Heronflight Rewritten

Original:
https://warriorclancats.forumotion.com/t31980p30-you-feel-your-sins-crawling-down-your-back-open-ivystar-needed#388202

Rewrite:
But this isn't right! Heronpaw thought, almost blurting the words out loud for the entire clan to hear. As he listened to Ivystar speak, the young apprentice got angrier and angrier by the second. In his eyes, she batted an eye to murder. She was just letting Otterleap get away with it with no serious consequences. As a tom who believed that murder was the worst sin imaginable, he couldn't explain Ivystar's lack of punishment for Otterleap. His hackles rising, the gray tabby glared at his 'leader'. She was just a dictator in his eyes, and one that needed to be taken down from her seat of power. This is about doing what is right. 'Doing what is right' does not include allowing a murderer to roam free. That's what I have a problem with.

Original:
https://warriorclancats.forumotion.com/t31980p45-you-feel-your-sins-crawling-down-your-back-open-ivystar-needed#388396

Rewrite:
Heronpaw applauded his fellow apprentice's bravery, standing up to what was right rather than standing down and retreating. The gray tabby could respect that. And yet, the clanmates who were opposing his decision seemed to have the same amount of rigor, defending a murderer. With Viperstorm shooting down Spotpaw's thoughts once again, the gray tabby snapped under the pressure. He was going to speak his mind, and it was not going to look pretty. I'm not going to let them deal with this.

"Viperstorm, let me have a word with you!" he shouted, his green eyes glaring at the young warrior he was stepping towards. "Yes, RiverClan comes before other clans! Doesn't mean we kidnap ThunderClan's medicine cat to try to protect ourselves. Yes, the warrior code is important! That's why I'm standing here right now, because of Otterleap killing a ThunderClan apprentice." The gray tabby glared at Viperstorm, taking another step forward. "However, the best warrior doesn't just do their leaders' bidding. Otherwise, they would be empty shells, pawns that their leader would use! Is that what you want? To be a warrior that I'd be proud of, I would speak my mind whenever I have an opinion I'd like to share."