Field Trip!

(OOC: So I set it to be highstones but as of this post they are still in RC camp)


Sprucebark went about his usual tasks for the day.  As always, his schedule was tidy and planned out all ahead of times so that he knew what he would need to do when and where.  It was a great system he had to make sure he was staying on task and doing his job to the best he could.

Through his busy day he kept thinking ahead to the evening, thats when Perchstar and him were gonna go head out to the moonstone.  Thats when he was gonna get to talk to Minksplash!!!

The day seemed to go by so slowly as it always does whenever you have exciting evening/nighttime plans


However, once the sun was slowly starting to set down below the tops of the trees he felt a rush of that excitement adrenaline.  Have you ever had to leave on a road trip at night? You get that excited energy deep down.  It's pure readiness, eagerness and longing for the trip to begin.  He would finally get to say goodbye to his siter and also make sure she was okay up there.  Those were the main things he wanted to ask and see but he was also thinking of some other questions to try and ask too.

He was always a very proper cat, very mindful of how to act and such but today even he could not help from bouncing around a little bit like a kit or apprentice.  He had to constantly remind himself to try and calm it slightly.



When it was finally time to meet at the agreed location with Perchstar in the riverclan camp he was there early, usually he was just right on time but this was a big thing for him and he wanted to be ready.  He groomed down his pelt while he waited.  

Once he saw perchstar come home from [whatever task she had been at... uhh lets say hunting?] hunting?

he bounded over to her his excitement clearly showing.  "ahh perchstar!!! You are back!" he purred happily. Any more excitment and he would have squeeled it like a kit or apprentice. Luckily, for his formalities sake, he had managed just the happy purr. 

Usually the tom was not showing this much exuberant.  Yes, he was open with how he was feeling to his mom and told her all about his days and such so in that aspect he was very open but usually not to this degree around his leader.

Part of it was he was just excited plain and simple... but okay also part of it was perhaps he was seeing perchstar as family more now instead of just being his leader.  Now, dont get me wrong he always saw her as family but now it was on a level even closer after all their recent talks.  She was somewhat a mix between his mentor and his aunt perhaps.  At least is how he viewed her, he was of course formal enough to keep such things to himself however.

His beloved sister Brook had taught him the ways of the warrior. How to hunt, how to fight and how to survive and now with poppyshine and perchstar both teaching him how to hold the warrior code and offering new perspectives of the way of life and morals and such topics, he was becoming an even more well rounded character and had grown alot.  He was trying his best to apply them when he could.  He did his best to not view the world as black and white as perch had urged him to try.  The warrior code would always be central to his life, maybe even more than most cats ever would have it as but at least he was more understanding of the grey areas he and perch had discussed earlier.  


He dipped his head respectfully as ever as he got closer.  But the overall happiness to see her definitely resembled the Poppyshine he had inherited.  

He even gave her a gentle nuzzle brushing his head against her slightly. Usually, yes he is more logic driven and not quite like this but due to the excitment he had for this trip and for the gratefulness of all she had done for him recently he was.  She was really going out of her way to do all this for him and this act of kindness went along way for him. He had always respected her in a leadership sense but now it was an even deeper level of wholesome respect.

"Thank you so much for agreeing to not only allow me to go, but also accompany me on it.  Truely this means alot to me to be able to see the moonstone once again."

Sitting back up straight he looked up to her eyes glinting now in the quickly dimming light that was not being replaced by moon and starlight.

