these bright lights have always blinded me [c]

Moonlight shone down through the trees, illuminating the two cats that walked side by side. It was a quiet, cold night, and it was made quieter by the comfortable silence that stretched between the two warriors. Pineblossom is a comforting cat to be around. Truly, that was the only word Hawkmist could think of to describe the effect that she had on him. Especially when they were alone, and not surrounded by the noise and bustle of camp. She was steady, and she was… gentle with him in a way he was far from used to.

Hawkmist would’ve been completely content to perform their hunting patrol in silence, as quiet was always preferential to him, and indeed they had spent most of their time simply walking and hunting with few words spoken between them. But as they walked along the pine-carpeted ground of the pine grove, frost crinkling under paw, Hawkmist found himself thinking. The Pine Grove seemed to always bring introspection with it these days, ever since he and Silverhawk had begun spending more time there in their off-hours.

He doesn’t say anything to lead up to it. Instead, Hawkmist breaks the quiet with a soft-spoken question. “Is it strange now? That they’re all apprentices?” Pineblossom makes him curious in many ways, but she treats her own children so differently than how Hawkmist is used to being treated by his father, and... he wonders, sometimes.

Pineblossom

Pineblossom enjoyed the time that she got to spend with Hawkmist. She considered him as closely as she did her own children, and it felt like he was a part of the family unit already. He was around constantly during the trip to the lake and always helped to care for her children. Pineblossom was eternally grateful for his help and was happy to see him getting along so well with her children.

She paused and considered the question that Hawkmist spoke into the night. After a moment of silence, she replied, “It is. With my first son, I didn’t properly speak to him until he was already an apprentice—my own. With Silverhawk, he was a kit when I took him in, but he became an apprentice not long after. I had not spent every waking moment with him. But now with my newest children…it is odd, not having them at my side for every moment.” Pineblossom tilted her head, staring off into the trees, and she smiled. “It is nice, though. I like seeing them grow. I know that they will be wonderful warriors when they are ready.”

ShadowClan • Tier 5 • She/Her • 70 | 160 • #6699ff

Credits: code inspiration - 1 2 |  image 1 | image 2 | image 3

Hawkmist’s ears twitched back. Her first son; the golden-furred tom, drenched in blood, that Silverhawk had dragged into camp that fateful day. Hawkmist often wondered, but it seemed a sore enough subject, that like with both of their birth mothers, Hawkmist never asked or brought it up with Silverhawk. Hawkmist listened to Pineblossom speak. She spoke so well of her own children, which in many ways made sense. The ones he knew on a more personal level were amazing in their own rights, and Pineblossom was one of the warriors Hawkmist looked up to the most. More and more when he thought of who he wanted to be, Wolfshadow’s image had been replaced with Pineblossom.

But still, the way she spoke, it made something almost wistful stir in Hawkmist’s heart. He wondered, with ears flicking backwards, if his mother, had she survived his birth, would’ve ever spoken so highly of him. If he would’ve been like Hedgepaw had he been raised by her; kind and full of life. Truthfully he had no idea what his mother was really like, if she was stoic, strong, and kind like Pineblossom, or spirited and passionate like Silverhawk, or if she was like him, capricious and cold. Wolfshadow never spoke of her other than to snarl something about Hawkmist's influence on her fate, but he suspected he gained most of his worst traits from his father; or they were baked into him from whatever animal clawed at the walls of his heart.

Somehow he doubted that no matter the answer he could never have turned out any different. His mother’s death was proof enough that he was doomed from the start. He meant what he told Bubblebeam that fateful evening, he didn’t like the idea of fate, but sometimes he couldn’t help but wonder if he was cursed. It was a foolish thought, one he didn't like giving weight to, but which haunted him all the same.

Shaking the thoughts from his head, Hawkmist finally spoke again, “You are a good mother to them. It’s hard to imagine that they wouldn’t.” He looked out into the pines, watching the breeze stir the branches in the shadows. What he said next, quiet as a mouse, surprised even him. “I wonder sometimes if you and my mother would’ve gotten along, if you met.”

Hawkmist blinked, once, twice, and instantly felt white hot discomfort and an urge to flinch away from the topic he himself had just brought up. He doesn’t ever speak of his mother, not even with Silverhawk. He’s not sure what possessed him to do so now, except that Pineblossom softened him down in a way he couldn’t explain. Normally he appreciated that, but now he suddenly felt as though he’d been pinned down and pried open; when no one but him had lifted a claw.  

Pineblossom

Hawkmist had never spoken of his mother as far as Pineblossom knew, and so for her to be brought up now was a surprise. She knew of the rough relationship he had with his father—a cat who she despised—but his mother had died with his birth. Pineblossom didn’t know the pain of never having a mother, though she had never known her father, and so thought it was at least a similar experience.

She looked at Hawkmist and blinked. “I did know your mother,” she replied, as though the fact was obvious. Perhaps it was only obvious to her because she had lived in a world where Lavenderwisp was alive. “We did get along, in sorts. We were not close, but I spoke to her on occasion and we went on patrols before she got pregnant.” Pineblossom settled further on the ground, perhaps sensing the tenseness of which he held himself and she wanted him to be at ease. “She was so excited to be pregnant. She rattled off new names that she wanted to name you every day. I’m not sure she ever found one that she mentioned twice; it was always something new.” Pineblossom smiled gently. “She had so many high hopes for her first kit.” There was a beat and she added softer, “I think that she would have been proud of you. You are a capable warrior, and you do a lot to protect your clanmates.”

