repetitive movements mistakenly seen as improvements [C]

Rookkit

Sitting outside under the sun helped Rookkit feel better more frequently. They were hesitant about spending too much time outside, or far from the nursery, but when they left their nest it was usually pleasant. Most of the snow had melted out of camp, and the sun was warm through their fur. When the wind would blow, it made them shiver, but the heat quickly eased away the chill.

Sighing quietly, Rookkit turned his head down and briefly looked over camp. The sight of a familiar face made his head tilt with interest. It looked like Sunkit was coming this way from the elder’s den. With a glance toward the nursery, Rookkit got to his paws and padded over, silently falling in step at his side. He did miss talking to Sunkit as often, and his tail flicked against the tom’s hip in greeting.

For the briefest moment they walked in silence, but before Sunkit could even try to greet him, Rookkit spoke. “Are we friends?” He asked, ears turning forward. It was perhaps a frivolous question, and Sunkit didn’t seem in the mood for that… but it was genuine. It was something they had been trying to determine for a while but hadn’t decided what it was that qualified someone as a friend other than a feeling. It was easier just to ask.

Sunkit had been… Well. Being in a bad mood felt like it was putting it lightly. He was angry. Furious even. Angry that his parents weren’t home, angry that everyone was moving on without them, angry that the seasons were changing and nothing for him was shifting, angry that he wasn’t even allowed outside the camp walls to try and solve the problem himself. He found himself seeking out Twistpool’s company twice as often, because Twistpool never seemed to judge him for being angry, or misunderstand his anger as being directed towards the tom.

After a session of ranting into the elder’s fur, Sunkit wasn’t feeling as angry anymore. Right then he just felt bone-tired. He wanted to curl up in his nest and go to sleep. He’d been doing that a lot, when he wasn’t overcome with that all-consuming rage, sleeping the days away so they blurred together at the edges.

Rookkit’s presence drew his head up. Caught up in his own maelstrom of emotions as he was, he had been worried about Rookkit as well. They and Larkkit were just as devastated as he was about their father not coming home, even if they didn’t show it the same way Sunkit did. Plus, Rookkit had seemed sick lately. Sunkit thought about all of this as he shifted to lean against his friend in return. And then he blinked, because he wasn’t expecting that question from- well, anyone, but Rookkit especially.

“Are we…? Yes!” Sunkit blinked. “We’re best friends.” He paused. “We are, right?” Maybe he misread things completely. “At least, okay, uhm, you’re my best friend. You don’t have to feel the same way. But I think of you like you’re my best friend. I like being around you most. He paused again, and guilt crossed over his expression. “Have I been making you feel like we aren’t friends?” He knows that he’s been quieter than usual, but he didn’t mean to make Rookkit feel worse!

Rookkit

Rather than shooing him away– a perhaps-unfounded concern Rookkit was weighing the reality of –Sunkit readily accepted his presence, leaning quietly into his side. Rookkit made a singular, soft him and pressed against him in return. Sunkit was the only cat besides his brother (and begrudgingly, queens) allowed to touch him. Rookkit quite liked contact from the few cats he allowed it from, so he leaned a little harder against Sunkit.

The small flurry of answers and questions made Rookkit's ears flutter. They hadn't even considered best friends. What made a best friend? How were they supposed to decide? Well, they supposed Larkkit was their best friend. He didn't really count, though– they were twins, so of course they would be best friends. Their ears fluttered again, thoughtful.

The darker look that crossed Sunkit's face earned a tilted head and a slight narrowing of Rookkit's eyes, studying. After a second of appraisal, they said, "No. You have not made me feel like we are not friends." They considered leaving it at that, but the rest of Sunkit's sentences needed addressing too. Slowly, like they were thinking up the words as they spoke them, they went on, "I did not ask because we are not. I am asking because I have been yet to figure out... what makes someone a friend."

They had walked enough that they were close to the nursery again. Without warning, Rookkit drew to a sudden halt and sat down firmly, steady gaze focused on Sunkit as they reclined. "The answers I have gotten will most concisely be explained as 'having feelings.' I do not care for those answers. I believe I have a different understanding of feelings than most. Those answers are largely unhelpful. But," their head tilted, and they blinked once at Sunkit. "I would trust your assessment. I do like being around you most– second most... as well. If you would say we are friends, then I will agree. I will even agree that we are best friends, but-again..." The bridge of Rookkit's muzzle wrinkled ever so slightly, and the wiggle of their ears betrayed their conflict with their thoughts. "What makes a friend... best?"