He did his best to try and get a reading on Perchstar hoping all this was still okay with her, but he sometimes found it hard to know what all she was thinking, as she had a very good poker face at times.
"I am yours to lead whenever you are ready" he purred

Perchstar rarely went on the dusk patrol these days. It wasn't out of any dislike of the dark--even when she felt like the stars that had once comforted her were judging her every move. It wasn't out of a lack of time necessarily, as she went on many other patrols. It was simply that she used dusk for other things. Dusk was for saying good night to each one of her kits, telling them by name that she hoped they rested well. Dusk was for speaking with Poppyshine--about the patrols tomorrow; about the apprentices, and their progress; about giving mentors to the kits in the nursery, and about which kits needed their ceremonies soon; occasionally even about life, about their feelings, about what they needed from each other. It wasn't too long ago that she had cried in her deputy's fur about the very reason that she felt as if the night sky was a million pairs of eyes condemning her. However, tonight, her evening was occupied. So she ended up on the dusk patrol hunting, even though the dimming skies usually made her spirits sink likewise. But it made the feeling simultaneously worse and better to remember where she was going after this. To Highstones. To the place that had started her misadventure in Twolegplace.

The idea Sprucebark offered had coincided well with Perchstar's own original plan. Except this time, instead of traveling through the light of day with her trusted deputy and friend, she would be walking through the evening and night with the deputy's son, echoing the former pawsteps that had led her to the Thunderpath. She tried unsuccessfully to push away the lingering anxiety about crossing it again. She would not get hit. Not a second time. Surely the stars were not so desperate to keep her away. She attempted keeping the thoughts at bay by focusing on the sweet smell of night beginning to blanket the river territory, the taste of the fish she'd caught lingering in her mouth with the texture of their scales, and the soft ground pulling away beneath her feet. Grounding herself helped a little bit. It would be well. It would all be well. Cloverheart... had called for her. She had wanted to see her. It would be all right, wouldn't it?

It only took two steps into camp before Sprucebark found her, bounding forward with an enthusiasm she had not expected from the senior warrior. He had previously been so down and depressed that it seemed almost like the sun had risen behind the tom's familially-inherited green eyes. How could one feel such alternating sensations so quickly? The idea had been his own, it was true, but Perchstar was secretly glad for his suggestion just as much as she was terrified. (That answered her own thought about alternating sensations, she supposed.) The chance to ask questions of StarClan... the chance for StarClan to ask her questions. She banished the thoughts again, dropping the fish in the fresh-kill pile and licking the scales out from her teeth before responding.

Before she could open her mouth to talk, however, he bumped her affectionately with his head. The mannerism was so strikingly similar of Poppyshine that it made Perchstar freeze involuntarily, just as it had the first time her apprentice had been physically caring with her. It was strange. Had the idea of closure really made him so much happier? Why was it that the thought only carried for her slight relief and intrigue, rather than the weight-lifting joy that seemed to suffuse him now? Her emotions had never been so stark. Not in the sense of night and day. Perhaps more in the sense of a cloud moving over the sun... only that the clouds were always there. And the sun was not a sun, but a moon. And the moon rarely rose.

Get out of your head, Perchstar. Respond. Don't simply react nonverbally; no one understands your unspoken feelings.

Eventually she blinked, becoming unfrozen as if whatever had held her feet became untethered. "I have business with the stars as well," Perchstar managed to say, trying not to feel disappointed with how neutrally her voice came out despite the many feelings roiling in her chest. "This works well for both of us. I will warn you that you may not be able to expect exactly what you want from the stars. Though I hope that they will allow Minksplash to visit you, I do not always understand their ways. But if nothing else, then we will have this journey together to converse more. Or to pass in silence, if you prefer." Her tail waved behind her. No purrs emanated from her; such an unfamiliar sensation had only been experienced once. Instead she simply offered him a nod of acknowledgement and approval. She was fond of him, truly. He was the son of her best friend. He was one of the most senior warriors in the Clan. But such expression only came through a nod. "Let us set out."

