Change of Weather, Still Together [c]

Stormdance

Stormdance was tired to his bones. Woolywing getting so grievously injured on his watch already had him tied up in knots. However, encountering Rowanpaw sneaking out of camp, and the following argument with his apprentice and then the fight with the fox broke what was left of Stormdance’s resolve. The pain of his injuries was as good an excuse as any to stay curled up in his makeshift nest in the medicine den, drifting in and out of sleep. He would wake up to get treated by Dovesight or Sandypaw, or occasionally would speak with Woolywing and Rowanpaw, but for the most part, he just… wanted to rest.

His leg was broken, which meant that even if he had the energy to do so, he couldn’t get up and began giving back to his clan as fast as he would’ve preferred. He knew that he needed the time to recover, but the swirling guilt in his mind from everything that had happened made him feel as though he had failed not only as a mentor, but as a warrior. And so he slept, trying not to think about these things.

However, a familiar voice and scent pulled Stormdance out of his drifting doze, and he lifted his head. He blinked tiredly a couple times, working through the fog leftover from so much rest, but it didn’t take long before an involuntary smile appeared on his face. “Brookstone,” He called softly to her as she came into the medicine den. He wondered what brought her there, and, perhaps a little selfishly, he secretly hoped she was there to see him.

While they still slept side by side in the warrior den, the two hadn’t been able to spend nearly as much time together as they had when they were still apprentices. Stormdance’s time had largely been occupied with first Woolywing, then both Woolywing and Rowanpaw, and then just with managing Rowanpaw on his own. On top of that, his normal warrior duties increased as the predator attacks grew more frequent and more of their clan ended up in the medicine den. He knew that Brookstone had many of the same struggles with Sprucepaw and his many predator encounters, as well as managing her own duties.

So much had happened lately, and with so much going on, Stormdance found himself craving her company, now more than ever. He sometimes wished he just could go back to the perfect morning they had after Brookstone’s warrior ceremony, when everything had felt right when it had been just the two of them, and live in that moment.

Stormdance

Stormdance smiled as Brookstone came up to him, and then he blinked rapidly. “I-” He said, stuttering and at a loss for words for a moment. He should’ve expected Brookstone could see right through him, but still, it caught him off guard. “I-I’m not-” Then, he gave up. He knew better than to try to lie to her. He slumped, head hanging and ears folding backwards as he looked down, unable to meet her gaze.

“...I know. I’m sorry,” he said softly, glancing towards where Rowanpaw was still dead asleep and Woolywing’s nest had been set up. “I just… I can’t help it. I feel like I let both of them down, Brook.” He said softly, giving voice to the thoughts that had been swirling around in his head for moons now. It was easier to talk to Brookstone. He felt like he could be honest with her, that she wouldn’t think badly of him, or stop liking him for voicing his fears. He hesitated, then leaned forward a little to plonk his head onto Brookstone’s chest.

Stormdance

Stormdance allowed himself a moment of just staying pressed against Brookstone, savoring the comfort the she-cat brought him. He tried so hard not to let other cats see him like this, but with Brookstone, it was as easy as breathing to let his guard down. He felt her untense beneath him, and that helped him do the same, shoulders slumping.

Brookstone’s paw lifting his head caught him by surprise, his face feeling a little hot at the action as he stared into her beautiful blue eyes. His eyes widened at her words, and then softened and became misty. He blinked hard as he read the open honesty in her face, and he took a shaky breath. He leaned forward enough to press his nose to her cheek for a moment. “You really are the best, you know that?” He said, tiny and soft. Something deeper lingered on his tongue, the urge to add more, but he held back and instead pulled back to face her head on.

“But… okay.” He sat down more comfortably, silently offering with a swish of his tail for Brookstone to sit next to him before curling his tail over his paws. With another deep, steadying breath, Stormdance began to explain.

“I guess it’s been a collection of things.” He said. “From the moment Woolywing was assigned to me, I was terrified I’d mess up, and I felt like when he got hurt sneaking out, I already had. Like I could’ve prevented it if I had just--said or done something different. I know that’s not reasonable. I wouldn’t blame Owlshriek for Yarrowblossom doing the same thing that day, but I still felt that way. I felt like I had done more harm than good his entire apprenticeship.”

“And then he got hurt again on my watch. And not just hurt. Blinded. I couldn’t do anything to stop it. I thought that we had been cautious and careful but the moment I turned my back the snake arrived and it was too late.” He shook his head. “And I know he’ll be okay, eventually. I know he’ll be able to adapt. But I feel like I should’ve prevented him from getting that hurt in the first place.”

It was a weight off his mind to finally give voice to these fears and doubts. He had spent a while now with these weighing on his mind, and so to be able to speak them out loud felt like coming up for air after having been under water.

Stormdance

Stormdance melted into the comforting touch Brookstone offered him, resting his head on top of hers and a tiny purr rumbling out of his throat. Her warmth pressed against him chased away the chill of his worry. For the first time in what felt like moons, Stormdance relaxed completely. He might’ve even drifted off if not for Brookstone starting to speak again, and he pulled back as she did, meeting her gaze. He would honor the kindness she was showing him, and take whatever words she had to tell him to heart; this much he knew.

He didn’t interrupt, but as Brookstone spoke about her own anxieties about Sprucebark’s trouble, he leaned forward and bumped his head against her shoulder for a moment, giving her fur a quick, comforting lick. He would express this to her when she finished, but he was proud of her. Both for mentoring Sprucebark and for working on facing her own guilt and fear in regards to his constant bad luck. Stormdance pulled back once more to look Brookstone in the face, watching her smile soften as she spoke.

His own smile began to grow wobbly. To his surprise, Brookstone’s reassuring words brought tears to his eyes. He didn’t quite let them fall, not yet, but they misted and blurred his vision of her. That knot of anxiety and guilt he had gotten so used to by now began to ease. It didn’t disappear completely, not yet. Some doubts still lingered. But it eased, beginning to unravel as she spoke. He hadn’t quite realized just how much he needed to be told that, that it would be okay. More than that, that it was okay that he felt this way, and that someone was there with him. That she was right there with him. He looked down at their paws on top of each other, that wobbly little smile growing a bit larger. Woolywing would be okay, and so would Rowanpaw, and so would he. There was nothing he couldn’t face if he had Brookstone.

For a long moment, Stormdance just let those words sink in. He didn’t trust himself to open his mouth just yet, afraid that a sob would spill out instead of words. He doesn’t think he’d ever heard Brookstone speak so long or so passionately all at once, but it was nice. And it touched him somewhere deep in his heart that she did that for him. It was the passion, the clear belief in her own words that helped them sink into his stubborn little head. That was one of the many things he admired about Brookstone. She never seemed to give anything less than one hundred percent of herself to anything.

He took a deep breath, and finally remembered how to speak. “You’re right.” He said. “Like usual,” He added with a tiny chuckle, managing the small joke as his mood lightened. He moved to bonk his head against hers for a moment, closing his eyes. “I need to have a little more faith. In him, in our clan…” He chuckled again, weakly. “In myself. But… you’re right. Things will get better.” He pulled back a bit so he could look at her once more, blue eyes soft and filled with affection and appreciation. “I know you already know this. But regardless; you’re an amazing mentor. Sprucebark was, and still is, lucky to have you.”

“And so am I, to have you as my best friend.” He purred softly. “...Thank you for this, Brook. Really.” He couldn’t express his gratitude to her for all she had done for him enough, but that was a good place to start.