can't the future just wait (c)

These days were long and drawn-out and boring. For some reason Dovekit didn't understand, his siblings never really wanted him around--that, or they were always trying to drag him into trouble with them. But on the off chance they were away doing something stupid on their own, or all lazing around napping, or otherwise shooing him off from their shenanigans, he found himself alone. Such was the case right now. The seal point tom was moping, dragging his brown-gradient paws as he wandered around camp. What was he supposed to do? He was too old to do kittish things like play mossball or bother the elders for stories. And yet, he wasn't allowed to leave camp, since he wasn't an apprentice yet. The other kits were boring.

He worried about his siblings--especially Pigeonkit. They always got into trouble when he wasn't watching them. But he couldn't watch them constantly! Once they were all apprentices... how was he supposed to keep an eye on them? What if something bad happened when he wasn't there? It stressed him out. He felt the edges of his pelt begin to poof out as he paced, frustration making his ears twitch.

Well, he wasn't an apprentice yet. That wasn't a problem yet. But maybe... maybe, he should be preparing. He should be getting ready for his inevitable apprenticeship. What could he do? He couldn't try hunting; he couldn't go outside of camp onto the territory. Dovekit thought for a moment. Then, his eyes seized on the apprentice den. Perfect. He could see what it was like in there! Maybe he should plan out where his nest would go. No, nests. He would need to look after his siblings, so they'd all have to sleep together, of course. He felt proud of himself as he began to walk over, no longer dragging his feet. If he could spend this time preparing, maybe he wouldn't be so worried all the time. After a quick glance to check that the coast was clear, he trotted into the apprentice's den and began scouting the area. "Maybe this corner..." He was so immersed in his visions of the future that he didn't notice the apprentice in the corner staring at him.

Of course, with his luck, he was caught immediately--and not by a nice cat like Sunpaw, either. Dovekit looked up with wide blue-gray eyes to see the looming form of the meanest apprentice he knew. Larkpaw. There was an outright malice in the tom's yellow glare as he snarled. "I know it isn't the nursery!" he retorted indignantly, feeling his pelt fluff up slightly in response to the sudden confrontation. There was no reason to be afraid of a bully. "I'm going to be an apprentice soon--probably in the next couple of days, even. I just wanted to see what it's like in here. Plan where I'm going to put my nest, you know?" His eyes narrowed. "Don't worry. Of course, it won't be anywhere near yours."

His slightly smaller frame made it easy for him to walk past Larkpaw and further into the den. He made sure to step over any nests and not mess with anybody's stuff. He wasn't rude. Maybe he could have been a little bit nicer to Larkpaw... but the tom had bitten his sister, and then hissed at him just for peeking into the den that would be his resting place in just a little while. Larkpaw should have been nicer to him. Maybe they could be friends if he made up and apologized. But until then, Dovekit ignored him, striding further into the den to look around and see any empty spots. It looked pretty crowded... would there even be room for him and his siblings?

Dovekit was just glancing at a promising area--one in which the nests were not quite as packed together as they could have been--when he was rudely interrupted by the unfamiliar sensation of sharp teeth in his scruff. He let out a sharp sound of surprise. The feeling was one he hardly even remembered. His foster mother rarely picked any of them up, even Pigeonkit, even when she deserved it. She simply beckoned them to come inside. This feeling was one that he should have associated with his real mother, who he knew was in the stars watching over them. Or even his older brother Owlpaw, his only true parent figure, all things considered. But this, this miscreant, was manhandling him simply because he was upset that Dovekit had defended his sister? If he'd had any battle training, he would have responded with unsheathed claws. But instead, he found himself thrown out of the den where he would soon reside, too stunned to do anything about it until it had already happened.

He bristled, his well-kept fur fluffing out in indignation as he found himself sitting on the sand outside the den. Unceremoniously ejected by a fox-hearted, hypocritical...! A rage previously unknown to him, one connected to but entirely different from the hot protectiveness that made him rush to Pidge's aid, suffused his form. He felt twice his size. He was almost an apprentice--he knew that. A few days away, even. He was not that much smaller than Larkpaw. Once he got older, once he got bigger, this injustice would be rectified. He would beat Larkpaw into the sand and force him to apologize. Only once he had eaten crowfood could they ever hope to look past this unkindness, the crowning moment atop the abuse of his sister. "I'll be a better apprentice than you ever were, you fish-breathed frog-face," he hissed, drawing himself up to his full height. "Then a better warrior. A better sibling. A better brother. I know how to love and cherish those close to me. I know which mistakes to understand and which to hold onto. I know how to live and let others be. Do you?" His soft tail lashed once behind him. Even in his fiercest moments of annoyance with his siblings, he had never felt this emotion so strongly. Larkpaw had not only attacked his younger sister, but made it known that none of them would ever be welcome in his presence. He had thrown down a challenge, just as surely as crossing a border with scent markers. Well, Dovekit would defend his territory. "I hope you learn to see past your own nose one day. Otherwise, you'll be blinded and trip over your own feet into the Gorge."

Dovekit hadn't been quite sure where the sudden spike of rage came from. Probably the combination of his own feeling of helplessness, the stark realization that he missed his mother, and the horrible way that Larkpaw was treating him. But he didn't have time to introspect. It was only a few seconds after his tirade that a paw pressed his head firmly into the sand. And held it there. Panic shot through his veins as he struggled to get air, scrabbling uselessly at the ground beneath his paws, unable to defend himself just as he was unable to defend his siblings. He could barely breathe. Stars. Is this how I die? Before I even become an apprentice? Since his ears remained above the sand, every snarling word reached them, like extra blows pushing him down further. Though being called a rogue was not the worst of the things Larkpaw spat, it was what hurt him most--until the apprentice told him to go lose all of his family. As if he'd ever even known his real parents before losing them. As if his siblings weren't the only thing he had, which was why he was protecting them so fiercely. As if berating the apprentice for being a bully was worth nearly smothering him in broad daylight. Dovekit struggled to inhale any air through the thick sand encompassing him, his gasps becoming more desperate as the pressure shoving him downward did not cease. Until finally, it did, and Larkpaw was gone.

Dovekit wrenched his head up immediately, hyperventilating, taking in as much air as he could. Particles of sand stuck to his face. His nose felt almost clogged, and his heart was pounding at twice its usual rate. He could've died. Larkpaw surely wasn't stupid enough to murder a kit in the middle of camp... but he was stupid enough to bite Pigeonkit and to hold his head down in the sand until he nearly passed out. The rage had been overshadowed by a moment of real worry. Not just like the anxieties he always had for his siblings, but a genuine concern that he might close his eyes and give up and not open them again. Larkpaw was gone for now... but he was still in camp. He was still his Clanmate. And he was just going to have to, what, deal with that? Deal with the fact that an apprentice had attacked him and his sister?

Slowly his breaths grew more regular. His heartbeat slowed down. However, Dovekit stared after the apprentice's swiftly retreating form with an absolute chill in his light blue eyes. Something tightened inside of him, past the adrenaline and fear and worry. Resolve. He would be better. Not just good, but better. He would be good enough to protect Pidge. To protect Swan and Crow and Raven. Even to protect Owlpaw. To protect everyone. And not just to protect them from outside threats, but from inside ones. From Larkpaw. From cats like him who thought they were the center of the universe and they deserved to get whatever they wanted, no matter what. He'd be better.

I'll beat you, Larkpaw.

...But he had to learn how, first.