The journey began. She had already told her kits and Poppyshine farewell; there was no need for anything sentimental, as she would be returning within another day. They had already consumed the traveling herbs just moments prior. The familiar bitterness stuck to her tongue and coated it in the thoughts she could not speak. Her fear of the Thunderpath that she would have to get over... twice. The worry that despite her best friend's words, the stars would judge her. Harshly. The concern that Sprucebark's part might be for nothing, and that he might blame her for it--or that whether or not he did, his joy would vanish and he would return to the stormcloud-like sadness that had lingered after Minksplash and Sootspirit's deaths. She tried to will them away. But such concerns came easily in the evening, sneaking into her mind under cover of the dimming light and hiding away from any stray moonbeams that might cascade down. But the moon had yet to finish rising. Instead, a few stars began to peek out of the twilight, peering down almost tentatively as if they felt they were not supposed to be there. The RiverClan territory was always beautiful, but it seemed more eerie in the evening... as did the other territories they would need to cross. Leaving the familiar scent of cattails and silt would be harder in the darkness. But she could do it. And at least she had a companion.

(OOC: I sometimes wonder what job my cats would do if they were people... I think I finally thought of one for sprucebark now. I think he would make a good researcher. The orderliness and proper nature combined with his desire to constantly seek out and expand on what he already knows. And longing for constant discussion about topics of the unknown or about things he wants to know more about. I don't know exactly what area of research he might pick, but I think any sort of peer papers he would excel in very nicely. Hmm maybe like an ethics researcher of some sorts or maybe history. Is hard to say exactly what field)


Sprucebark nodded sitting up straighter and quickly stopping the over-excitment the best he could.

The reason for his excitement mainly was to him, this trip was all about getting the chance to finally say goodbye to a loved one. The ability to get to see his sister again was but just a relatively short journey aways. He also wanted to make sure she was okay up there in general.

He viewed starclan as something that not even death could take away. A forever land of peace and rest. He hoped that the vast blanket of stars in the dreamlands of starclan territory would be as beautiful as he thought them to be. That they would be able to explore the heavens together tonight even if just one last time to be by ones side. His expectations were set SKY HIGH but even so he knew that the real experience would dwarf anything he could imagine here on Earth.


Blinking away his day-dreaming state and back to Perchstar. His leader looked... well it was actually really hard to say... he didn't know what she felt or thought right now her face was so hard to read at times.

IF he had gotten this excited around Poppyshine she probably would have amplified it with a similar vibe of energy.

This was different though... a small part of him feared he had made Perchstar disappointed by not acting like his usual warrior self and such. So almost immediately after picking up on her hard to read expression he tried to the best of his ability to not let the excitement control him any longer. His tail stopped flicking around all over the place and he sat down instead of his excited pacing and he stopped affectionately nudging at her too unsure if that was not welcome.

He didn't really know at all what she was feeling but maybe should play it safer than not and assume that kind of behavior was not appreciated... especially from a senior warrior such as himself.

gee grow up spruce come on. he scolded himself slightly.



As much as he looked forward to seeing his sister minksplash he knew that for Perchstar this might just be another task she needed to do. He felt again like he was taking up alot of her valuable time and a tinge of guilt washed over him. She said she had business there but she did not look eager for it... then again she didn't look NOT eager for it either. Was she just doing this all for him?

Sprucebark's left eye twitched ok ok relax you are way overthinking this he tried to tell himself. Maybe she just does not know what to say or do and is just truly neutral on things

Luckily, she finally spoke and he smiled happily nodding

"erm yes! That is, I would like to converse with you on our way." he answered with a formal nod to his leader. He always enjoyed his talks with her and besides, last talk he had learned so much from it and had really done his best to grow in the areas she had talked about.

He wanted to do his best possible and show that her advise really meant alot to him. As mentioned, he did see her as a second mentor of sorts in a terms of guidance along.


AND... if she really was doing this big long journey just for him maybe he should show his excitement? Everything felt very confusing as for what she expected out of him.

"Perchstar, this trip means the world to me. I want to once again thank you for allowing this and also for joining me." he purred happily. He showed his excitment still but tried to do a better job of not annoying her this time.

