Speaking to Silverpaw

It was a quiet and sad night, as Deadfrost watched the stars twinkle like the eyes of a new kit.
Kit.
The word kept coming back to him.
Kit.
Silverpaw.

He sighed heavily. Silverpaw had privately stolen much of his pride and joy, as much as Rainpaw, his very first kit, had.
Yes, shed been blind, but he'd always admired her determination and courage to try new things. But there were fractures with these thoughts.
You see, dear reader, Silverpaw had never been his real kit. Just a step-kit. But he'd never gotten to explain to the poor, confused she-cat that indeed, she wasn't. But it didn't matter.
Silverpaw was RiverClan. She belonged to the Clan he loathed with malice and hatred, more than even SkyClan. He dug his claws into the soft earth and shoved his face in his nest.
Slowly and taking much effort, he fell into some sort of slumber.

Now, he found himself lying on the dew-painted grass of the Dream Territory, as most cats called it.
What does it matter, he though miserably.
Misery was another word buzzing angrily around in his head like a bee.
The misery that he wasn't even able to talk to his mate about his problems anymore, and the fact that one of his most highly-exalted (xD) kits was not near him, where he could speak to her about this tangled world and her true parentage.
"What to do.." he mumbled quietly to the twinkling forest.
No answer but the hollow song of the warm breeze weaving around the slim trees.

OOC: that was beautiful! *sniff* I am inspired to paint the most beatuful scene of this wonderful sight! *wipes tear from eye* XD jk BTW, can I use Rainpaw? plzlz?

IC:
A silver lump (XD) of fur lay on a rock, beside a pond with reeds. As before, fireflies danced on the surface. Silverpaw lay there, staring into the deep depths. She could see in dreams, and she was thankful for that, atleast. It was a beautful sight. The stars reflected on the water and they seemed to outline the starry protectors of StarClan. The rock, she could tell, was seen alot by herself and those close to her. Pawprints of Sunset were easily visible. Even Brambleflame had been here once or twice. It was obvious that this rock meant something for her line of cats. Like her kits- if she ever had any- would see this, and theirs and theirs, for generations to come. Why? She wasn't sure. But to her, it was a symbol of peace and tranquility. Every night she went to sleep upset, she came here. Looking over the edge at her reflection like she did each time, she was always breathless at the sight of her own, ever-changing blue-green eyes. Her fur always dazzled her when it shone in the moonlight, turning it into a blazing bright light show. Did all cats have eyes that sparkled? Did they always have little black things in the middle? Where there really any other blind cats? Why bother having pretty eyes if you can't even use them? A firefly landed on her nose.


Firefly


Deadfrost


Her mind went to her mother and father. She was always afraid that she wouldn't be able to live up to their expectations. That they would be ashamed of her blindness. She knew as soon as they'd asked the question of her sight, something was wrong with her. Her training had been delayed when they found out. She'd just learned that the last thing she wanted would've happened if she hadn't left. She would have become Lilyleaf's apprentice, tending to wounds and waiting on StarClan as if waiting for prey to leap into her mouth. To be unable to show that cats with 'problems' could be strong, too. But she did leave, feeling pleasure of escaping the judgments and ashamed of just running away from problems instead of facing them, and that Deadfrost would look down on her for it. As soon as she left, she'd been captured by SkyClan and stayed there for a few sunrises, until she pricked her pad and removed the thorn herself and had proven her ability to heal herslef without assistance. The presently dead warrior, Snakefire, had seen her and would've told Heartstar, and you can guess where that would have gone. She left the next day, having felt the presence of someone watching her. She made her way to RiverClan, where she was accepted and made a friend. Her friend, at this moment, is dead. Her name was Icefeather, made a warrior before her. Her death was later on. When Silverpaw went to fourtrees for peace and quiet, her blindness got her lost. Bramblestar found her, and took her into ShadowClan thanks to Sunset's doing. When a badger attack on ShadowClan forced them to leave and ask RiverClan for help, she found out that her loyalties remained with the Clan by the river. Sometime around then, her friend died, striking her with grief she'd never felt before. After that, she found a she-cat at the border whom Pinestar and Sleepyyawn challenged. She chose to fight with Pinestar, a rookie mistake. After being fatally wounded, Silverpaw convinced Pinestar to help her. When she was collecting cobwebs, she'd caught a scent of a tomcat she couldn't quite place her paw on. He was a rogue, probably. She never told anyone about the rogue, but she didn't know why. Was her loyalty really to RiverClan? Of course! By why couldn't she tell them about the rogue? She shook her head. Now wasn't the time for that. At the river, she'd also found Deadfrost. He said odd things. She wanted answers, but she didn't know how to get them. She lifted her voice in a low moan, speaking for the first time.
"Deadfrost! I need to know!"

OOC: Sure. xD I would have written more, but sadly, the Lazy Song was playing earlier. x3

IC: His ears pricked suddenly and he blinked, almost afraid to turn around. So he decided not to. He knew this voice. "Answers? What answers?" Guilt trickled into his heart. He knew very well what she was asking. Stupid! Stupid, stupid, stupid! What kind of warrior am I?
What kind of father am I..?

