Separate Ways [Closed]

Today was the day. Tonight, Cinderflame and Rainpaw will be leaving Thunderclan to escape from the nightmare of the Dark Forest and prevent themselves from getting corrupted like Softfall or killed... like Reedshine. But first, there was one thing she had to do. After days of debating what to do, the young rogue she-cat decided to finally confront Appledapple about Stoatstar declarations. If she left without asking her mother... her idol... her role model about what truly happened to their parents and why were they in Thunderclan... maybe she would never know the answers. Deep inside, Cinderflame hoped the she-cat knew nothing about her and her siblings' origins, but it was unlikely.

Dawn had not arrived yet when the brown and grey she-cat made her way to Appledapple's nest. As she looked her sleep, the young warrior couldn't help to recall all those times the she-cat stood by her side, nurturing her and raising her to be the cat she was today. Was Cinderflame truly ready to break that bond by acknowledging Appledapple wasn't truly her mother and that she may have stolen her from her real family? What if she reacted the same Stoatstar did when she announced her plan? Hearing those words coming from her too... was going to break her down. The warrior took a deep breath and finally touched her foster mother's shoulder. "Appledapple. Can we talk? In private." She mewed when the tortoiseshell molly opened her eyes.

A slight nudge easily awoke Appledapple from her restless sleep. For some reason, she kept waking up from forgotten, shadowy dreams, and every time she had to stop herself from going to the leader's den. Why did she so badly want to go to Stoatstar? To see how he was feeling? It was stupid. That shouldn't be her concern right now. Blearily opening her gray eyes, she glanced up to see who was waking her. "Cinderflame?" she asked, a slight questioning tilt to her voice. All this time avoiding her, and now her adopted daughter wanted to talk? But the expression on the younger warrior's face was somber. This might be something important. After a moment, she nodded. "All right."

They walked out together, until they had reached what Cinderflame determined to be a suitable distance, and then stopped. Appledapple sat down on the chilly ground, watching for a moment as the stars above slowly began to fade as the sky lightened imperceptibly. The sun would not rise for a while longer... but it would, sometime. Her thoughtful gray eyes moved from the sky onto her daughter's face. She didn't know when, but she had truly begun to care for all her adopted kits-- Cinderflame especially. She was such a strong young she-cat. And yet, uncertainty hovered around her as she shifted from side to side. "What was it you wanted to speak to me about?" Appledapple asked, her voice still quiet in the early morning.

The she-cat kept her head down as they walked together, collecting her thoughts with each step. Her tail moved from side to side and her gaze seemed to be lost in her own paws. Once the warrior recovered herself, she stopped Appledapple with a motion of her tail. The two she-cats stood next to each other by the camp's walls, being one of the few souls that were awake so early. Without counting the dead corpses lurking in the shadows, of course.

Cinderflame's hazel eyes landed on Appledapple. Though no emotion was apparent on her face, the intensity inside her eyes was undeniable. So many emotions came over her: betrayal, love, anger, admiration, fear... determination. There was no going back. The truth was out and the she-cat couldn't keep it any longer. "I want to talk about family." She finally mewed. Her gaze turned for a second to the leader's den, and the pain of Stoatstar's word made her flinch. Would this encounter with the tortoiseshell she-cat be as painful? "After my ceremony, I talked with Stoatstar. I told him I didn't want Thunderclan nor myself to get stronger and more powerful because of the Dark Forest. I'm worried about what they are doing to Softfall... and after they killed Reedshine... I asked him how could he still side with them? They are not only hurting the clan but... our family as a whole." Her claws dug into the mud, and her fur rising up was a clear sign of her frustration and anger towards her "father" and mentor. However, despite it all, Cinderflame tried her best to keep her cool. Her eyes returned to Appledapple as she continued. "I can't stay here any longer and be a part of the poison that Stoatstar has allowed in my clan, my home. That's what I told him in a fit of rage... And..." The young warrior gulped, unnerved by the revelation that was about to see the day of light. However, the young warrior did not continue and instead waited to see how Appledapple would react to her story. Was she going to say the same hurtful things her leader did? Would she... understand her? Cinderflame looked at her intensely, waiting for any hint in her face that would give away her thoughts on her...

As Appledapple met her daughter's gaze, she saw a mess of emotions swirling underneath. Fear, affection, worry, frustration. What had happened to cause all these feelings? ThunderClan was still under the heavy paw of the Dark Forest, it was true, but they were at least no longer starving. Cinderflame had always been a practical she-cat who loved her Clan. What was on her mind? For once, the tortoiseshell was silent, letting her gray eyes rest on hazel as she listened to whatever it was that needed to badly to be said. Once, she would have not particularly cared. When she'd picked up the kits, her emotions toward them had been a mixture of regret, disgust, and uncertainty. She'd always done her best to put on a good face, and she had gradually come to like them... but what did they feel toward her? She'd felt certain that Cinderflame at least liked her. But now she wasn't sure.