He blinked ... maybe Perchstar was just confused as to how he seemed so much better now? He hazarded a guess, and for once he finally got reasonably close.

"I think... the reason I am so excited and happy now is that I am only hours away now from seeing the most beautiful place ever. To get to speak with Minksplash again" he gave a warm smile to his leader

"I think, its the closure that I have not been able to find for along time. I have tried alot of things to move on. I have talked with mum about it and while it helped being open with her and then I talked with you about it some and then also too time has passed which is supposed to help.

And while, all of these things have helped a little I guess it still feels like ... his voice trailed off and he shrugged a little unsure.

"well it still doesnt feel right or correct again" he did his best to explain.


He followed along after her glad to be underway now and since she had offered to converse he would take the time to do so of course. Perchstar was so wise and he respected her a great deal.

"Yes... conversing. I really did like our last discussion. You helped me alot understand things in a new way. I have had more time to sleep on it and I think you are right, sometimes we do have to follow our instincts and act what we think is best in the snap moment decision we sometimes have" he nodded happily keeping close to her as they went.

"I really do appreciate your mentoring me in this. I love our theoretical discusions of moral codes and of course the warrior code in general. So if you want to talk of any of those you know I am all ears.


He stopped momentarly thinking...

"hmm however perhaps tonight it might be fitting to have a lession / discussion of starclan? I think it might be fitting after all since that is where we are going?" he asked glancing at her to see her reaction...

oh wait... even if I do see her reaction I wont be able to decipher it he thought to himself... hmm well in either case she could always say no if that did not sound interesting to her. She had a very good poker face... If sprucebark knew what poker was he would suggest to her that she try it. Maybe they could sweep the table together in another lifetime.

He was not sure but figured she could always wave a tail over his mouth if he was going into any topic she didn't want so he began with:
"Hmm starclan ... it has always been a bit of a hard concept for me to fully understand. I guess I think of them as a place of peace and rest for everyone who has lived a good life. But I do wonder what is considered a good life... maybe it uses a different metric than that entirely.

For instance I often wonder what happens to cats who make honest mistakes like we talked about before Perchstar? Surely they get to go to starclan right?

But what about cats who knowingly made evil choices? Like per say ... Softfall? He knew it was wrong to hurt mum but still did it anyways out of anger.

Does that mean: in this case that starclan can also read our minds? If we assume that starclan takes into consideration what the cat knew at the time they made decisions then it follows that starclan must be able to read our minds for them to be able to judge off what we know is right or wrong yes?

Which is a bit of a scary thought maybe. However the reverse is also perhaps a bit intriguing or maybe even more scary.

For: if they truly could read all our minds then they should be able to warn us with greater precision of events to come I would think.

However, it is all of it possibly conjecture as well as there are many aspects I am not familiar with... and also too... I have been known to go too far down rabbit trails without having another set of eyes to bring in another opinion of sorts... so what I am trying to say is... any part of what I just said could be very incorrect for any number of reasons... It might all be incorrect with how little I know of the stars... it was more just to kick off the talk perhaps

he grinned winking at her a little. He was referring to how much she had been able to teach him about the warrior code and such in an even deeper depth of understanding than he had known prior in their lesson before.

Now he was hoping for something along those lines. He presented what he thought things might be like and she could bring in all the knowledge she had. Besides leaders had much more dealings with starclan than any warrior would.

"But that is just one aspect of them. Their ability of mind reading or not. I guess in another aspect what I think it to be. What is starclan to me?"

He paused looking at the sky as the first couple stars showed up in the darkening sky as the sun was setting and all but gone now.

"I think to me it is hope. That no matter how bad things might become here or how messy our lives may become here that in the end we can all come back together. Even if I dont understand exactly how they let others into starclan or not and do not understand all their motives for why they let certain bad things happen. It's a hope that one day, when everything passes we can still be a family and clan up there too. Time is a hard thing that takes away things here. But I think that starclan must exist outside of time. A place with no evils and no sickness exists. Perhaps...we have to live with all of the ickiness of the world first in order to truly appreciate the beauty of what awaits above"

He continued walking with her very happy for her company.

