echoes of a lifetime [open for 1]

Ferretnose's muzzle lay very close to her fresh kill, a bird. She plucked its feathers meticulously, slowly feeling with her nose the little quilled ends and wrapping her teeth around them, tugging up until they fell out. Her son loved feathers. Beecloud. He collected them. Her darling son. Her toothy tomkit. Ferretnose smiled and tucked in for her meal.

Beepaw. Beepaw had lots of toes. She liked to tease him for it. His sisters were all older than him. Are. They are all older than him. Cedarpawkitheart older.

Cedarkit. What a beautiful she-cat. Her kittens looked just like her, but little. Her daughter. Where is Cedarheart?

"Oh, I'm getting so very jumbled up," Ferretnose murmured. "I need a drink of water. I'm very thirsty. That's why."

But Ferretnose didn't rise to her paws, because she knew she was forgetting something. She couldn't go get a drink yet. There was something... something missing... Ferretnose dug her claws into the dirt, grumbling. Her tail swooped out behind her. Maybe if she looked around, she'd remember. When the elder looked up, everything was blurry. Very blurry. Only color permeated her vision. And then, Ferretnose remembered what she was forgetting. She was blind, and couldn't go to the stream without someone to accompany her. She might get lost on her own. Her brow furrowed at the remembrance. Had she not been named Ferretnose for a reason? She could track her way back to camp, all by herself!

To make the rest of her clanmates feel better, though, she decided to oblige. The she-cat stood warily, putting one paw in front of the other with patience, pressing down lightly to avoid stepping on a pebble or stick. Ahead of her was a clanmate. They smelled so fragrantly. The elder grinned. "Cedarheart," she called out. "Could you take me to the stream, please?"

When the cat turned around, though Ferretnose could not quite see them, her heart sank like a river stone. Ears drooped, mouth hung open. "Oh, no. I'm sorry. You're not Cedarheart. I... I don't know why I thought you were."

CedarCedarCedarCedar. Where? Whe?re?

"Cedarheart is dead, isn't she?" Ferretnose whispered, a brief memory of her daughter flooding her senses. She was laying in the center of camp, smelling of flowers and foxes and blood. "How could I... not know that? What's going on?"

Ferretnose looked up once again. "I'm sorry. I'm very sorry. Do you... do you think you could take me to the stream?"

Chores had once again taken up residence within his daily routine. The small break he had from them was nice but he had started to itch to have something to do. He took comfort in helping his clan even with the most mundane of tasks. He wasn't sure if any of the warriors have noticed by now but every once in a while, he'd happily take on some of the other apprentices' chores and add them to his ever growing list. It wasn't practical but he enjoyed them. Maybe that's why his peers liked him. It's a bit sad to think about but honestly, he didn't mind. If it made him happy, why should he stop?

As Kestrelpaw finished up tending to the nursery, he took a moment or so to stretch and take a breather. He'd been working for a while now and even he wasn't susceptible to not getting tired. He often had to go fetch some water for himself or just take a few seconds to sit and lessen the ache that was slowly growing in his paws. He didn't take long, though. There was little time to waste. He preferred to free up his day as soon as he could so he could have the night to himself to do what he pleased, whether it'd be sleeping or going out and taking a relaxing stroll. He was quite the efficient tom so he usually succeeded.

The brown and white tabby was so caught up in his head that he didn't notice the figure slowly approaching behind him. He was slightly startled and rotated his head around to look. "P-Pardon?" Cedarheart? But she was... His face spoke of confusion before realization hit him and he quickly put on a smile to try and hide his growing sadness. It turned out a bit melancholy but he hoped it wasn't too obvious. "It's alright, Ferretnose. Everyone makes mistakes once in a while." The apprentice offered the elder a gentler smile before it was quickly wiped away by her next statement. The tom's green gaze softened and his chest ached for the old she-cat. She had lost so many of her family members. He wouldn't even be able to move forward if he'd lose a lot of his family. Even thinking about it made him shiver. The faint memory of Hickory was quickly moved aside. There was no time to grieve. Ferretnose needed something and he was willing and ready to help out. "Yes. She's... she's no longer with us. She now hunts with the great cats in StarClan. I'm sorry..." A small feeling of worry began to blossom in his chest at the elder's confusion. Something... something wasn't right with Ferretnose. It was somewhat reminding him of a similar situation before but he couldn't quite recall exactly who it had been. Kerath ceased his reminiscing and stood up onto his paws and softly approached the she-cat. Stop it, head! This is certainly not the time to keep bringing up flashbacks! "Y-Yes! Of course I'll take you. I'm always ready to help!" The young tom wasted no time in setting up a gentle pace for the both of them to follow as they traveled to the stream. He made sure to match her pawsteps as to not accidently rush too much. She was a strong cat but moving for her probably didn't come as easily as it used. He wasn't going to comment since he was sure she wouldn't appreciate it. Besides, it would be rather rude of him to say.

