misguided ghosts [c]

Thalia's fox pelt was comfortable, even now; she could manage just fine without it, and she didn't need to hide behind it. But it was comfortable and familiar, just as her crown of flowers was- and unlike her flowers, when she chose to venture outside of Clan land it made an effective disguise and intimidation tactic; meaning that, most of the time, she could find what she needed without any major interruptions.

She only ever traveled this far to gather herbs for the medicine cats, a habit she'd kept from all the way back when it was Rookfire she was assisting. She hadn't been much use as a warrior then, still learning how to fight without striking to kill and with her lackluster hunting skills, but camp maintenance and gathering herbs and flowers was easy enough to learn.

Catmint was the main thing she came for, but there was also lavender and tansy and chamomile and sorrel. All useful things that happened to grow better here than in ShadowClan.

From a distance, she appeared to be an ordinary- if somewhat striking- white-spotted fox; though upon closer inspection her true identity was clear in the way she carried herself, carefully inspecting nearby flowers.

Beechfang carefully harvested one of the coneflower plants that some twoleg had planted, taking only what would be necessary and leaving the majority of the plants in one piece. It was about time that she head back toward the abandoned twolegplace, maybe catch a quick meal along the way. Lingering in the less-abandoned areas of twolegplace was never wise, and Beechfang had no intentions of being captured again or even seen by another twoleg if she could help it.

Her single yellow-green eye swept her surroundings cautiously, picking out the form of a white fox in the distance. Beechfang froze, claws digging into the earth. A fight wasn't something she really wanted today, but foxes were unpredictable. The creature moved... And Beechfang couldn't stop her fur from bristling.

The wind wasn't in her favor, but it didn't matter. The movements were wrong. Too wrong for a fox, and the former Skyclanner felt her heart sink. No, that wasn't a fox at all. She'd recognize their movement, the way they loped. This though, moved differently. More like a cat. Studying it, Beechfang could make out the oddities on the pelt, make out the body beneath.

Wonderful. Just what she needed. A kit with memories he shouldn't have, and now a monster in the flesh standing before her. They were alone, as far as Beechfang could tell at least, but she was on edge, tail twitching back and forth as her claws dug into the ground. Only one group of cats Beechfang knew would have the gall to wear the pelts of fallen beasts. Nothing more than to show what beasts lurked within, proudly on display for all to see.

"I didn't realize Asylum still lived. A pity." The back of her throat tasted bitter as a growl rumbled in Beechfang's chest. If this one thought conquering the clans was a good idea, she would end them before it could start.

Underneath her pelt, Thalia's ears were pointed; the words reached her, and she turned. It had been so, so long since that name had been spoken by anyone but herself; other than maybe elders and their stories for restless kits.

"It doesn't," she said simply, shaking her head as she set the small amount of catmint she'd gathered so far at her paws. She shifted, her real face showing as the fox pelt fell to her shoulders; her single Nightstriker scar as clear as day, along with the shallower and somewhat faded scars of her worst mistake. "At least, not in the way you think. I don't- I'm not-"

A monster, her mind supplied. Here to hurt you.

Hard as she tried, the words wouldn't leave her throat.

"I don't know what you know," she managed. "More than most, I guess."

Enough to know what she was, or what she had been.

"I didn't think there were many cats left that would remember, but..."

She twisted slightly until she could gesture to her face, to her scars, with her tail- the real one, while the fox's dragged behind her.

"I'm not like that. Not anymore."

Normally she could speak just fine, but this situation- something she had feared for so long, and only stopped worrying about when it had never happened- had finally come to haunt her; her nerves caused the words to get caught in her throat and forcing any of them out was suddenly a struggle.

Any other time she'd had to confront her past, she'd had someone to lean on. But the risk she took every time she ventured past ShadowClan, as necessary as it was, was that she went alone; and besides that, those who shared her history were already gone.

She couldn't shake the nervous feeling, the obvious way her legs were shaking.

The stranger in a fox pelt stumbled over a reply, seeming nearly as taken aback as Beechfang was by the sight of her. That should have been comforting, in some small way, but it only made Beechfang's shoulders tense, uneasiness worming its' way into her gut. Another cat might've reacted aggressively to being called out. This one didn't.

"You wear their trappings still." Trappings that marked her as one of Beechfang's nightmares. Trappings that marked her for a vicious brute, claiming she was not that. Beechfang knew how cats could change. No longer was her worldview so rigid as it once was, yet her gaze remained fixed on the scarred she-cat, unwavering. She feared to look away, to allow herself to be vulnerable. For the moment, that knowledge kept her paws where they were.