"I think hope is a powerful thing... I was hearing stories"

(this was very common for sprucebark. He is very into clan history and often would study the past clan events under the elders guidance)

"stories of the dark forest when they took over the clans. Everything seemed dark and at the end. But I think maybe part of what allowed the clans to live on was the hope that eventually, some way or another the dark forest's grip would be shaken loose and the dark ages would end.

He stopped feeling like that was all very sappy but he did mean it.

"Do you think that any of that is right?" he whispered quietly

"Maybe I am being far too optimistic... but I think that part of the definition of faith is to be optimistic... optimistic to a degree where others question it and advise you to not set your hopes so high."


He slowed his pace just a little as they were reaching the outskirts of riverclan land but followed her lead now completly relying on her to take them the rest of the way... sure, long ago he had been to the moonstone with his aunt ... but that time was awhile back and his apprentice self been asking her lots of questions just as he was asking perchstar now... and his apprentice self did not really focus on what path was to be taken to the moonstone.

He followed along Perchstar doing his best to keep by her side on his shorter legs.

"But perhaps what I also want to talk about as well most of all Perchstar?" he asked in a quieter voice. Before it had been his normal talking and going off on different hypothetical tangents all of which were just in good fun that he enjoyed doing... but now it was different as the tone shifted as well to something he wanted a direct answer to instead of just a fun discusion and lesson around.

"Is, well... do you think I am doing an okay job as a warrior?" the question was hard to say and he got that feeling in your tummy when you have to ask these type of questions especially to someone you really respect and hope to make proud.

"I mean... yes I do all my patrols and all my hunts as scheduled and I of course have all that planned out every day and never miss them... But I mean like actually doing a good job as a warrior? Like, I dont know exactly how to describe it. he shifted weight a little on his paws uncomfortable for a bit before giving a little sigh and just saying it directly.

"I feel like... I dont know, at times I feel like I have serious self doubts in myself. And... I can't tell if it is just imposter syndrome that is baseless or if there is things wrong with me I actually need to address.

He figured maybe a rephrase would help in case Perchstar did not know what he meant of impsoster syndrome..


Like... I dont know if it is just me being too hard on myself OR if I need to change and become better
"

He looked down at his paws a little.

"I can hardly look at the river anymore... I think in part also... the reason I am so excited for this is I thought that somehow it would let me see that she is still okay and maybe that would let me be okay again too.


He walked in silence a little.

"I'm sorry that was a lot to dump out... I just want to know if there is things I should try and be improving on.
If there is things you see I should try and do please let me know.

He thought back to their earlier lesson, Perchstar had told him maybe they could practice some swimming together to help him face his fear... he had not said anything about it back then because he was so deadly afraid of the water... but maybe it was time he took her up on that. Besides, if he had to face a mountain of fears, he couldn't think of anyone he would rather do it with.

Unfortunately, Perchstar's inability to show emotion led most others around her to try and suppress themselves. Sprucebark appeared to be no exception. Once his level of enthusiasm was not immediately met, he grew more subdued, obviously trying to hold himself back. It seemed she would always be an influence for unhappiness in others. A bitter tang coated the back of her throat--one that wasn't only from the traveling herbs she had just consumed. But she pushed it back. There was nothing for it; she would just have to do the best she could. After the day's warmth, the chilly winds should have felt comforting. Instead, a quiet shiver ran down her spine as the temperature dropped. The ground was the only thing that felt warm after soaking in the afternoon's sun, but even that began to grow cold beneath her paws. There was little she could do about it. The frigid air wrapped around her like a cover, like a cloud to obscure all the strange thoughts that ran rampant in her head.

