Can we pretend airplanes in the night sky are like shooting stars? [c]

Bloodstrike organized the patrols that morning and purposely chose Ashstorm and Dawnfeather to accompany him. He had a lot on his mind. If it hadn't been for countless conversations with Smokefeather over the course of his life he might not have been making the decision he was making now. Asking for help wasn't something he did often, let alone enjoyed. As he padded away into the forest, he waited for the three of them to be far away from camp before scenarios began to play in his mind. How would he even bring this up? A mouse ran by his feet but he'd been so focused on what he needed to say that was out of his reach in no time. His ears flattened and his claws pierced the earth. He needed to focus! He had no doubt that they noticed that he was off today. Now was about of a time as any to begin this... uncomfortable conversation.

"Ashstorm, Dawnfeather... I have..." He blinked hard once and then turned to face them. The patrol could wait. "I have a favor to ask... and this isn't easy for me so bare with me." He didn't even know if Ashstorm hated him as much as Beechface did. Dawnfeather had at least proved that she was patient and did what she could to help. He hoped he'd picked his council carefully and that this would work out for the benefit of everyone.

"Beechface and I had a conversation and it didn't go too well. A lot of hurtful things were said and at least on my part I didn't mean it... I can't speak for her. I approached her trying to fix the problems we were having but no matter what I say it always gets worse. I'd apologize if it would mean we could start over and put this mess behind us, but I don't thin she'll even give me a passing glance at this point. I know she's angry with me for breaking it off with Smokefeather and the whole incident with Briarthorn... I have no excuse for that. It wasn't behavior that is acceptable for a deputy but what was I supposed to do? Leave her alone to raise kits by herself? I made a mistake and I tried to fix it and now my family in Skyclan hates me." His eyes then went to Ashstorm and he sighed. He gave himself and her a moment to think before he spoke again. "Do you hate me for that too? You can be honest... "

This was a level of discomfort that he did not intend to have when he decided to have this conversation. If it weren't for the part of him that hated running from anything, he would have just said to forget it and go back to hunting. Well it was out in the open now... So now what?

Dawnfeather was… somewhat nervous? Today of all days she’d woken up too late to be out and about before dawn. And, of course, she was assigned to a patrol with Bloodstrike, whom she was still rather nervous about, and Ashaunt, who she should probably tell about Quiet… not today. The young molly fidgeted a bit as she padded along behind the two older warriors. A mouse scampered right by Bloodstrike’s paws- she made a half-checked movement to catch it but it was out of her reach in moments. Wait, this was a hunting patrol, right? Even if it wasn’t, weren’t they supposed to catch things that close? Was she forgetting something else?

Bloodstrike stopped abruptly (or Dawnfeather wasn’t paying attention, one of the two) and started to talk. A tiny bit of nervousness lingered in the golden warrior’s eyes, but most of the anxiety vanished once Bloodstrike started to talk. What? What was he even talk- oh. Right. Somehow she hadn’t really associated Newt, Briar, Bear, and Spots with family. Prima and Beechaunt didn’t- should she? How were they related to her… oh, yes. She’d known, as a kit. Dim memories… poor Smokema. If Dawnfeather had taken sides (which she never did) she would’ve been with Smokema.

Oh. Maybe this was why Beechaunt seemed even angrier than before. Some cats were sad, and then others were mad when they were sad and it was always hard to tell. Dawnfeather kept quiet, her tail wrapped around her hind leg. He’d asked Ashaunt a question, and she’d wait until the question was answered. Even so… she began to line her thoughts up like a straight line. Smokema- a lot had happened to her, and from what she’d heard, only the thought of Bloodstrike returning had kept her sane during the Asylum. Then Bloodstrike… did that, and then Smokema was injured, and life had been hard for her. The elder was more resilient than Dawnfeather could ever hope to be- she’d been through so much death…

The young warrior glanced at Ashaunt, waiting for her to respond.

Ashstorm liked the cats that she was assigned to go on the patrol with.  That always made patrols so much more enjoyable.  The slight chill in the air was also very nice for her considering her long thick coat.  The torture of the green-leaf warmth would finally be over for the most part, to which she thanked Starclan.

Once on the patrol, she greeted her clanmates kindly.  She realized that Bloodstrike seemed pretty off that day and she wondered why.  But as soon as he began talking she was pretty sure she would have her answer soon.  He got in a fight with Beechface?  Honestly, Ashstorm was not surprised in the slightest by that.  They were two surprisingly similar cats in Ashstorm's opinion.  Both stubborn, haunted by the past, and trying really hard to hide there sadness with any other strong emotion they could think of, meaning that arguments between them seemed common.  That was just what Ashstorm saw and thought, but she knew that there was probably a lot she did not know.  She wanted to try to give him some advice, but she really did not know what to say at this point.