What she knew? Too much, some might say. Not enough, if this was standing in front of her, so long after the Asylum's supposed defeat. "I might not be Skyclan anymore, but I was there for the takeover. Woken in our nests with claws and fangs pressed to our throats." And for Dawnhawk's betrayal, Bloodstrike's captured, Flowerthorn... Beechfang couldn't have made her fur lay flat even if she'd wanted to. Her heart raced at the sight of the fox head falling to the she-cat's shoulders, a long-buried instinct making her take an involuntary step back. "I was in camp when our warriors brought the news of your defeat... And the deputy your betters kept confined for an entire season." Bitterness permeated her voice on the last, claws sheathing and unsheathing with the memories of the Asylum being driven out. Physically gone, perhaps, but the Asylum's presence had not faded. Not for her, not for Skyclan, certainly not for the captured.

"Why are you here?" The herbs were an easy explanation, but that didn't explain why this she-cat had the gall to encroach on Beechfang's tenuous grasp at sanity with her mere presence.

"Then you would know that they stole kits from the Clans." Thalia stayed where she was, somewhat reassured when the stranger- though still not peaceful or friendly- refrained from attacking. She wasn't sure what she would have done. Run away, or stay frozen where she stood? "They raised us, gave us new names, and taught us the things they thought we needed to know. Lied to us about who and what we were, where we had come from, what we were doing. But- they still raised us. They were..."

Family, her mind supplied. She shook her head slightly instead of voicing it.

"That night, the first time I ever saw Fourtrees, was the first time I saw what they had actually done. And after, when the survivors left, they asked us to stay... To find a place in the forest. I went to ShadowClan, and I trained under Flintstar as a warrior. I never changed my name back, because... I wanted to remember what I had been. What I had done. So I wouldn't forget."

Thalia gestured to her fox pelt with her tail. "Old habits, in my case. It's become a ceremonial thing for ShadowClan, under Nightstar."

Why are you here?

That was, at least, an easier question to answer.

"It's difficult for the medicine cats to travel this far. I come this way sometimes, to gather things that don't grow well in the marsh."

She observed the stranger before her once again.

"...You used to be SkyClan?"

Now that she thought about it, she was sure she'd seen someone similar before; maybe somewhere in the crowd at Gatherings. She tended to keep to the edges, or stick close to her Clanmates; familiar faces often made the stress of the night a little easier to deal with. But upon further inspection...

It was on the tip of her tongue. This was someone she had seen before, somewhere, a name she felt she should know-

But she wasn't going to pry.

"My name is Thalia," she said, realizing that she hadn't introduced herself at all. "When I decided to stay with ShadowClan, I wanted to make up for the mistakes I didn't realize I was making. Gathering herbs, helping to heal- that was the best thing I could think of."

She felt like the awkward not-yet-warrior who had tripped over her words when talking to Flintstar, a feeling that might have been nostalgic if it wasn't so nerve-wracking. She supposed that it was a testament to relatively newfound confidence that she was still standing on her own four paws.

"I really don't want to hurt anyone. I don't expect you to believe that, but... I didn't mean to disturb you, either. I've never run into another cat here before."

"They did." Beechfang nodded slowly, remembering Ravenclaw's tale of the mousehunt and the information they had learned. None of the kits had ever returned to Skyclan, save for her brief encounter with the former Blazingkit on the border shortly after the Asylum's defeat. Most, she assumed, were long gone, and she couldn't blame them for that. What the she-cat supplied was in line with Ravenclaw's story, too. "They had only the vilest of intentions. I'm sorry." She had been ready to kill this one where she stood if she had actually turned out to be what she feared. It seemed that would not be the case today.

"Flintstar was a respectable leader." He'd been gone for a long time, now. And Murkystar, too. It was an unpleasant reminder that she wasn't as young as she wanted to be. "Nightstar... I guided him and a kit out of twolegplace when the twolegs were taking an interest in capturing forest cats. I hope they're well."

Beechfang couldn't imagine wanting to keep the name that was tied to so much pain and hardship of what the Asylum had been, but then, it wasn't her name.

Looking for herbs, a low snort left the scarred tabby. Funny how everywhere she went, there was a reminder of something. Changing her name hadn't allowed her to forget the past, though she could respect Thalia for not wanting to become that again. "I was Skyclan's medicine cat, once. I insisted on changing my name because I wanted nothing to do with that, or what I'd been, and still fell into the same mistakes after I became a warrior." Some of them, it seemed, learned more quickly than others. Beechfang had learned... Eventually.
"Grass isn't always greener, I suppose. Name's Beechfang."

"Flintstar gave me a chance to be something better than I was. I'll never forget that." It still stung, a little, to realize that he was gone. Some time ago, now, but still. "They're both fine, as far as I can tell. I heard that Nightstar carrying a kit back with him caused quite a stir, but I was captured at the time too... I lost my way a few times coming back, since it wasn't somewhere I'd been before."

Beechfang.

That was familiar- only vaguely, memories of chaos at Gatherings that she tried to avoid, but familiar nonetheless.