ShadowClan • Tier 5 • She/Her • 70 | 160 • #6699ff

Credits: code inspiration - 1 2 |  image 1 | image 2 | image 3

Hawkmist’s head whipped around so fast his neck hurt as Pineblossom said that she did, in fact, know his mother. He supposed it made sense, Pineblossom was alive long before he was, and the clan wasn’t that large, but somehow it had never occurred to him to ask anyone besides his father about her. No one else had ever spoken about her to him. Naked shock, and swiftly, genuine, rapt curiosity and something bordering on joy filled his wide eyes as he stared at Pineblossom, drinking in her words with a greedy hunger.

Pineblossom’s final words caused another shockwave to crash over Hawkmist. Pineblossom thought he was a good warrior? That he was capable? That his mother would’ve been proud of him? Pride and warmth filled Hawkmist from head to paw, rapidly combating with an utter certainty that Pineblossom must be wrong. To hear it said, regardless of the conflicting emotions it resulted in, felt... it felt like coming up for air after drowning. Hawkmist sat down heavily with a thump onto the ground, jaw parted but no sound coming out. He tried a few more times, opening and closing his mouth as his head spun with new information.

It took far too long for him to speak, his voice cracking a little when he said, “...thank you for saying that.” It felt insignificant compared to the level of emotion crashing over him, but it was all he could think of to say. Then, that hunger for more crawled to the surface, and he couldn’t help but ask more questions. “What was she like? She must’ve been a capable warrior. What sort of names did she say?” Hawkmist paused, and then softly, “Were a lot of them birds?”

Then he paused again, and shook his head roughly. “Sorry. I- Dad doesn’t… talk about her. I’ve…” Hawkmist trailed off, ears laying flat in embarrassment for a moment at the kittish way he was acting, but it was too late. And Pineblossom didn’t make him feel judged. “I’ve always wondered.”

Pineblossom

Hawkmist looked so lively asking about his mother. It made Pineblossom smile but it also hurt her heart to watch him like this. It was obvious how much his mother meant to him, even if he never met her. Her father had never carried the same weight when she never knew him, but perhaps it was because it was Hawkmist’s mother…She couldn’t say. Her own relationship with her mother was strained.

She let that go, though. Pineblossom looked at Hawkmist and her heart squeezed at the mention of his father and how curious he was. She was not fond of Wolfshadow at all and any mention of him always made her fur bristle. She would not let that get to her, though. Hawkmist was curious and he wanted to learn fond things about her; so she would provide.

Pineblossom said, “I’m sure there were a few bird names here or there, but I don’t recall those as much. Let’s see, which ones did she mention a lot…” She tilted her head as she tried to recall. “I think she liked Bee. Lotus as well. She talked about how she enjoyed simpler ones too like Long or Brown or Dark--or White if you inherited her pelt.” There was another pause and she laughed. “Wait, no, I do remember a bird name. She was rather fond of Finch.”

ShadowClan • Tier 5 • She/Her • 70 | 160 • #6699ff

Credits: code inspiration - 1 2 | image 1 | image 2 | image 3

Hawkmist listened to Pineblossom with rapt attention, drinking every scrap of information offered with a hunger he barely realized he had. Questions about his mother were always shot down, so Hawkmist did his best not to think about her, so that he would not be driven crazy considering unknowns he would never get to understand. However, Lavenderwisp haunted him all the same. How could she not, when her absence had been felt so thoroughly despite never having met her?

His ears flicked as he listened to the names listed, trying to consider if they would’ve fit him. Bee, a cheerful, buzzing creature. Lotus, a beautiful flower. White, like her pelt. Hawkmist didn’t think about it often since he had no visual reference for her, but he realized then that he must look like her. He didn’t know the color of her eyes, but he knew his father’s were blue and his fur dark, unlike Hawkmist. He realized with a jolt that it was entirely possible Wolfshadow was seeing a ghost of his lost mate every time he looked at Hawkmist.

That bit of introspection made his fur instantly prickle with discomfort so he shoved the thought away as quickly as it had come to him. His nose twitched at Pineblossom’s laugh, and then wrinkled. “I can’t really imagine myself as a Finch,” He commented. “How did you pick the names you chose for your kits?” He asked, curious now.

Pineblossom

Hawkmist was always so withdrawn, much like herself, but Pineblossom swore she saw a flicker of new emotion across his face. It was gone before she could identify it. The turn back to her own children made an easy smile settle on her face.

“Ooh let’s see,” she murmured with a tiny, fond sigh as she thought back to that day her kits were born and she was able to name each of them. “I named Hedgepaw first. I considered giving her my old prefix because she looked identical to me when I was a child, but that name carried much hardship for me growing up. So I wanted her to have something closer to her father’s instead. He was named for the forest and so I named her as a part of it, some hedge to be found out in the territory. Fernpaw for the same reason, choosing something from the forest, especially because he resembled Forestbreeze more than me. Bluekit was simple, as he had a blueish pelt when he was born.” She paused and laughed. “Wolfpaw bit me while trying to get milk, and so I thought of wanting him to have fierceness to carry him through life, thus I turned to Wolf. And Stagpaw…” She paused again, grimacing briefly before it leaves her. “I knew a Stag when I was young. He was not a good cat. But the name fit Stagpaw perfectly, with that strong and gentle strength of a deer. I knew a Deerleap as well and did not want to take away my memory of that prefix, and so I thought there would be no better way to move past my awful associations with Stag than to name my son that. It fits him well, and I’m glad I chose it.”

She also thought of her first litter, the ones that she had lost. Pebblekit, Hailkit, and Sycamorekit…She wondered if she should say how she chose those names too, but she couldn’t recall if she had ever mentioned her lost litter to her newer children or to Hawkmist. Silverhawk had been there during it, but he was still a kit at the time. No…bringing up such a pain would do no service to Hawkmist’s question, and so she let it lie.

ShadowClan • Tier 5 • She/Her • 70 | 160 • #6699ff

Credits: code inspiration - 1 2 |  image 1 | image 2 | image 3