Then he asked a question that she did not exceptionally want to answer, but she knew that she needed to.  She looked over at Dawnfeather who appeared to be waiting for her answer as well.  "I'm don't hate you," she exclaimed honestly, however she knew that just that most likely would not be the answer that Bloodstrike was looking for.  He deserved to know the truth about how she felt and all she could do was hope that he would not be mad at her for it.

"Disappointed in what you did?  Yes.  Feel like you should have thought more before making some of your stupid decisions? Also yes.  Feeling like you should have looked at how this might effect not just your family but your clan?  Definitely yes."  She sighed.  "But, unlike a lot of other cats, I see what might have driven you to make the decisions that you did, even though I don't agree with them.  But, more than anything you are my father and everyone makes stupid choices, that's why I don't hate you."

Her eyes narrowed.  She did not know how he would react to what she just said, but she hoped that he would be okay with it.  She did not want anyone to be mad at her, especially in her family.  Still, she had one last thing to say.  "But I still think that you were a bird brain for making the decisions that you did and I see where Beechface is coming from."

Bloodstrike listened and was more relieved than he anticipated to hear that Ashstorm didn't hate him. He didn't like feeling like no one in his clan wanted him around. Dawnfeather was quiet, and for now maybe that was appropriate. At least he knew where he stood with Ashstorm. "I know I shouldn't have done it. It was stupid." He completely acknowledged. He listened to more and nodded once in agreement. It wasn't that he couldn't take criticism. What he wouldn't tolerate was lack of respect, and Beechface had none to give to most cats. Whether or not that was justified he'd have to think about later.

"I get it too, but she seems very intent on holding that grudge until we die. The favor I wanted to ask of both of is to maybe talk to her and see if you can get a reasonable solution out of her so that we can end this. I don't want to be Spottedstar. I don't want my clan to want me gone and to hate every decision I make." He would be leader soon enough. The last thing he needed was a medicine cat that kept prophecies and omens to herself out of poor judgement and spite. She had already proven that she made impulsive, emotional decisions that were far from the good of the clan.

"Do you think maybe she acts like this because she wants to abandon her medicine cat duties and become a warrior? I already told her that I would grant her that once I was Bloodstar... I know she's mad at me for Briarthorn and her step-siblings and that's reasonable and fine. But why does this need to be an endless battle between the two of us? What's done is done. I am trying to make the most out of less than ideal situations and make the future better. I don't think Beechface can say the same and not be in denial about it. If I'm wrong, tell me."

He plopped down on his rump and prepared for whatever was about to come out of either of their mouths. If there really was something he was missing, he needed to be made aware of it.

Ashstorm appreciated that he admitted how stupid his decision was and listened to the rest of what he told her, about the fight with Beechface and everything.  Some of what he said she disagreed with, some she thought that he was right.  She was trying to find some good advice to give him.  She opened her mouth, about to speak, when Dawnfeather started talking.  She quickly closed it and listened to her niece.  She blinked in surprise at most things Dawnfeather said, mostly because some of it is what she would have said and others would be what she would be to afraid to say.  She also felt a wave of guilt wash over her when her niece mentioned the last time someone told Beechface "thank you" and only that.  Ashstorm had not even talked to her sister all that much recently and because of that she felt guilty.  Beechface had been through so much and Ashstorm was not even there to help her when it happened in the first place.

"I agree with Dawnfeather," she exclaimed.  "And I can talk to her as well.  The anger she's showing you could also have to do with more than just you.  She's been through a lot.  Maybe even the offer of being a warrior is almost sad now.  It's like you said Dawnfeather, she might not even be able to become one.  So, maybe that once offer that she loved, might just feel like your taunting her with something she can't have, even though I know that you don't mean it like that."  Ashstorm sighed.  She wished that her sister could have had the life that she wanted, not one that she was forced into.

"I know that isn't your intent at all.  I don't think she'd handling it great, I'm just trying to look at this from her perspective.  I'll talk to her.  I need to anyway.  But just think about what she's going through."

