Heaving through corrupted lungs (c)

Honeypaw

Honeypaw was restless. He woke up this morning from bad dreams, most of them consisting of a certain Dark Forest cat that Honeypaw, for whatever reason, just couldn’t get out of his head. As much as he may want to. And it left Honeypaw feeling like there was a weight on his chest, and he just wanted to get out of camp. But he didn’t want to sneak out, and he didn’t want to bother any other warrior about leaving camp. No, the only cat he wanted to be around right now left before he was awake on an early morning patrol.

As soon as Honeypaw saw Iceheart come down into camp, he brightened significantly and rushed right over to her. “Iceheart!” He said, skidding to a stop in front of her and kneading the ground. “I know you just went out, but can we pleaaasee go out together? We can go hunting or something! Please, please, pleasseeee?” He said.

Iceheart

After a long morning of patrolling, Iceheart was looking forward to taking a brief nap—but then Honeypaw came bounding up to her. To most other cats, she would have found an excuse to ensure that she could get that nap; but for Honeypaw, well, he was an exception.

“Sure,” Iceheart mewed. “We can go to try and catch some mice.” She hadn’t taken Honeypaw to the deep marshes yet, and it had been a while since their first outing to introduce the territory to Honeypaw. With the Dark Forest gone, it was a good time to explore more areas—and Honeypaw had so much energy. It was nice to see again. She didn’t want to waste the opportunity to see him like his old self again.

They headed out and Iceheart led the way. It didn’t take long for them to enter the deep marsh area, where the ground became muddier. Iceheart looked over her shoulder Honeypaw. “Stay very close to me. There are deep puddles that are hard to see. I want to make sure you avoid them.”

Honeypaw

Honeypaw brightened immediately. “Yay!” He cheered, immediately falling into step beside Iceheart. He bounded beside her, occasionally running ahead to sniff something or to examine something nearby, but always returning to her side. He was happy to be outside the camp, and he enjoyed the sunshine that landed on his fur after filtering through the trees.

However, as they started to walk closer to the deep marshes, and Honeypaw started to recognize where they were, his bright energy quickly dimmed. A feeling of dread churned in his stomach, and he shuddered when he felt his paws dip into mud. He stopped, shaking his paws for a moment to try and get it off, and he almost didn’t hear Iceheart.

He snapped his head back to her, bright amber eyes wide with fear. “U-Uh, right,” He said, quickly catching up to her. He pressed against her side, eyes quickly returning to scanning the ground for puddles. His chest felt tight.

Iceheart

Honeypaw’s sudden anxiety was so obvious that even a blind cat could have seen it. Iceheart paused in her steps and looked at the apprentice pressing so tightly against her. She frowned. The deep marshes were a bit frightening, sure, especially when you didn’t know how to navigate them on your own—but Honeypaw’s reaction felt too extreme to be simply anxiety of the unknown.

“Honeypaw?” she murmured. “What’s got you so on edge? You look like a mouse that just escaped being caught.”

Honeypaw

Honeypaw’s ears twitched in embarrassment that his nerves were so noticeable. He tried to relax, but it didn’t really work. He looked up at Iceheart, “I-I’m fine,” he said quickly, then winced a bit and looked down. He hated lying to her. Keeping a secret was one thing, though that had been hard enough. Lying to her directly felt worse.

“I just… I don't like the marshes.” He mumbled instead, trying to at least give a half-truth if not the full thing, and forgetting for a moment that he’d never been here before as far as Iceheart knew. He still didn’t know how to process what happened here with Fawnpatch. How much had been intentional. He knows he could tell Iceheart now, after all, it wasn’t like Fawnpatch was around anymore. But what could he even say? That he was being silly about an accident that happened over a moon ago? That wasn’t exactly warrior-like.

Iceheart

Iceheart wasn’t sure she believed Honeypaw. He was quite the sensitive soul at times, but he always approached everything with curiosity. On their trek into the territories, he would have gone straight into the Carrionplace or Thunderpath if she hadn’t explained why it was dangerous first. She mentioned dark puddles, but this reaction seemed over the top.

“Is that all?” Iceheart asked, turning and sitting to face Honeypaw in full. “Because you’ve never even been to the marshes before. How do you know you don’t like it?” She watched Honeypaw carefully, but she tried not to let suspicion or anything else show on her face. She was simply a curious mentor. He wouldn’t get in trouble if he told her. She assumed that he had snuck off at one point alone and maybe ran into some trouble in here. She wasn’t for certain…she just wanted to know what happened.

