Roaringpaw's Medicine Cat Ceremony

Honeydrop walked back into the medicine den, carrying a mouthful of tansy and chickweed in her mouth. It was greenleaf, and herbs were plentiful- which was good, as wounds were as abundant as ever. She and her apprentice hadn't gotten much rest lately, but today had been deliciously slow and relaxing. No aches or pains to treat, not even a torn claw or a thorn in one of the kit's paws. And now that their herb stores were fully replenished, there wasn't much else for them to do. But now that she had had some time to think, the golden dappled she-cat knew there was something that needed to be done very soon. Her apprentice, Roaringpaw, had matured from an unsure and shy young tom to a more confident, intelligent one, and his knowledge of herbs and the ways of a medicine cat had grown along with him. Though she hadn't been sure about taking him on at first, Honeydrop had been pleasantly surprised at what a hard worker he was and how much he tried to help. He would serve ShadowClan wonderfully, she knew- especially when she grew old enough to retire as Dawnflower had done so many moons before. During his apprenticeship, she and Roaringpaw had bonded well, but she would be glad to cast aside their apprentice-mentor relationship for something knew- the friendship of colleagues, of partners, of the two medicine cats of ShadowClan working well together to help their Clanmates. It was time.

However, this happy moment carried a drop of bittersweet sadness for her. Every moment she spent with her apprentice, teaching him about herbs and poultices and when it was appropriate to use honey or heather nectar, reminded her almost unbearably of her first apprentice, Puddlepaw. Though the two looked nothing alike- Puddlepaw was a fluffy gray tabby she-cat, and Roaringpaw was a black tom with yellow eyes- the way they acted was very similar. Their eagerness to learn, their respect for their mentor, their love of helping other cats. It hurt to remember the sweet young she-cat who had disappeared mere days before Honeydrop returned from being kidnapped by Bear. She should have been able to stay, to grow older and mature in the ways of her calling, to get her name from StarClan and live a long life serving her Clanmates. But she knew that it was the will of StarClan for the tom who she so appreciated to take her former apprentice's place. Roaringpaw would get his name today- he deserved it.

As Honeydrop set her mouthful of herbs down by the entrance, she looked around for her apprentice. "R-Roaringpaw?" she called out quietly, her amber eyes glimmering as if she had a secret to tell him. She wouldn't let memories of Puddlepaw dampen this day that should be entirely his.

Roaringpaw padded over to the golden she-cat from a pile of herbs he had made by his favorite nest, yellow eyes lighting up at his mentor's return. "Hi Honeydrop, you're back!" The small black tom meowed, tone cheerful. He glanced at the herbs she brought in from the marsh, and purred. "I'm so glad you found a lot of herbs, there's this new herbal mixture I want to try making but I didn't want to use up too many in the process, so thank starclan I won't have to worry anymore since you brought in so much! Actually, I wanted your input on what herbs I should use, I was debating on adding-" the medicine cat apprentice started to go into length about his project, not noticing Honeydrop's expression.

Honeydrop smiled as she saw her apprentice, and the smile only widened as he started going on about a new with herbs. He had come up with quite a few of those, and some of them worked rather well. But that wasn't why she'd come in so early. She held up a paw to staunch his verbal flow. "H-Hang on there," she purred with a slight laugh. "There'll be p-plenty of time f-for that l-l-later. I-I've got something i-important to t-talk with y-you about." The medicine cat's face grew solemn, her amber eyes staring into the tom's yellow ones. "R-Roaringpaw, are you r-ready to become a f-f-full medicine cat of Sh-ShadowClan? Because you're c-c-certainly e-experienced enough."

Roaringpaw's eyes widened. Was it time already? The apprentice thought about his siblings, thinking about where they were in their training. Tawnypool's been a warrior for a while and if Duskpaw didn't leave, he would've become a warrior by now right? He felt a pang when his other sibling Echopaw drifted into his mind. Would she be a warrior right now too? If they've grown up, or would've by now if circumstances were normal, then isn't time for him to enter the adult world too?

"Really?" Roaringpaw replied with surprise. "I-I, only if you think so Honeydrop." He coughed to get himself together, realizing how weak of an answer that was. "Wait, I take that back, yes." The tom winced at how lame he was sounding, but pushed his embarrassment down to give her a substantial response. "What I meant to say," he started slowly with a serious tone, "is that I'm ready to serve my clan and starclan to the best of my ability." He offered Honeydrop a smile. "There's nothing I wish to do more."

