Edge of Dawn

A bright, full moon illuminated the barren camp. The stars hid from its powerful glow; a wide, pale halo outshining those little pinpricks without much effort. A quiet sky. It betrayed nothing of what this night would bring.

A pale pelt rose and fell weakly within the medicine den. Once it became clear that this illness was not contagious, Firflower more willingly moved to be under closer watch by her son, Sagelight. His talent and dedication were not lost on her, even as he and Honeypaw struggled to find a way to heal both her and Hawkflight, among their other clanmates. While its true cause remained unknown, whispers abounded, whispers of it being set upon them by those Righteous Few. Indeed, if what her Clanmates said was true, those strange StarClan cats held a dark vendetta against those who broke the code and that they’d go so far as to kill those who did so. Thornstar and Torrentstar, for their unprecedented relationship. Finchstar too had been killed last Gathering for speaking out against them. By the rules of The Righteous Few, she deserved the same. Perhaps they’d seen what she’d done all those seasons ago – what she did with only love in her heart – and decided that her punishment would happen now. ‘And wouldn’t it be so much easier to weather if they’d stayed.’ Swallowflight, Cardinalcry, Arno, and Lightfang, she wished that they could be here, even if for but a moment. Were they hurting too? Her headache swelled and she pressed her face into the nest. She could only hope that they were all happy and safe, wherever they were. Would she ever see them again? The toms she loved were long gone, and she could only wonder if they felt disgusted or betrayed by her actions. Starlord, her beautiful sin. Elmcloud, the warrior with a geode for a heart. And Cloudroar... her first love, the near impossible match. It was cowardly, but she didn't want to face them, even if they never left her heart for a moment.

Her last two boys, her first sons, they were here now. She prayed to Pansyface – one StarClan cat she hoped would hear her – that Spottedstar would return safe from the Gathering. Something that she never in her life would have expected to be concerned about. Firflower raised her head and peered through the darkness, seeking Sagelight. Was he asleep? Hopefully he’d finally get some reprieve from his duties, though Honeypaw’s anxieties made her grandmother’s heart hurt. A raucous cough cut through her thoughts. A dry, deep cough that left her feeling nauseous. Her whole body ached from the tremors down to the tips of her claws.

Laying flat now, dulled blue eyes moved to the stars outside. What were they thinking? To what ends would they go to achieve their goals? Did those who died during these times make it up there? Or did they simply disappear? The thought of it was dreadful. But maybe, maybe they lingered amongst their grieving clanmates. She wished she could stay, if that were the truth. Watching time go by as her kin grew, fell in love, had kits of their own... or simply lived happily, wherever they may end up.

Sagelight was indeed sleeping nearby, curled up tightly on his own bed of moss. He certainly wasn't sleeping very heavily, though; half of his attention, even in sleep, was still focused on his mother and Hawkflight and the thoughts of what was happening at the Gathering...Everything had been so hard lately. Sagelight was undoubtedly running himself ragged, his attention separated between the cats plagued with the mysterious sickness, the looming threat of the Righteous Few on the forest, and training Honeypaw to be the best she could possibly be so she could fill his pawsteps when he moved on. As much as he gave his all to help his Clan, he wasn't doing the best for himself in turn...The once rather stocky tom had grown thin with stress, stress he hoped would resolve itself soon. The medicine cat was finding it more difficult to keep up his positive attitude lately.

Hoarse coughs rose from one corner of the medicine den, rousing him awake. He raised his head, peering through the darkness at his mother. "Mom...?" He knew she couldn't hear him, but he couldn't help but try and talk to her anyway. Always on duty, always on guard. That was his job. Sagelight rose from his nest and went straight to his storage of herbs, searching for what he needed by scent. He selected a few juniper berries and some tansy and held them carefully in his mouth, bringing them to his mother's side. Gently, ever so gently, he touched her with one paw to tell her he was there and placed the herbs on the ground by her mouth. "Eat these," he murmured, gazing down at Firflower with sadness in his eyes. She looked so frail, so beaten...From his moons of experience, he could feel that her time on the earth was coming to a close. The least he could do was make her remaining time as comfortable as possible. The pointed tom brushed his tail along his mother's side and crouched down next to her, his thinning side against her feeble one. "The herbs, they should help with the cough and give you a little more strength," Sagelight whispered, speaking both to the stillness of camp and to calm his own mind...She couldn't hear him, but it was the thought that counted.

