Let My Body Fail (closed)

The rustling came again, definitely not from him. A regular, faint sound through the odd distortion in his ears that made the fur along his spine rise. It was like some creature limping toward him, and he turned his head, his body frozen. Something was there, a shadow shuffling toward him, speckles of moonlight playing oddly off of it and making it look like some monstrous figure approaching. He held his breath, suddenly all too aware of the trembling running up and down his frame - the weakness in his legs.

A familiar voice broke the quiet air.

The words were lost in the sudden shock that ran through him, but he would know that voice anywhere. All the darkness of his mind suddenly flew to winds in favour of confused surprise, and he hesitated a moment, barely hearing his own voice croak, "Bat?"

His eyes focused as well as they could, his head threatening to send him stumbling again, to see that what had looked like some strange creature was actually two cats - his mate and... Mossbloom?

"What... what are you doing here?"

Even as the shock wore off, a wariness began to replace it. If Mossbloom was here.... They couldn't take him away. Maybe they were there to help, instead? A surge of irrational hope briefly rose in his chest before fading under what little logic he had left in his fevered state. Batbite's tone hadn't been one of someone coming out to help. Dread started to worm under his pelt. If his ears hadn't been playing worse tricks on him, and in a brief moment of clarity he realized that even if they had it was unlikely her tone would have been anything else, she'd sounded downright... angry.

He stayed where he was, partly out of wariness, and partly because he'd probably fall on his muzzle if he did.

"I think so too." The figure confirmed as it turned, and Minkstream's voice floated to them. Her ears flicked in annoyance, and she huffed as she continued to guide Batbite towards her mate. "We're here for you, Minkstream." She was furious, her tail twitching continuously as she finally stopped just a few tail lengths before him, helping Batbite keep her balance as they steadied. Still, she resisted the urge to call him a mousebrain and haul him back to camp by his scruff for blatantly disobeying her orders and ignoring her - again - to let Batbite speak. She may be able to get him to return peacefully.... Hopefully quickly too. It wasn't doing any of them any good to be out here.

"C'mon, you mousebrain," Batbite murmured, affection clear in her voice despite her irritation. It was a talent, really, to convey love and annoyance in equal measure; and it was one she was well on her way to mastering. "Isn't it obvious why we're here? You woke me up, sneaking out in the middle of the night, you know. Some of us were trying to sleep. And just vanishing into the night without a word to your mate? I guess it doesn't matter now - c'mon, let's just go home. We've given Moss enough trouble, between the two of us, don't you think? And if we don't get better 'cause you snuck out and made me chase you down, I'm never gonna let you forget it. I don't care if you're set on dying here - I'll drag you back to camp myself if I have to."

She coughed again, pushing through all the same. Funny how the necessity of the situation had made her almost forget her own condition; but her body threatened to fail her even as her voice carried on, most of her frustration spent on her earlier words. "Listen. Clearly you have no sense of self-preservation. But if you don't care enough to not get yourself killed for - whatever it is you were trying to do, honestly, do tell - then have the common sense not to do this to me. Everyone else is gone... I can't lose you. It would break my heart, and I couldn't take it. So please... Please... Let's just go home, and we'll figure this out. Together."

A new dose of wariness flooded through him as Mossbloom spoke, controlled fury giving her words an edge unusual for the gentle medicine cat. At least, unusual from what he'd gathered in his time in the Clan. The day when Dacedream had died might have been an exception.... They continued moving towards him, and he felt a flash of cold, irrational fear jolt through him, his tail twisting behind him, his paws shuffling a little, as if in an attempt to move - whether that was away or toward them, or just to move at all, even he didn't know.

Truth be told, he was just tired. Tired of the whole thing, his limbs shivering underneath him, odd lights maybe from the sky above dancing in his eyes. The ache of his muscles, the fire of his throat - everything was just... starting to ooze together.

His eyes met Bat's, his heart clenching in response to her tone, affectionate, and yet conveying all the annoyance beneath it so clearly. How could she be so light-hearted? Another thought snuck in at the edge of his mind, whispering in the corners. How could he be so... like this? Off on a quest for revenge, bitterness eating up his heart, bloodthirst crusting on his claws. Something pricked at his heart, simmered in the depths of his soul. A brief flash of a past day, laughter in the sunlight. Carefree. His eyes closed, the exhaustion dragging at his pelt, at his limbs, at his heart. Every part of him seemed to sag.

She coughed, and he opened his eyes to look back up at her, seeing her frailty again, the weakness that plagued her, and not just him. A flinching shudder ran up his spine at her words, and the weight of everything crashed down.

What had he been trying to achieve? Was he trying to push all the pain of his life onto those he loved, just so he wouldn't have to experience it again? Was he doing it to protect them or himself? Was he even doing it for anything at all?

"Everyone else is gone... I can't lose you."

"Let's just go home, and we'll figure this out. Together."

Pained eyes met hers. "I couldn't save them." He didn't have much energy for more than a hoarse whisper. "I couldn't save anyone. StarClan has taken everything... and they don't care a fish's tail about any of it."

When had these cats become the ones who stole his whole family from him? The brief thought flickered through his mind, but didn't stick. His head whirled, and he set his paws more firmly into the ground, trying to blink it back. Flicking a brief glance at Mossbloom, he focused again on Batbite, searching his mate's face and willing her to understand, though he couldn't quite grasp it himself. He didn't care if Mossbloom heard. Everything was... faded, distorted. Nothing mattered, and everything did.

"I thought I could help, I thought I could do something." His eyes closed again, tail touching cold damp leaves, spine shivering, heat and cold slicing under his pelt, pulling backwards and forwards. "I don't want to lose you," He repeated her words in a whisper. "But I can't stop it from happening."

Mossbloom stayed quiet as the two bared their hearts to each other, wishing she could leave the two of them to their privacy but unable to with both Batbite and Minkstream in their current states. Her eyes remained on the tom as he spoke, and she bit her tongue even as her eyes softened only slightly. "Minkstream... There are things that no cat can do anything about. Accept the things you can't change, and strive to change the things you can. What will happen will happen regardless of where you are at the time, but there are things you can do to help ensure that you're in the best state you can be to protect those you cherish. Right now, that would be to rest, in camp, rather than chase a hatred of something outside of your, or any cats, control. Come now, I need to get both of you home.... The sooner the better." Her tail flicked as she glanced to Batbite where she leaned against her nervously. Hopefully this hasn't been too much for her... Or for him.