I Wish (c)

Swanmist had thought awhile about this. Well, it was a big decision. Something so connected to herself, something that had belonged to her for the majority of her life.

And she wanted to throw it all away.

Her reason for this, how she convinced herself?.. She knew Thunderclan still hated her, most of Thunderclan, anyway. So... Maybe getting rid of the part of her that was the 'most Riverclan' would help them trust her more?

She came to Thunderclan for a new life, away from the pressure and hunger that was Riverclan and was met with cats calling her 'selfish' and 'unloyal'. Swanmist had... Started to believe those words.

Of course fish wouldn't bring dogs or danger, she was just fishbrained, stupid. Endangering herself and her children. But she couldn't go back now, she was too far, so... She'd just change herself to fit this new place.

She had picked Flurrypaw to help her. Pebblepaw wouldn't like it, Mintpool was far too busy as a warrior, so Flurrypaw... would help. She was right. Flurrypaw did agree, so now the mother and daughter were headed to the leader's den.

Summoning any kind of bravery she held inside, she entered the den, spotting the leader sitting down. She waved her tail in greeting, motioning her paws towards herself and then her mouth, before motioning to Stoatstar. Can I... Talk to you? She thought as she signed, glancing at Flurrypaw to see if she'd translate.

Stoatstar looked up. Having been hunched over, he straightened up at the sight of another cat. The exhaustion in his eyes was painfully evident. But he attempted to brighten up in the presence of company. So many things had been heavy lately, he felt like he'd become trapped - the den equal parts sanctuary as it was condemnation. There was no easy escape to this. He couldn't just run away, right?

Shaking away the intrusive thoughts, the leader focused on his clanmates. It was Swanmist and Flurrypaw. Surely their conversation wouldn't be as biting as the one with Cinderflame. Or would all of the clan abandon him during these times? Probably. He wanted to protect them but... it was impossible. Digging his claws into the den floor, Stoatstar sighed ever so slightly before meowing, "What is it?"

"Talk... to Stoatstar? Alright, I suppose I can come." had been her hesitant response to Swanmist's request, earlier that day. The purpose of this was reasonable, she knew, and since it was for their well-being, she'd agreed. Swanmist seemed to pause before entering the den, to gather up some courage, Flurrypaw guessed. I'm proud of you, Ma. she thought, faintly smiling as she recalled their journey to get to where they were now.

Once inside, she immediately locked her gaze onto their leader. Unlike the first time they'd met, it was not hostile, rather, it was well-meaning and a little pitiful when she realized how tired the tom looked. Glancing away, she noted her mother's gestures and quickly translated. "She would like a moment of your time to talk." The subtle gestures her mother used was now like a second language, one that she held very dear to her heart. Noticing Stoatstar's claws unsheathing, her own claws threatened to slide out. Was he really in a mood to talk?

Swanmist watched Stoatstar carefully. He... Wasn't in a good mood, that's for sure, so what had ruined his day? Was it me? She wondered, but didn't sign.

Stoatstar didn't exactly sound happy either. She sighed a little, glancing at Flurrypaw to wait for her to translate.

She noticed Flurrypaw's toes twitching slightly. No, don't show your claws to your leader... She narrowed her eyes at her kit, nudging her slightly as a sign to put them away.

Alright. Time for the thing. Her ears twitched a bit as she prepared to sign her thoughts. She tapped her paw twice to her chest. My... She thought along with her signs. She swiped a paw across her chest after the taps. My name... How am I going to word this? She hesitated. She flicked her tail, then turned it over. My name.. change?... I want to change my name. She stopped moving, glancing at Flurrypaw, then to Stoatstar.

"I've got time. Speak your mind." Stoatstar noted their reactions and forced himself to relax with a soft sigh. This unbearable tension never seemed to die out. The leader constantly felt like he was moments away from snapping - and ne never even yowled to gather the clan. He focused on his breathing, the air in and out of his nostrils. It helped to make the silence less overwhelming. Admittedly, at one point, he'd been curious in understanding the meaningful gestures that Swanmist used. There hadn't been time, at least not to assign unknown meanings. Now, he watched, each little motion and waiting for the apprentice to translate so he could properly respond.

Speak your mind. To her, it almost sounded like a taunt, but she knew better than to assume. As usual, when the gestures combined and understanding clicked, she voiced out Swanmist's inquiry. Somewhat of an instinct, Flurrypaw shifted positions and edged closer to her mother before speaking. "Can she... change her name?" Her gaze wandered back to Swanmist as she waited for a response.

He was surprised by the question, and immediately let out a soft, "Huh."

It made sense, though, and it would be good for all of them. Perhaps the clan would start to see her as more of a clanmate rather than a former Riverclan cat if she stripped her identity to take up that of a Thunderclanner. Names were sacred in the forest, it spoke of one truly was. After a moment, he glanced up and nodded with a stoic expression, "Alright then, a name-changing ceremony. It is only fitting after all." Stoatstar leaned back, waiting to see if there was anything else, or if their request was satisfied.