A flicker of movement caught her attention. It seemed Sagelight had heard her, though his pained expression much dampened the warmth she felt at the sight of her son. How weary and thread-bare he appeared, no doubt due to his dedication to his work. It hurt to see him this way. From his mouth dropped the same few herbs she'd eaten over the past few days. Tansy and juniper. She nudged the soft berry with her nose before refusing it and the tansy leaves with a subtle shake of her head. The light of the moon grew weaker as the night wore on, and so did her strength. It wouldn't be long until dawn came. Herbs couldn't do much for her anymore.

With Sagelight at her side, she placed her head behind his and began to groom his ears, not unlike those warm days long ago, when he and his brother were just kits. Kits that relied on her for warmth, food, shelter. And love. She couldn't voice it even now, but Firflower pressed into his side and purred weakly. 'My kits. Never forget how much I love you.' Him, Spottedstar, Honeypaw, and Wolfcall eventually perhaps, they could see her in StarClan far more readily than their warrior kin. If StarClan would welcome her now. Dull blue eyes looked back to the lonesome juniper berry she'd abandoned. Though her muscles were weak she nudged it towards Sagelight's paws with one of her own. She patted it gently. Juniperpaw wouldn't be able to see her. Not for a very long time. Her grandson, her apprentice, her little morning star. His grief would be unbearable to witness.

A berry worth a thousand words. She pressed it between her son's paws with a meaningful look in her eyes. 'Please, keep him safe.' A lump formed in her throat, causing another bout of coughing that made her ribs ache. With a rattling breath she pressed her nose into her son's cheek. She didn't want to go. If she could stay, she would. She'd stay forever, even if it meant moons of agony. With her head across his back once more, she gazed at the pitch-black sky, eyes half-closed, chest rising less and less with every breath. Ghostly clouds framed the horizon, illuminated ever so gently by that full moon. Her gaze followed them at their snail's pace. Until she moved no more.

'If the stars will not have me, staying here is good enough.'

Only then did the sky begin to lighten.

A helpless feeling of dread dropped into his stomach as he watched Firflower refuse her herbs. It just answered the unasked question hanging above him; both of them knew it was her time. He allowed himself to relax against his mother's side as she began grooming his ears for the final time, but he didn't dare look at her. He stared at his paws as thick tears splashed into the dirt between then and Sagelight squeezed his eyes tightly shut, trying not to let out a choked sob.

There was a bump against his toes and he opened his eyes to see the lone juniper berry. Juniper...Ah, yes, Juniperpaw was her apprentice. The medicine cat swallowed hard, nodding as he understood what she meant. "I won't let anything happen to him, Mom. Spottedstar and I...we'll be sure of that." he whispered, his voice as hoarse as her ragged coughing. Firflower pressed her nose against his wet cheek and he rumbled a deep purr, vibrating into the old molly's weak bones. One last "I love you", as quiet and delicate as the wind through the trees. As Firflower rested her head on Sagelight's back, he could feel her breath against his fur, draining, fading...until it stopped.

Sagelight didn't dare move, not at all, he couldn't disturb her. His breath came ragged, shaky, in and out as he struggled to keep his composure. He ought to say something, say a few words... Numb, the medicine cat turned his head to lick at Firflower's neck and ears, her body still warm but limp against him. "M-May StarClan re-receive you q-quickly, may the pr-prey be pl-...plentiful, and your path b-be light and g-gentle..." he whispered into his mother's ear, his voice broken up by quiet sobs.

Across the camp, as Sagelight lay mourning, the sun began to rise, steadily, slowly, filtering through the treetops and across the wooded floor of camp. Cats would be waking up soon, but...as much as Sagelight liked company, now, just for this moment, he was glad to be alone. Just him and Firflower, together, still, as the dawn broke.