A Stranger In My Own Home [OPEN]

Squirreltuft gritted her teeth, her old name coming back in a flood of memories. It would've been funny, then; to tell him that he had been close, her name was Squirreltuft. But it wasn't so hilarious anymore, she thought, glaring at him. She was nearly as big as him now; Smokeface didn't intimidate her anymore.

"For the most important parts of my life," she growled, staring her father down, "You disappeared. No one knew what had happened, or even if you were still alive. You left your own kits, your own family behind."

She took a step, a struggle for her not to leap forward. "I don't bloody care if Morningfog had kits with some other tom—she stayed. She cared for them. She cared for me. Have you ever thought about how hard this is, not for yourself, but for your own kits?" The pale tabby let out a furious yowl, not caring if the entire clan was watching. "I was there when Silentkit died when I was a kit, I was there when Shatteredpaw vanished without a trace as an apprentice. Now here I am, a warrior, and my father leaves me." She broke off, and for the first time in her life, let her emotion show through.

"My brother and sister are gone, and I am the last in your first litter. Or had you forgotten?! Morningfog has been with me forever." Her voice broke. "She grieved with me when Silentkit fell in the river, when my big brother left us, even when you, you selfish brute, disappeared!" 

Her voice became lower, dangerous. "If Morningfog chooses another tom, so be it. You will never be a father to me!"


The young she whipped around, brushing by Dawnpaw and past Morningfog, away from the the Wet Rock and towards the forest. She didn't know where she was going, but she needed to get out. Never had so many emotions come crashing down on her at once. She took one last glance back at Smokeface's features, just to make sure he was breaking inside, too.

((maaaaaaan T.T))

Smokeface's eyes widened at her words, tears filling them until they were flowing silently on his cheeks, staining his pelt and making it darker. What is wrong with me?! I've never cried before... he thought, feeling a sense that his arival was not welcome at all. He was puzzled, and the richeous sense that he had done the right thing going out to think about what Morningfog did, give her some space, left him. He felt cold and alone, like when he was a kit. But now there was no one to save him and keep him warm.

"Everyone. Stop. I need to rest." he meowed, and for the first time, he could feel him muscles colapsing under him, and his mind spinning terribly. He flicked his tail over Tawnystorm's shoulder, glancing at her with broken eyes. "Come. By all means, come and help me.." he whispered, almost begging her, before trotting hastily towards the camp exit. He was not going to run, and if he were to, he was not going to pull Tawnystorm with him into this mess, but he needed to speak to her. He wondered how many of his children hated him.

"Silentkit, Shatteredpaw, Shinykit..." he murmured to himself. "StarClan, what have I done..."

As their gazes met and she was ignored like an ant in the dirt, the queen winced. How would her kits take all of this? Palekit, Applekit, Yellowpaw, and Bouncepaw weren't his kits... Would they blindly accept him like the apprentices at the final Dark Forest gathering accepted StarClan or would they grow furious if Smokeface tried to act as if he were their father? What if Smokeface turned them away if they tried to spend time with him? He obviously hated her, her kits looked mostly like her, only a portion was resemblant of Sleetfang, would he hate them for that? A voice broke through her thoughts.

Hearing her daughter's outburst she stood, ready to nudge away her daughter and quiet her.

"Squirreltuft! That's-" Not necessary. She didn't deserve the defense her kit placed for her, she was wrong for what she did.

Before she could finish her sentence, her usually happy daughter was gone. Morningfog pinned her ears to her head and sighed. 'I'll talk to her later, she needs a moment to think.' The she-cat looked at Smokeface for a split second before looking away again. Could she do anything? Would she just make things worse by talking to him?

Dawnpaw just stared in shock and surprise. By now, the she-cat already knew that Smokeface was not the father of Morningfog's litter, and she understood her fathers disappearance, but she had hardly even seen Squirreltuft. Yet here she was, yelling at Smokeface and then running off. True, she had every right to be angry, but Dawnpaw was stunned - she had never seen Squirreltuft so upset.

