pointless. She let out a shaky breath. "It isn't my fault - I-I know that...It might just take a while for my heart to..." A heavy sigh as her ears slicked back. "Agree on that."

As Mottlestar leaned in to give her a gentle nuzzle, Acornstem quickly returned it only to pause at the next words that left the leader. An offer of a break - to give herself time to grieve. To come to terms. Her mouth opened, ready to bite back that she didn't need it - it was easier this way, to focus on her work but the words died in her throat. She...Knew that wasn't fully healthy, so a soft huff escaped her as she glanced up at the sky as she thought it over.

"I...I think I'll be fine," she started carefully. She hadn't really thought about taking a step back from her work, her duties. Being there for her Clanmates, joining them on patrols and making sure everything was fine was the joy of her position but she also couldn't deny that she...Didn't really have the energy for that now that she considered it.

"I...Might not go on patrols for a bit? I think it will be better to focus my energy in the camp and that way I can take easy breaks if I do end up getting overwhelmed by...One thing or another," she murmured, before she blinked as Mottlestar revealed that she actually had news, glancing up at the leader in surprise. "Oh! I-I think I am fine for now! And I want to keep doing these no matter what - going out with you is...Its lovely and I think is what I'll need. So...What is it?" she asked, taking a step forward to lean a bit more onto Mottlestar as her eyes glimmered with curiousity.

Truer words had never been spoken when it came to grief. Logic could tell the truth all that it wanted, but when it mattered most, it would be the heart that led. "I know, Acornstem... I know. And sometimes... it might be a long time before your heart does agree. And that's okay." She comforted further, before giving the she-cat the time that she needed to consider what she had offered.

Undeniably, she felt some relief in knowing that Acornstem was going to redistribute how she spent her time. Even if it was only to spend more time in camp, and while not fully stepping away, it was certainly better than nothing. Part of her had feared that her deputy would end up tossing herself further into her work as a result of Cedarstalk's passing, and that was a thought that had scared the smaller leader. "Of course. That sounds perfect." Mottlestar spoke with the confidence of a leader, an affirmation that there was nothing wrong with the actions that her deputy was deciding to take. She was here to act, in a way, as a mentor for Acornstem. To prepare her for leadership when that time inevitably came, and that also came with learning when to take care of oneself.

It brightened her up just a bit to know that, even while she wanted to step away from most patrols, their walk was something she kept on her radar. Right behind that joy was the anxiety of her reaction to the news Mottlestar had to share. But that was just part of their team: joy was a give and take. She just hoped that there wasn't too much taking this time around. "I certainly won't stop us from taking these walks, then. I look forward to them." The tortoiseshell admitted, pivoting the duo just slightly on their path as they moved towards the small patch of territory they had set as their destination. "First things... I know you've probably heard, but... Murkyr- Murky is no longer a member of Thunderclan. She's taken the oath of leaving, and is instead now part of Riverclan. I don't know what Perchstar has given her as a name for right now, but... She was truthful when she asked to leave." That was the news that hurt. Her motherly grief was clear on her face, especially as her gaze averted away from the caring deputy beside her.

"I did give her my blessing. So... hopefully, we may see her at Sunningrocks eventually." Her daughter. Firefly's sister. While she wasn't aware of any sort of friendship between Murky and Acornstem, she knew that Firefly and her deputy had grown rather close. It was worth mentioning, especially if it would give suggestion to any of Firefly's feelings.

"The other thing is... I saw Nightstalker at Thunderpath yesterday," Now, the subject that was harder to talk about. One that could give a bit of backlash, and one where she needed to know how her deputy felt. "He looked... honestly, Acornstem? He looked like one strong breeze would kill him. So... I offered him a place in Thunderclan. He didn't accept it, stars I don't even think he will. I warned him it might not be easy, but it could be a fresh start... even just a retirement away from a clan that seems to not even care how he's doing. He looked that bad." She didn't feel great in practically bad-mouthing the former leader of Shadowclan, but it was part of her case. After all, the natural follow-up to 'I invited the tom I had a forbidden relationship with to live with us' should be 'What?!' - at least she could provide some of the answers in the interim. "...What do you think? I... Honestly, I worry I extended that offer too selfishly, but... I can't let a cat wither away like that. Not even Nightstalker."

An honest smile and a purr arose from Acornstem as the leader agreed to keep having these walks. She knew perhaps the leader had been expecting her to fully step back from her duties, even for a little while but the deputy couldn't deny a gentle fear within her - that if she did so, the grief would swallow her up with nothing to distract herself.