Honeypaw

Honeypaw looked away so he didn't have to look Iceheart straight on, unable to meet her piercing gaze. His tail flicked and he curled it tightly over his paws, frowning down at the ground. His ears lay back lightly and he didn’t say anything for a long moment before he said,

“I… I have been to the marshes before.” He swallowed hard, and he’s so quiet he’s barely audible as he added, “With… with Fawnpatch.” He hasn’t spoken her name since the battle, since he witnessed her second death, and somehow saying it out loud made a chill race down his spine. He glanced at her, guilt and anxiety written all over his face, before he quickly looked away again. “It um. Didn’t go well.”

Iceheart

Iceheart’s eyes narrowed at the mention of Fawnpatch. A Dark Forest cat had brought an apprentice out to the deep marshes, unsupervised? Iceheart can only imagine how that must have gone. She remembered Rainstrike taking her out alone as well. She shivered at the memory of carefully creeping into those deep puddles, where she almost couldn’t touch the bottom—then of the Thunderpath and that wide, terrifying eye from Rainstrike.

Shaking her head, Iceheart focused on Honeypaw again. “Tell me what happened. What did she do to you?” Her voice was low and calm, but there was a seriousness in her eyes as she searched Honeypaw’s features.

Honeypaw

Honeypaw’s ears laid flat on his head and he dug his claws into the muddy ground to try and steady himself. He’s silent for a moment, still unable to meet Iceheart’s eyes straight on. “I-I don’t know if she meant to,” He finally said, looking out across the marshes and looking at one of the puddles barely visible among the foliage.

“It was probably my fault. We were trying to go hunting and I slipped and I fell into some of the water and…” he shuddered and quickly licked his shoulder, trying to get his fur to lay flat. “I dunno. I’m being stupid about it. I’m sorry, Iceheart.”

Iceheart

Iceheart kept her expression steady, if only to disguise the rage she felt burning in her chest. She wasn’t there and Honeypaw was not being very clear about what had happened…but she had a sneaking suspicion that the incident had not simply been an accident. Iceheart took a deep breath to steady herself and then opened her eyes to look at Honeypaw again.

“It isn’t stupid,” she mewed calmly. “I’m very sorry that happened, Honeypaw. Whether it was her fault or not—you shouldn’t have been put in that position. She should have looked after you better.” After a brief pause of consideration, she offers, “Let me teach you how to more easily spot the puddles. You can still stick close to me, but it will help you avoid falling in if you know what to look for. Or, if you’d rather, we can go home for the day.” She didn’t want to push Honeypaw outside of his comfort zone. He was already struggling to keep calm out here.

Honeypaw

Honeypaw took a breath. He looked up at Iceheart, then back out at the marsh. Hesitation was clear in his features, and anxiety roiled in his chest as he remembered the feeling of the water closing in over his head. But…

If there was anyone he’d feel safe enough to brave the marsh again with, it’d be Iceheart. And he’d have to do it sometime. He couldn’t avoid an entire section of Shadowclan territory forever, as much as he may want to. It just wasn’t sustainable. And well, Honeypaw wanted to be brave. He wanted to be brave for his clan, and he wanted to be brave for Iceheart.

His tail flicked, and then he softly said, “Okay. I think… I think that’s a good idea.” He got to his feet, forcing his paws to be steady on the ground.

Iceheart

Relief flooded through Iceheart when Honeypaw agreed to give it a try. Perhaps if she could help him move past this fear, it could help him feel more at ease with his true self again. With that thought in mind, she shifted and pointed with her nose. “A few paces in front of us is one of the puddles. If you lower your head a bit, you’ll see a shine on the surface of the water from the sunlight. Can you spot it?”

Honeypaw

Honeypaw took a deep breath and he followed Iceheart’s gaze. He lowered his head and squinted a bit, tail twitching, until he recognized the shine of the afternoon sunlight on the puddle's surface. “Yeah!” He said, brightening just a tad and a tiny smile appearing on his face. Still, the slight tingle of unease lingered, and he softly asked, "Can we tell how deep it is from here?"

Iceheart

Iceheart nodded when Honeypaw confirmed that he could see the sun reflecting off of it. For his next question, she offered an uncertain, “No…It is hard to tell how deep any of them are unless you are right up next to them. However, you can assume that most are at least deep enough that kits or young apprentices can’t stand up in them." She looked at Honeypaw. “Of course, you’re larger than most cats. While there are certainly some puddles deep enough to cover you, I think you’re tall enough that most of them wouldn’t go past your face.”

Honeypaw

That made Honeypaw brighten a little bit. He was a larger cat, one of the largest apprentices currently. After just a few moons of training under Iceheart, he was starting to become just a bit larger than his mentor.

He nodded slowly. “Okay.” He said, taking another deep breath. “Do you know what I should do if I fall into one that’s deep enough for me? Or what I should do if someone else falls into a puddle?” He began carefully walking aside Iceheart again, keeping an eye on the muddy ground and looking out for more of the treacherous waters.