Last One Standing (C)

It was a cold day, like all of leaf-bare had been so far, but at least it wasn't snowing.  The sun was out but obscured by thick clouds, casting pale beams down into SkyClan's dreary camp.  Usually, at this time of day, the clearing was bustling with cats, either heading out on patrols or chatting with friends, or doing camp tasks.  Orchidmask was always right there with them, always...but not today.  The dark-pointed she-cat had nestled herself by a bush near the edge of camp, fluffy fur obscuring her legs and tail which were curled as tightly around her body as possible.  Her ears were drooping and her nose was frosty, but despite the cold, she had refused to go inside the warrior's den for hours.  She had stayed here since the morning...since Oliverain's vigil had concluded.

The moments from the previous morning played endlessly in her mind; nudging her skinny, tired sister to remind her about the dawn patrol when she noticed how cold and stiff she was.  How still her chest was...the awful scent that Muddythorn had tried his best to hide with herbs.  Her sister was dead, and she was the only kit her mother had left.  Orchidmask couldn't quite recall what her reaction had been; had she yelled for help?  Gone speechless?  Cried?  There wasn't any moisture on her face...perhaps she had announced it in her usual, emotionless way.  Even in these moments, when her worst nightmare came to pass, she couldn't seem to break her habits.  She wondered sometimes if she was even right to call her stoic nature a 'habit', or maybe it was just who she was now.  She had drilled it into her head enough times as a kitten, you need to behave, you need to impress them, you need to be agreeable, you need to follow the rules...you need to put your family first.  Everything she did, all the hoops she tried to jump through, all the impressive things she had tried to learn, it had been for her siblings.  They had needed to prove that they belonged in SkyClan, that they were worth something...that she was worth something.

Now though...she had nothing left to fight for besides herself.

Dull blue eyes looking up from the ground for a brief moment, she wondered if she should put away these feelings and just get on with her day, do what she had always done for her whole life.  Work, obey, impress, sleep.  Repeat.  Right now though, she didn't feel like she wanted to.  She wanted to be rebellious, in her own stupid way.  She wondered if anyone would care that she was upset, or if they would even notice.  Her mother likely wouldn't, they had never been very close for StarClan knows why.  What other connections did she have anyway, besides those carved in blood?  A name jumped into her head, but she pushed it away.  Why would he care what I feel, I'm just some cat who hangs out with him sometimes...  In that moment, Orchidmask almost regretted not having more friends.  Perhaps if she did, she never would've been left alone here for so long.

Newtspring's tail waved slightly as he watched a band of warriors and their apprentices depart, a little sore that he'd declined their offer to join. Weighted conversations had never been his strong point; for all his arrogance, he could acknowledge his faults, few as they might be. A rash temper, overemotional and bold when it came to matters of the heart, was one of them. He was much more adept at avoiding the issues entirely, putting himself to work– or to sleep –until enough time had passed for him to forget there had been a problem at all. He'd worked through the aftermath of war, through the discovery of Briarthorn's past crime and her time spent in ThunderClan, through the death and disappearances of his sisters. He was bitter, yes, and a sheltered part of his heart still ached over it all, especially the still-fresh wounds left by Spottedfrog and Bearflower. But he worked, and he moved past it.

Oliverain, though... Her sudden passing hung over his head like a dark cloud rolling with thunder. The dreary weather almost reflected how he felt, he noted with a dry snort. He and Oliverain had never been overly close beyond their history as mentor and apprentice... but that, and her simple status as a part of his family as a Clanmate, was enough to make it hurt. More important than his relationship with Oliverain, though...

Heavy paws had dragged him through the snow to towards the walls of camp, aching to leave. Bolt out into the teritory, pretend he had no problems and the cats he cared about didn't, either. But catching sight of Orchidmask curled within a bush, trembling, made his chest tighten. Whatever willed him to bow his head and pad on like he hadn't noticed lead him to her side instead, shouldering his way a little gracelessly into her space.

"Hi," Newtspring started carefully, his voice little more than a whisper. At that, he realized he didn't know what to say to her; he wasn't one for tact (another flaw he could admit to; graceless bravado was much easier), but the situation at paw demanded a gentler handling. Hesitantly, the large tabby leaned against Orchidmask, a deep frown pulling at his features. "You're freezin', ya know. Y'should come... least eat, or somethin'. Stretch your legs a li'l?" He coughed halfway through the offer, hesitant. His jaw parted briefly, to continue, offer his sympathy– he could understand, losing a sibling. Instead, he sharply closed his mouth, pointed ears lowering. Pale golden eyes shone with worry as he looked the she-cat over, fumbling over what to say next. Eventually, he settled for: "I don't need ya stayin' out here all day 'n' night. It's– well, I just... y'should come back to the den, 's warmer there. Nicer there, 'n' we're all there, too." For you. Newtspring wanted to add, but he bit at his tongue against it.

Orchidmask hadn't noticed Newtspring's approach until the branches of the bush above her rattled, sending a dead leaf swirling down to land on the top of her head.  Her eyes turned to look at the dappled tabby tom, but she didn't move her head much from where they rested on her forepaws.  She flicked her ear, the only response to his whispered 'hello'.  She felt conflicted; this is what she had just been wanting, right?  Someone to be with and share her pain, like a friend?  Then why didn't she want to talk to him, wanted to just ignore him until he got the message and went away?  Her head battled with her heart because she feared what would happen if she spoke.  What if everything just came spilling out, all her emotions and thoughts and feelings she had tried to keep hidden?  She could barely make sense of her own mind, how could another cat besides her sister begin to understand the struggles she goes through?

