| | leopard kit's creation |  |
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horseFREAK!
Number of posts : 7
| | Subject: leopard kit's creation Mon 9 Apr 2012 - 8:25 | |
| Cat Name: Leopardkit/paw/soul Tom or She-Cat: tom Favorite Warriors Character(s): fire star Familiarity with the series: up to fith book Appearance:  Personality: shy,kind,brave Origins: all wind clan RP Sample (A short paragraph of how you would RP): Leopardkit ran behind a tree and peeked out from behind and started breathing hard and sat down and panted ''i'm tierd'' and he sat up and walked away.
Last edited by horseFREAK! on Mon 9 Apr 2012 - 19:09; edited 2 times in total |
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Small
Clan/Rank : Windclan/Apprentice
 
Number of posts : 612
Age : 25
| | Subject: Re: leopard kit's creation Mon 9 Apr 2012 - 8:29 | |
| Good, you RPed in past tense. But it should be like this:
Leopardkit ran behind a tree. He peeked out from behin it and started breathing hard. He sat down and panted "I'm tired." |
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horseFREAK!
Number of posts : 7
| | Subject: Re: leopard kit's creation Mon 9 Apr 2012 - 10:23 | |
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Small
Clan/Rank : Windclan/Apprentice
Number of posts : 612
Age : 25
| | Subject: Re: leopard kit's creation Mon 9 Apr 2012 - 11:44 | |
| You have to wait for an admin to approve. |
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horseFREAK!
Number of posts : 7
| | Subject: Re: leopard kit's creation Mon 9 Apr 2012 - 12:18 | |
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Sleepy
Clan/Rank : RiverClan
 
Number of posts : 9738
Age : 25
| | Subject: Re: leopard kit's creation Mon 9 Apr 2012 - 13:25 | |
| Very nice.
Though the RP sample could be a bit longer. A paragraph at least. Also, I'd appreciate it if you paid some more attention to grammar and spelling. ______________________________________ ‹‹ former site administrator ››
pm me |
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Guest
Guest
| | Subject: Re: leopard kit's creation Mon 9 Apr 2012 - 13:48 | |
| - horseFREAK! wrote:
- Cat Name: Leopardkit/paw/soul
Tom or She-Cat: tom
Favorite Warriors Character(s): fire star
Familiarity with the series: up to fith book
Appearance:
Personality: shy,kind,brave
Origins: all wind clan
RP Sample (A short paragraph of how you would RP): leopardkit ran behind a tree and peeked out from behind and started breathing hard and sat down and said ''i'm tierd''.
Your rp sample trouble's me with the *and said* part I would like meowed, growl, growled, huffed, hisses under his breath somthing like that. |
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Jay
Number of posts : 9353
Age : 26
| | Subject: Re: leopard kit's creation Mon 9 Apr 2012 - 14:06 | |
| The fact that you said: "I would like" troubles me. "and said" is good grammar, Gray. Back off. D: ______________________________________ i used to administrate but the man tore me down
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horseFREAK!
Number of posts : 7
| | Subject: Re: leopard kit's creation Mon 9 Apr 2012 - 14:48 | |
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Rainy
Characters : Heatherpaw
 
Number of posts : 5137
Age : 27
| | Subject: Re: leopard kit's creation Mon 9 Apr 2012 - 15:50 | |
| Very good. Now just work on having capitalization where needed, and try to break up the sentences. It's difficult to follow when you don't include punctuation. For example:
Leopardkit ran behind a tree, peeking out from behind and breathing hard. He sat down and panted, "I'm tired." Then he sat up and walked away.
Just like that. ^^ |
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horseFREAK!
Number of posts : 7
| | Subject: Re: leopard kit's creation Wed 18 Apr 2012 - 18:43 | |
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Swifty
Clan/Rank : Windclan Leader~Shadowclan Apprentice~Windclan Warrior
Number of posts : 2370
Age : 26
| | Subject: Re: leopard kit's creation Wed 18 Apr 2012 - 18:49 | |
| Try to fix your spelling too. It's not the most important part, but everything counts. Once it's all fixed up, PM Jay or Rainy the secret word and fill out your clan selection. And capitalization counts for everything, not just the RP sample, though that is where it shows the most. |
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horseFREAK!
Number of posts : 7
| | Subject: Re: leopard kit's creation Sun 22 Apr 2012 - 7:16 | |
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| | leopard kit's creation | |
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