Silence did not last long. Sprucebark spoke up, and his words were simultaneously comforting and anxiety-inducing. He was happy because of StarClan... but he seemed to have missed her earlier caveat, and completely taken for granted that he would get to see Minksplash. There was no point in trying to quash his hopes once again. This was not up to her. It was completely up to the stars. Out of her paws. And, though she attempted to keep the negative feeling away, the stars had not really been on her side lately.

"...You are welcome," she said instead. It was the best she could do. The conversation topics he introduced about StarClan were at least interesting, so she did her best to turn her inner focus to those instead. "I believe that StarClan is where our warrior ancestors live. I believe also that, despite our concept of them, they are not a collective, but rather a gathering of differently-minded individuals. I do not know if they have a leader, or who has final say. I have met many individual StarClan cats... some of whom I knew and cared for in this life. They all have different personalities and opinions. I believe this may be why the stars seem so fickle to us." Her tail waved once behind her as she considered her own current grudge against the stars. Their rules were so arbitrary--and applied so inconsistently. Why allow Beechfang to continue in her ways, but give Batsong a revelation about Mottlestar's singular mistake so long ago? Why give her nine lives and then refuse to offer her any guidance when she was stranded, lost far from her home? It didn't make sense. So she had to believe that different cats made those different decisions. And yet what type of government could they possibly have? What made one star brighter in the sky than the others? Was Silverpelt not a cohesive unit?

"As for judgement... that is a tricky question. But I have a different concept of it than you do, I believe. Perhaps it is because I have to pass judgement so often in my position as leader." Perchstar did not look at him as they walked, but rather continued to press forward. Her ears, however, were angled toward him. "I believe that we pass judgement on ourselves. I believe that when we reach our next life, we are able to look back on everything we ever did. We will see how every little action--every moment lashing out in anger, every kind word--affected others. Ripples in the river. Each of us is a stone tossed into water so deep we cannot fathom it, and all we can hope is that our actions caused positive effects rather than negative ones. I believe that we will see these and, confronted with the truth, with complete knowledge of our feelings when we did each good or bad act, have no choice but to understand whether we are guilty or innocent. And that conscience will lead us to the place that we deserve." Conveniently she left out that her harshest words of judgement were always for herself. She did not mention how many nights she had lain awake, fancying herself unworthy of even the dimmest stars. "...But I do not know whether that is true. So you may take it however you wish."

Sprucebark's mention of the Dark Forest did earn him a brief sideways glance. Many seasons ago now, the forest had seemed a place of only death and sickness. Blood leaked from the very trees themselves, and corpses ruled with an iron paw. Vixenstar had nearly led RiverClan to ruin once Jaystar had let her in. Several cats had died at the claws of those fox-hearts. Completely alone, under a sky swallowed by darkness, Perchstar had been stripped of her position after moons of trying to keep her Clan from withering. She had given up hope entirely. Then, the stars had winked back into existence... and that flicker had given her the strength to attack and defeat Vixenstar alongside Poppyshine. Those moments were distant memories now. Nightmares that haunted her less frequently than before, but had shaped the very cat she was today. StarClan had undoubtedly been there to assist, and had undoubtedly given her all nine lives she now bore... but why had it taken them so long? What if the Dark Forest were to come back someday? Why had Otterleap and Flurrypaw's lives been required to save the rest of the living?

Her reverie felt long, but only lasted for a minute of silent traveling. They began crossing WindClan territory in the meantime. The scent of moor grasses put her on edge, but they had not yet encountered anyone, so she carried on the conversation. Perchstar's voice was nearly a whisper as she spoke again. "When I saw the stars again after moons of pitch black darkness, it certainly did feel like hope. In that respect you may be right." But now... Was it still? Had that simply been her relief? Or had it been real? "I can tell you for certain that I would not have had the willpower to stand up to those living corpses if not for the brief moment of light. After that, there were many nights that looking at Silverpelt would give me comfort. I do not always find that to be the case now, given that I have grown yet older and more set in my ways. But I cannot deny that they have given me lives. I met with them, spoke with them, shared tongues with them. Whatever their goals, they are real. And those of them who we once knew are still who they were." Beetlepaw. Hollyleaf. Cloverheart. They still felt the same about her as they used to. But... would they still? It was impossible to say. Perhaps that was why her paws felt so shaky as she continued to press onward.