Suddenly, there was a weight against her side, one that was warm and fluffy and comforting.  Orchidmask stiffened, not used to this kind of closeness and it showed in her eyes, but when she turned to look at Newtspring the look on his face surprised her.  Genuine worry, and a bit of awkwardness too, but underneath it all was concern.  For her.  Or perhaps it was just plain old pity.  The thought that this could just be the kind tom's attempt to get her back into action and out of her head annoyed her for some reason, and she turned away again, ignoring his first words.  I know it's cold, and I know I'm hungry...but so was Oliverain.  So are all of us.  He kept going though, in that soft comforting tone that was trying so hard to set her mind at ease and it just wasn't...but she desperately wished it would.

His words though struck her as odd, and she finally summoned the effort to look Newtspring in the eye, icy blue meeting pale gold.  They're all there, in the den...  Looking back down at her paws, she mumbled her words, her usually deep voice quiet and raspy from the cold and lack of use.  "That's the problem.  If I go in with everyone, they'll all offer me condolences and say that they're here for me when they're really not.  I'm not friends with them, they don't care about me.  Why should they, I barely talk to them.  Because the only thing I cared about 'till today was working to prove that I was worth something so my siblings could have a good life.  I have no siblings now.  I only have myself, so I don't mind being cold.  It won't hurt anyone else besides me."  Despite her strong, detected words, Orchidmask's body was trembling and the beginnings of tears formed at the corners of her eyes.  Without really realizing it, she had begun to lean into the curve of Newtspring's body, feeling warmth spring from where their forms touched.

Orchidmask was quiet, quiet for longer than made Newtspring comfortable. He shifted a little against her, mind turning as he tried to think of something to say to fill in the gaps. He couldn't stand the silence of it, the quiet weight of loss. Even as she leaned into him, the feeling was present, heavy between them. The tabby sighed, lowering his head. He was about to try and find more to say– more aimless ramblings about how it was fine, really, because he needed things to be fine, really –but his last sentence struck a chord with her, prompting a response. However terse, it was a response.

"I... hm." He faltered. It hurt some quiet and buried place in his chest, to know Orchidmask didn't feel as... connected, to his Clan. He was balking, ears lowered and jaw working as he thoughr up a response. "Well, I don't talk t'all of our Clanmates that often," he tried, voice low and a little rough. "It's– they're still our Clanmates, though. Like... ya'know, extended family, 'n'all. We all look out for each other, even if we don't all talk t'each other. Even if we're not all friends." He trailed off, sounding less sure in his words. He knew he was right– even if his little family had gotten a bad start in SkyClan, they had grown a place for themselves. Eventually, SkyClan had accepted them. But, as certain as he was of the Clan's place in his heart as family, too, something about trying to express that to Orchidmask made it feel less true.

A sigh passed through his teeth, hot breath billowing in front of his muzzle. The pointed she-cat's last words pressed against that stinging spot in his chest, like claws digging into fresh wounds. Newtspring visibly wilted. "And, uh... ya know I understand. Losin' your littermates." His voice somehow grew even quieter, barely above a whisper. "It was... well, it would'a been right before your Ma got into the Clan. I lost one'a my sisters t'WindClan. Spottedfrog 'n' Bearflower–" He cut himself off, suddenly decided he didn't want to dwell on them. He mouthed a quiet prayer that wherever they had disappeared to, they were alright. "Just... y'know, uhm. I understand. How you feel." Orchidmask pressed closer to him, and Newtspring bowed his head to touch his nose to the soft fur of her cheek. Don't cry. He wanted to say it, but the word's caught against it. There was probably something selfish about them, anyway; he wasn't entirely sure if it would've been meant as a comfort, or if he just couldn't bear the sight of her crying, and wanted to put it off for his own sake. Instead, he muttered, "I mind. I don't want ya out here alone." The words were clumsy, not as graceful as Newtspring would've liked to be; but he was genuine in his quiet force.

Orchidmask listened quietly, patiently.  Newtspring had a way of rambling through his words, they seemed disjointed and unsure when he first spoke them but they all came together in the end somehow.  Quite the opposite to her straight-forward, blunt tone, and she didn't think she could ever replicate it.  However, she understood his words and reflected on them, blue eyes gazing at the ground.  It was true that not all cats in SkyClan were friends, they all had differences and opinions, but they had never felt like a family to her.  They were something to prove her existence and meaning to, an entity to earn respect from.  Not love.  Maybe it was because she didn't share blood with them like Newtspring did, and she didn't know if he would really understand.  His mother might've come from ShadowClan, but his parents were still clan cats through and through.  She and Lynxpetal were adopted, and she'd always worried that someday the family would grow angry or bored with them.

She didn't voice this though, instead listening as he spoke of Spottedfrog and Bearflower, her mentor.  She always forgot that her late mentor was Newtspring's sister, and she felt a twinge of guilt in her heart for not taking that into account.  He moved on quickly though, and she knew that he understood the loss of a sibling in the same way she did.  He didn't want to elaborate, just like she did.  The soft touch of his nose against her cheek should've startled her, but instead, she closed her eyes and shut away the last of her tears.  I mind.  I don't want ya out here alone.  After a moment she pulled away, meeting Newtspring's gaze with the faintest hint of a smile.  "Thank you Newtspring...I appreciate you being here for me.  I don't say that I trust many cats, but I trust you."  Finally getting to her paws, Orchidmask wobbled a bit before gesturing towards the warriors den.  "Let's go in."