Sunkit’s shoulders were relaxing at the reassurance that he had not made Rookkit feel as though he was driving them away. He calmed down then, and focused on what his friend had to say. He pulled to a stop when Rookkit did, settling down on his paws and tilting his head as he took in what Rookkit had to say.

His tail twitched, and for once, he sat and he thought before he spoke. Because his first instinct in responses would just boil down to “having feelings,” which had been an unsatisfactory answer for Rookkit. And he wanted to give Rookkit a better answer, and wanted to take into account what they were actually looking for in his response.

“I don’t know if this is the best answer,” Sunkit finally said. “I’m still trying to figure out how friends work too. A lot of the people I think are my friends…” He trailed off and shrugged. “I don’t think they like me much, to be honest. But that’s okay, I don’t mind.” He understood why people disliked him. He’s not very likable. Larkkit came to mind as he spoke, but he didn’t voice the thought.

“But I think… I think being friends is a choice? Best friends, too. You decide you want to spend time with someone, and maybe they’ll accept that or maybe they’ll reject it, but, y’know. If they accept it then you decide to keep spending time with them, and being there for them, and if they feel the same way they’ll be there for you too. And there’s a lot of feelings involved in that, like. The feeling of enjoying someone’s company and like, being happy around them and stuff, but…”

Sunkit trailed off, and offered an eloquent shrug. “I guess a best friend is someone you prioritize. I think about you a lot, I always want to be around you, you’re someone who makes me feel understood.” He paused, and then clarified, “Not that being a best friend means you have to prioritize them above everyone. I know Larkkit will always be the most important to you, for example. And it can mean different things but… I guess to me it’s a promise? A promise to always be there for each other.” Sunkit smiled a little at that.

Taking another breath, Sunkit slowly said, “Does any of that make more sense?”

Rookkit

The initially quiet reception had Rookkit’s paws shifting lightly. Their gaze was intent waiting for a response. When Sunkit finally spoke, their ears turned quickly forward, encouraging him to continue. Even if he was uncertain about the following words, whatever he had to say would at least be different. Rookkit could appreciate that even if the answer itself was unsatisfactory.

The comment that most others didn’t like Sunkit made their whiskers twitch. Rookkit blinked slowly, wanting to speak, but reserved themself. They had seen him eagerly running to talk to any cat that would give him the time, and there were a few cats they had seen Sunkit return to again and again. Themself and Twistpool, of course, plus that striped molly they couldn’t remember the name of. As kits, they might have mentioned Toadpaw, but Sunkit had given their former denmate his usual upset look half the time. Still… Rookkit had seen them talk amiably. Sunkit seemed likable enough to them. They liked him, at least.

Rookkit nodded along as the explanation went on. Sunkit, impulsive and emotional as he was, could provide practical insight when requested. Some of his words paralleled the less helpful responses, but Rookkit could make a little more sense of them. His ears started to heat as Sunkit spoke of his own feelings, especially mentioning that he felt understood. His hackles started to raise, but Rookkit remained relaxed. Maybe that is the feeling of friendship, he thought as he listened. He made note of the flush through his ears, to remember it for later.

“That is silly. That is not fair.” They started, a soft correction. “Why can only one cat be important to me? There are many hours to the day.” There had not been a time in their life when Rookkit did not hold two cats close. They always had Lark and their father, even when the latter was long gone. Lark was special to them, of course, and did take a bit of precedent as their brother… but they did not see a good reason why Sunkit could not be important too. They decided it was better to leave it as a statement rather than asking.

Tailing swishing, Rookkit hummed, “Yes. That does make more sense.” The midday sun felt soothing as it sank into their dark pelt, and they relaxed a little more the longer they sat outside talking. The weariness persisted, but it was not all they were focusing on. For a little while, the fatigue of sickness felt bearable.

“That was a good explanation,” he reiterated quietly. He stared watchfully at Sunkit as he spoke, just as he always did. “I would agree then that we are friends. I will even agree toward best. It is an inviting promise.”

Sunkit’s head tilted at the first comment, but he found himself smiling. That was a good point. It wasn’t like he considered the cats closest to him better than each other in any way. His parents, far away as they were, would always be special to him in their own way. Twistpool was important to him, but in a different way from Rookkit. He’s important to Rookkit, but in a different way from Larkkit.

Sunkit’s smile widened further until it was the kind of grin that exposed his oversized canines. With a delighted giggle, he leaned forward until he was bonking his head against Rookkit’s side in a display of blatant affection. He was careful, knowing Rookkit was unsteady on his paws, but sometimes he just felt so much love it was hard to contain.

“Good,” He replied in a happy purr as he pulled back, closing his eyes and just grinning. It didn’t feel like he needed to add anything else. He was just… happy.