Make the Demons Go Away [C]

Falconmoon flung a rabbit onto the fresh-kill pile almost as if he was taking out trash. He heaved a loud sigh, clearly bored with mundane activities. So far he'd done his best to avoid Bloodstrike to the point of skirting around exactly the time and place the old tom would be. It was early evening which was early for Falconmoon to be up. He hated this, working like a Shadowclan cat. He wanted the sun rather than the stars. This sudden preference shift was no coincidence and he knew it. Ever since he got his previous life's memories back (he refused to acknowledge that they were the same cat despite the obvious whirling conflicting emotions from time to time and an almost split personality voice in his head) everything felt off. He was still fond of many of his clanmates, but something inside him cautioned him to keep everyone at tail's length. He spoke a lot less than he did before, and whenever he did it was mostly small talk. Before he went out on night patrols, he would usually go to Wolfblossom and at least nuzzle her and purr goodnight to her. That had come to complete halt.

Falconmoon was afraid his paranoia about being betrayed would cause him to do something weird and cause him to slip. He didn't want questions. He didn't want to talk to anyone. He didn't even fully comprehend what was happening to him himself. If anyone would notice a change, it was his mother and his leader. He took careful precautions to avoid them both as much as possible. He got up at odd times and went to sleep in unpredictable patterns. He took alternate routes when he was patrolling and kept interactions to business only. It was the loneliest, most painful feeling in the world to feel like a stranger among his family and felt that he had nowhere to belong, but the thought of trying to blend in and pretend everything was fine sent him nearly into a blind panic. He even started dodging Sunfire and his sisters.

He'd planned to avoid Birdstar and Wolfblossom tonight as well, but someone must have had a change of plans or something... because he spotted her in camp at a time she should not have been there. Foxdung! He tried to casually but quickly leave camp again. Gotta go gotta go gotta go!

He heard the sound of pawsteps behind him and knew Birdstar was in pursuit. He clenched his teeth behind closed lips, but if he picked up his pace now it would be painfully obvious that he was evading her. As she came up beside him and began to talk, he threw on the most innocently concerned face that he could muster. It stayed strong until she finished speaking, to which his pace slowed down and his facial expression faltered. His eyes flicked quickly to the side and back again, a sign of mistrust and a sign that he was thinking.

"I uh... I think I left prey out in the-" He stopped. Even to him his voice sounded as weak as his excuse. He gave it up right then and slowed his pace to a normal walking pace. He looked behind him, curious to see if they were being followed, before he set his eyes back onto the path in front of him.

"Okay... okay... I'm a little confused right now is all. Do you remember when I said I wanted to face my dreams and I went into the medicine den? I was given things to sleep deeply and I slept from moon high to sun high?" His heart rate suddenly quickened and fear permeated the air. Something was warning him to stop... and it felt just as urgent and life threatening as a badger attack. He hesitated then.

"I... I lied about not having any dreams. I had them all at once, but to tell you exactly what happened would take all day. So... you can stop worrying, because this isn't anything new. I'm just distracted by them is all." He hoped the half truth would be enough to throw her off the scent. He wasn't ready for a full blown conversation about this, and he didn't know that he ever would be.

At least... not while those who knew him from his previous life still lived. Even then, he might be content to settle into this life as Falconmoon and not anyone else. His pace stayed steady and his eyes dropped to the forest floor. Would that be enough? Would Birdstar be satisfied with that answer enough to not think about him anymore?