The pain in her heart...As much as she hated it, the expenation to see Cedarstalk padding into the camp with a patrol despite knowing he was never going to be assigned to another... It wasn't fun - she hated it but knew it was not something she would be over with in a sunrise if she stepped back from her duties. Oh of course there was the tempation to shutter herself away from the Clan, to grieve and cry until she had no more tears to spend but then she... She wanted to take it slowly - carefully.

To let herself come to terms with it over the next few moons instead of sitting on her tail and praying the pain would disappear if she just wallowed in it. It would solve nothing - it was better to focus on living her life, even if she couldn't do it to the degree she was used to. It...It was what Cedarstalk would want from her but she knew the grief wouldn't disappear just because she wanted to focus on other things. No...No she would never be free from it, she supposed - it was the simple reality of things.

It didn't take long for Mottlestar to launch into the real reason of this patrol - a soft sigh escaping her at the mention of Murky. Yes, she had heard it - it was also hard to miss that one of their warriors had disappeared. She hadn't really known the warrior - a patrol here and there and while there was a tinge of sadness that she hadn't been worthy enough of a proper goodbye...She only wish she had gotten a chance to talk to her - to know why. But RiverClan?

She blinked a few times at that, before she smiled softly. Well, there was worst Clans she could have joined - at least this way Murky was still close to them. She would get her chance at answers if she was lucky - not that she would blame her or...Or scold or judge - she just wanted to understand better, know her side of things. She nodded, giving Mottlestar a glance before her heart sank at the clear grief on the leader's face. She gave the leader a nudge of support. "She might be part of RiverClan, but she will forever be your family. You will get to see her again, I'm sure of it," she murmured, but it sent a pang of grief through - both had lost a child, but she would never see Cedarstalk again until she either joined him in StarClan or...

Well, if she was to become leader...Maybe. Maybe she would get her chance but she wasn't going to pray the day came sooner just for a chance to see him again.

At the mention of Nightstalker however, she froze - falling behind a few pawsteps before she realized she had come to a complete stop and hurried to catch up. She...She had talked to him - that was nothing odd, she supposed. She had conversation with a few cats at the border but at the mention of the offer, the deputy couldn't help but give a wary glance at Mottlestar. But for all of her uncertainties, her ears were perk to listen to every reason Mottlestar gave - before asking what the deputy thought.

Truthfully? She wanted to laugh at the 'selfishly' remark - but she bit back her disbelief at the entire situation as she took in a deep breath. Nightstalker - ex-leader of ShadowClan - smited by StarClan themselves. The subject of a one-night fling that Acornstem hadn't the heart to judge the leader for when the truth came to light. Her tail swished, before she gave a gentle shake of her head. "Honestly? I think you used the wrong word - an offer like that isn't selfish, its selfless," she stated simply.

"That being said...I'm not sure..." Her ears twitched, a heavy sigh escaping her as she tried to think of what to say - what did she even think on it? "There is no denying it...Might be a bad look for us if the others learn of this - I don't think its...Too much to say that the other leaders don't think highly of him - even his successor." That seemed clear enough - if not even ShadowClan seemed to like him, it wasn't hard to imagine that the other Clans felt even worst on him but she couldn't deny it also awoken a sense of...Pity, she suppose, for the tom.

"And what of our Clanmates? There was...A lot of mixed feelings when your relationship with him came to light. The fact that you are opening our dens to him - even in the simple offering that he might not accept..." She shook her head. "I worry, I-I suppose. I don't know how I feel about him - he didn't seem the greatest cat and not even StarClan felt him worthy of leadership but other cats were vocal how they felt. I understand why you chose this an-and I don't think I would argue against if it I saw the state he was in but..." A heavy sigh escaped her.

"...I can see where your selfish remark came from. He...He still means something to you, doesn't he?" she asked, her voice low but there was no judgement in it - she was, after all, a romantic cat - often daydreaming of when she would find her own love as an apprentice and young warrior until a spar with Firefly had...Filled in the question of 'who' even if she had yet the courage to admit it even thought it was clear it wasn't a passing crush. She...If Mottlestar still felt something for him - despite how brief their relationship had been and how much of a mistake it seemed to have been...

Well then, Acornstem couldn't stand by and do nothing - she would help, however she could.