Bloodstrike waited for both she-cats to finish speaking before he nodded. "I told her thank you when we returned from the battle with Windclan. That's when I told her I'd let her become a warrior. I noticed tears and she didn't sound like she was happy about it, but I could still read between the lines. I know she doesn't get thanked enough, and by me especially. I tried to fix it that day too." Granted, he had just been waking up from getting knocked out and still felt pretty giddy, but he meant every word. He sighed, relieved that these two were so willing to help. There was still one more thing though.

"She also seems confused about what happened after she was struck by lightning thanks to Bear... " His ears flattened and he tensed. The corners of his lip twitch slightly and he licked his exposed fangs on his left side. He pushed the sudden flare of anger back to where it came from. He didn't need to start bristling and leaking from his mouth right now.

"Bearflower. I tried to tell her I wasn't happy about it. She thinks I care so little for her because Bearflower got her warrior name after. If Wolfstar hadn't insisted that she get it she would be Bearpaw still, if not homeless. I still haven't forgiven her for that, especially since she seems so indifferent toward it. You were both there... though Dawnfeather you had just arrived when the lightning struck. I'm sure everyone in that gathering heard me scream at her... and I made sure everyone knew I wasn't happy about her warrior ceremony either." He looked away as shame burned at the edges of his anger. That had been the most unprofessional warrior ceremony he'd ever done. Certainly the most hostile.

"If I didn't love Beechface I wouldn't have reacted that way. I don't really know why she thinks I care so little for her or the clan as a whole. I'm not the most... warm cat, everyone knows that, but I love Skyclan. I wouldn't look the way I did if I didn't." Though there was a question in him that he wasn't sure anyone could answer. He threw himself at an army of cats when they came to occupy Skyclan... and he would rather see Skyclan destroyed than enslaved. Would anyone else see that as love? He didn't know... but a whole lot of good that it did him.... he was broken inside and out and Skyclan was.... well Skyclan. Had that been an unnecessary move? Had his suffering been all for nothing?

If he thought he could keep Skyclan safe forever, he'd gladly go back into that cell and endure the pure Dark Forest that he had to all over again. But it seemed like Skyclan was in just as much danger from that day as it still was... and he was just an angry shell of himself that was far uglier than before and in a constant state of one type of pain or another. He had even noticed his own coldness and his lack of physical affection for most cats... but he couldn't quite bring himself to be that way again. As for Beechface becoming a warrior... well... if she really wanted to try, he would keep his promise and not stop her from at least trying. If she couldn't quite make the cut, he would be there for her then too, no matter how much she would try to push him away or claw what was left of his ears off.

“I see. Water flowing off your fur like a duck’s back. To straighten, to level, to start anew you must come from the ground up- to crack a nut in half and put the halves together. I think some of what is being said is flowing off your fur like water off a duck’s back, like fire wreathed round a rock. Please, listen to me. Beechaunt wouldn’t look the way she does if she didn’t love SkyClan. Try going around with one eye closed and thorns draped over your pelt, digging into your fur at your every move, shrikes shrieking in your ears. I don’t know exactly if that’s how she felt, but I saw how she winced at every half-formed movement and whispering sound. I tried to put myself in someone else’s pelt once- well, I went about with my eyes closed, trying to imitate Prima. I can’t. We don’t truly appreciate what we have until it’s gone, or until we successfully place ourselves in each other’s paws. Dawnfeather looked briefly up at the canopy of trees, wondering how Bloodstrike felt, how he thought, how he was.

“And Bloodstrike, haven’t you seen Bearflower work her tail off? It’s obvious she feels very bad about it all. She was just trying to show she loved SkyClan, in her own way. And it all went terribly south. Just- that isn’t the point. Ask Beechaunt how to show you love her- or maybe I’d better do that. It’s obvious she’s sad, broken, grieving everything. Has she ever known a moment of peace? This might be the most peaceful time she’s ever known- fire, Asylum, war. I had a… relatively peaceful apprenticeship. I think you had one, too. I’m not trying to take sides, I’m trying to open the nut so we can see if it’s good to eat or poison.

Aaaaand I’d better let somecat else get a word in edgewise, oop.” She took a step back with a sheepish smile, then plopped herself down on the ground. Her tail flicked idly as she waited for their responses- she did talk a lot, and repeated herself several times over. Still, that’s what… might be necessary.

Ashstorm listened carefully to what Bloodstrike said, and then what Dawnfeather had to say after him.  She knew Beechface was not really happy about Bearflower getting her warrior name.  Honestly, Ashstorm felt a little guilty, Bearflower was her apprentice.  If she would have taught her better, maybe that would not have happened.  She knew Bearflower felt bad and wanted to be a good Skyclan warrior, but what she did was hard to forgive.