The medicine cat nodded, letting a grin break out onto her face again. His awkward but certain response reminded her of herself when Dawnflower had asked her the same question. "A-Alright, then. Lead the w-way to the M-M-Moonstone." It was a traditional part of the medicine cat ceremony- for ShadowClan cats, at least. Dawnflower had done it for her, and in turn Honeydrop had done it for Beetlewing's ceremony and was now doing it for Roaringpaw. And she had once hoped to do it for Puddlepaw. Shoving away the part of her that wanted Puddlepaw more than anything, the golden dappled she-cat instead offered her current apprentice a reassuring smile, grateful for all the help and assistance he had offered her. And the friendship that they shared that would soon blossom into partnership. Hopefully, he wouldn't make the same mistakes she had. And, soon, it would be time to tell him about her past. She had wanted to spare her young apprentice from the horrible details, but he had grown up, and as her fellow medicine cat he would have the right to know. But not yet.

Roaringpaw nodded, grabbing two servings of his new and improved herbal mixes for travels in the back. He offered one to Honeydrop and began eating his, enjoying the honey that took away the bitter taste of herbs. They had many supplies in store, so Roaringpaw thought it was okay to add the sweet-tasting liquid merely to help the herbs go down. If there was one thing he was going to have trouble doing, it was conserving herbs.

After they finished taking their medicine, the medicine cat apprentice got up and walked ahead of Honeydrop- eyes set forward towards moonstone. They bound through the marshes, both leaping over mossy logs and wading through watery spots with ease. Thinking about his first trip to moonstone, Roaringpaw felt a flame grow to blaze in his heart. He had changed so much. The tom hadn't physically grown bigger, but worked harder than any cat to become strong enough to keep up. Herbs swam through his mind, forever memorized. With who he is now, Roaringpaw could serve his clan.

Once they reached Moonstone, Roaringpaw turned and faced his mentor, silently waiting for her instruction.

Honeydrop followed behind the black-furred tom, a little nervous. She had only ever done this ceremony once before, and it was for WindClan's medicine cat apprentice, Beetlepaw. He was dead now, of course, but it had felt a little strange then to be giving the medicine cat of another Clan his name. This time it was far, far different. The feeling of wrong-footedness only grew as they went in through Mothermouth, on the way to the Moonstone. She seeing strange things in the darkness of the tunnels. Though she knew the pelt color of the cat in front of her, her eyes kept on seeing flashed of brown and one time, she even thought she saw blue eyes. Puddlepaw. Shaking away the visions, she followed her current apprentice to the Moonstone. Just as they reached the tall crystal spire, the moon above them hit its peak of light, shining directly down onto it and causing the multifaceted glow to shine in all directions. It danced off of the ShadowClan she-cat's golden pelt, causing strange patterns to reflect onto the cavern's walls. But Honeydrop had eyes only for Roaringpaw. He had grown so much. He wasn't the uncertain kit he had been when he came here first, only sure that he wanted to be medicine cat. No, now he was ready to receive his full name. And his full responsibilities.

As she took a deep breath, the ceremonial phrases came to her easily. Far too easily than they would have if she was speaking alone. "I, Honeydrop, medicine cat of ShadowClan, call upon our ancestors to look down on this apprentice. He has trained hard to understand the ways of a medicine cat, and with your help he will serve his Clan for many moons. Roaringpaw-" it was so hard not to say "Puddlepaw"- "do you promise to uphold the ways of a medicine cat, to stand apart from rivalry between Clan and Clan and to protect all cats equally, even at the cost of your life?" she asked quietly, staring intensely into the young tom's yellow eyes, her gaze seeming to somehow see past him into the starry skies outside the tunnels. She didn't stutter once, despite her speech impediment. Like before, she got the feeling that someone else was speaking for her, though the voice was as hers had been before her throat injury. The one he didn't know the cause of. I will have to tell him everything, later. Tomorrow, after he's gotten a chance to settle in.

Roaringpaw padded into the tunnel, black pelt blending into the shadows. He guided himself to the moonstone with his tail, the fur brushing against the cold walls. The dark blanketed him with comfort, knowing that soon he was to enter a place where Starclan's presence was the strongest-

'Echopaw!' he thought of his missing sister with a start, realizing that tonight he would get to contact Starclan at last. Tonight, if Starclan is willing, Roaringpaw could find out once and for all if Echopaw is part of their ranks or not. Would they tell him? Would Echopaw visit him? These thoughts plaguing him, Roaringpaw found himself now slightly distracted as an old obsession arose in his mind- finding his sister.

When they reached Moonstone, Roaringpaw was more determined than ever. Tonight, he would do two things. He would take on his full name and accept the responsibilities it gave with all his heart and soul. Then, he will ask for Echopaw and tell her that he's so sorry for pushing her away, for throwing away their sibling-hood in a bout of insecurity and letting fear dictate his actions.

With these things in mind, Roaringpaw turned to his mentor and replied soundly, "I do."

