these hands could hold the world (c)

A moon. Perchstar had been gone for an entire moon. Once her body had finally (mostly) recovered from the grueling ordeal of giving birth, and how raggedly she'd been running it while trying to return home, she returned her focus to the massive amount of responsibilities that had gone unheeded while she was elsewhere. Poppyshine had done her best to be both leader and deputy; as much as Perchstar wished she would have appointed temporary help, she knew her friend would have been far too stubborn to admit the possibility of her not returning. But as well as she had done, Poppyshine couldn't have done everything on her own. There was a lot that still needed to be looked into. So, in whatever few moments she could steal away from the kits who tried to demand every moment of her waking time, the RiverClan leader did her best to resume her duties.

One such duty she had not participated in during the entire moon was speaking to Sandyshell. It was the leader's responsibility to receive the interpreted words of the stars from their medicine cat. However, Perchstar did not feel like hearing anything from the stars at the moment. Not after how they had abandoned her during her sojourn in Twolegplace. Some quiet logic whispered that it had not been their fault, and they had done what they could with restoring her life after it was taken, but she was too bitter over the lackluster words of hollow advice and how little help she'd had. And she supposed they now would not like her either, after the unintended night in the storm. She did still want to speak with Sandyshell... but it was simply because she had been gone for a moon. The medicine cat had already been dealing with a lot, and when Perchstar had been heading to Highstones initially, Sandyshell had still been recovering from the injury she received from the dogs at Fourtrees. Hopefully she was feeling better now--and maybe, better enough for her to broach the subject of a medicine cat apprentice. Still, it was with a slight hesitance that Perchstar stuck her head inside the medicine den. "Sandyshell? Are you busy?"

Well, it seemed that Sandyshell had not changed one iota in the past moon. Perchstar immediately noticed the tense way the medicine cat stood, and the stretch of her smile. Just like Dovesight before her. But Dovesight had gotten better eventually... would Sandyshell ever do the same? Was there anything that could be done to help her? The leader shook her head and focused. One thing at a time. "There's no need to worry. You have done nothing wrong. In fact, I thank you for assisting Poppyshine in taking such good care of the Clan while I was gone." She entered the rest of the way into the den, white paws making quiet but steady steps until she was seated in front of Sandyshell--but not too close as to make the other she-cat uncomfortable. "I simply wished to speak with you about a few things... foremost among them the fact that you could use someone to help you with your immense burden of duties, so you do not get overwhelmed. Have you put any thought recently as to the idea of taking a medicine cat apprentice? We certainly have a lot of kits in the nursery, after all."

Sandyshell's anxiety apparently had yet to be quelled. Perchstar supposed that the events of the past few moons likely had not helped her feel any better about herself. Not to mention everything awful that had happened to her predecessors Dovesight and Cloverheart... but the leader bit her tongue and refrained from thinking about those things. Her presence was making the medicine cat uncomfortable, given the fear in the glance that she sent towards her, so the best thing she could do would be to explain her point properly and get out of the medicine den.

Though she had to admit to herself that she was a little bit hurt. Was this truly how her Clanmates saw her? How could she be more... approachable? Was her face so frightening? Did she really inspire such unease? Perchstar managed to ignore the way her stomach twisted and go back to her duties. For now she simply needed to do what she came here to do. Maybe she ought to send Poppyshine to speak to her own daughter from now on. She wouldn't want to... make things any harder for Sandyshell. "Yes, an apprentice. I didn't want to bother you, since I know that things have been hard. The past few moons have been troubling for all of RiverClan, to be certain. But I believe that working together with someone is the best way to move forward. Your mother has always been such a help for me, and I am sure both she and I would be at ease if you did not have to do everything alone." Her tail swished behind her. "You do not have to, of course. The decision is ultimately up to you. I hope that my suggestion has not caused any undue offense." Must her speech really be so stilted? How could she speak normally without letting her guard down and becoming awkward? How was she supposed to lead if her Clanmates disliked her? Her face remained neutral through the inner turmoil.