She thought for a minute.  "What was the conversation you had with her like?"  She asked, curiously.  "I mean, was it her getting defensive and you getting defensive right back after trying to apologize?  Or were you trying to be peaceful until it got to a horrible point?  I just want to knew what to expect what she might say back about that day."  She actually wanted a little more than that.  She wanted, if it did happen like the first thing she asked, for him to know that he was part of making this problem a big deal and that it was not all Beechface's fault.  He seemed to already know some of that to an extent, but she thought that maybe him saying it out loud might help.  She also knew that Beechface was a really stubborn and angry cat much of the time, so she needed to know how to approach the she-cat about this.

Bloodstrike did his best to hide his bafflement with how Dawnfeather was talking. Was she a Starclan cat in disguise? Because she was talking in riddles like one. Or at least... made a lot of comparisons to thngs that he wasn't quite connecting. What he did understand, he nodded with to let her know that he was listening. Then Ashstorm spoke too.

"I was fully prepared to let her vent in however way she wanted to. I would have been able to handle it if... it sounded like she agreed with Dawnhawk and that took me by such a surprise that I.... yeah fine I lashed out. She said she didn't blame him for leaving... although he was forced out by us so I'm not sure what that's about. All I could think of was how he killed two of my daughters, my mother, Wrenspring, Cloudmane, Tigersong, Swansong... Stars knows who else. She blamed Tigersong's death on me too when I went after Dawnhawk the first time, a blame that I carried with myself for a long time. But now that we know what Dawnhawk is willing to do and how far he is willing to go, I forgave myself for it. Who could have been prepared for something like that?"

It had taken him a long time and a lot of suffering to realize that he wasn't entirely to blame for these misfortunes.

"I told her that if she agreed with him so much she should just leave and abandon us like Spottedstar did. ... The leader before Wolfstar was my grandfather, and your great great grandfather, Dawnfeather. He neglected his clan to the point that I even plotted killing him at some point, but I didn't have to because he left in the middle of the night and never came back. He didn't even say goodbye to Wolfstar or tell him where he was going. To this day we don't even know if he is alive or not." He thought he should at least tell Dawnfeather, since Spottedstar was before her time.

“Well, she doesn’t agree with Hawkuncle- er, Dawnhawk about everything, or else she’d be gone. She agrees with him on some things, I’m sure, like… well… maybe they have the same favorite color? They both don’t… really… like WindClan, or the other Clans, or y- er, uhm, y… yellow. Right. Anyways, what I’m trying to flow is she blames him for what he did. She doesn’t agree with that, but she does like that he’s gone?” She didn’t go any further. Somewhere deep within her mind she knew her fantasy was trembling on the edge of disaster, a catastrophe waiting to happen if she went any further.

“I’ll talk to her, though. Of course I will, and Ashaunt too, right Ashaunt?” Then Bloodstrike continued to talk and, despite herself, a fantasy wove itself around her, shrouding her in its vibrant yet muted colors. She stared off vacantly into space, the colors before her reweaving themselves into new shapes, the shape of a tom wanting desperately to stay, but forced away by actions and reactions, until his tears could come no more and he fled. And then Bloodstrike broke the spell. “You shouldn’t kill,” she said in mild reproach, like a queen telling her kits to not say mouse-dung but inwardly laughing joyously. ”If you do, you can always come talk to me, of course. But please don’t. That’s not very nice. But thank you for telling me about Spottedstar, it was a very nice story!” In a moment her demeanor changed from a kindly queen to an enthusiastic kit, like the flitting of a bird on the wing.

Dawnfeather was Dawnfeather, and she would always be.

Ashstorm suspicions were confirmed by Bloodstrike.  At least she knew more about what really happened now, it would be easier to talk to Beechface that way.  "Of course I'll go talk to her," she told Dawnfeather.  She looked at Bloodstrike for a minute, wondering how she could respond to what he just said.  "Thank you for telling me that."  She paused for a minute, thinking about the next thing she could say.  "You probably already know this, but I'm pretty sure she just said that out of anger.  I know that if she got the chance to kill Dawnhawk, she would probably just do it with no hesitation."  That was more than what could be said for Ashstorm honestly.  She was pretty sure Dawnfeather liked Dawnhawk too.  Maybe she was one of the only ones that saw both sides of the story, or maybe she was just idiotic, Ashstorm could not tell anymore.  "But I know it was not right for her to blame Tigersong's death on you.  That was just said to hurt you and it wasn't right."