The Mourning After [for KJ]

Ravenclaw hadn't been the same since Wrenspring had passed. Most couldn't blame her. He had been her mate after all, right? If only had that been the truth. She wasn't even there to say goodbye: he had passed before she could see him. Before the sadness had been rage, because this had been Dawnhawk's doing. Nobody had the thought to stop her that night as she had run into the forest, leaving camp for hours to track him down, but nothing. He was gone, and she could only slink back into camp before the sun rose, and that was when the misery set in. Since then, she had wandered around the camp like StarClan had taken her too. Today was no different, as she sat in the appropriately gloomiest part of camp, staring out at nothing. All she could think about was Wrenspring.

Wrenspring was dead, she and Ravenclaw had buried him, as was only fitting. It killed Beechface to know that she had found Ravenclaw in time for the dark-furred she-cat to say a proper goodbye, and the feeling was only made worse by their kits not being there for it, either. Birdsong and Shadewing were gone, and no amount of desperately searching had yielded any sign of them. Their trail had followed the border with Thunderclan briefly, then gone cold, vanished into the night like a ghost. She could only hope that they were safe, wherever they found themselves, and that they didn't think too harshly of their father or Ravenclaw.

After being confined to camp and her 'conversation' with Bloodstrike (she refused to think of him as 'father,' never again. He'd destroyed any notion of the word she'd once had) she had returned to camp and had avoided him at all costs. This had led to time spent in the elder's den, venting her frustrations to Smokefeather and Newtspring (Wolfstar could call them both 'paws all he wanted, that didn't make it true) and moping around the edges of camp, like she was doing now.

A dark shape in a darker corner caught her eye, and Beechface lifted her head. Ravenclaw, she realized... The one family member she could always trust to have her back, even when she'd never deserved it in the first place. Ravenclaw was grieving too.

Beechface pulled herself to her paws, silently skirting the edge of camp to reach her younger sister's side. "Hey," She mewed softly, gently pressing against her sister's shoulder.

Ravenclaw looked up, surprised to see Beechface there. The other cats in the clan had been giving her a wide berth to let her grieve, and she knew Beechface was grieving as well. They had both lost Wrenspring, and on top of that, she had been banished to the elder's den for her attitude. She was Beechpaw now, though Ravenclaw didn't feel it was right to call her that. Maybe she was just used to the Beechface Way by now.

"Hi," she responded glumly, looking back at the nothing she was eying. There was a silence between them for a few moments, where Ravenclaw was trying to collect her thoughts. She appreciated that Beechface didn't break it. "I didn't even get to say goodbye," she finally said, looking over at Beechface. "He's gone, and I never..." She sighed deeply, resting her head on her paws. "I told him how I felt. He didn't feel the same way." Her eyes went back to Beechface, swimming with a cavalcade of emotions. "I wish he had felt the same way about me that he did about you."

Beechface didn't break the silence after Ravenclaw's morose greeting, and she wasn't sure how to until Ravenclaw thankfully spoke up first. Gently, she pressed against her sister's side, hating how much pain she was going through. She'd admitted her feelings to Wrenspring... But Wrenspring had already made his choice. Beechface couldn't imagine being in that position, it was already bad enough that she'd been the one to put Ravenclaw there to begin with.

"Foxdung, Ravenclaw... I'm sorry." She wished she could go back in time, undo this entire mess.

"I hate that nothing I did was enough to save him." She muttered finally, "I feel so useless as a medicine cat." Foxing Dawnhawk, his claws had done that to Wrenspring. Not for the first time, Beechface wished that she could tear his throat from the rest of him. She wished that she was strong enough to fight him. Bloodstrike had been right, she should have fought Dawnhawk when they'd last seen each other. Even if it had led to her death, the slim possibility that she could have taken him to the afterlife with her was still there.

"It wasn't your fault. There was nothing you could do." Some part of her brain still wanted to be mad at Beechface: for taking Wrenspring, for not being able to save him. What would be the point, though? They had both lost him: the entire clan had, if she thought about it. If Beechface could have saved Wrenspring, Ravenclaw knew without a doubt that she would have.

"I'm going to kill him," she whispered, lifting a paw and flexing her claws. "I'm going to find Dawnhawk, and I'm going to kill him. Not even StarClan can stop me." Not that she had good feelings about StarClan at the moment. After losing that battle with WindClan, and then losing Wrenspring, along with other elders in their clan, she had lost her faith. She knew they existed, but they were powerless old ghosts. Where were they when Wrenspring was in danger? Where would they be if she was in danger? Nowhere, that's where.

"One day." She vowed darkly, though Beechface wasn't sure if she was even capable of it herself. Much as she would have liked to, she was stuck as a medicine cat, long claws and solid muscle going to waste on picking flowers and treating injuries. And after that stars-forsaken gathering she hadn't so much as sparred, let alone have the nerve to attempt climbing a tree.

"This can't go on forever, right? Sooner or later someone will manage to kill him."

"Not if we're sitting here in camp doing nothing." Ravenclaw stood, as if she was going to actually do something. She wanted to, though. "Every moment we stay here, he's out there somewhere. We need to find him." She scored the earth with her claws, then her eyes brightened. An idea came to her mind." Beechface, you have to take me to the Moonpool. I have to speak with Wrenspring." Was it crazy? Yes. Her faith in StarClan was about nothing, but Wrenspring would be there. She had to see him. He could help find Dawnhawk. If StarClan was as all-knowing as they claimed, then they would know. "He'll help us!"

Ravenclaw asking to go to the moonstone was unexpected, though... Beechface could see why she would ask. Still, it was a foolish idea. "I'm confined to camp, remember?" She smirked, then, more harshly, "Starclan" Beechface spat, "will offer us nothing. They haven't in moons. They interfere when they want to, and it's never to help us. I haven't dreamt in moons, Ravenclaw... And I doubt they'd let any cat that actually cares speak to either of us."

Ravenclaw's final hope was dashed by Beechface's realism. She laid back down next to her sister, looking mightily morose. "Wrenspring would help us," she whispered, head hanging low. She didn't even feel like the same cat anymore. The fire that burned inside her was nearly extinguished with Wrenspring's death. "I'll find Dawnhawk, then," she murmured, though there was no longer much conviction in her words. "I'll search the entire forest for him if I have to."

"I know Wrenspring would." Beechface muttered, gently pressing against her sister's side. "I don't know if they'd even let him speak to us... My dreams have been silent for a few moons." She admitted the last bit quietly, "It's a relief, honestly, to not hear the cryptic foxdung or have to endure lectures every time I close my eyes." Wrenspring wouldn't have lectured, Wrenspring wouldn't have been cryptic, and he was about the only starry-pelted thing she would have trusted.

"We'll find Dawnhawk, eventually." She added, though her conversation with Bloodstrike ran through her mind, worry etching its way across Beechface's expression as she glanced at her sister. "Just... Don't do anything stupid, Ravenclaw. Promise me that?"

Ravenclaw was silent for a moment, enough for the pause to be concerning. She knew what Beechface meant by stupid, and right then she was feeling like stupid ideas were going to be the best course of action. She finally breathed out, shaking her head slowly. "I won't do anything stupid, I promise," she finally answered, taking comfort in the warmth coming from her sister. She wanted to find Dawnhawk so badly and avenge Wrenspring, and all the other cats who had lost their lives due to him. A dark look came over her face, though she didn't speak her thoughts out loud. If she found out that another clan was harboring him, after everything that happened, there wouldn't be need for a war. She would take that leader's lives one by one.