Dawnpaw perked her ears and looked sadly at her father who was walking away. "I'm glad you're back, Smokeface..." she whispered, not knowing if he would hear her. She was tempted to go over and comfort him, but he had not asked her - he had asked Tawnystorm. I'll speak to him later, she decided. For now, she drooped her head and miserably walked away, toward the apprentices den. Her joy at seeing her fathers return was instantly replaced with sadness. The moment her father had arrived, he had left again. She knew that he would return, that he wasn't disappearing like before, but it still made her heart lurch.

Tawnystorm cast a worried glance towards Aspentail, then to Smokeface. As much as it angered her, she kept her mouth shut and suppressed the torrent of words she was ready to hurl at Squirreltuft and Morningfog. The warrior knew that she made a valid point. It was hard to deny what she said, but it seemed the tom didn't want to accept it - not yet. She wouldn't console Smokeface with soothing words and sugarcoat what he'd done - even she could still see what he'd done. She harboured no bad feelings towards him, but it was important that he understood his situation.
"Aspentail, give me a minute."
"M-hm," her daughter nodded in acknowledgment. Even she could see that she'd proabably mess things up even more if she intervened.
With that, Tawnystorm followed Smokeface out of camp, padding alongside him. She smiled a little, trying to cheer him up. "Alright, hit me up with everything. You rant, I tell you exactly what you just said in plain speak, and we repeat until you're tired of my sarcasm. Go."

Smokeface looked up at Tawnystorm with weak and tired eyes. For the first time, her humour couldn't even touch his sad and broken heart...

"Around a moon ago, I found Morningfog by the clearing where those beech trees grow, and she was kitting. At first I sas happy, thinking we had more kits, but there was nothing to resemble me in those kits... And she would never have hidden the news from me. They weren't mine. I was really mad, I said terrible words to her that I regretted, but I was too broken hearted and I couldn't take it anymore. Fogheart died before this and I was weak... I ran in the midst of leaf-bare and before I knew it I was lost in WindClan territory. I was lucky they were still somewhat recovering from the fight, they didn't find me out.

I managed to cross most of it and struggled past a set of double Thunderpaths. By the time I crossed them I was terrified, but beyond that there was a relatively quiet patch of Two-leg houses. The journey was tiring me down fast, but soon enough I managed to escape that part, too. What was next was a scene not even the toughest moorlander would be able to bear. The plains were white and endless, and nothing seemed to move in them. I had no choice but the sleep the night there, but as soon as I was strong enough from eating dry kittypet food I found left outside around some dens, I returned. It was again, leaking me of energy. I spent a great deal of time when I returned, as I slept in a subterrainean level around the WindClan barn. I wasn't back on my feet and full with mice until a few days ago. You should have seen me before, I was thin as a rogue." he meowed. For the first time he felt like he had spoken even more than his friend.

"So," Tawnystorm said, listening, "-just after Fogheart's death, Morningfog decided it would be absolutely fine and dandy to have kits with another tom. You, emotionally crippled. Went and needed some alone time, and nearly starved out in that unfamiliar territory. Yeesh." She understood how both Smokeface and Squirreltuft must be feeling - one feeling the need to escape, one feeling abandoned, and both feeling unwanted. She wasn't even going to try to relate her family squabbles to this.
"Look, Smokeface. I get that you wanted some time alone, to sort things out. That's fine, but maybe it could've been handled better, especially with Morningfog? I'm gonna be honest here, but it's usually best not to run away from your problems. What's done is done, but now, don't try and avoid everyone you didn't spend enough time with. Talk it out - with them and with me. Make up for lost time, try and at least be friends. It's the best you can do. Anyway, you know I'm always here for you if you need to talk about anything." The she-cat looked him in the eyes, her face creased with worry. "Don't wallow in your own depression. That's the least I ask. If you're never going to get over it, never try, you're not going to see a difference."

(Tawnystorm is basically the official RC pep talker/motivational speaker, lol. She's given little pep talks to Smokeface, Crowclaw, Aspentail, Frogjaw, Otterleap, Shellwater and probably the whole clan at this point. Multiple times, haha)