OOC: I hate that song >:U It plays on the radio WAY too much! It came on like 8 times in one day D:<

IC:
She sighed. She knew he wouldn't be here. He probably stayed up all night, thinking about what a terrible desiscion it must have been to even let her leave the nursery.
"I can't do this..."
She closed her eyes and lay on her back on the suprisingly warm rock.
"I knew I should've stayed... I knew I shouldn't have been at the river... I knew I never should have cared about being blind... I knew I shouldn't have made friends with Icefeather... I knew I shouldn't have looked for cobwebs and scented that rogue... I knew it all along, the moment I left and I'll know it the day I die, but one thing I will never know in my life is where I belong- and who I really belong to. And I'll never know what Sleepyyawn looks like or how deep the gorge seems. I'll never know if my shadow falls on the fish I hunt or what the sun looks like when it sets. I'll never know what the color of the Great Rock is. I'll never see how 'white' the snow is in Leaf-bare, I'll never know the beautiful colors of Leaf-fall and the flowers of Newleaf or Greenleaf! I'll never see the muscles rippling on the pelt or the eyes sparkling of the one I'll fall in love with- If I ever do- and I won't be able to see how beautiful the kits would be! I know it's a petty wish, but I know I'll never become leader and I'll never gain the respect of some! I won't be able to see emotion like sadness or anger in others' eyes, and I won't be able to climb trees!"
Her words shuttered and changed pitch and volume. They went from a low moan to a shrill wail, echoing around the clearing, scattering the fireflies and butterflies that were flitting about. It was like she was wailing to StarClan to help her. To restore her sight. She looked like a small kit, pressed up against the rock with tears streaming down her face and staining the rock to a darker color. She felt like the stars were falling down on her and would crush her and would end her miserable life. In the day, she said words of courage and fearlessness to her own father. Now, she was begging for him to talk to her, being filled with fear and cowardice.

OOC: Tell me about it. -w-;

Ic: The warriors' eyes widened. What had happened in the past few seconds?
Silverpaw had broken down and began t speak. And Deadfrost chose to be a coward?
In front of my own step-daughter I'm being a kit-heart.
So he began to speak whatever came from wherever it was inside of him that words came from:
"Silverpaw... I know I'll never understand what a situation you've tangled yourself into. That life's tangled you into. The pain you must feel. I've felt pain before. I've lost my mother, my father, and both my siblings. I lost my mate to another Clan, and many of my kits. But the problem is, that is a common problem. We are born; then we die. StarClan will take everyone in eventually, no matter you being the healthiest apprentice in the forest, or the feeblest elder. Whether you be an iron-hearted leader or a weak-hearted kittypet. Whatever your life path, you will die; death is inevitable. But I also understand that blindness is not a common problem, that most don't need to worry about. Scars and loss are. But blindness; not so. Judging by the way you speak, it hurts more than twice the scars on my heart. Triple. And I've lost everything. You never got to see the faces of your siblings. Nor your mother's, or mine, or any future family you might have. Not even the face of your enemies in battle.

To be honest with you, I would have loved for you to stay in ThunderClan, or even go to your mother's Clan. Truthfully, I loath RiverClan. And whether you like it or despise it, your roots are ThunderClan through-and-through."
He paused.
She reminds me of Sunset..
"But Silverpaw, now I am telling you that you shouldn't let being blind get in the way of your hopes and ambitions for the near and far future. I'm telling you to try and go on with the support of your parents resting on your shoulders. I am not your real father, but a rogue. And yet; I watched your grow up. I am proud of you, and so is your mother, and so our ancestors will uphold you. All you have to do is believe in yourself."

As he finished his enduring speech, he sat his tail-tip on the younger cat's nearest shoulder.

Silverpaw looked at him, suprised that he was here. As she listened silently, thoughts formed in he head.
"I can see you now."
She said quietly when he finished. Honestly, he was much more different looking than she imagined. He did have blue eyes like her, but his pelt was somewhat duller than hers. When he said he wasn't her father, she filled with disbelief, until she studied his eyes. There was pure honesty.
"But we look so much alike... how could it be?"


OOC: wasn't silver the only one who looked like you? XD

OOC: Yeah. xD Weird.

Deadfrost shrugged. "I'm not sure. Not all things in the world make sense. Like the time death did become inevitable.." He left the sentence hanging.

She was silent.
"Do I look like Firefly?"
She asked after a long, unfomfortable silence.

Deadfrost swept his tail around in the grass and studied her hard. "Actually, your face looks just like my sister's, oddly.."

"Really? I suppose so. I've seen her before... and I've looked in the reflection of this pool here."
She said, flicking her ears towards the pool.

"Oh, really?" He tilted his head, then padded over to the pool himself. The water was like something twolegs called 'windows', that were thin, transparent sheets that went over little holes in their dens. It had not a single ripple. He stared down into his reflection.
Wow.. it's been some time since I've last seen my face..
The scars were still there, and always would be. But they were old and almost white in colour.
He certainly looked older than before, with a broader face and all his whiskers were grown back from the the time the fire had struck ThunderClan.

"Does it always look like this when we aren't dreaming?"

Deadfrost snapped out of the odd essence of the pool and turned back to Silverpaw.
"What do you mean?"

"I mean peaceful. And quiet. I guess this is what night time looks like."
She said, almost whispering.

He flattened his ears and gazed thoughtlessly into the distance. "No, Silverpaw. Never think it is peaceful like this. Just take a look at my scars. And ask all those with broken hearts."