"...I thought I recognized you, after a moment," Thalia said finally. "From Gatherings, I mean. I don't usually pay attention to them, but some of the names start to stick after a while. I can definitely understand wanting to leave behind what you were- most of the others did, too. But I guess any change you can make only goes so far."

"I imagine it would. I would've liked to see that." Beechfang nodded. That kit had surely been too young to be taken from the clans, or so Beechfang hoped. But clan life was far better than being on the streets of twolegplace. Even in Shadowclan's stinky marsh. "The twolegs caught me not long after, too. At least they kept some cats locked up around here. But there were a lot more captured, if that mess at fourtrees was anything to go by."

Being recognizable from gatherings... Well, that certainly wouldn't have been a good first impression, not that Beechfang truly cared. Her past was... Behind her. Or so she told herself. "Can't say I miss gatherings. Stars know I've played enough of a role at them more than I'd like to admit." The Shadowclanner's words weren't untrue either, Beechfang knew. "Yes... Someone will always remember the past, no matter how much we try to change moving forward. Can't blame them for it... But it is grating, at times, isn't it?"

"So would I- I can hardly imagine how different he'd look, with a kit hiding under his tail."

A pause.

"It seems like half the forest was swept away at some point or another," she said eventually. "And the ones from other places, too. I hope those Twolegs never come back. Between that and the flood that swept us from ShadowClan's territory, I don't particularly want to have to make my way there a third time- or a fourth, I guess."

She sighed, nodding slowly.

"It is. But I see it like- they see what they see, and it won't matter what I do. It doesn't change anything. So I just try to do the best I can," she gestured again to the herbs at her paws. "Like this. I don't know what most of them are good for- I probably should've paid more attention. But at least I know what's dangerous and what isn't, and I know they need what grows out here."

"If it's not one disaster, it's another. Shadowclan's flood, Skyclan's fire - that was before the Asylum took over everyone. The great shake and the twolegs... I regret that I can't be among my family to deal with whatever the forest throws our way." Cloverheart's drowning had been her mistake, she knew that now.

She nodded once in agreement of Thalia's words. "All we can do, really." At the mention of the herbs, Beechfang glanced toward what the she-cat had collected, mood seeming to brighten a little. She hadn't liked being a medicine cat, but the knowledge was something she would never shy away from sharing. "You found catmint, it's chewed and eaten. Helps soothe whitecough and greencough." It had taken her a long while to truly 'get' what each herb did, as an apprentice she had struggled for moons to commit that knowledge to memory.

"This one's coneflower. The seeds and sap are a good preventative for illness and soothe whitecough. The leaves can be applied to wounds and help ward off infection." A paw lifted, pointing to the plant she had collected earlier, almost forgotten when she had spotted Thalia's pelt from a distance, "Basilbloom, one of your former medicine cats dreamed of it, organized a whole patrol of cats from every clan to come out here and find it. Most of the clans sent their medicine cats... And Windclan sent no medicine cat but two warriors. I was no longer medicine cat, but I knew twolegplace from when Skyclan stayed there after the fire. All we had were Basilbloom's dreams and description to guide us, and it was a tense journey, but we searched anyways. Took us over a moon. I found it in the big garden. Middle of leafbare, you'd think it would've been dead like most of the other foliage." All Beechfang could think of at the time was how smug she was to have found it, how ready she was to go home to Skyclan and get away from Cloverheart's infuriating presence. "Looking back, I should've been more excited over the find. It's invaluable." Maybe she had rambled just a little... But it had been a long time since Beechfang had been afforded the opportunity to do so.

"Catmint," Thalia murmured, committing the name and the plant to memory; she'd known this, once, but what little details she knew of herbs had been forgotten over time in favor of other curiosities. "Chewed and eaten, for whitecough and greencough." Then she did the same for the one Beechfang had gathered for herself. "And... Coneflower. Seeds and sap to prevent illness, leaves applied to wounds to ward off infection..."

She recalled Basilbloom with a distant fondness, and something about the story the former warrior told about the herb sounded vaguely familiar. WindClan sending two warriors and no medicine cat stood out in her mind, but she wasn't sure that it meant anything at all.

"Thank you," she said, voice quiet. "I hope that I can put this knowledge to use, someday."

She couldn't help it, the sense of curiosity bubbling up despite her best efforts to swallow it down--

"...It grows in the cold? That's unusual, isn't it?"

Beechfang nodded in approval as the other she-cat repeated the herbs and their uses to herself. She'd gotten them right, She already seemed to know what to look for, so perhaps memorizing what those two did wouldn't be too terribly difficult for her either. Beechfang could recall just how difficult it was during her own apprenticeship, as well as how other cats seemed to pick up the knowledge as naturally as another cat might pick up hunting or fighting.

"It is, yeah. I don't know if it's something the twolegs do, or just how coneflower works. Either way it's a boon for us." Especially when most herbs were so scarce during leafbare. Basilbloom's insistence on finding the herb had done the clans a good service.