As the darker she-cat's halting words began to permeate the quiet morning forest, it was like a slow cloud had descended onto them from above. Cinderflame was angry with Stoatstar for accepting the Dark Forest... did she know that Appledapple had been one of the few who-- albeit unwittingly-- had dreamed with them before they arrived? She blamed the Dark Forest for Softfall, but he had been like that before. And... Reedshine... At the memory of her adopted son and former apprentice, the tortoiseshell almost winced. That news had been like a physical blow when she heard it. What had he been doing that got him so foolishly killed? She hated him for dying so quickly, so purposelessly. And yet... she kind of missed the optimistic young tom. All of these things were laid out to the inevitable conclusion.

"I can't stay here any longer."

Appledapple closed her eyes for a moment, feeling the words more than hearing them. ThunderClan, despite the ups and downs it had been through, was truly everything to her. She knew she wasn't a perfect warrior, much less a perfect mother. And yet, to hear another cat say they would abandon the Clan just because of a hardship? It felt like her lungs were freezing over. Somehow, though, she wasn't angry. There were certainly emotions boiling inside her-- frustration, helplessness, betrayal-- and yet, not anger. Not the red-hot fire that had caused her to yell at Stoatstar, caused her to attack cats at the border... caused her to kill a cat. And so, surprising even herself, Appledapple simply murmured a few words. "I... understand. You promised to protect ThunderClan, but-- I understand why you want to leave." Finally, her eyes opened, staring straight into Cinderflame's. They didn't look angry, more... defeated. Her paws churned in frustration for a moment, then she wrapped her tail around herself to still them. "It has been hard. We were starving for moons. Our territory was stolen. And now, it seems that not even our agency is our own. Trust me when I say that we wanted to fight the Dark Forest. I think very few cats welcome the rule of dead, bloodthirsty ghosts. However, did you see what happened at the Gathering? To your own brother? Those who fought back were killed." The word was hard to say. Yet, it was true. "This doesn't mean we are laying down and taking it. At least, I'm not. I'm just biding my time until we can actually win, and drive them off. It's not possible right now, but... maybe later. I wish you would stay and wait with me. But, I guess I understand why you wouldn't." Pained, Appledapple glanced away, looking back in the direction of camp. How could anyone want to leave their Clan? Abandon their family like that? Not that... she was really Cinderflame's family....

Cinderflame listened to Appledapple's words in complete silence. Her intense gaze softened by the sudden... openness the she-cat was showing to her. She saw her frustrations, how pained she was with the situation just like the young warrior was. The brown and grey molly could see that the more experienced warrior wasn't really on board with her choice... but unlike Stoatstar, she didn't react so angrily, so defensive of her choices. Appledapple had her own way of fighting the Dark Forest... yet she respected hers.

When the tortoiseshell molly turned her gaze away, Cinderflame approached her and touched her paw. She wasn't the best at comforting others... or showing any kind of affection in general. But... she wanted to show Appledapple that despite their differences, she didn't hate her or despise her. "Honestly... I don't get why aren't you the leader of this clan instead of Stoatstar. I understand what you mean and get why you and others had chosen to do nothing until the moment is right. Though we both want the same thing for this clan... our ways are different." Cinderflame paused for a second, looking into her mother's face to recall all the memories with her. The she-cat wasn't sure if she would survive her escape and if she didn't... she wanted to have this last moment. A moment of truth between mother and daughter. "I'm not abandoning you or my clan. I'm going to fight on my own terms against the Dark Forest, with Rainpaw by my side. I will fight for my home, for the clans, for my family and for you, without being a bystander of the Dark Forest's atrocities. And even if rogue's blood runs through my veins... even if Stoatstar has disowned me as his daughter and says I'm beneath Thunderclan..." The young she-cat closed her eyes, in pain by the hurtful words her supposed father had told her. "I'm your daughter, a daughter of this clan, no matter what my blood says and what our leader thinks. I will prove them all wrong and return stronger, wiser. When the time is right, I and Rainpaw will fight by your side and save the rest of our family... unless, you don't consider me and my siblings your family..." The truth was now out and Cinderflame remained still, unable to face Appledapple directly. Would she reject her as Stoatstar did? If she did... what was even the point of coming back to Thunderclan?

Still looking away, not quite able to face Cinderflame's hazel gaze, Appledapple snorted at the first remark. "Trust me, I'm worse at dealing with my anger than he is. He's leader because Minkstar chose him-- it's simple as that. Though he may be dead, I trust Minkstar above all else. Except when he let those RiverClan cats into our Clan... though they haven't betrayed us yet." She shook her head. "But truly, if I were leader, I doubt ThunderClan would survive my tactlessness." It wasn't a pleasant thought to dwell on. The childish part of her still wanted the power, the prestige, the recognition that would come with being leader. Once, it had been her greatest dream. But now? Seeing what it did to Stoat, who used to find joy in something as small as hunting snakes, and now squirmed under the crushing weight of responsibility? Honestly, she wasn't sure if she could take it.

