so it goes (c)

Froststar was dead, ShadowClan would finally be leaving and returning home, Nightstalker-- someone she had considered an enemy for almost her entire life, returning with them. The news that it was in fact her brother that was at fault, that he had almost killed the warrior she despised and a different warrior had to kill him to stop him had settled in her stomach like a bad piece of prey. It had interrupted her sleep for the past few nights as she struggled to process the information, often sitting guard over the camp to avoid waking others with her writhing and general restlessness. Her mind had been made up days ago, she needed to apologise to the tom who had truly not done anything more than defended himself and his clan, who she had unfairly held accountable for all this time.

As the other clan readied to return home, Thistlemask knew her window of opportunity was growing slimmer by the day. And so despite the bundle of nerves in her stomach, the uncomfortable pressure in her chest and stomach, she approached the tom, fur lying flat and head bent ever so slightly to ensure he knew she wasn't a threat.

"Nightstalker," the warrior took a deep breath, "We need to talk. Please," her voice grew soft, pleading in a sense. Please don't turn me away...

Nightstalker was busy organizing his clan, preparing his injured and old to make the long journey back home when the voice he wanted to hear the least called his name, asking to talk. "I'm a bit busy at the moment, Thistlemask. What do you want?" The young leader practically hissed, turning his glare to the rogue that was splitting his attention from somewhere that it needed to be. He didn't know why she was speaking to him now, and why she wasn't avoiding him like he had green-cough. He'd rather that she didn't talk to him at all, period.

The harsh response given was almost enough to make her hiss an insult in return, give up on her self-assigned mission and hope the tom fell over a bramble on the way home, but somewhere deep down she knew better than to do that. Instead, she took a deep breath, practiced words running carefully through her mind as she prepared to speak; to confess and apologise to the ShadowClan leader.

"My apologies for interrupting, I know you're under pressure getting your clan together to go home. Um, and truly, I am sorry about Froststar. But that's not why I'm here," the warrior took a seat, curling her tail over her paws, the tip of which flicking nervously as her heart pounded in her throat.

"I want to apologise. I wrongly participated in attacking your camp and not only wounding you but watching as several of your warriors were killed. I also apologise for the actions of my brother, for attacking you and almost killing you. What myself and my family did was reprehensible and abhorrent, and completely unforgiveable. I will not explain it away. I was not much older than an apprentice, but I should have known better when Dawnhawk desecrated your clanmates dead bodies like that." The memory of the blood stench would never quite leave her nose, and now she realised it would probably never leave that of the ShadowClan cats involved that day.

"I do not expect your forgiveness, and if you want to claw my ears off right now - I genuinely couldn't and wouldn't blame you, nor would I stand in your way. But I need you to know Nightstalker that I didn't know the full story, and had I known, I would have condemned the actions of the cats I unfortunately call kin. I joined ThunderClan to leave that life behind because I didn't want to be like my father. My loyalty and my life belong to this clan, and to the code, but I acknowledge this alone won't simply make it all go away; I don't expect it to, nor do I want it to. But I do have to thank you for at least hearing me out, so I could be completely honest with you."

The robotic response she had practiced had evaporated as she begun to speak; instead being replaced with something much more truthful and raw. It hurt to acknowledge her family she had loved so much had committed so much wrong against completely innocent cats like the one standing before her, but it was necessary to continue devoting herself to ThunderClan- to ensure she had a position with the place that she had spent more of her life in. Whether Nightstalker was willing to accept her apology was truly up to him, and the molly was aware it was more leaning towards improbable, but she was glad to know he would at least have heard her honest words.

Nightstalker wasn't sure what to exactly think as he listened to Thistlemask's apology. "To know the strength of your kin, has struck such a deep fear into the hearts of my cats, and myself, I do not think that any of us could forgive fully. To forgive you, or your kin, even if you were unwilling, is a great kindness that I cannot give. I will live with the pelts of my clanmates on your backs and the marks of your kins claws on my belly. And what do you have? Regrets?" It was remarkably honest, and yet incredibly harsh in its own ways.

"We will both live with the sins of your kin etched into us. And as long as I am Shadowclan's leader, I will make sure to crush every little problem under my paws, no matter how small or insignificant. It cannot happen again." Nightstalker rounded on Thistlemask, putting pressure on the she-cat with his height and regal pose. "Let it be known as well, that while you are safe for the time being. If you prove yourself a potential problem in the future, no matter how slight. I will end your life, and your tenure in Thunderclan before you can use a silver tongue to save yourself." He snarled, his amber eyes steely and narrowed as he glowered down at Thistlemask. But in a sense, a subtle gesture, Nightstalker had granted her even the barest amount of forgiveness.