The next topic of conversation was a question. It was one that made Perchstar look once more at Sprucebark. Light blue eyes studied the calico tom, looking at the uncharacteristic uncertainty that was making his whiskers droop. The clench of her lungs informed her that these were feelings she was all too familiar with--feelings that had been soothed on occasion, but had never gone away. "I believe you are a good warrior," she told him simply. "You hunt and fight well. You have mentored apprentices. You are a valued senior warrior, and an integral part of RiverClan. And you know, of course, that your family loves you. Poppyshine, Rowansong and Sandyshell love you. If nothing else, then that ought to remind you that there is a large amount of worth in you." The words were awkward falling from her mouth, stilted with pauses in strange places. Emotion never came easily to her, even when addressed logically. Hopefully he would not think she was lying. She was not in the habit of telling untruths. "I understand what it is like to doubt yourself. Believe it or not, I... struggle with such feelings myself. But each warrior has their own role to play. I believe that whether or not you swim again, whether or not you see Minksplash, whether or not you have nights that make you want to remain asleep forever, you are still worthy. You are playing your role and living the life that you need to. You are a positive influence on others around you."

There was yet more she could say. However, Perchstar found that her throat closed as they reached a landmark on their journey. The Thunderpath. The strange black substance expanding as far in either direction as one could see. A foul smell rose up from it--one that brought back memories she had always tried desperately to shove into an abandoned corner of her brain. Loud growls--a lack of air--the feeling of being trapped. Thankfully no outward signs of her consternation showed. She hoped. Maybe a flick of her ear, or a slight widening of the eyes. That was all. She could do this. She could do this. She had only ever been hit once; the chances of it happening again were unlikely. She would simply be careful. She would be all right. Perchstar closed her eyes for one second--two seconds--three. Then she opened them again. But her paws would not move. "...You go ahead first." It was pathetic of her. But it was the best she could do at the moment.

(so.. I didnt know exactly how far I should take them. So I sort of split it into two sections. Cause like i didnt know if you wanted to expand more on the thunderpath or not? )

Sprucebark listened to all Perchstar had to say nodding a little here and there. Hmm interesting, she viewed starclan much more indivudlized than he ever had. He had always though of them as one large force always united, she seemed to think that each cat up there was just that: individuals who didnt always even see things the same.

He nodded unsure but it seemed like she had decent points about it.

He was comforted a great deal at least that she thought of him as a good warrior at least. She was right, Poppy, rowan, sandy all loved him a great deal and he loved them all too.

Her part about own self judgment sent an uneasy feeling in his stomach. What a terrifying process that would be he thought silently. To have to judge ones self?

It was followed up by her saying she had the same feelings he did right now. Of unworthiness.

Oh stars!? Did that mean? ... did she walk around constantly thinking the worst: that she was unworthy AND that she would have to judge herself at the end?

He blinked looking at her having no idea at first what to say to that.

He wanted to reassure her some way that she was an amazing leader. An amazing mentor in so many ways. She was like family and knowing she felt that way made him want to somehow try and fix it though he wasn't sure how.

He thought quickly... what would mum do? She would somehow be able to make Perchstar feel better no doubt but he wasn't her. He didn't have that magic that mum seemed to somehow carry that instantly lifted any spirit around her. He wished he did.

"Perchstar. You are an outstanding leader." he finally managed to reply with.

"I think sometimes you and I are our own worst judges..." he gently placed his tail on her shoulder doing his best. It was no comfort like what his mum would surely have been able to give but it was the best he knew how to do at this point.