Mottlestar had continued on for several paces before noticing the disappearance of her walking companion beside her. Part of her couldn't help but not know how to feel in lieu of such a reaction, whereas the other part was thankful that they had such a bond that an unbridled reaction could be so easily given. Either way, she slowed herself to allow the deputy to catch back up, and to listen to what her true thoughts were.

Every bit of Acornstem's body language was assessed by the tortoiseshell. It... only seemed to leave her anxious, and the way she walked changed to reflect that. What was her usual graceful step turned into her claws grasping at the earth, kneading at it every time she raised her legs, only to knead at it again the moment they were placed. It was an anxious tic she'd gained from Minnowfin, and one she had never been able to shed. Even this long after he'd been gone, that was one of the main things that she carried with her. She trusted her deputy to give an honest answer, but that trust also meant Mottlestar showing just how much her decisions affected her herself. There had been several things that she had done that she now regretted, and she was hoping she hadn't added to that list.

A bewildered blink was the first reaction to come that wasn't her anxious steps. Selfless? It was the leader's turn to stumble, halting for just a moment and nearly tripping over her bad leg before continuing. She certainly agreed with all Acornstem was saying thus far. Nightstalker was more than a controversial figure in the forest, but she couldn't shake the image of him practically rotting away from her head. He looked absolutely awful, and all cats of the forest knew what might he had walked with in the past.

She had nodded in response to her deputy's comments. Comfreyheart and Firefly were the first to jump to the forefront of her mind. Truth be told, no matter the ending of this conversation with Acornstem, Comfreyheart was the next cat in her mind to go talk to and tell. She had promised the onyx molly that she would know of these things, and she wasn't going to break that promise. Not again, certainly not now.

But as Acornstem's question came... Instantly, her gaze shot to the ground. Ears pinned back, it almost looked like she'd been caught swiping prey before she'd fed the elders. The way her paws gripped at the ground only grew more fierce, and patches of the leaf-littered grasses were torn up with each step. She hadn't really considered it, but... there had to be no other reason, right? Had it been another cat, she would have waited to truly see how they felt more before daring to offer such a thing. Would have kept it on her radar, but gone right to their Clan leaders first. After all, it wasn't her place to attempt to steal warriors from other clans. She had never wanted to operate on that policy.

Her conversation with her deputy should have been about recognizing that fear, and going to Leopardstar about the problem. Not offering Nightstalker a solution out of it for him to take. It felt like she had swallowed a rather large tuft of fur, the lump in her throat making it almost impossible to speak. This was her deputy, though. Her second-in-command. She had bared her heart to her entire Clan at her weakest point, and they still trusted her to lead. Part of that meant she had to share when she made choices such as this.

She needed to tell the truth to her deputy.

Even though her head swirled, the first response that came from the tortoiseshell was nothing but a simple, almost imperceptible nod. "...I suppose he does, yes." Her voice had also grown soft, nearly a whisper. "...I have distanced myself from him until now, but seeing him so frail... My heart did call out to help him." Guilt engulfed every word. Every single one. She shouldn't have felt such things, no. It was wrong. Wrong on so many counts, especially given her title. She was above those things. Even then, she yearned for that companionship again. The coldness of her den had sunk itself into her bones in recent times, and part of her had almost contemplated going back to sleeping in the warrior's den purely so she didn't feel so lonely. Was this her attempt at fixing that?

It was foolish of her to even be thinking that was something Nightstalker would want. He'd made his feelings on their kits clear enough, even moreso when it came to the two of them. Whatever spark had existed between the two of them on that night had never even been given the chance to blaze into a full-blown fire of love, the only reason that ember had managed to see another day was because of the kits that had resulted. She loved those kits with every ounce of her heart, and there was nothing that would change that. But... had she truly been able to smother out that spark?

No... No, she hadn't.

"It's wrong... I know. Stars, I know. I... I promise, these aren't feelings I'd pursue further than that offer. But... I should tell Comfreyheart, shouldn't I? Firefly- actually... you might want to be the one to talk to her. But... Her, Thrushnose, and Rosepaw... They deserve to know, too. That there's a chance their father may... may come." Keeping her gaze back at her paws, it took a moment before she could look up at her deputy. It didn't last long, though. Her cheeks burned with the shame, and soon enough, she was looking back down at the ground they were walking on. "But... you are better judgement here... should we let him? If he comes? I don't trust myself to make this call, Acornstem."