Once they both exited the camp and fully set their paws into the territory, his head began to swirl with thoughts. He wasn't sure what it was but something about what Ferretnose had said was bothering him. 'Oh, no. I'm sorry. You're not Cedarheart. I... I don't know why I thought you were.' She'd thought he was Cedarheart? Had she almost forgotten that her daughter had died? 'How could I... not know that? What's going on?' Something was up and Kestrelpaw was determined to find out.

"Ferretnose," he began, "Are... are you doing okay? Earlier, you mistook me for Cedarheart... That's been bothering me for a bit..." Maybe it was a simple mistake? Cedarheart hadn't been dead for too long and Ferretnose was most likely still grieving. However, her being an elder made his worries even more profound. What if something was wrong with the elder? What could he do? Did he have to tell someone? Who could he tell? What did he have to tell them? The tom knew he was getting ahead of himself but he simply couldn't help it.

Ferretnose walked slowly, her joints creaking and collapsing into each other in each step, but she knew this territory like the ridges of her pawpads. She'd know it by scent alone, and so she also knew it blind. She knew the nearest stream, and how it had miraculously sprung up in her apprenticeship when the flood took them all away. She remembered her bedazzlement when she discovered it on patrol. In their absence, the river grew a new branch! StarClan's wonders touched them still, even after the forest's greatest tragedy. Though, she could no longer picture it. She could only remember the fullness of her heart, and the cold water on her legs. It was like a dream long gone. But she knew where it was. She would always know. This was the only part of her memory that she had faith in her retainment of. Kestrelpaw was speaking again, and Ferretnose bit her cheek in discomfort. It was necessary. He had a right to be upset, to seek understanding... their sharp-as-a-thorn elder, who could spin a story like spider's web, suddenly forgetting that her own daughter was dead? It was impossible. She had not just slipped and spoken the wrong name, no, she really believed it was Cedarheart. It was bothering Ferretnose just as much.

Muddled mi xed up messed I'm quite jumbled Kestrel (kerath?) batbiteson? Yes, my friend's son he is good.

"Kestrelpaw," she murmured. "Many elders grow gracefully into their age. You wouldn't have known her, but Emberheart as well was very easy to tend to. Never ill, not until her last breath. But sometimes, there's not much else to be done. Elders can get sick, or injured, or weak. And then, there are certain ailments of the mind. Some of these things can be mended, but not many. Old cats are harder to heal."

i'm old where am i oh yes stream FLOOD no flood. kestrel. i am old and quite jumbled.

Ferretnose knew she was skirting around the obvious. She halted, wobbling, waiting until she could compose herself rather than amble through the woods blinking through tears. She took a shuddering breath, "It seems that StarClan has willed one of those cats to be me. I have never seen it, but it's quite common for cats, the older they get to... ahem... lose their wits. They go senile. I've known for quite some time."

Remember ShadowClan and SkyClan fire fire no before that war! Lynxscar was their deputy, I beat him with BeeBearPawToothCloud. SkyClan's war?

Though the elder couldn't see, she tilted her head to the sky. "One of my favorite stories... the great battle between SkyClan and ShadowClan. I just can't remember why we fought with them. I remember Spottedstar was leader, and he had many talks with Oakstar, but when I try to remember what they talked about, it's empty. Completely blank, like a starless sky. And I'm afraid to ask. Who would know that would not become worried for me? And how could I possibly serve ThunderClan, when this is all I have left to offer?"

Too much.

The weight of her words clung to the air around her, like electricity or humidity. It stuck to her. "Maybe it would have been better if I had not said so much."