At her next words, Appledapple managed to turn her head, letting deep gray eyes meet the face of her adopted daughter. Cinderflame... the cat most like her that she had ever met, in ways both good and bad. Hearing that she-- and apparently, Rainpaw as well-- at least did not plan to completely abandon ThunderClan made her facial muscles relax a little bit. Some of the immense weight began to roll off of her. However, her brows furrowed again at the mention of Stoatstar's words. He said what? Oh, I am going to have some words with that tom. Disowning her? The truth of her origins? No... if Cinderflame truly knew, she would not be acting so calm. What exactly had that mouse-brain let slip in his mindless anger? And should Appledapple fill in the blanks? The blanks that might ruin one of the only good relationships she could have with her adopted kits?...

"I'm glad you're not leaving for good," the tortoiseshell meowed after a moment of silence. She shifted her weight from paw to paw, trying to think of how to express what she wanted to say. "Stoatstar.... He's been having a bad time. One of the biggest fights we got in is because he doesn't properly know how to express his feelings. He isn't like me, where I just yell and get out my anger and then I'm fine-- he lets it build up and simmer, then it stays and rots for a long time. I can't say whether he meant it or not, but I know that he will eventually regret saying that. And that no matter what he says, when you return, I will welcome you." There was a quiet sincerity to the normally-boisterous she-cat's voice. Still... how to approach this next topic?

Appledapple clenched her teeth for a moment. "I don't know how much he told you," she began, haltingly, "but I don't want you to leave without knowing everything." You'll regret this. She'll hate you. Maybe she won't come back. Nagging fears began creeping up her spine, but it was too late now. She had committed. "Firstly... yes, you are born of rogue blood. I don't think Stoatstar and I made any secret that we are not your biological parents. However, we didn't want you to be raised with the stigma that comes from being outsiders. So we decided to wait until you were old enough to-- to understand." Silently, pleadingly, her gray eyes met the hazel ones of Cinderflame, hoping that she would understand. "But we did not steal you, or find you wandering alone. We did not plan to take you from your home. We just..." At the memories creeping back, her breath quickened for a moment, but she managed to calm herself down. She stared at the ground. She could do this. Bare essentials. Don't complicate it. "We were on a patrol near the Thunderpath. Out of nowhere, a rogue she-cat attacked us. There was no time to discuss; her eyes were crazy, and she would have killed either of us, if given the chance. I fought her off, but... in the exchange, she died. I killed her, in self-defense." Blood had choked her throat. She had seen the light fade from the other cat's eyes. Appledapple shuddered. "Then, we realized why she had been trying so desperately to fight us. A fox-length or so away, there was a nest with kits. You and your siblings. That rogue was your mother."

Slowly, Appledapple's eyes raised to her daughter's again. Her daughter... she was no more a rogue than Stoat or herself. She had been raised ThunderClan, and was ThunderClan, through and through. Her hatred of being controlled and love of agency at least told her that. "Cinderflame," she said, her voice vulnerable and rough, "you are my daughter. No matter where you were born. Even if you were of RiverClan blood, I wouldn't care. You were raised in ThunderClan your whole life. You took an oath to defend it. You breathe its air, walk its lands, drink its water. You are a ThunderClan warrior. And you are my daughter, and Stoatstar's, no matter what either of you may say. You, and Rainpaw, and Sweetpaw, and even Softfall." The warrior exhaled, looking carefully into the darker she-cat's eyes. "I know this is a lot. If you feel differently about me... that's okay. Just know that this does not change anything about our relationship, unless you feel that it should." The last words hurt to say. But she wouldn't want to force herself on anyone. That had never ended well for her. Hesitating, hating how vulnerable she had left herself, but feeling fully the unfamiliar soft passion that burned as she met Cinderflame's gaze, she waited for a response.

Cinderflame couldn't understand why Appledapple could continue defending Stoatstar after all he had done... she knew it was probably because of their love as mates but that was something the young warrior couldn't relate to. No matter how sad and angry her leader must be feeling, what he said to her was not something a father should say to a daughter if he considers her one. The bitterness against the tom remained in the she-cat's heart yet... there was also some unexpected hope emerging from her mother's words. She couldn't explain why but the possibility of Stoatstar regretting his words and welcoming her as his daughter... brought her a little spark of hope and warmth. The grey-reddish molly let out a purr when Appledapple assured her that despite her origins, she was her mother and she would be there for her return with open arms. Feelings overwhelm the young she-cat and in an unexpected sign of affection, Cinderflame bumped her head into the older she-cat's chest, feeling her warmth and heartbeat one more time. She was going to miss her so much...