Honeydrop nodded, feeling a small weight off her chest. "Then by the powers of StarClan I give you your true name as a medicine cat. Roaringpaw, from this moment onwards you will be known as Roaringblaze. StarClan honors your dedication and willingness to serve your Clan, and we welcome you as a full medicine cat of ShadowClan." Honeydrop moved forward and placed her muzzle on top of her fellow medicine cat's head just as Dawnflower had done, signaling the end of the ceremony. "N-Now you can meet with St-StarClan as a f-full medicine c-c-cat," her regular voice returning, moving over to give the tom a place at the Moonstone. She would meet with StarClan as well. Hopefully, the ghost of Puddlepaw would finally stop haunting her and she would know for sure if her former apprentice had joined StarClan or was still alive, put there, somewhere. Waiting for her.

Roaringblaze felt a rush of relief Honeydrop named him, gently resting her muzzle on top of his head to conclude the ceremony's first part. He was no longer an apprentice, and would serve his clan as a full medicine cat. But as soon as Honeydrop guided him to lie down with his nose resting against the moonstone, nerves rushed into his system. It was now time for the hard part- meeting Starclan, and if he was unlucky and she was truly dead, his sister Echopaw. Closing his eyes, Roaringblaze fitfully waited for sleep to take him to meet his ancestors.

Before he knew it, Roaringblaze found himself at fourtress. He felt the wind brushing through his fur and the short stalks of grass beneath his small paws. The moon shone brightly down on the clearing, the stars twinkling in a clear night sky. Swallowing down his fear, Roaringblaze waited for Starclan to make their appearance.

Echopaw padded out first from the bushes and trees as she spotted her brother her stary eyes went soft. Her red striped tail flicked in the air and her body were transparent and filled with stars but Roaringblaze could still tell it was his sisters black and white pelt. She knew she would meet her brother here one of these days, she just waited for that day. Amber eyes blinked as she sat down with her tail over her paws, she gave a small smile to her brother almost wanting to cry. "Hello, Roaringblaze." Her voice was quiet.

Seeing Echopaw's misty form broke something within him. Relief and shock simultaneously flooded through his body, a weight lifting from his shoulders at last. But the price for the truth he had sought throughout the many moons she was gone, his sister's shimmery form left behind something much worse- she was dead.

His throat hitched. "Echopaw."

Then the tears started falling.

It started as ugly sobs hiccuping from his throat, rattling out as grief swallowed him whole. His eyes clenched together, unable to keep them open as pure sadness wracked his frame with shuddering breaths. His head bowed, crying the hardest he ever had in his entire life  as he was faced with his best friend, his precious sister, being gone forever. 'I never got to tell her,' Roaringblaze realized, his innards twisting coiling tightly as he went through the thing he should've done when she was alive. 'She died before I could tell her.'

Those words came tumbling out, the three words Roaringblaze was too late to say. "I'm so sorry!"

Echopaw couldn't do much but watch as her brother broke down before her. She took a few steps towards him a small smile on her maw and there was tears even on her eyes. She tried to keep it together not just for her for him. If they both broke down she knew nothing could stop them. Taking a deep breath she mumbled, "Roaringblaze, its not your fault. Don't blame yourself."

Grief was even taking over her, this is her brother that she can never spend time with now. And if she remembered correctly she was bitter with him in her last days. Blinking away tears she sat next to him her eyes soft as she tried to get a look at Roaringblaze, "This is all my fault not yours. And I'm sorry I was bitter towards you before I left. Please stop crying Roaringblaze you are going to make me cry."

"No, you can't excuse that I was a coward Echopaw." Roaringblaze looked up, eyes set with stubborn resolve to make his apology. "I was so afraid that you didn't care about me anymore that I ignored you instead of talking and communicating my feelings. I was so blind in my own fear that I didn't think about what my actions were doing to you." He expression twisted painfully. "I pushed you away Echopaw. When you needed me the most, I wasn't there. I don't know how you died, but before you did you felt like your whole family was against you. You were alone, and if I hadn't been so selfish, maybe you'd-" the words clogged in his throat. The unspoken words you would be alive hung heavily in the air.

Echopaw sat there as he spoke her eyes becoming more and more full with fury as he talked till finally he stopped and she looked him dead in the eye. "Roaringblaze I was the one who pushed you away, I was the one that made you feel terrible about being the medicine cat apprentice. I should have been there for you when you needed me not the other way around. You had alot more responsibility then I ever will or ever did. You needed me and I wasn't there for you. And honestly it was kinda my fault I died, I pushed everyone away from me I was so full of hate and bitterness towards you I didn't let anyone in. Really I don't remember how I died but I do remember I was alone. So don't you dare blame yourself it was all my fault." She tried to speak with determination but as she talked her voice kept cracking tears came down her face. She tried to hold it in but this was how she felt, she had to hold this in all this time and now that she started to voice it it all came tumbling out. "But I can finally say that I am happy and proud that my brother, Roaringblaze is the medicine cat of Shadowclan."