"How about this... instead of us worrying so much about our selves we make each other a promise. I promise I will let you know if I think you ever are in danger of straying into a dangerous path. And you can do the same for me?" he proposed glancing at her.

"but more than anything I dont want you to feel like you are unworthy. Perchstar you are an incredible leader. You have taught me so much"


It wasn't long after that they reached the thunderpath where she slowed down. She showed no sign outwardly of it and neither did he but for a different reason. He wasn't scared of this thing like she was.

He hadn't really seen the dangers of it like she had.

Sure, he knew generally of it. Monsters and such but it was hard to be scared of something you hadn't really even had much exposure too.

he had looked at her expecting her to keep leading but shrugged when she wanted him to go first. "okay" he meowed as if it were like any other request.


He put a paw up on the path it felt cold and rough. "hmm pretty weird stuff the twolegs make this out of" he remarked

The distant sound of a monster made him step quickly off waiting for it to pass. The speed at which it past and the gust of wind that hit afterward made him fluff out his pelt.

He looked to his leader with a small grin. "all good, no worries" he meowed. Glancing back and forth very carefully to look for any others he darted across.

It was sort of like walking across camp to him. Except it was running. Once on the other side and was a ways off it he turned looking to her.

"Ready perchstar?" he meowed. He kept a lookout for any signs of them coming.

(so like yea, I originally was gonna end it here but it felt like not much to work with for your reply and I didnt know what else to expand on if they did another round of travel too... so I continued. Its always a bit odd to know. Cause like I dont wanna control someons character in this case perch crossing but I also feel like ending it there makes it hard for you to respond with that? I have run into this before lol. So like... below im assuming she got across okay and bolded the parts that might be affected by time soup if you decide to break riverclans heart or something. Please dont you dare!)


Once perchstar was safely across he sighed in relief

"alright nice! Come lets see what we can find" he meowed very eager. This was it! This was the big part he had been dying to get to for quite some time.

He purred very excited again. He eagerly followed her towards the stone and when he saw the mothermouth cave entrence he was buzzing with anticipation.


He practically ran over to it remembering the way from here with his trip with his aunt all those moons ago.

"We made it perch!" he cheered.

Waiting for her to catch up he felt his way blindly through the twists and turns of the tunnels till they got to the big room with the stone. His eyes went wide with its beauty. "come come" he beckoned going to be side by side with the stone.

He gave a little purr as he smiled widely. He was finally going to get to see his sister again.

He hurridly rested by the side of the stone closed his eyes and touched nose to it just like he had when he was an apprentice and waited.

and waited and waited and waited some more. He peaked an eye open looking side to side.

ok... ok it probably just needed him to lay down in a different position. He nodded surely that would fix it.

He rotated a little and touched nose to it again closing his eyes. Any second now. A deafening silence fell over the cave. He blinked awake again.


"This works well for both of us. I will warn you that you may not be able to expect exactly what you want from the stars. Though I hope that they will allow Minksplash to visit you"

the little sentences perchstar had said earlier were playing in his head now... excpet now thinking about them closer they were not so much little sentences rather than warnings he hadn't caught at the time.

He shook his head no no he must be doing something wrong maybe his tail had to touch the rock too. His aunt had told him that right?? He tried to convince himself but deep down was starting to get a bit worried.

Trying once more this time with his tail touching the rock too he squeezed his eyes shut tighter as if that would somehow convince the stars that he should be able to talk with his lost sister.

When nothing came he lay there motionless. He wasnt trying to dream anymore no he was motionless because he had given up and felt like he had just been punched in the gut over and over again. He lay there not wanting to ever get up.

He squeezed his eyes shut feeling hot tears swell up in his eyes. He had clung so long to a hope that now was as cold as the stone felt.

He rolled over to his side feeling sick. He wished he could vanish right now for a little bit. He didn't want anyone seeing him like this least of all his leader.