However, Appledapple was not over. Confused, Cinderflame took a step back and decided to listen to the rest of her story, though she doubted there was something else she didn't know from Stoatstar. She was wrong. As the experienced warrior narrated how she and Stoatstar found her, all she could do was open her eyes in shock. They... they killed my mother... The young molly was in shock, not knowing what to think about this sudden revelation. They took her from her parents and raise them as their kits, without telling them the truth until now. Cinderflame knew she should be angry and she was... why did they wait so long to tell her? Why did they have to wait for a moment of crisis to say the truth? Did she not trust her? Cinderflame shook her head and looked at her paws intensely. Despite the fact that Appledapple had killed her mother... how could she see her as anything other than the cat who raised her? She didn't know this rogue who birthed her. Cinderflame was grateful that she fought until her last breath to protect them but she wasn't strong enough. Appledapple was and the molly made sure her new adopted kits would be just as strong as her. Thanks to Appledapple, to Thunderclan, Cinderflame was the strong she-cat she was. A healthy warrior who now had the courage to leave her clan in search of the strength necessary to save it.

Finally, the Abyssinian cat lifted her head to meet the tortoiseshell cat's gaze. Her face was a mask of no emotion and the warrior slowly approached until she was barely a whisker away. "You killed my biological mother... How can I see you in the same light? I should be angry and scream at you. Even maybe avenge her. But the truth is... that I didn't know her.  All I know is that she tried her best and failed. And I know you, her murdered, took the responsibility for your actions. You changed our fate, made us have a chance to be Thunderclan warrior and you raised me into the cat I am now. Despite I can't deny that it pains me deeply that you took us from our biological family... I couldn't be more proud to be called your daughter, Appledapple." Finally, a small yet pained smile appeared on her face. "You gave us a real future, a home instead of a life of hunger and fighting for survival"

Her right paw touched hers and with saddened eyes, she mewed. "It breaks my heart the thought of leaving you now that I know all of this... and that I know you are still my mom despite everything. But... I have a purpose outside of these walls and the madness of the Dark Forest and we need to go on separate ways. Once I'm away from the eyes and rule of the Dark Forest cat, I and Rainpaw will get stronger in the right way so when I come back... we can fight for our clan to be saved " With teary eyes, Cinderflame sunk her head into Appledapple's chest once more and mewed. "I'm going to miss you... so much."

It was new to Appledapple, to express herself so eloquently. Normally, her attempts to showcase her emotions ended in a screaming match, or storming off in a huff. So the fact that she had completed her story coherently and there was a silent lull was impressive... but uncomfortable. The moments that Cinderflame took to consider, to think, were an agony of cricket chirps and the wind rustling newly-grown leaves on the trees around camp. What will she think? Will she hate me now? Or will she understand? Either way... she's leaving, no matter what I do. That thought above all others was what dragged her down. Her attempts at keeping some semblance of a family together had not exactly been successful, but she had been proud of her adopted kits... only for her dabbles with the Dark Forest to bring this living nightmare to the Clan she loved so dearly. She wanted them to be strong, so she agreed to something she had no concept of. And what did she have to show for it?

Finally, a clear voice broke through the muddle of her thoughts. The tortoiseshell's gray eyes met her daughter's, ears perking forward to hear what she had to say. The first few words stung worse than any battle wound. "How can I see you in the same light?" However, almost numbly, she kept herself listening. If Cinderflame was truly angry, there wouldn't be such a soft resolve to her voice... right? And sure enough, there was more to be said. Appledapple's wounds were soothed by the balm of kindness, by an almost unfamiliar warmth to hear those words said. While she truly had no claim on these kits... never before had the term "mother" felt so sweet to her ears.

As the dark she-cat leaned into her chest, Appledapple allowed herself to wrap her tail around her, and press her head down warmly on top of the younger cat's head in a maternal gesture she had never allowed herself. "My daughter..." she whispered huskily, almost to herself. Never had she truly let herself take the term "adopted" from the forefront of those words, "daughter," "son"-- but if she could be a mother to Cinderflame, then Cinderflame was certainly her daughter. "I am so proud of you." How much would it have meant, she wondered idly as she enjoyed the embrace, to hear those words from her own parents? From Minkstar? From Stoatstar, even? Why would she think that? Providing that joy to another cat would have to be enough. Finally, she released her short tortoiseshell tail from around her daughter's shoulders, and sighed. "I won't drag you by your scruff back to ThunderClan... I respect your choice. Just-- be safe, okay? There's a reason that we didn't fight back against the Dark Forest immediately. They will murder you, with no hesitation. Be careful, and return home soon. Please." Stepping back, Appledapple nodded in respect, holding still despite the pained, raw realization in her eyes. "I will miss you too... my daughter."